Monday, April 30, 2007

The details - maybe too many details

Yes boys and girls, I am pregnant. I really can't believe it myself.

John and I weren't trying to conceive, but we are thrilled nonetheless. I am probably going to be telling you way too much information in this post, but you said you wanted details.

John and I have been together for almost 10 years (but we've only been married for 2 years). During our entire relationship, we have used the withdrawal method. We used the withdrawal method successfully for 8 years, until we began trying to conceive in 2005. When we stopped using this method, it took us two months to get pregnant with Porgie.

So after Porgie was born, we decided to continue using the withdrawal method. My OB kept trying to get me to start birth control pills, but I told her that it wasn't necessary. She sternly told me not to get pregnant for at least a year. (Oops)

John and I went happily on our way, continuing to use the withdrawal method. In March, I missed my period. I have always had irregular periods, so I didn't really think much of it. After two weeks had passed with no period, I decided to take a pregnancy test. When I urinated on the stick, it instantly came up positive. I was shocked. At first, I was convinced that the test was wrong. It was expired, right? No, it wasn't expired. I decided to go buy another test, so I didn't tell John that night.

The next morning, Porgie and I went to Target and got another test. I raced home and retested - twice. Both tests came up positive. I was happy, but nervous about telling John. I think I was nervous because this pregnancy was unplanned.

When John got home from work that night, I showed him the pregnancy test. He was overjoyed. He was so happy, that I kind of felt like an asshole for even worrying about his reaction.

So, I went to see my OB, who confirmed the pregnancy. I was scheduled for an ultrasound to date my pregnancy. Because of my irregular periods, Porgie's due date was pushed back by two weeks. My doctor figured that this pregnancy would probably be the same.

Last Friday, I went in for my ultrasound. Even though I knew that I was pregnant, I was still absolutely amazed when a little baby popped up on the screen, with a beautiful beating heart. All I could think was, 'WOW! I am going to have a baby!'

According to my last period, I was 10 weeks and 2 days pregnant. According to the ultrasound, I was exactly 9 weeks pregnant. So, my due date was changed from Nov. 21st to Nov. 30th.

I am going to have a baby! AHHHHH!

Just to make those of you who are pregnant jealous, I have had virtually no symptoms with this pregnancy. (YAY ME!)

Saturday, April 28, 2007


"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." John Lennon

I have a secret to tell you. Holy shit, I have been keeping this enormous secret to myself for weeks, and I am busting.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Breaking up is hard to do

Dear Mr. Exersaucer,

I have loved you since the first time I saw you. I remember our first meeting so clearly. You were sitting on the shelf at Babies 'R US, all laid back and very cool. I was absentmindedly strolling by, when your bright colors caught my eye. I fell in love almost immediately.

We brought you home, and John put you together. Both Porgie and I were very fascinated with all your features. We placed you in the "playroom." You were the center of our little world. Needless to say, we used you everyday. And you were happy and I was happy and Porgie was happy.

You have been such a good and loyal friend. Although you have only lived in our house for 6 months, you have helped me in countless ways. I will forever be in debt to you.

You held my baby while I washed dishes - everyday for 5 months. You held my baby while I pumped breast milk. You held my baby while I cooked dinner for my family. You held my baby when I felt sick and awful. You held my baby and made her smile when nothing else seemed to make her happy. You have such a gentle and kind way with children. God, I love you.

I'll stop beating around the bush and get to the point. This is really hard for me. Mr. Exersaucer, its over. We don't need you anymore. Your spinning seat no longer seems so alluring. Your animal buttons have all been pushed too many times. I am sorry, but we have found something better.

I know that you are hurt, but don't worry. I have a feeling that our love will be rekindled soon.


Wednesday, April 25, 2007

These feet were made for walking

My baby is trying to walk. She pulls herself up on the coffee table, and then tries to teeter her way over to the couch. She often falls, but that doesn't discourage her. Porgie is a determined little lady. To illustrate this point, here are some photos of my baby cruising with the help of her walker. She looks like a 90 year old woman!

Porgie has also discovered the joy of opening cabinet doors and drawers. Opening and closing a door can occupy her for about 20 minutes. She makes a mess, but damn she is adorable.

