Friday, December 31, 2010

2010 can take a hike

I have mixed feelings about 2010. Nothing horribly tragic happened, but the year wasn't all that great either.

Bad things included:
* I was forced to live like a poor person to pay off debt.
* I had 4 teeth pulled (ouch!).
* I was plagued with multiple yeast infections (yuck).
* A tree fell over in my front yard (thanks mother nature).
* Our cat died.
* I was in a car accident.

Good things included:
* No-one died (except the cat).
* My house didn't burn down.
* We had food to eat.

Needless to say, I am ready to say goodbye to 2010, and I am eagerly looking forward to 2011.

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Did you miss me?

Damn, I feel like I haven't blogged in FOREVER. Well, Christmas was good. No one got sick, the children slept through the night, we got to visit family, yadda, yadda, yadda. But I am soooo glad to be home. Nothing fills my heart with more joy than sitting on my own couch, eating my own food, and watching my own television.

John is on vacation for the remainder of the week, so he will be doing lots of work around the house. I am working hard to get the kids back on a regular schedule. I am also trying to stop eating like a pig. Being around my family brings out my worst eating habits, and it is hard to rein myself back in. I literally gained 7 pounds during our trip! That is a fucking pound a day! Ugh. Now I just feel bloated and fat and disgusting.

Thanks to my lovely family, our house is now overflowing with brightly colored plastic crap. We have toys coming out the wazoo! It is ridiculous. I have an overwhelming urge to throw half of the objects in our house away. Everything feels so cluttered and messy.

Anyways, I hope to get back into the swing of things over the next few days. I am glad to be back!

Friday, December 17, 2010

To: You From: Me

Dear Internets,
I seem to have too much stuff to do lately, and I have been neglecting my beloved blog. Sorry friends. I am baking my neighbors cookies this weekend. We have a Christmas party to attend on Saturday. I have a million last minute errands to run for our upcoming road trip. I need to wrap all of our gifts. I really want to clean the house thoroughly before we go to Kentucky. And we are leaving in less than 5 days. So, I think this will be my last post for a while. I hope you have a very merry Christmas. I will miss you and think about you constantly.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Just in time for the holidays!

Things that have been pissing me off lately...

1. Insomnia. For the love of God, why can't I turn my fucking brain off?
2. Children. Why are they so whiny and needy and demanding?
3. Cold weather. I usually like the winter, but I have to admit, the cold weather has been kicking my ass lately. I sleep covered with two or three quilts every night, and it isn't even officially winter yet. What the fuck mother nature?
4. Domesticated animals. Why did I ever think it was a good idea to bring cats and dogs into my home? Never again internet. Never again.
5. Food. Why do I love food so damn much? I think about cookies and brownies and cupcakes ALL DAY long.

What is pissing you off?

Monday, December 13, 2010

The accident from HELL

I have really bad luck. My car was in the auto body shop for a month. A FREAKING MONTH. The damage to my car was pretty extensive, but I never thought it would take 29 whole days to fix it. I am lucky that the insurance company paid for my rental, otherwise, we would have been screwed. There is no way we could afford to pay for a rental van for an entire month.

Last Thursday, the body shop called to let me know that my van would FINALLY be ready for pick-up on Friday. I honestly felt relieved. Although I love driving the new minivan, I just wanted to get my life back to normal, and have this whole accident fiasco behind me. On Friday, I waited and waited and waited for the shop to call. They never did. Finally, at 5:30pm I called them. No-one answered, so I left a message for them to call me back. About an hour later, the manager of the shop called to tell me that my van's exterior was completely fixed, but for some unknown reason, it wouldn't start.

Honestly, I felt like crying. WHY? Why can't anything ever be easy? He went on to tell me that it sounds like my van's "smart box" went bad, which is apparently the van's computer system. The auto body guy told me that he would call be back in the morning with more information.

On Saturday morning, the auto body guy called again. He wanted to let me know that my van still wouldn't start, but that it might just be my battery. They wanted to unplug it for a full 24 hours, because apparently that would solve the problem? Honestly, I had no idea what the dude was talking about. He told me he would call me back on Monday.

Monday rolled around, and once again I waited and waited and waited for a call. Finally, at almost 5pm, the manager called to tell me that my van was up and running again. AWESOME. I went over to pick up my van (it was pitch black outside, so I couldn't inspect the work that was performed) and returned the rental. When I got home, I parked under the security lights on the side of our house and looked at the finished product. Something caught my eye. The paint was scratched on the back (near where you fill the car with gas). I went inside and got John. We were both pretty pissed. I took the van back to the body shop. The manager was baffled. He kept trying to blame it on the gas attendant who had filled up my tank right after I left the shop. I assured him that there was no way in hell that the gas guy fucked up my van.

