Monday, June 30, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 18

So, I got a new bloggy look. Very summery and fresh! I went to Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates - and Lena IS fabulous! I have a link to her on the left sidebar, if you are interested.

I really want patio furniture for our deck. Porgie loves playing out there, and I end up sitting on kiddie chairs. We almost bought a patio set this past weekend, but my husband is a picky ASSHOLE. We seen a 5 piece set for about $300, but John whined and cried about the chairs, so we didn't buy it. So, while he is at work all day, I'll be sitting on kiddie chairs in the sweltering heat. Thanks John!

Did you know that your children can have different personalities? And napping schedules? And food preferences? You did? Well, why didn't anyone tell me? Since the day Izzy was born, I have expected him to be exactly like Porgie. I was shocked when he didn't look like her at birth. I was amazed when he actually wanted to nurse. And I was astonished when he gobbled up a bowl of pureed peas this weekend. In summary, my children are actually two DIFFERENT people.

I have to get Izzy on a better napping schedule. Although I have been putting Izzy to bed around 7:00 pm every night, he still wants to sleep until 8:30 or 9:00 the next morning. Then his nap schedule does not coincide with Porgie's nap schedule. And this means that mama doesn't get a break. And this means that mama is cranky. And this means that the babies are cranky. And this means that life sucks ass.

Last night Porgie took her baby doll for a walk around the block. It was too freaking cute. She was being very nurturing and loving, stopping periodically to check on her baby. I would show you a picture, but I am the jackass mother who NEVER remembers to bring her camera.

I really want to go to the beach this summer, but it is probably not going to happen. The nearest beach is about an hour away, and with our current nap schedule, we would never be able to make it home in time for bed. We thought about renting a house for a week, but where would the babies sleep? I don't own a Pack n' Play or a portable crib. So, I guess we are not going to the shore this summer. I am very sad.

We have several rooms in our basement. One of the rooms is our office. John and I rarely go down there, because we both use laptops. Anyways, I was searching the house for Izzy's scrapbook (it has been missing for approximately 8 months). I decided to check the office. I opened the door, and was greeted by one of my cats. He frantically ran out of the office and started gulping water from his dish. He had been locked in the office for TWO days. We are horrible, horrible owners. I am so thankful that I went down there. And in case you were wondering, I did not find the scrapbook. I am convinced that someone has stolen my scrapbook.

Speaking of stolen things, I think someone stole my new pair of flip flops too. I could swear that I put them in the closet, but they are nowhere to be found. Why do people keep stealing all of my stuff?

I almost forgot - Danielle won the "what is Izzy eating?" game. He was chomping on sand. I think I need to make a new rule - If I post a picture of Izzy eating something, it is NOT food.

Friday, June 27, 2008


I have a weird relationship with one of my cousins. For as long as I can remember, we have always competed with one another. As a child, I was motivated to get straight A's, because I knew that my cousin could never accomplish this feat. And she bragged about all of her fashionable clothes, because she knew that my family could never afford them.

Although it was a horrible part of our relationship, we have managed to keep this horrible tradition alive. To this day, we still compete about nearly everything. We even compete about things that aren't desirable - like who is more sleep deprived or who has the worst luck. It is ridiculous.

Anyways, my cousin is trying to buy a house in a very ritzy area in northern Kentucky. Honestly, I was happy to hear about her move, because her current neighborhood is going into the shitter (there are open drug transactions, people partying all night, etc.). She has two young children, and I want them to grow up in a healthy environment.

Last week, my cousin called to tell me that their home loan didn't go through - they have too many liabilities (own a small business, car payments, student loans, home equity loan, etc.). She was heartbroken. I felt really bad for her. She said something along the lines of , "Every time I really want something to happen, it doesn't happen." I told her that I completely understood how she felt.

Instead of accepting my sympathy, she got very defensive with me. She asked me how I could possibly understand how she felt. I was taken aback by her comment and sat in silence for a moment. She proceeded to tell me that I have everything I want - a happy marriage, a college degree, a home on the east coast, and two sweet babies. And she is completely right.

The thing that pissed me off was her attitude. She acted like everything was given to me, with no trials or tribulations along the way. I have worked EXTREMELY HARD to get to the place where I am. Although it was tempting, I almost started a discussion on whose life has been harder. But by doing that, I would simply be continuing our ignorant competition. So, for the first time in my life, I let it go. I let her win.