Notice how quickly she leaves the scene of the crime.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Moving on up, to the east side.

In October of 2005, John's company decided to relocate our little family to the east coast. We had to sell our house in Kentucky and find a new home in New Jersey. Because of our animals, renting wasn't even an option.

At the beginning of November, we put our home on the market. Before the realtor even put up the For Sale sign, we had an offer on our house. I was thrilled, elated, and relieved. My biggest fear was that our house in Kentucky wouldn't sell (we had a nice house, but it wasn't in the best neighborhood). We accepted the offer, and started making plans to visit New Jersey.

At the end of November, we traveled to New Jersey for a week to look at houses. John and I agreed that we needed to place an offer on a house before leaving NJ. We when arrived, we were shocked. Houses in New Jersey are expensive. EXPENSIVE. For $175,000 you basically get a fixer upper. I was so discouraged. Every house we looked at fell into one of two categories - nice & incredibly small or crappy & moderately sized.

We probably toured at least 50 houses during our trip, but we didn't find one house we really loved. However, by the end of the trip, we decided to place a bid on a cute little house, with a finished basement. Unfortunately, the house had received multiple offers - for more than the original asking price. We could barely afford the original price, so we lost that house. We inquired about a few other houses (none of which I really liked), but every house already had a bid for the full asking price. We left New Jersey, with no prospects of finding a new home.

A few weeks later, our realtor called with a listing for a small ranch style house. The room dimensions seemed to be large enough to accommodate our furniture. We asked her to go take some pictures of the house and email them to us. When we received the pictures, John was very excited. He thought the house was great. I thought the house was okay. Afraid we would lose the house before making it back to New Jersey, we put a bid on the house. I know what you're thinking - Are they insane? Basically, we didn't have a choice. We were doing the closing on our house in Kentucky at the end of December. If we didn't have a house, we would be homeless.

The next weekend, we drove back to New Jersey to look at the house and complete the paperwork. The house needed lots of work. The rooms were dingy and dirty, the floors were covered in navy blue carpet (gross), the kitchen was from another era, and there were holes in nearly every wall. John was still excited about the house. I was sick to my stomach. Were we actually going to buy this dump?

We bought the dump and are currently living in the dump. Our house's only redeeming quality, is that it is located in a great neighborhood, with a terrific school district. We have made some improvements to the house, but we still have a long way to go. We patched all the holes, painted every room, and replaced the carpet throughout the house. However, we need to remodel the kitchen, replace the roof, and install a new furnace.

Honestly, I hate this house. I can't wait to move.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Because I like to whine

Is it just me, or has something been missing lately? I feel like my writing has transformed from funny and lighthearted to grumpy and irritating. I've been in a rather pissy mood for a few weeks, and unfortunately my negative attitude has spilled over into my writing.

Maybe it is the rainy weather or the lack of sleep or the worry over my weight or my cousin's cancer scare or my neighbor's sudden death. I am not really sure why I feel so crappy, but I do. I just can't seem to shake this feeling, this sadness.

I am hoping that a few good nights of sleep will greatly increase my mood. I am hoping that Bean's surgery will be successful. I am hoping that the weather stays sunny and dry. I am hoping...

Friday, April 20, 2007

Why do I feel like crap?

People, my child is driving me stark raving mad. I am about to leave her on one of our neighbor's steps in the middle of the night.

For the past two nights, Porgie has been waking me up every 3 hours. EVERY THREE HOURS. And, my husband has been waking me with his extremely loud snoring. And, my dog has been keeping me awake with her extremely loud snoring. I actually started crying at 5:00 am this morning. I was soooo tired and everyone was sleeping except me. I was angry.