They took the van back and then happily called me back to look at the damage. It was gone! WHAT THE FUCK? It turns out that is wasn't a scratch after all. It was just a large portion of wax that had frozen while I was driving it home. Apparently it wiped right off. I felt like an ass, but was glad that it could be so easily fixed.

I am eager to see my van in the daylight tomorrow. Hopefully it will look fabulous. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

A weekend filled with baking...

Peanut Butter Crisscross Cookies...

Banana Bread...

Eggnog Muffins with Boozy Raisins...

Next up, Cowboy Cookies!

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Cast Iron Bread Pan!

After CSN contacted me to review a product, I decided that I wanted to purchase a cast iron bread pan. BUT, they were sold out of their cast iron bread pans. I had to wait several weeks before they restocked. A few days ago, my lovely pan finally arrived...

I know you'll probably think I am a little crazy, but I really don't like to use non-stick cookware. The coating can flake off and get into your food. I don’t like the idea of my family eating chemicals that have rubbed off of a pan. I have also read that nonstick coatings emit toxic fumes when they are overheated. And who really knows the long-term effects of breathing in these gases? So, I like to play it safe with my family and only use cast iron cookware. Well, that isn't entirely true. I have a few nonstick items left in my kitchen - my bread pan, cake pans, and cookie sheets.

For a few months, I was searching high and low for a cast iron bread pan. My search would have been much easier if I had looked online, but cast iron is heavy, and I didn't want to pay for the shipping cost. Although I didn't find a cast iron bread pan at a local store, I did find a few very nice glass bread pans. But before I could make a purchase, CSN invited me to select a product from their store. So, now I have my coveted cast iron bread pan (and I didn't pay a penny for it!).

Basically, this pan baked my bread EXACTLY like my non-stick pan. The bread tasted fabulous. And the best part is that this pan will last a lifetime. I'll never have to replace it because of a damaged nonstick coating.

So, if you are looking for a quality bread pan, look no further.

P.S. Marni is hosting a $75 CSN giveaway right now. You could buy so much stuff with $75! Go enter NOW!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Homemade ornaments!

I baked some Christmas ornaments! It was super easy and the kids had a blast painting them. We put some of them on our tree, but most will be given to family members this Christmas...
Craft Salt Dough Recipe

1 cup salt
2 cups flour
1 cup water
2 tablespoons vegetable oil

* Mix the flour and salt in a large bowl. Then add the water and oil to the mixture. Mix together until it forms a ball. Knead dough (like you're making bread) before rolling.
* Roll out the dough and press into shapes (I used Christmas cookie cutters), keeping the dough thick enough to be sturdy (slightly thicker than an actual cookie).
* Before baking the ornaments, be sure to poke a hole in the top of each ornament with a toothpick.
* Bake @ 250 degrees for about 2 hours (check occasionally).
* Cool baked dough ornaments. Paint or decorate as desired.

Thursday, December 9, 2010


When I was ordering Christmas presents from Amazon last week, I bought myself a little treat too. Since I earned nearly all of the Swagbucks money, I felt completely justified in giving myself an early Christmas gift...
The book arrived yesterday afternoon, and I nearly peed my pants from the excitement. Isa Chandra Moskowitz is my most favorite cookbook author. Some vegan cookbooks feel the need to make everything (even desserts) super healthy. That is great and everything, but sometimes I just want a delicious, rich, loaded with calories and fat type of dessert. And Moskowitz completely understands this. She NEVER compromises the flavor or texture of her recipes. They may not be healthy, but they sure do taste scrumptious! I am not exaggerating when I say that I love nearly every cake, cookie, and muffin recipe she has ever published.

So, needless to say, I baked a patch of cookies last night. These are called Banana Everything Cookies. They have bananas, rolled oats, walnuts, and chocolate chips. And in true fashion, they were delicious...

Because I am addicted to sugar (and baking!), I am planning on making a special trip to Whole Foods for some key ingredients I am missing. Be expecting lots of new cookie posts in the near future!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Small vs Big

My neighbors have a brand spanking new baby. I stopped over to drop off a gift on Saturday, and the baby was awake, so I got to see him. Oh my goodness, he was the cutest little thing I have seen in ages. I always forget how small babies are. He was a big, healthy 8 pound baby, but he looked itty bitty to me. His little feet were so tiny!

