Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 12

My babies are sick. I am drowning in snot and vomit. HELP!!!

I went to see the doctor about my gallstones last Friday. I will be having surgery on Monday. I am a little nervous about the anesthesia, but I am sure everything will so smoothly. They are using a laparoscopic procedure, so I should be back to normal in about 5 days. Sounds easy enough.

To prepare for the surgery, I have been pumping like a mad woman. Despite all of my efforts, I have only managed to freeze about 12 ounces of milk. I am hoping to have at least 24 ounces for the day of the surgery, but I think I am going to buy a small can of formula just in case. I am really upset about this, and I am not sure way.

I took Izzy to the GI doctor last Wednesday. His stools are still acidic, and he is still spilling sugars. Grrrrr. I am pretty frustrated, because I have been working really hard to eliminate soy, eggs, dairy, citrus, and peanuts from my diet.

I have almost finished crocheting the gifts I promised to make for my blogger friends. I'll post pictures when I am finished.

I really enjoy crocheting, and I find it to be somewhat relaxing. I am thinking about offering to make baby blankets for a little extra cash flow. But that sounds like a lot of work, so I probably won't. Have I mentioned that I am LAZY?

And here are some photos for little old you...

Spaghetti sauce girl

Mmmmm... Cloth tastes sooo good.
My babies on a bench.

Monday, April 28, 2008

A blanket with a head?

Could someone please tell me what these are supposed to be used for...

Every time Izzy receives a gift, one of these goofy blankets are in the box. Porgie never received any of these things. Is this a really great gift for little boys? I am confused. Izzy doesn't have the slightest interest in playing with these things. And they are too little to actually be used as a blanket. Could you please shed some light on this strange gift idea? I am perplexed.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Yes, I am boring enough to post about my baby's new milestones

When Porgie was little, I shamelessly posted about all of her milestones. I thought she was amazing, and I was certain that you thought she was amazing too. This time around, I recognize that Izzy's milestones aren't really THAT amazing, but they are still pretty darn cool. Of course, I am going to assume that you think they are pretty darn cool too.

Look at Izzy's mad sitting skills...

Friday, April 25, 2008

Mrs. No Ass

I have no ass. It is a horrible affliction, which devastates me every time I look in the mirror. My jeans look goofy, because the ass of my pants is always baggy and saggy. I secretly envy all of those girls with big tushies. It is not fair! I deserve to have an ass too!

Here is some photographic evidence of my asslessness...

Look! I have no ass!

Please excuse Porgie. She is on the go go go.
I blame my mother. I think her ass is even flatter than mine. I am hoping that Porgie is not burdened with this awful physical defect. Instead, I hope she gets her daddy's big butt.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Getting lazier by the minute

We have decided to waste more of our hard earned cash on something frivolous. We are paying a landscaping company to mow our lawn this summer. It is $25 per week, but I think it is worth it. John works ALL the time. When he is home on the weekends, he wants to relax and play with the kids. I don't blame him. Actually, I am the one who suggested paying someone to mow our lawn. Because why would anyone want to mow the lawn, when they could be watching this...

I have all of these wonderful plans for the outside of our house. I want new plantings in the front flowerbeds, a new privacy fence, a new storage shed, a new driveway, and new sidewalks. We can't afford any of these things, but at least we'll have the nicest damn lawn on the block!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 11

My husband was out of town again this past weekend. Surprisingly, life is not much harder when he is gone. Having two kids makes the day go so fast! It seems like we get up, eat some food, go to the park, and it is time for bed.

I hate my cats. They are bastards...


I purchased a scrapbook for Izzy a few months before he was born. I have no idea where I put that damn scrapbook. I have searched my entire house, and I cannot find it. Is it possible that someone stole my scrapbook?

Why do all of my neighbors decide to mow their lawns during nap time?

We are getting a new roof next month. I am not looking forward to this home improvement project. My children are not going to be able to nap, and I am going to be quite miserable. Ugh.

We look like the white trash people on our block. Our grass is out of control. It is really not our fault though. John keeps going out of town, and I cannot mow the lawn with two babies to care for. Porgie stares at the dandelions and declares that they are "pretty." I wish everyone else though they were "pretty."

Izzy is 5 months old today. Isn't that INSANE? Porgie's babyhood went fast, but Izzy's is flying by at lightning quick speed.

I lost about 5 pounds in the last month, through no actions of my own. This would be great, except for one problem. Remember the clothes I bought about a month ago? NONE OF THEM FIT. Since I am too cheap to buy more clothes, I think I am going to invest in a new belt.