This is an outline of last night.
10:00 pm - John and I went into the bedroom to go to sleep.
10:45 pm - John is snoring sooooo loud that I can't go to sleep. I wake his loud ass and tell him to roll over.
11:00 pm - I finally fall asleep.
11:30 pm - John's snoring wakes me up again.
11:45 pm - I fall back to sleep.
1:00 am - Porgie wakes up screaming. I get up, fix a bottle, and go feed it to her.
1:30 am - I am trying to go back to sleep, but my fucking dog is snoring sooo loud. I consider locking her outside, but I know she'll bark. Damn dog.
2:00 am - I finally fall back to sleep.
3:54 am - Porgie wakes up screaming. I decide that she can't possibly be hungry, so I let her cry for a little while. She whimpers off and on until 4:50, when I get up, fix a bottle, and go feed it to her.
5:00 am - Porgie is sleeping, but now John is snoring. I punch him in the arm and he rolls over. Now the fucking dog is snoring. I get up and shake my finger angrily in her face. She stares at me with disinterest and goes back to sleep.
5:15 am - I am wide awake and miserable. I start crying because I am extremely pissed off. I just want to go to sleep. SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING ASS DOG!
6:00 am - John has gotten up and is leaving for work. I am convinced that I am going to die of sleep deprivation.
6:15 am - I FINALLY fall asleep.
7:00 am - Porgie is up and ready to play.

When Porgie woke up at 7:00 am, I honestly wanted to get in my car and drive to the nearest hotel - far far away from my precious baby. I just want a nice bed and silence and SLEEP.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Scary shit

I am extremely close to my cousin, who we'll call Bean. We are actually more like sisters than cousins. She calls me at least once a week, and we talk for hours. I love her to death.

Bean had twins when she was extremely young (we were still in high school). Despite her age, she was a great mommy. Her kids are awesome little people, who I love dearly. They are now 10 years old, and are so grown-up.

For years, Bean claimed that she didn't want any more children. Her husband even had a vasectomy. When I got pregnant with Porgie, Bean admitted that she secretly wanted to have another baby. She told me that she had been begging her husband to have his vasectomy reversed.

Unfortunately, her husband didn't want another baby. So, Bean bought a kitten instead. Of course, a kitten is no substitute for a baby.

Then something strange began happening. Bean started experiencing lots of abdominal pain. The week before her period, her stomach would swell up to twice it's normal size. My grandmother told me that before her period, Bean looks 5 months pregnant. Bean has also been extremely fatigued. She confessed that walking down her front steps is exhausting. So exhausting, that she usually just stays inside the house.

A few weeks ago, Bean went to her ob/gyn for a check-up. When performing the pelvic exam, her doctor noticed that her uterus was enlarged. He sent her to the hospital for an ultrasound. They discovered that she has 2 softball sized tumors growing in her uterus. She also has cysts covering both of her ovaries.

Next Thursday, Bean is going to have surgery to remove the tumors. They don't yet know if they cancerous. If they are cancerous, she will likely have a hysterectomy. Even if she doesn't have a hysterectomy, her doctor said that future children are unlikely.

I am scare to death that she might have cancer. I am also extremely sad that she can no longer have children.

I know that I am naive, but I never thought something like this could happen to a young, healthy woman. I never thought something like this could happen to my sister.

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

My baby? She is still annoying.

I haven't mentioned Porgie's eating or sleeping habits lately. You might think that things have gotten better, but you would be wrong. Things aren't necessarily bad, just annoying. So, here is the last news.

Let's start with the sleep. Porgie continues to wake once or twice per night. As usual, she screams and cries until I feed her a damn bottle. Last week, she only woke up once per night, and she slept until 8:00 am. I was super excited about this new trend. I actually started feeling well rested. It was a amazing. AMAZING! But now Porgie has returned to her old ways. She is currently waking twice per night and getting up at 7:00 am. I am convinced that Porgie is going to continue waking me up twice per night for the rest of my life.

Actually, I have developed a plan of action regarding Porgie's sleeping habit. I am going to continue to respond to her promptly until she turns one. It is my hope that she will start sleeping through the night on her own. If not, I am going to start letting her cry-it-out during the night. I simply cannot continue my sleep deprived ways forever. Eventually, I will need to get a full night's sleep.

Let's move on to food. My baby is such an independent little lady. She continues to refuse the spoon on most occasions. However, she will eat Yogurt from a spoon. I have been giving her Silk Yogurt (made from soy instead of dairy). She loves it, and will eagerly open her little mouth for each spoonful. Some days, Porgie will even eat a little pureed fruit from a spoon.