I think I am finally over it. I am secure enough in my own life, that I don't need to compete with her anymore.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Mmmm... That tastes soooo good.

It is time for another fun addition of "What is Izzy eating?"

I swear, this is the last time I am going to post a picture instead of actually writing. I have so many good ideas to write about, but no free time. Instead of reading blogs this evening, I am actually going to write something! Are you excited?

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

"Swimming" adventures

My cousin sent Porgie and Izzy a blow up pool a few weeks ago. Since we are entering another heat wave here in Jersey, I decided to fill the pool with water.

Porgie inspected the water. She was a little unsure about it, so she suggested that Izzy get in the water first.
Izzy said, "This water is too fucking COLD!" Those were his exact words.
Since the water was frigid, he decided to stand for a while.

Dada finally convinced him to sit down.
After she realized that Izzy was fine, Porgie decided to get in the pool too.
My babies played together...
A good time was had by all.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Spending money like it's nobody's business

Whenever I get mad at my husband, I spend money. Before we had children, I would head to the nearest Macy's and shop until my heart was content. When I got home with my new wardrobe, I would always feel much better about our fight. Since having children, I haven't gone on any "I am angry" shopping sprees.

I will actually go months and months without purchasing a single thing for myself. So even though I haven't been mad at my husband, I went on a shopping spree anyways. It started with the designer hair bows for Porgie. Then I decided that I needed some new summer clothes. I could have went to Target, but I decided that I needed to go to Macy's. My children were even little tyrants at the mall, but I forged ahead anyway. I ended up purchasing two pairs of capris and 4 shirts. And I have to admit, it felt great to shop for MYSELF!

While at the mall, I also had my children's pictures taken at JC Penny's. I was less than impressed, and will not be going back to that studio. I didn't care much for the photographer, the backgrounds, or the studio atmosphere. I really shouldn't have purchased many photos, but as usual, I bought way too many pictures. I really have a professional pictures addiction. When I sit down to select my portraits , I go crazy and start ordering EVERYTHING. I have no idea why John lets me buy so many pictures. He really needs to stop me.

In summary, I have been spending too much money lately. The end.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

New specs

Did you know that I wear eyeglasses? Well, I do. I have never owned a pair of contact lens - only glasses for me. I usually buy a new pair of frames every 2 years. A few weeks ago, I looked in the mirror and realized that I HATED my glasses. Time to visit the optometrist.

So, I went to the eye doctor today, and ordered a brand spanking new pair of glasses! I love getting new glasses! I went into the office with the intentions of buying wire frames. Of course, I couldn't find one pair of awesome wire frames. But I did find an awesome pair of plastic frames...My new frames are a honey color, as opposed to the black shown here. I think they look spiffy, even if they do closely resemble my current glasses...

I think the honey color is what made me purchase the new frames. I am tired of my dark frames. A softer color will lighten the mood a little.

I paid a pretty penny for my new frames. I came home and found the exact same frames online for HALF of the price. Grrrr.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Day in, day out

Lately I seem to be posting a lot of pictures and very few... um WORDS. I guess it is because of my current life style, which involves lots of naps and nursing sessions. Because I want you to understand why I have nothing to write about, I am going to outline a typical day in Cakerwakerville.

John leaves for work at an absurd hour. So I never see him in the morning.

7:30 - I awaken to the sound of TWO babies babbling. Izzy sounds a little distressed, but Porgie sounds like she is having a really fun time in her crib. I get up, nurse Izzy and change his diaper. Then I change Porgie's diaper, make her breakfast, I eat something, and I usually feed Izzy some cheerios.

9:00 - Izzy has turned into the world's fussiest baby. He is whining and crying and just generally getting on my nerves. So, I take him back to his room and nurse him to sleep.

9:30 - I return to the living room to find that Porgie has pulled EVERY SINGLE toy from her toy box. Then she starts whining for me to open her box of blocks, so she can dump those on the floor too. We play with the blocks and toys for a little while. But then Porgie turns into the world's fussiest toddler. Time for a snack.

10:30 - I put on a Blue Clue's DVD and attempt to feed Porgie a snack. Within minutes I hear a little baby screeching in his crib. I run back to rescue Izzy from his crib, and then finish feeding Porgie her snack.

