Friday, April 30, 2010

Wood destroying bastards

This has been a bad week for wood in my house. On Thursday morning, I walked into the kitchen and witnessed my son dragging his fork across my beautiful wooden table. I have had the same kitchen table for 10 years, and until Thursday, it was in pristine condition. Now my table is marred with tons of tiny scratches...
I hate to admit it, but I flipped the fuck out. I have accepted the destruction of my living room furniture. The couch is stained, the tables are scratched, and the carpet is gross. But my kitchen table? I just wasn't ready for it to be ruined. I took it very hard.

On Friday we went out to the back yard to play. While sitting on my lovely swing, I noticed that little pieces of wood were scattered across the top of the play-set. My eyes followed the trail of wood shavings to the top of the clubhouse. A fucking squirrel has been gnawing the shit out of our fabulous, high quality, still-isn't-completely-paid-for swing set. I just wanted to cry...

Kids and rodents - they are nothing but trouble! Little bastards.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

I am not crazy!

I think I made myself sound like a nutcase yesterday. But there was more to the guilt than I mentioned in the post. I am also feeling guilty because I just got braces, and we now have to shell out an extra $200 per month to pay for them. Gah. Also, I had to put a down payment on my braces, so I nearly depleted our pathetic savings account. So my transgressions at the mall pushed me over the edge. Really, I am not as insane as you think I am. Okay, maybe I am that insane. Just nod your head and act like I am normal.

To redeem myself for my overspending, I refused to turn on the furnace Tuesday night even though it was unusually cold. I woke up on Wednesday morning to this...
Let me tell you, 58 degrees is super cold. Please do not attempt this experiment in your home. Brrrrr...

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


I have been soooo good with money for the past few months. I have been keeping track of every penny that we spend. I haven't turned on the furnace in a month to save money. We never eat out anymore. Basically, I only spend money on the essentials.

So let's talk about the ballet pictures. When the dance studio sent home the form for pictures, I was shocked at the prices. All of the packages were outrageous. I decided to skip the pictures at the dance studio and to instead have them taken at Sears (because I had a coupon). Of course Porgie's pictures were adorable, and I couldn't pick just one pose.I ended up spending way more on my Sears photos than I would have at the dance studio. Gah. The guilt I feel over this purchase is overwhelming.

To make matters worse, I also stopped by Macy's to purchase some summer clothes for myself (I had a gift card leftover from my birthday). I usually have trouble finding cute (and reasonably priced) clothes at Macy's. But not on Monday. I found the cutest capri pants and an adorable summer shirt. I ended up going $8 over the gift card balance. That small amount coupled with the huge photo purchase is killing me. I have apologized 100 times to John (and of course, he doesn't even understand why I keep apologizing).

So, I have been bad with money this week. And I feel guilty.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Still sick

My children gave me their awful, horrible, no good, very bad cold. My eyes are watery, my nose drips continuously, and I have a nasty cough. Also, my head feels like it weighs 200 pounds. Gah. As you might have guessed, we sat around the house doing NOTHING all weekend long. My kids were bouncing off the walls, but I was too sick to care.

Porgie's cold caused her to cough so violently, that she ended up breaking blood vessels on the surface of her skin. I noticed that Porgie had what appeared to be "freckles" under her eyes. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that they were tiny red dots. They were under both eyes and across her eyelids. I frantically called the doctor, certain that my child had the bubonic plague. It turns out that broken blood vessels from violent coughing/vomiting is fairly common. It cleared up in about 2 days.

Although Porgie is feeling much better, poor little Izzy still has a pretty bad cough and a runny nose. I have to go into his room to comfort him two or three times per night. I think all of this sleep deprivation is starting to have a negative effect on my little guy. Out of nowhere, Izzy fell and bashed his head into a door frame last night...I am looking forward to getting out of house and breathing fresh air again. I have my fingers crossed that this week will bring healing and happy times.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Update on the choppers

So, I had another appointment with the orthodontist today. My spacers were taken out, and molar bands were forced onto my teeth. Holy cow! It was a rough experience. The dentist manhandled my teeth. And my jaw hurts tonight. But it is DONE. And for that, I am thankful.