I have developed a dinner routine, that is working really well for Porgie. We start every meal with frozen veggies. After she gobbles up the veggies, I give her a meat substitute - like Boca burgers or Morning Star chicken strips. When she finishes her meat, I give her a little pasta w/ spaghetti sauce. This is a nice comprise for us. Even though she eats pasta virtually everyday, she also gets some veggies and "meat." This has eased my mind and made meal times more enjoyable.

Overall, things are pretty much the same. Despite all of her little quirks, Porgie is truly a wonderful baby. She is so active now, crawling and pulling up and cruising. Everyday is exciting and fun. When I look at my healthy, active little girl, I can't help but feel overwhelmingly grateful. I am so lucky to have her.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Maybe I exaggerate

So, I went to the doctor's office today. Guess what? It wasn't nearly as bad as I had imagined. My doctor was sweet and kind - she even gave me a hug when I arrived. Then, I remembered that I love my doctor. We discussed my weight, but only in a constructive manner. I basically need to eat less and exercise more. This advice sounds simple enough, but we all know that it will be extremely difficult. Thankfully, nice weather is on its way. Hopefully, Porgie and I will start getting out for walks to the park.

When I got home from my appointment, John and Porgie were happily playing on the floor. I smiled at my baby and reached out for her. She just stared at me with disinterest. I danced around a little and reached out for her again, only to be rebuffed once more. She wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. I picked her up anyways. She whined and reached for John. It broke my heart. Three hours with her daddy, and my baby no longer wanted her mommy. Sniff sniff. Fortunately, once John left for work Porgie resumed her mommy mommy mommy mentality. And all was right with the world.

Porgie and I had a really good afternoon. She crawled and pulled up, while I smiled and clapped. It was pretty awesome. Although I hate to admit it, I think having a few hours to myself made me a happier mommy. I kind of wish we had a babysitter - for maybe just one day per week. How the hell do you find a babysitter? Keep in mind that I don't know anyone in the state of New Jersey.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Weighing on my mind

I am going to the doctor's office on Monday. Since making my appointment, I can't stop thinking about being weighed. I really don't want anyone else to know how many pounds I've packed on since Porgie was born.

I honestly feel sick to my stomach about it. I wake up at night thinking about scales and charts and my fat ass. My doctor is definitely going to lecture me about weight, and I just don't want to hear it. I know that I am fat. I know that I need to eat better. I just don't want to hear someone else utter those horrible words. Ugh.

I know I've said it before, but I am finally going to do something about my weight. Fortunately, I have lots of great blogger friends who are willing to help. Tiffany, from over at Uncommon Nonsense, is starting an online weight loss club. Obviously, I have already agreed to join. If you are feeling kind of fat and gross, maybe you could join too. Don't worry, Tiffany is super nice and won't make fun of your enormous ass. Also, Summer has been offering lots of great dieting advice over at Sunny Kids. If you have some time, go over and check it out.

Wish me luck on Monday...

Friday, April 13, 2007

Babies are babies

I really don't like it when bloggers endlessly blab about how damn smart their kid is. You know what I am talking about - those blogs that seem to focus primarily on milestones and the IQ of their delicate genius child.

I try my hardest not to be one of those bloggers. Sometimes I might complain about a missed milestone, but I certainly don't think my baby is intellectually or physically advanced. I think she is an average baby, who is learning new and exciting things everyday.

With that said, I do periodically feel the need to discuss her progress. Just so I have it documented - more for me, than for you. Now that Porgie is 10 months old, I want to take a minute to tell you about all of the fun stuff she learned during her 9th month.

1. Porgie learned to crawl. She started the month by pushing herself up onto her hands and knees. Mid-month, she was moving backwards. By the end of the month she was crawling forward.

2. Porgie learned to sit up independently. This seemed to happen overnight - literally. Every time I would go to get Porgie out of her crib, she would be sitting up. Now, she sits up with ease. By the way, this milestone is actually kind of annoying. Often, Porgie will wake up at night screaming. I'll rush in to comfort her, and she'll be sitting up in bed. When I lay her back down, she goes right back to sleep.