11:00 - I put Izzy in his highchair and attempt to feed him some squash. Things do not go well, and I end up with a distressed baby. Because eating food is torturous!

11:30 - I start making lunch for Porgie. I take the easiest route possible and make her some tofu and pasta (her favorite).

12:00 - I take both babies out onto the deck. Porgie plays in her sandbox, while I navigate food into her mouth. Izzy absentmindedly chews on a sand box shovel.

12:30 - I change Porgie's diaper, read her three stories, and put her to bed.

1:00 - Izzy and I watch a Baby Einstein DVD together. Sometimes I sneak onto the computer to check my email.

1:30 - I nurse Izzy to sleep.

2:00 - A break - FINALLY! I sit down, relax, eat lunch, and blog.

3:00 - Porgie has been awake for about 20 minutes, so I go get her. In the process, I manage to wake up Izzy.

3:30 - We play in the playroom or on the deck. Sometimes we go to the park. Sometimes we go to Target. Porgie usually eats a snack somewhere around this time too.

4:30 - Izzy wants to nurse. Sometimes he takes a third nap (yay!). But more often than not, he refuses his third nap.

5:00 - I call John and asked him when he'll be home. His answer usually pisses me off, and I end up hanging up on his. Yes, I am a BITCH.

5:30 - I start Porgie's dinner. If I am feeling really ambitious, I will attempt to feed Izzy again too. Doesn't happen too often.

6:00 - I feed Porgie dinner. John usually gets home around this time. Of course, we play that old game where we keep asking each other "what do you want for dinner?" This can go on for about an hour.

6:45 - We just decide to order in, and then take the kids for a quick walk around the block.

7:00 - We give the kids a bath and read 3 books. Porgie goes into her crib, while I nurse Izzy to sleep. Izzy goes into his crib, and I am home free!!!

8:00 - I put on my jammies, eat dinner, and relax. I usually blog, watch a little TV, and sometimes I even scrapbook. I am terribly behind on scrapbooking. I am only on the 9th month in Porgie's book, and I just started Izzy's book. In fact, I just got done putting in my ultrasound images!

10:30 - I go to bed. Sometimes I go to bed a little earlier, because Izzy still wakes up 2 or 3 times per night to nurse.

Are you still reading? Damn, that was boring! But that is my life, dear internet friends.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 17

We have been having some napping issues lately. My darling daughter doesn't want to take a nap anymore. I put her to bed around noon, and she plays and laughs and rolls around in her crib for hours. Some days she completely refuses to nap. Other days, she won't fall asleep until 2 pm. When she won't fall asleep until 2 pm, she doesn't want to go to sleep at night until 9 or 10 pm. I am a selfish mommy, who likes to have some baby free time, so I want her to go to sleep around 7:30 pm. I am confident that she still needs her nap, so I am not really sure how to remedy this problem.

I don't understand why some bloggers use comment moderation. What is the point? Even if someone leaves a comment that I don't agree with, I never delete it. Maybe you could explain its benefits to me?

I also don't understand why so many people have that stupid word verification activated on their blogs. I understand that it prevents spam comments, but seriously, how many of you have been getting lots of spam comments?

I am convinced that Izzy hates all pureed foods. In the past month or two we have tried rice cereal, sweet potatoes, carrots, bananas, pears, sweet peas, and squash. And Izzy disliked all of them. After about 2 bites, he clamps his mouth shut. If you keep pestering him to eat, he will cry. But give the kid some cheerios or crackers, and he excitedly craves them in his mouth. This would be fine, except I am starting to suspect that Izzy is allergic to wheat.

Now that Porgie's hair is getting a little longer, I had been getting that overwhelming urge to put bows and ribbons in her hair. I purchased a few clips from Target, but they kept falling out of Porgie's hair. One day I was reading Cagey's blog, and she mentioned that she uses No Slippy Hair Clippys in her baby girl's hair. According to her, they actually STAY in wispy baby hair. So, I bought Porgie a bow...
And Cagey was right - these bows actually stay put. I decided that Porgie needed a few more bows to accommodate her wardrobe. So, I ordered these bows this past weekend...
Although these bows are fabulous, I must warn you that they are INSANELY expensive. I bought the first bow at a baby boutique for $12. I bought the second two bows from the No Slippy website for $8 a piece.

I already have a farmer's tan.Okay, maybe it is not as bad as that guy's, but I still look silly.