Then I came back home to my ginormous, talkative, super excited children. That really drove home how far we've come from the newborns days. And honestly, I am not sure I miss those days. Of course, a precious little baby is amazing. Truly, they are so beautiful and perfect and small. I love that! But new babies also cry a lot. And poop in their pants. And nurse approximately every 20 minutes. Older kids are definitely easier to manage. My kids can poop on the potty. They can dress themselves. They can feed themselves. They can express their needs without crying. It is really quite nice.

So although I have an overwhelming urge to cuddle my neighbors' new baby, I am also thankful for my big kids and all of their amazing self-help skills.

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

My kids

My son is a little maniac. He is actually a pretty shy child. He clings to mommy in most social situations. But at home? IZZY IS A WILD MAN. He is so darn physical with everyone. And he borders on being a little too aggressive.

Recently, he started hitting Porgie. I have even caught him pinching her a few times too. And he ALWAYS refuses to say he is sorry. I find this to be an extremely challenging parenting problem, because no form of punishment seems to curb the problem. We usually do a time-out until he can say he is sorry, but it take SO FREAKING LONG to get an apology out of that kid. It is frustrating.

Izzy also like to steal Porgie's toy, sit on her, stand in front of the TV so that she can't see, and destroy her artwork. Of course, this elicits tons of tears and screaming from Porgie, which is also annoying and frustrating.

I know that this is all normal brother and sister stuff, but I swear these kids are going to put me in a loony bin. I have been so short tempered with them lately. I get mad at Izzy for being mean. I get mad at Porgie for crying so much. I get mad at myself for yelling at the kids. Gah! Parenting is hard shit.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Our weekend

Well, the visit with Santa went just like I expected. Izzy screamed like a maniac, and Porgie happily jumped right up on his lap. When prompted, Porgie asked Santa for a trumpet. THEN, Santa asked her what else she would like! That fat old elf isn't supposed to ask for two gift ideas. I was kind of annoyed, because we always tell the kids to ask Santa for the ONE thing they really want. So now my daughter thinks Santa is bringing her a trumpet and an accordion. Fucking Santa.

On Saturday we took a train over to Philadelphia to visit Macy's. They have an awesome light show and a neat little village of animated figures acting out A Christmas Carol.

It was a fun, but exhausting day. I didn't take the double stroller this year, and needless to say, I ended up carrying a 40 pound child on my hip for 5 blocks. UGH. But I am glad we did it. The kids also got to ride on a carousel that was set-up in front of City Hall, so that was a neat surprise. I would show you pictures, but my camera had died by that point.

Speaking of my camera, I have lost a freaking battery charger. I ALWAYS keep it on the mantel in my living room. I cleaned the mantel off last week to make way for our holiday decorations, and I have no idea where I put that damn charger. It is driving me INSANE.

Okay, that is enough rambling.

Saturday, December 4, 2010


The Portable North Pole is up and running again. Go make an adorable video for your kiddo!

Friday, December 3, 2010


We are going to get a double dose of Santa today. I am going to pick up my Christmas pictures at the mall, so I intend to multi-task and get photos with Santa done this morning too. Santa is also going to be at our city's annual lighting of the Christmas tree this evening. I am hoping that Izzy has warmed up to the idea of Santa, because otherwise, this could be a very traumatic day.

I am meeting a friend for lunch today, which I am oddly excited about. I never go out to eat with my friends. I am much too frugal, and always end up suggesting a picnic lunch instead. But I have been feeling a little depressed lately, so I am taking this opportunity to do something fun that I normally wouldn't do. I usually try to eat a healthy lunch, so I'll be splurging on the diet front too. I can't wait!

Speaking of splurging, I made a new cookie last night. HOLY COW! So flippin' good. Basically, they are chocolate cookies with a peanut butter fudge center. They were labor intensive, but soooooo worth it.
I have to admit, baking can be very therapeutic for me. If you are feeling stress, I highly recommend finding a fabulous new cookie recipe. It will turn that frown upside down:)

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


December is here. It is the end of the year already. Is it just me or was this the fastest year EVER? We have our Christmas tree and all our decorations up, yet somehow, it still doesn't feel like Christmas time to me. I think my brain is stuck somewhere back in October.

Last year I wanted to bake all of our neighbors some holiday cookies. Unfortunately, both of my kids got sick the week of Christmas and totally ruined my plans. I am going to try again this year, so I am currently on a mission to find some yummy cookie recipes.

I still haven't finished crocheting all of my hand towels yet. I really don't know what I am waiting for. I am also stalling on ordering Christmas gifts from Amazon. I've held onto my Swagbucks money for so long, that I am finding it hard to part with it. I really need to place my order (like NOW).