Oddly enough, they didn't actually tie the molars in with my other teeth today. The doctor wants to see me back in three weeks, so I guess they will put in a new wire that goes across the brackets and bands at that appointment. I probably should have asked, but by that point I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

The good news is that my teeth are finally starting to feel normal again. For the past week, my teeth really hurt. But now I just have a few teeth that feel kind of numb. It is a strange sensation, but much preferred to pain.

So, things are progressing. I have been a whiny asshole throughout this entire process. Everything just hurts way more than I thought it would. I am a wussy.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Sick of being sick

My children are sick. REALLY REALLY sick. When I put Izzy to bed tonight, he had a high fever and was extremely lethargic. When I put Porgie to bed, she started coughing, which eventually turned into gagging, which ultimately resulted in vomit. Over the weekend I thought we were experiencing a stomach bug that would run its course in one or two days. But obviously I was wrong. This is a nasty, horrible, long-lasting virus. Blah.

The worst part of having sick children, is that you are forced to sit home with them ALL DAY LONG. The past three days have been the longest three days of my life. And the whining! Shoot me now. I can't take anymore whining.

So I have nothing to contribute to the blogging community, unless you are interested in vomit and excessive coughing.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I am just a kid who's four. Each Day I grow some more. I like exploring. I am Caillou.

Unfortunately my weekend kind of sucked ass. Porgie woke up on Saturday morning puking. I spent the rest of the weekend tending to my sick children. Lovely.

I am a nail biter. I am always chewing on my fingernails. Since getting braces, I haven't been able to bite my nails. AND IT IS DRIVING ME STARK RAVING MAD.

It has been super chilly here in NJ lately. However, Izzy has decided that it is now shorts weather. Since those 90 degree days we had a few weeks ago, my baby boy refuses to wear pants. He only wants to wear shorts and t-shirts despite the cold breeze blowing outside. And there is no reasoning with a two year old.

My grandmother recently lost vision in her left eye, which was very alarming. She was diagnosed with a cataract. Getting older sucks, and I hate that my granny has to go through this.

This weekend we headed over to BuyBuy Baby to get some new plates for the kids. Our current kid plates are plastic, so we wanted to replace them with something BPA Free. I really wanted a stainless steel plate with different compartments. While searching for the replacement plates, my daughter decided to get an attitude with me. When I asked for an apology, she had a complete meltdown. Tears, snot, screaming - the whole nine yards. I had to carry her flailing body out to the car. Needless to say, we didn't find the plates.

Porgie and Izzy recently discovered Caillou. Now I have to watch that little bald bastard all damn day.

Just for fun, another spacer popped out on Saturday morning. Grrrrrreat.

Enough about me. How was your weekend?

Friday, April 16, 2010

Being angry for no good reason

Today was the day from HELL. Things just kept going wrong. By the end of the day, I was exhausted and cranky. And things got ugly here in Cakerwakerville.

I had another orthodontist appointment this morning to place spacers between my back teeth. I didn't have a babysitter, so I had to take the kids with me. We arrived on time, and they promptly called me back to place the spacers. AWESOME!

When we left, Porgie kept asking me if we could have pizza for lunch. She was being so sweet and polite that I couldn't resist. I happily agreed to get pizza for lunch. It was only 11am, so we went to Target before heading to the pizza place. I managed to spend $80 (what the fuck did I buy?) and they were out of milk (fuckers). I got out to my car and looked over my receipt. I had given the cashier a coupon for toilet paper, which wasn't taken off. Grrrr. But how could I prove that I gave her the coupon? Annoyed that the stupid cashier didn't take off my $1.50 coupon, I left Target.

We quickly took our groceries home and headed to the pizza place. We went to a small local place, and they were packed. Every table in the restaurant was occupied. DAMMIT! I told Porgie that we could get the pizza to go and eat it at home, but she was heartbroken. She really wanted to eat inside the restaurant. So, I loaded the kids back into the van and we drove to another pizza place. This restaurant was also busy, but we did manage to get a table. And we waited and waited and waited. The waitress was soooooo slow. By this time it was nearly 1pm, and my kids were starving. After nearly 30 minutes, we finally received our food (which I couldn't eat because my fucking teeth HURT). As the minutes ticked by, I realized that there was no hope for a nap. This pizza thing was taking way too long.