I gots to go. Peace out homies.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Chinese people love me

I have a little problem. I seem to be getting a million emails a day from Chinese people. Here is some photographic evidence...
I shit you not, I get at least 30 emails a day from Chinese people. I have no idea how they got my email address or how to make them stop.

The worst part is, I am actually pretty interested in figuring out what all these emails say. Can anyone translate for me?

Monday, June 16, 2008

Rolly Polly

It is an amazing thing to watch your baby grow. It seems like one day Izzy was a helpless newborn, and the next day he was a strapping six month old.

Suddenly, Izzy has become very active. More specifically, my little boy likes to roll.

I left him on this mat...

I came back and found him like this...

I put him back on this mat...

And a few minutes later I found him like this...

Next up is crawling, and I can't wait!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Look at all my cool stuff!

Remember when I told you that I won something? It arrived on Wednesday while I was at the cardiologist with Porgie. Needless to say, I was feeling a little stressed. So, I was overjoyed to see my fabulous present when I got home. I promptly put Porgie down for a nap, and unwrapped my gift.

Isn't is beautiful?

I found toys for Porgie.

I found toys for Izzy.

I found sippy cups for Izzy.

I found snack cups for Porgie.

I even found a little tote bag for Mommy.

The amazing thing is, these pictures only show a few of the things in the baskets. There are just too many things to show! Thank you soooo much Danielle. You have made me one happy mama!

On Friday, I received a package from Eva (BBF). She made Porgie a pillow for her birthday...

And look how closely the color matches Porgie's room. You are fabulous Eva! Thank you!

Clearly, I am blessed by many great blogging buddies.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Good heart

At promptly 9:30 am, Porgie and I started on our journey toward the heart and lung hospital. My baby girl was in a great mood - smiling and laughing in the backseat. She snacked on flaxseed crackers, while I navigated my way to a city completely foreign to me.

We pulled into the hospital parking lot at 10:30 am. Porgie and I walked into the outpatient lobby, and were greeted by a room full of elderly people. They all told Porgie how pretty she looked. And of course, my little girl danced and sang songs for them. A good time was had by all.

When they called Porgie back, she instantly started crying. I picked her up and carried her to the exam room. The first test was an echocardiogram. As soon as the ultrasound wand touch her delicate skin, Porgie started screaming. The technician turned on an episode of Blue's Clues, but it did little to calm my baby girl. Hot tears streamed down her face, as she desperately tried to climb onto my lap. Instead of cradling her in my arms, I had to help hold her down on the table. It was awful. My heart was aching for my frightened baby.

After about 25 minutes, the procedure was done. Porgie leaped into my arms, and hugged me tightly. The nurse tried to escort us to another room, but Porgie refused to walk. I had to carry her down the hall, as she snuggled against my chest.

The next test was an EKG. While the nurse attached the leads to Porgie's chest, she started screaming again. Her little body was quivering as she desperately reached for me. I tried to calm and comfort her through words and touch, but she was hysterical. Fortunately, this test was very short. It only lasted for about 2 minutes total.

Porgie and I were then taken to another room to meet with the doctor. I sat in the chair, cradling my baby, trying to think of a way to make everything better. Suddenly I remembered that I had a few crayons in the diaper bag. I pulled out a black crayon and a piece of paper, and Porgie's face lit up. She quickly set to work coloring.

A few minutes later the doctor arrived. She explained that Porgie has two heart murmurs, but that they are both innocent. She actually described them as "classic" murmurs. According to the doctor, a large percentage of children have heart murmurs and many adults do too. She also explained that murmurs can sounds louder and more alarming when a child has been crying for prolonged periods or when they are sick. This explains why Porgie had been referred to the pediatric caradiologist, because she always cries when we go to the doctor, and half of the time she is sick too. So, the doctor sent us home with a clean bill of health. No need for a follow-up appointment. YAY!

As we walked out to the car, Porgie rattled on about her "cullie." I didn't have the heart to take it away from her. So, I strapped her into the car seat while she happily clutched her crayon.

About 10 minutes after we left, Porgie started SCREAMING for her cullie. I turned around to see her empty handed. She was so distressed that I pulled over to find her crayon. I got out of the car and searched the floor, but I couldn't find it. I also searched her car seat, but it was no where to be found. Porgie was very upset. Sadly, I had to start driving without finding the crayon. And Porgie cried the entire way home. An hour of nonstop SCREAMS.