3. Porgie learned to cruise around, while holding onto furniture. At first, I would have my hands hovering around her body at all times, ready to catch her. But now, I just let her go. She has cracked her head on the table a few times, but she doesn't seem to mind.

4. Porgie learned to pull herself up on furniture. John and I actually missed seeing her pull herself up for the first time. Porgie was crawling around on the floor, and we were eating dinner on the couch. We were talking to each other, when I noticed that Porgie was standing up. John and I both stared at her in amazement. We put her back down on the floor, and she pulled herself right back up. We were very impressed.

So, now my baby is 10 months old. Can you believe it? In two more months, she will be a year old.

Look mom, one hand.

Porgie looks a little drunk in this picture.

Thursday, April 12, 2007


I have been having some really bizarre dreams lately. These dreams are vivid and overwhelming. I often wake up in a state of panic - thanking the lord that it was only a dream. Last night I had a really strange dream, so I'll share.

It started out with me going to the ob/gyn. I arrived at the office, and there were about 50 very pregnant ladies in the waiting room. When I told the receptionist my name, she told me to go straight back to room 4.

I started walking down the hallway, which was packed with pregnant women rushing by. For some reason, my doctor's office looked like a school. When I finally found room 4, I realized that it was actually a bathroom. I turned around to ask the receptionist if she has made a mistake, but suddenly all of the pregnant women were lining up to exit the building.

I got in line too. The lady in front of me said that they were having a fire drill. When we finally got outside, all of the women were being loaded onto a big truck. I didn't want to get on the truck, so I took off running into the woods.

Somehow, I found my way home (in real life, I never would have found my way home). I told John about the weird events at the doctor's office. He told me that I had to see the doctor, whether I wanted to or not. Fortunately, he agreed to come with me this time.

I had left my car at the office, so we started walking back . We pasted over about 50 railroad tracks. I was holding Porgie, while darting between on-coming trains. It was scary as hell. Finally, we made it to a Target store. We are frantically running through the aisles, while people tried to take pictures of Porgie. We were trying to hide her face as we ran.

Suddenly, we were inside the doctor's office. I saw my doctor sitting on a bench, waiting for me. She took me to an examination room, and sent John to the waiting room. She proceeded to tell me that she had an old changing table that I could have (I have no idea why we would need another changing table). She asked me to go get the table from another room.

I ventured over to the other room, only to find a class of 4th graders. My supervising teacher during my student teaching, was instructing the class. I told her that I needed the changing table. She gave me a hug and showed me the table.

I started dragging the table to the waiting room. When I finally got there, John asked me how the examination went. I explained that I didn't have an examine. He got really pissed. I apologized and ran back to the examine room. My doctor was gone. I started crying and begging one of the nurses to get my doctor.

Then I woke up. Isn't that strange? What the hell is the meaning behind that?

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Spell check and third degree burns

I have previously complained about my editing skills (or lack thereof). Despite how many times I proofread my posts, I always find various mistakes lurking about. My new complaint is regarding comments. I am making a total jackass out of myself when leaving comments on other people's blogs. As soon as I hit the publish button, I realize that my comment doesn't make any sense. I misspell everything, I leave out words, and I disregard all punctuation. Therefore, I think Blogger should incorporate spell check and grammar check into the comments section. Would that be too much to ask?

The people at Blogger need to get their asses moving on this. I am starting to look like an incompetent asshole.
Remember a few day back, when I told you that I burned my arm? Well, I think I gave myself a third degree burn or something. This is what it originally looked like...
It hurt like hell. For 2 or 3 days, it burned and throbbed continuously. By Monday, it had stopped hurting, but began to peel. This is what is currently looks like...
The skin underneath looks raw, but it is actually hard and tough. I think I burned multiple layers of skin and tissue.

Do you want to know how I burned it? Making rice. RICE.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Buying my love

Lately, my mother has been sending Porgie lots of cute stuff. In the past month, she has sent a summer outfit, the Easter dress (from yesterday's post), a talking stuffed bunny, ruffly little socks, a toy cell phone, and a duck that lights up. A few days ago, she sent an Easter card and informed me that she bought some more clothes for Porgie.