Suddenly, I started getting horrible stomach pains. I desperately had to use the restroom. Not wanting to take two babies into a public restroom with me, I decided to drive home (quickly) to use the restroom. This might be too much information, but I barely made it. Barely.

After emerging from the bathroom, I sat down on the couch to relax. I was talking to the kids when suddenly one of my spacers popped out. Fuckity fuck fuck! I tried to floss the spacer back into place, but it didn't work. I called the orthodontist's office and they asked me to come back. So I loaded the kids into the car and off we went AGAIN.

By 5pm, I was a raving lunatic. I was angry and tired and hungry and annoyed. When my husband arrived home, I felt like ripping his head off and throwing it across the room.

I am just glad this day is almost over.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

BIG news in the teeth department

So, I have braces. Where did that come from? On Monday I went in for x-rays and molds with my new orthodontist, and I walked out with a mouth full of metal. And I have to say, it is a little embarrassing and a lot uncomfortable.

Originally, my dentist told me that I was a candidate for Invisalign. For the last six months I told everyone that I was getting Invisalign. But when I went to see my new orthodontist, he basically told me that it would take 3+ years if I used Invisalign. And my results would most likely be less than desirable. So following his sage advice, I opted for regular old metal braces.

After selecting my braces, the doctor asked if I would like to get started immediately. I said yes. I left the orthodontist's office an hour later with braces. I feel very self conscious. I keep putting my hand in front of my mouth when I speak (which is just drawing more attention to my mouth, but I can't help myself). My lips are hurting. My teeth are hurting. My bank account is hurting (badly).

In case you are thinking about getting braces, I have to warn you - the first few days are painful. I mean PAINFUL. It literally hurts to eat bread. I am living off of yogurt and applesauce. If nothing else, hopefully this pain will result in some weight loss.

On the plus side, I am so excited to FINALLY have braces and be one step closer to having nice teeth. Of course, I still have lots of obstacles to overcome (have I told you about my transposed teeth?), but it feels good to be making progress.

How is that for a mixed bag of emotions?

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Dental stuff

Porgie went to her first dentist appointment today. I know, I know - I am way behind schedule. The good news is that she didn't have any cavities. YAY! The bad news is that her thumb sucking is causing her to have an open bite. This is a problem that I have no idea how to correct. Porgie doesn't suck her thumb much during the day, but she always sucks her thumb when she goes to bed at night. Obviously I am not in the room with her while this is happening, but I can hear her slurping on her thumb over the baby monitor. The doctor suggested going into her room once she is asleep and pulling her thumb out of her mouth. I am going to be completely honest with you, I am not going to do that. Because what if I woke her up?

Tomorrow is Izzy's first dentist appointment, and I am hoping it goes just as smoothly as Porgies. I am guessing that it isn't going to be as carefree, because last November Izzy's doctor pointed out that he seems to have a deficiency with his tooth enamel. I am keeping my crossed that it isn't a big deal.

In completely unrelated news, I plan on getting back into the swing of things soon. I feel like my blog has been drab and dull lately. I have only been skimming the surface of lots of issues, which makes for incredibly boring blog fodder. Sorry friends.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Mmmm Mmmm Good

Remember when I wrote a post about Cincinnati style chili? Well, my mother came to NJ bearing gifts. She brought me some Dixie Chili (AKA the best chili in the world). And here's the fabulous part is - IT IS VEGETARIAN!
When John and I first became vegetarians 9 years ago, the world was a very unaccommodating place. There were only a handful of restaurants we could we at (unless we just ordered a salad. BORING.). But now? Everyone is catering to the veggie lovers. And it is fabulous!

Please excuse me while I go make some coneys and chili cheese fries:)

Monday, April 12, 2010


I have been thinking about numbers lately. Lots of numbers. I think about the number of months until we have our credit card debit paid off. I think about how much money we should be saving for retirement. I think about how much money we will need to remodel our kitchen. These numbers can be very overwhelming. But because of our new frugal life style (A.K.A. living in poverty), I feel like we are much closer to these goals than we were a year ago.

When we first embarked on this journey to be debt free, I was very skeptical. I thought this was a phase that would pass, and we would be right back to our old spending habits. However, I think being frugal has began to permanently sink into my brain. I am constantly scouring the internet for coupons. I preach to my friends about buying used cars/used clothes/used toys. And I love trying to develop super cheap and super tasty meals.