We got home and I quickly unstrapped her. Porgie got down on her hand and knees and retrieved the crayon from under the passenger side seat. Smart little girl!

Although the day was very traumatic, the heart murmur results were very reassuring, and I am thankful that my baby girl is healthy.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Oh the cuteness!

Look at my precious and adorable little guy. I know I am bias, but he has got to be the cutest baby in the whole world. Seriously! Isn't he gorgeous?
So, I think Izzy is allergic to carrots. Isn't that strange? I attempted to feed him some carrots last week. That night he developed a rash on his cheek and neck. The next day the rash was gone. I didn't feed him solids for a few days, and he seemed fine. On Monday I fed him carrots again. That night he developed a rash on his forehead. But this time, the rash didn't go away. My poor little guy still has a nasty little rash on his forehead.

In addition to the rash, Izzy also woke up many times on Monday night. Each time he woke up, he SCREAMED and SCREAMED. Although I hurried into his room at the slightest peep, he was obviously very distressed. Poor little guy.

So, has your child experienced allergies to specific foods? If so, what were the symptoms?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 16

Porgie will be going to the pediatric cardiologist tomorrow. Because our health insurance sucks ass, we only had two options for doctors - one was about 10 minutes from my house and the other was about an hour away from my house. I had originally made her appointment with the doctor who is located 10 minutes from our house. But it turned out that they were incompetent assholes, so we are making the hour long trek tomorrow. The appointment is going to screw up lunch time and nap time. Ugh.

For the past few days, I have been eating non stop. I am always hungry. I think I have worms. On second thought, maybe I am just fat.

It turns out that Izzy hates pureed foods, but loves actual solid foods. So far he has eaten pasta, tortillas, rice, star puffs, and wagon wheels. I am kind of baffled. Should I just skip pureed foods? I know baby-led weaning is an option. Maybe I need to do a little reading on the topic.

I took the kids to the Aquarium last Friday. It was such an awesome day. Instead of putting her in the stroller, I let Porgie walk around with me. She was sooooooo good. And I never heard a peep out of little Izzy. It was one of those days, where I felt like an awesome mother. I wish everyday felt like that.

My little Izzy Whizzy Woo slept through the night for the first time on Friday, June 6, 2008. I was so proud of him. I put him to bed at 7:30 pm and he slept until 7:30 am. Isn't that amazing? Unfortunately, it has not happened since. In fact, he woke up 4 times last night. I think his tummy was bothering him, because woke up screaming bloody murder.

We are in the middle of a heat wave here in New Jersey. For the past three day, the temperatures have come dangerously close to 100 degrees. I am not ready for summer yet. It has been so damn hot, I don't even want to take the babies outside. Damn stupid global warming.

I am considering enrolling Porgie in a preschool program this fall. Every time I think about it, I get a little teary eyed. Is my baby actually old enough to go to preschool?

Monday, June 9, 2008


Porgie's party was very cute. We had a paw print cake...

The icing didn't turn out right, but I assure you that it was delicious.

We had balloons...

Porgie adores balloons. I think she liked the balloons more than her actual presents.

We had party hats...

Porgie decided to wear her hat on her foot. She is cool like that.

The party was cute. I think all of the little guests had a good times. And everyone liked my cake! I was so proud of my baking skills.

We purchased Porgie a few presents for her Birthday. First, we bought her an Elmo table and chair set (and the Tickle Me Elmo sitting in the chair on the left). Too cute...
And a new easel for her beloved cullies...
Saturday was a happy day for my sweet baby girl. And if she is happy, I am happy.

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Two isn't so terrible

My baby girl turned two years old today. It is a beautiful thing, my dear internet friends. Without a doubt, her birth was one of the best things to EVER happen to me. I love her to pieces.

Porgie has such a fun little personality. She says, "let's go," whenever anyone walks near a pair of shoes. She says, "I love you," periodically - it melts my heart every time. When it is time for bed, she walks around the house saying, "bye bye," to all of her toys.
Porgie has a vivid imagination. She will scribble on a sheet of paper and declare that it is a "butterfly" or a "turtle." She often acts like she is eating cookies, and will even offer mama & dada a bite of her imaginary cookies.
Porgie loves baby Izzy. She will always give him hugs and kisses, but she often tries to share her sippy cup with him too. A few days ago, I found her trying to feed him her baby doll's bottle. My head exploded from all the cuteness.