I am happy that she is taking such an interest in my baby, but at the same time I worry about her methods. I don't want her trying to buy Porgie's love. I want my mother to play a more active role in my daughter's life, without spending her entire paycheck to accomplish this goal. I don't know if I told you this, but my mother works as a waitress at a crappy little restaurant. She doesn't earn much money.

Additionally, my mother still supports my two brothers. My youngest brother is 13, so naturally he would still be living at home. However, my other brother is 20 years old. He doesn't have a job, he doesn't go to school, and he doesn't help out around the house. My mom seriously needs to kick his ass out.

I think my mother feels guilty for many of her actions in the past. She lost custody of both of my brothers for several years. Actually, she just regained custody of my youngest brother about 4 months ago. Now, she lets both boys take advantage of her. It is so frustrating.

Anyways, I actually need my mother to help me out at the end of the year. I need her to come to New Jersey to watch Porgie for several days. I am sure that she would agree to come, but if you knew my mother, you would know that she is full of empty promises. However, this would be a great way for her to connect and bond with Porgie. I want to ask her, but I don't want to be disappointed when she backs out at the last minute.

Monday, April 9, 2007


When I was a kid, we always celebrated the holidays with my grandmother. Every Christmas, New Years, Easter, and Thanksgiving was held at Grandma's house. Everyone would sit around the dinning room table, eating and laughing. Growing up, I loved spending time with my granny.

Since moving to New Jersey, I no longer get to go to Grandma's house. Somehow, the holidays have lost their excitement and appeal. I no longer look forward to each coming holiday.

As I think about holidays with Grandma, I can help but feel an overwhelming sense of sadness. She is 76 years old, and I am missing her last holiday parties. This reality struck me last week, when our neighbor suddenly passed away. Even though he was elderly, he death was unexpected and tragic (he ended up in critical condition in the burn unit).

Although we weren't close, his death really upset me. He seemed so energetic and full of life. I just can't believe that he is gone. The thought that my grandma could pass away so suddenly is horrifying.

Something else about his death really disturbed me. He was married for 56 years, and now his wife is all alone. The thought of all her sadness, a mere 10 feet from my home, is unbearable.

Because I don't want to end on a sad note, here are some pictures of my beautiful baby girl on Easter.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

I just want to go back to bed

Reasons why this weekend sucks:

1. Our neighbor died.
2. I burned the shit out of my arm.
3. John was called into work yesterday.
4. Porgie woke up at 10:00 pm and stayed up until 1:00 am last night.
5. Porgie woke up in mean and fussy mood this morning.
6. John was called into work again.
7. Porgie refused to take a nap.

*Edited to add* - The pipe under our bathroom sink started leaking too.

Friday, April 6, 2007

My furry friends

I rarely ever mention them, but I have numerous pets running around my house. So, I have decided to share some photos and information about my furry friends.

This is Puppy (I know, we are real original). She is the best dog in the whole world, and I love her to pieces. Puppy is very smart. She understands countless words and phrases. Additionally, she is gentle and caring with everyone. She has spoiled me - every other dog pales in comparsion.

This is Daisy. She is the dumbest dog in the whole world. Daisy is very clueless, and is content to mindlessly lick your arm for hours. She is also the most annoying dog in the world. She wants to go outside approximately every 30 minutes. Every time you sit down, that damn dog is whining to go outside. Despite her flaws, we still love her.

This is Kitty (What the hell is wrong with us?). He is a sweet old cat. Kitty is the peace keeper among the cats. He is very calm and mellow. We adore him.

This is Olive. She is extremely fat and needy. Olive is content to sit on your lap for hours. She would actually be the perfect cat for a little old lady. Olive has lots of weird health issues, which no vet can seem to cure. She vomits about 4 times per week, and sneezes about 80 times per day.

This is Pudgy (she is Olive's daughter). She is a sleek, petite cat. I call her the black panther. She is definitely the smartest cat we have. She can play fetch, open closet doors, and drool like a dog. She is also the only graceful cat we have. All of the other cats are constantly knocking stuff off of the tables and mantle.