This unexpected weight loss has motivated me. I am going to start taking the kids for a looooong walk every morning. And instead of eating two bowls of cereal for breakfast, I am only going to eat one. Wish me luck!

Monday, April 21, 2008


My husband has been out of town a lot lately. It seems like he is always going out with his friends, eating at nice restaurants, and sleeping in quiet hotel rooms. I, on the other hand, am washing dishes, changing diapers, and appeasing fussy babies.

While John was gone this weekend, it occurred to me that I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I get to spend all day with my babies. I get to hold their little bodies close to mine. I get to take them for walks to the park. I get to read stories with them. I get to do everything with them!

When I am old, and I look back on my life, I will be happy that I spent every waking hour with my beautiful babies.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

To feed a baby

I am really on the fence about starting Izzy on solids. I have composed a list of pros and cons that effectively highlights the conflict ensuing in my head.

1. Since Izzy only wants to nurse when he is swaddled and in a dark, quiet room, solids would be a great option when we are on the go.

2. Izzy would be able to go for longer stretches without nursing. Porgie would think this is delightful. She still gets upset when I nurse Izzy in his bedroom.

3. I know that all the experts say it doesn't really help, but maybe starting solids would allow Izzy to sleep for longer stretches.

1. If I start solids, my milk supply will go down. This means that my period will return. Ugh.

2. If my milk supply goes down, I might turn into an emotional baskets. Those darn hormones!

3. Izzy has food allergies, but I don't know what he is allergic too. Therefore, I might be feeding him a food he is allergic too.

4. Starting Izzy on solids means more work for me.

I am sick of being a responsible parent. From now on, I am going to let the internet make all important decisions for me. What should I do???

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Good ideas?

The following are pictures of things that were a good idea before having children...

A stepping stool to help our dogs climb into bed with us. Now it is used by a toddler to climb onto the bed and then teeter dangerously close to the edge.

A kitchen table with very high barstools. My children won't be able to safely sit on one of these stools until they are at least 5 or 6 years old.
A coffee table with baskets for storage. Porgie used to pull every thing out of the baskets and toss it on the floor. Now she colors on everything in the baskets.
Don't even get me started on the bookshelves, CD rack, and DVD stand.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 10

Izzy is in the fake coughing stage. It is very cute, but also a little annoying. I woke up at 6:20 this morning to the sound of fake coughs.

John arrived home Friday night. He kept complaining about how his friend "made" him go sightseeing in DC. His friend even "made" him go to a baseball game one night. My husband is the most irritating person on the face of the planet.

As you already know, Porgie has a lovey named Night-night. She carries her blanket everywhere. I got a little paranoid that she might lose Night-night, so I tried to find a replacement blanket. I was unable to locate a duplicate Night-night, so I just purchased another fuzzy pink blanket. I put it in Porgie's crib, hoping that she would like it too.

For the past 4 months, Porgie didn't even give the new blanket a second thought. She just tossed it aside for Night-night. Then one day, she took a liking to the new blanket. This would be great, except now she carries around both blankets. If one is missing, she FLIPS OUT. Obviously, this is not what I had intended to happened.

I was hoping that she would use them interchangeably. Instead, I have just made our problem twice as annoying.

Someone stole my mother's purse, which contained her only set of car keys. She took her title to the dealership, and they were able to make her a new key. So, if you ever lose your only set of car keys, now you know what to do. You're welcome.

I got Izzy's 4 month pictures back. They are the cutest baby pictures ever. They are so cute, I just might have to scan and post them for your viewing pleasure.

Monday, April 14, 2008

The many shades of me

I have two types of friends - real life friends and internet friends. I really do consider many of you to be my friends. Sometimes I'll even bring you up in a conversation with a real life friend, and they'll look at me like I am INSANE. Since none of them know about my blog, I am sure they wonder how I meet all these people online.

Anyways, I have an urge to invite you into my house. I want to show you all of my cool stuff - like my purses or my paintings or Porgie's nursery. Today, I am going to share my lamps with you.

This lamp is in the corner of my livingroom. We bought it at Lowe's about 2 years ago. It is actually part of a set. We have two more lamps that match this one. I think it is pretty.
This lamp is in Porgie's room. I won this lamp at a Christmas Party about 5 years ago. It puts off a lovely soft glow, which is great to read by.
This lamp is in Izzy's room. My grandma's next store neighbor gave her this lamp, and she gave it to me. I've had it for at at least 8 years. Like Porgie's lamp, Izzy's lamp also puts off a great soft glow.
This is the lamp on the night stand in my bedroom. I have no idea where it came from, but I've had it FOREVER. Notice that the kids get the neat lamps, and I am stuck with the crappy one. What is up with that?