Much to my surprise, being frugal is oddly addictive. It is like I am playing a little game with myself. I often challenge myself to go without money for a week. Sometimes two. This forces us to be creative at meal times, to use every last drop of toothpaste/hand soap/dish liquid, to find free activities for the kids, and to conserve gas by driving less/walking more. When I am successfully able to not spend money for a week or two, I feel a genuine sense of accomplishment.

This living-debt-free-adventure has definitely been an eye opener. I don't want to struggle to make ends meet for the rest of my life. So although it is a challenge, we are going to continue on this path indefinitely.

Saturday, April 10, 2010


I woke up this morning and it was FREEZING. Brrrrrrrrr. I wish mother nature would make up her fucking mind. The high for the next few days is only supposed to be 60 degrees. I guess I'll have to turn on the furnace so my children don't freeze to death. Dammit.

Christy = Cheap Asshole

Thursday, April 8, 2010


Global warming is kicking my ass. It has been so freaking hot lately. It was 90 degrees yesterday. Ninety degrees! In April! What the hell? Last week I was all excited about the warmer weather. I wanted to save money on our gas and electric bills this month by not using the furnace or air conditioning. But these 90 degree days have tested my strength. I was soooooo tempted to turn on the air conditioning last night, but I didn't. I was sweating profusely while sitting on my couch watching television. It sucked ass. Being frugal is for the birds.

In summary, it is hot in New Jersey, and I am miserable.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

A recap

We had a really busy week with Grandma. We went to the zoo...

We went to the beach...

We dyed Easter eggs...

We received new bicycles from the Easter Bunny (A.K.A Grandma)...

And it was exhausting. Just ask Izzy...

Grandma is flying back to Kentucky today. We plan on laying around the house for days on end. No cleaning. No cooking. No thinking. Just resting and relaxing. Entertaining other people is brutal. I am so tired.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


I stumbled across one of these deals last November by accident, and it was AWESOME! Because I love you guys, I thought I would share this information. On April 16th, the first 50 customers at each Old Navy store will get 50% off, plus a free tote, when they use their Old Navy card. EVERYTHING IN THE STORE IS 50% OFF! However, crazy people arrive super early and wait outside the store. So, you will probably need to arrive at least 10 minutes early if you want to be one of the first 50 customers. I would love to participate, but alas I am poor. No frivolous spending here is Cakerwakerville:(

Monday, April 5, 2010

They called me Worry Wart

Because I don't have enough crap to stress over, I have recently developed a few disturbing new problems. Although I haven't nursed my son for over 6 months, I suddenly keep having the sensation of let down. Every hour or two during the day, I get that burning, tingly sensation, like I am about to leak milk. Except I don't actually leak milk. However I did try expressing a little milk during one of these episode, and I am definitely still lactating.

In addition to having the sensation of let-down, my periods have also been all screwy lately. For the past year, I have had a fairly regular cycle (about 30 days long). Near the end of 2009, things started to change. From November to December my cycle was 34 days long. From December to January my cycle was 37 days long. From January to February my cycle was 29 days long. I completely skipped the month of March and started April with the end of a 38 day cycle. What is with these wacky numbers? Not to mention that horrible yeast infection I had last month. My reproductive system has gone haywire.

Upon googling my symptoms, it appears that I may be producing too much prolactin. This can be caused by a tumor in your pituitary gland. Of course, I have convinced myself that this is my problem. I am now doomed to a life of tumors, infertility, and excessive milk production.

Okay, that is enough worrying for today. Feel free to talk amongst yourselves.

Friday, April 2, 2010

An Easter Egg Hunt

Last Saturday we took the kids to the local nature center (which we usually refer to as "the farm") for their annual Easter egg hunt. The morning started out great. Both kids were happy as clams...
But then it happened. The Easter Bunny showed up...Which resulted in lots of this...
And this...
In case you were wondering, the Easter Bunny is terrifying. After reassuring the kids that the Easter Bunny wouldn't hurt them, we headed outside and started searching for eggs...

All of those plastic eggs were filled with yummy chocolate. Porgie and Izzy were in toddler heaven. It was a fabulous day. You can't go wrong with candy!