This is Potato. She is a dumb little cat, who is always getting into trouble. The other cats don't like her very much, but I don't think she cares. She is kind of neurotic about being petted. You can only pet her head and shoulders. If you get brave and venture down to her tail, your ass is going to get bit.

So tell me, do you have any pets?

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Damn, I'm annoying

Porgie's new eating adventures have been fun. And by fun, I mean completely fucking annoying. Until Yesterday, Porgie was refusing 90% of the meals I prepared for her. Then, I realized that she always seemed to gobble up the macaroni noodles with pasta sauce. So, being the genius that I am, I started pouring spaghetti sauce on everything. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

I am not a very laid back person. In fact, I am quite neurotic. So, when Porgie doesn't eat, I have images of her starving to death because of one skipped meals. In case you are wondering, this is why I can't seem to write about anything else lately. I am going to try to stop babbling on and on about Porgie's eating habits - I promise.

But before I abandon my endless whining, here are a few pictures of my baby trying to eat.

She liked the peas, but not the garden burger.

Bananas are yummy, but slippery.

Black beans are just disgusting.

Pasta sauce is the bomb.

Please excuse the naked highchair. The cover was in the wash.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Creating keepsakes for Porgie

So, I finally did it. I made Porgie a baby blanket. Needless to say, I am extremely proud of my crocheting skills. I know what you're thinking, 'When did Christy turn into a 90 year old woman?' Apparently, it happened last month- thank you very much.

For those of you who are interested, I taught myself how to do most of the basic stitches using this book. Then, I went to a crocheting class offered at a local knitting store. Shortly after the class, I purchased this book. It has tons of adorable designs for baby afghans.

I have to admit, I really like crocheting. It is a great way to occupy myself when I have some free time. Also, I feel an incredible sense of accomplishment when I finish a project. However, the thing I am most excited about is having a beautiful, handmade keepsake for Porgie when she gets older.


On a different note, Porgie has mastered the art of crawling. Since acquiring this skill, she sleeps like this...

Monday, April 2, 2007

Letting go

It is official, my baby is becoming an independent little person. She has been passionately refusing both the spoon and the bottle. When a spoon comes near her mouth, she eagerly slaps it away. When I try to feed her a bottle, she takes a few sips and pushes it out of her mouth with both hands.

Being the dim witted person that I am, I was certain that she was just sick. I continued to offer the bottle and pureed foods on a regular basis, despite the fact that she wasn't eating or drinking anything. With each skipped meal, I was becoming more and more anxious. On Saturday, I even cried at one point because Porgie refused to eat all day long - no bottle and no food. She managed to surivive off of a few sips of water from her sippy cup.

I know it is ridiculous, but I even started feeling angry. I was pissed because she was being so damn difficult. I just wanted to scream, "EAT SOMETHING, YOU LITTLE SHIT." Fortunately, I was able to maintain my cool. Instead, I just stomped around the house bitching and moaning.

Saturday night, I decided to finally hand over the reins. I put Porgie in her highchair with various finger foods and walked away. Of course I stayed in the same room, but I didn't watch her. I just let her eat whatever she managed to put in her mouth. Honestly, I can't watch her feed herself, because I'll start analyzing how much she is actually eating.

So now all meal times are finger foods only. I am already running out of food ideas - any suggestions? Remember, we are vegetarians. Things we have tired include: garden burgers, peas, various noodles, smart dogs, bread, crackers, cheerios, waffles, squash, and bananas.

The bottle is still a struggle. I guess I should just make the switch to the sippy cup. I have been avoiding the switch because Porgie still has trouble drinking from the cup. She just doesn't tilt it back far enough. So, I have to keep offering her drinks. Needless to say, it takes her forever to drink from the sippy cup.

Why is it so hard for me to accept change? Most parents would be thrilled about the easy transition to finger foods and sippy cups. Yet for some reason, I am not happy. I feel helpless. I no longer have control over what she eats. All I can do is offer her food and hope for the best.

I think most of my fears about her eating habits stem from our struggle with breastfeeding. I am terrified that, once again, the doctors are going to tell me that my baby isn't thriving.

It is time to let go of these fears. It is time for Porgie to practice her independence. It is time for me to stop obsessing about what she eats.