My baby girl is two.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Test cake

Once again, I want to make Porgie a birthday cake from scratch. Due to Izzy's allergies, I am currently eating a vegan diet. This means that I am not eating eggs or diary. This makes baking a cake fairly difficult. In the cake recipe, I substituted milk with rice milk, and I substituted eggs with applesauce.

Look at the lovely cake I baked...

It sinks in toward the center in this picture, but it looked perfect in the pan. I swear! When I was moving the cake from the pan to the plate, the bottom of the cake stuck to the pan. I accidentally ripped the center of the cake out while I was trying to extract it from the pan. Oops!

The recipe for the icing called for margarine. But our margarine has soy in it. Since I can't eat soy, I thought it would be a really great idea to substitute the margarine with canola oil. Not a good plan...
The icing was very runny, which resulted in this...

So, this year's test cake was much better than last year's test cake, but still not perfect. Any suggestions on the icing thing? Remember I can't eat soy, eggs, dairy, peanuts, or lime.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008


No one guessed correctly! You silly bloggers. I think that most of you made the assumption that because Izzy was eating something, it had to be food.

I walked into the living room and saw this...

In between his chubby legs, I saw this...

And in his chubby hand, I found this...

Since no one guessed correctly, I made an executive decision. I am declaring Cat the winner, because she was REALLY close. She guessed sidewalk chalk. So, Congratulations Cat. I am going to start crocheting your gift tonight!

Getting and giving

I am super excited to announce that I won something!!! Isn't that amazing? Danielle was giving away a basket filled with Munchkin products. I entered to win, but another person was selected. BUT, then it turned out that the woman who won lived in Malaysia. I guess it was too expensive to ship the basket to Malaysia, so another winner was selected. AND IT WAS ME!!! I am very excited! Thank you Danielle!

Since it felt so good to win, I have decided to hold my own little contest. I will make a handmade gift for the first person to correctly identify what Izzy was eating in this picture...

Remember, I can make lots of cool stuff like this or this or even this.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Is it June?

I walked into my living room and found this...

And yes, my little boy is wearing purple pajamas.

Porgie and Izzy have both been sick for the past week. Porgie seemed to be doing much better, until Sunday evening. She vomited during dinner. Because I didn't want to believe that she was sick, I rationalized the event. I convinced myself that she had just eaten too much.

On Monday, Porgie vomited again. Only this time, it was much more dramatic. Beans and rice went everywhere. She also developed a fever of 102. Although I gave her Tylenol every four hours, her temperature remained high. Besides the vomiting and fever, she seemed to be her normal self. She ran around the house playing, went outside to color with her sidewalk chalk, and ended the evening by taking a walk around the neighborhood.

This morning, Porgie woke up screaming. She was burning up. After she calmed down, I tried to feed her breakfast. She vomited again. My baby girl spent the rest of the morning on the couch whining. She is so sick and miserable. I feel so bad for her.

It is almost summer - why do my babies keep getting sick?

Monday, June 2, 2008

Feeling a little blue

I have been feeling a little blue lately. This feeling of sadness is connected to multiple aspects of my life - babies, friends, home.

First and foremost, I have been feeling miserable about my relationship with baby Izzy. It feels like I am always pushing him aside, at a time when he needs me the most. I am always placing him in his jumperoo or exersaucer so that I can eat breakfast or feed Porgie or do the dishes or vacuum the floor. He cries when I walk away, and it breaks me heart. I should be holding him, cuddling him, and singing to him. He isn't going to be a baby forever. But instead, I keep pushing him aside.

I have a friend who always says strange little things to me, which leave me feeling like an inadequate mother. I might just be reading too much into the things she says, so I don't necessarily want to end our friendship. She is the type of mother who tries to do everything - she is like super woman. Basically, she is the exact opposite of me. And sometimes, it feels like our kids are in a completion, and it doesn't feel good.

And finally, I hate my house. It is so small and cluttered with baby junk. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. There are so many things that need to be fixed and updated. It is overwhelming, because we have no time to fix anything, and no money to update anything. So I have to be content with what we have. But I don't feel very content. Instead, it feels like I always need to be doing something.

In summary, I need to get out of the house more often and kick this sadness in the ass. Okay, I am done whining.