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Wasting time

Most mornings, I wake up excited and eager to start the day. I kiss my babies and pat their little heads. I want to soak up every moment with them and enjoy them wholeheartedly. But as the day progresses, we seem to spend less and less quality time together.

The mornings are great. We eat breakfast, play on the floor, and read a few books. In the afternoons, I am busy talking on the phone, or doing the dishes, or running errands. And the evening are just chaos, with dinner and baths.

Although we are together all day, it feels like we don't spend enough quality time together.

A few weeks ago, I was reading Shannon's blog. She had posted this poem, and it actually brought tears to my eyes...

To My Grown Up Son

My hands were busy through the day;
I didn't have much time to play
The little games you asked me to.
I'd wash your clothes, I'd sew and cook,
But when you'd bring your picture book
And ask me please to share your fun
I'd say "A little later, son."
I'd tuck you in all safe at night
And hear your prayers, turn out the light.
Then tip-toe softly to the door....
I wish I'd stayed a minute more.

A little boy grows up so fast.
No longer is he at your side
His precious secrets to confide.
The picture books are put away,
There are no longer games to play,
No good-night kiss, no prayers to hear....
That all belongs to yesteryear.
My hands, once busy, now are still,
The days are long and hard to fill.
I wish I could go back and do
The little things you asked me to.

I am resolving to spend more quality time with my babies. And you should too. Now stop reading this, and go play with your baby.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Let's talk

1. Darksadist pointed out that my last post was supposed to be titled, "Stream of Consciousness: Part 9." And she was completely right. But did you guys honestly expect me to be able to count?

2. Anth pointed out that I accidentally used Izzy's really name in the post. And she was completely right. Let's just act like that never happened, okay?

3. A few days ago, I accidentally logged in under my family blog and then commented on a few blogs. People followed the link, and started commenting on my family blog. Sorry about all the confusion.

Why yes, I am a jackass. Here are a few more things I have done lately...

1. Yesterday I decided to take both kids to the park. I bundled everyone up. Izzy looked like this...And Porgie looked like this...

I shit you not, it was like 80 degrees outside. Obviously, I have no idea what is going on outside.

2. Every week, I put some water on the stove to boil. I have intentions of making vegetables or pasta. Of course, I forget about the water 2 seconds after I put it on the stove. I finally remember the water when my smoke detector goes off. All of my pans are scorched black.

I could blame all of this on sleep deprivation, but sadly, I am just as stupid when I am well rested.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 8

I have vacuumed my carpet three times in the past week. This is a new record for me. I usually vacuum three times per month.

I have been feeding Porgie lots of beans. I have no idea why. Everyday when I open the fridge, I feel compelled to give her more beans. Now my sweet little girl is very gassy. And she stinks.

Did you know that poop samples are supposed to be kept frozen?

John has been in Washington DC all week. I have to admit that I am a little jealous. I want to have a quiet hotel room all to myself. And 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep sounds like heaven.

Did you know that some weeks I don't leave the house? Not even one time.

I've been getting some terrible headaches lately. It is a sharp pain, that starts in my temples and shoots inward.

Does anyone else have trouble with those annoying word verification things? I think it is impossible to type the letters correctly the first time. Sometimes I have to type the letters in like three different times. Grrr.

I started a blog for my family back in Kentucky, but I am already totally annoyed by it. The only person who ever checks it is my mother. Damn stupid family members.

I just got Izzy to sleep about 30 minutes ago. Porgie is in her room screaming her ABCs. If she wakes him up, I am going to have to kill her.

I scheduled an appointment to meet with a surgeon regarding my gallstones. They couldn't get me in until the end of April. I am glad to see that no one else is worried about my pain and suffering. Damn stupid doctors.

I took the kids to the park today. I put Izzy in the baby swing. It was very cute. He looked so grown up sitting in the swing.

Porgie finally managed to wake Izzy, so I must go attend to my screaming baby.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Feeling frustrated

I am at the point with Izzy's horrible sleeping habits, that I am about to let his little butt cry at night. I can't continue on like this.

In the past week, I have been trying to change Izzy's 6 naps per day schedule to a more reasonable 3 naps per day schedule. Instead of putting him down every two hours, I have been putting him down by the clock. I started doing this in an effort to get him to nap for longer than 30 minutes. So far, my plan hasn't worked.

I put Izzy down for his naps at 9am, 12pm, and 4pm. Most days, he only sleep for about 30 minute per nap. It sucks, but what can I do? Sometimes he will go back to sleep if I put him in the swing. If he does fall asleep in the swing, he'll sleep for about 2 hours.

When I implemented the 3 naps per day rule, I also started enforcing an 8pm bedtime. Izzy does not like our new schedule. Although he goes straight to sleep at 8pm, he wakes up every thirty minutes until midnight. After that point, he wakes every two hours. He is usually ready to start the day around 6am. On any given night, his longest stretch of sleep is only two hours. I end up breastfeeding him at least 6 times per night, because it is the fastest way to get him back to sleep. I've tried rocking him, but he just gets more pissed off. Breastfeeding is the only
way I can efficiently soothe him.

So what should I do? I am sick of the "this is all temporary" line. I have been repeating this phrase to myself for the last 4 months, and Izzy continues to wake up over and over and over. My head is about to explode, so I must go take some Tylenol. Feel free to offer up any advice or words of wisdom.

Monday, April 7, 2008

My newborn baby

I always refer to little Izzy as a newborn. He is so small and helpless. But I came to a shocking realization this weekend. My baby isn't a newborn.

On Friday night, Izzy started really bouncing in his jumperoo. He looked like a little frog, jumping back and forth. He was very proud of himself. He would jump a few times and smile happily. On Saturday, we went to Babies R' Us to purchase a few things. I seen lots of little babies - NEWBORN BABIES. They were tiny and sleepy and wrinkly. Izzy looked like a giant compared to those babies. On Sunday, Izzy figured out how to roll from his back to his belly.

Sunday night, I finally came to the realization that Izzy is no longer a newborn. Although I will not miss the newborn phase, I am still shocked at how quickly it passed. Izzy is a strapping 4 month old, who can coo and roll over and shove toys in his mouth and bounce in his jumperoo. Our baby is growing up so fast.

Friday, April 4, 2008


My doctor called this afternoon. I have gallstones - many, many gallstones. I have to schedule an appointment with a Colon and Rectal Surgeon. Ugh.

It is times like these, when I wish that I still lived in Kentucky. I really need my family for help and support right now.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

We are falling apart

I received a call from my doctor today. He had the results from my blood work. My liver enzymes are elevated again. I am becoming more and more convinced that my gallbladder is broken. Hopefully, he'll have the ultrasound results by Monday.

Porgie is going to see a cardiologist next month to check her heart murmur. Before we go, Porgie needs to have chest x-rays performed. I am fairly confident that Porgie is going to flip out. Needless to say, we are not looking forward to this experience.

Izzy needs to have another stool sample taken. However, Izzy's poop is so runny that it absorbs into his diaper before I can scoop it out. Any suggestions or advice? The doctor recommended lining his diaper with saran wrap, but that sounds a little messy.

On a positive note, John is feeling fine. But who cares about John?

** John just told me that he is going to be out of town all next week.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 8

My dear little Izzy continues to take lots of short little catnaps during the day. He takes up to 5 or 6 naps per day! Isn't that insane? To get him to sleep longer, I have been letting him take one of his afternoon naps in his swing. He'll sleep for about 2 hours in the swing. It is a little piece of heaven on Earth.

I used to work at a pet store when I was in college. Therefore, everyone I know assumes that I am a veterinarian. My mother called last week to ask me how to cure her sick dog. My response was, "Um, take him to the vet." I don't know what the hell is wrong with your damn animals - STOP CALLING ME.

My friend C was supposed to come over for a play date yesterday. I feverishly cleaned the house, did the dishes, got everyone dressed in real clothes (not pajamas), brushed my hair, and even lit a candle to make the house smell pretty. Of course, she canceled at the last minute. So, now I have to do everything again on Friday. Damn friends.

I finally had the ultrasound of my gallbladder and upper GI performed. It was an interesting experience, and I am eager to get the results. I had another "attack" yesterday, and spent 30 minutes in the bathroom puking. When I told the technician this story, she asked if I might be pregnant. HA! FUNNY! Is she freaking insane? Of course I am not pregnant.

We had satellite for about 5 years. Recently, we switched back to cable, and I am loving On Demand. We can watch Barney or Blue's Clues or Jack's Big Music Show any ol' time we want to. Have I mentioned that I LOVE Steve?

When Izzy was born, I started pumping milk and freezing it. I have at least 60 ounces sitting in my freezer right now. I just realized this morning that it is all useless, because I was eating dairy and soy when I pumped it. Grrr.