I am sure December, with all the shopping, crafting, and baking, will zip by in the blink of eye. Very befitting for this quick year.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Angry at everyone

This week has been a tough one. I was expecting to get my minivan back, and I still haven't heard anything from the auto body shop. John and I got in a HUGE fight on Monday afternoon (I am still angry at him). My insurance company dropped our hospital AGAIN. This means that if we do happen to need to go to the hospital, we will have to drive 30 minutes away. This is completely unacceptable to me, because we have at least 4 other hospitals that are much closer to our house. I live in a very congested area, and I shouldn't have to practically drive to Philadelphia to go to the ER. And to top it all off, my kids have been getting on my last fucking nerve for DAYS.

I am just feeling very angry right now. That is really the best word to describe how I feel. I am mad at the whole freaking world. I know that I am PMSing and that the world isn't really such a horrible place, but that doesn't make me feel any better right at this moment.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Frugal holidays

As you know, for the past year John and I have been working hard to pay off debt and save more money. Christmas time is no exception. John comes from a large family. He is the last of 6 children. All of his brothers and sisters are married and all of them have children. The list of people to buy for is insanely long. I think the thing that bothers me most is that John isn't very close to any of his siblings. We spend all this money on people he doesn't even talk to. It is frustrating.

The last time we went back to Kentucky for Christmas, we gave everyone a gift card. Talk about EXPENSIVE! This year I decided that we were going to have a frugal Christmas. All of his brothers and sisters will be receiving crocheted top hand towels (crocheted by me, of course). Some of John's nieces have already started families, so those nieces will also be receiving hand towels. All of the kids/teenagers will get a regular present (ordered from Amazon with my Swagbucks money).

My side of the family is a little trickier. I am much closer with my family than John is to his, so in general I tend to put a lot more effort into my gifts. I know that this is unfair, so this year I am sticking to the towel hand gift for all of my aunts and uncles too. However, I do plan on buying something nice for my mother, grandmother, and my favoritest cousin (who is more like a sister). I am hoping that I'll have enough Swagbucks money left over to buy their gifts too.

So that is my attempt at a frugal Christmas this year. My kids aren't getting anything from me, which sounds mean, but really they won't even notice. John and I have already agreed to forgo buying each other gifts this year. The trip to KY definitely still has the potential to be expensive (putting the dog in the boarding kennel, buying gas for our LOOOOONG road trip, the inevitable dinning out, etc), but I feel like I am minimizing the costs as much as possible.

Friday, November 26, 2010


I had another orthodontist appointment this week. And this was the appointment that convinced me that I am wasting my money. It takes my teeth FOREVER to move (just ask my orthodontist), and then they move right back to their old position.

This week the dentist took off the powerchain on my upper teeth. I was instantly nervous about this decision. I left the office convinced that my gaps were going to open back up. And unfortunately, I was right. The NEXT MORNING I woke up to find a small gap between two of my teeth. FUCK!

I have been fretting endlessly about my upper teeth. I stare in the mirror watching these tiny gaps reappear. It is frustrating and heartbreaking. I go back to the ortho in mid-December, and I plan on requesting another powerchain (which is funny since I have cursed my powerchain for being so damn painful).

So things aren't good in the teeth department.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Food tastes good

This is the best recipe for potato soup. Seriously, it is super yummy. You can thank me later.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving my lovely readers.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I remember when I left my teaching position to be a stay-at-home-mommy. I thought, I am going to get to spend so much time with my babies! Back then, the 5 years before kindergarten seemed like a really long period. Now I look at my BIG kids and think, where has all the time gone? These precious years are flying by so fast.

My baby boy is officially 3 years old today. There are no words to describe how I feel. It is a combination of pride and excitement mixed with sadness and longing. It is wanting to cling to my baby, yet wanting him to grow up.

I just can't believe my baby isn't really a baby anymore.





Monday, November 22, 2010

3rd birthday party

We had Izzy 3rd birthday party on Saturday. Just a small get together with our closest friends. The kids had a blast. Izzy got the coolest toy EVER - a remote control digger. You have no idea how much Izzy loves that toy. I only wish I had thought to buy it for him.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The birthday cake...

This was my attempt at a yellow digger cake. My yellow icing was a little runny. That seems to be the story of my life lately. Why can't I make good icing? Anyways, I think it turned out pretty cute. Izzy loves it, so that is all that really matters.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Thanks friends!

Thanks for complimenting my ass. It means a lot to me - SERIOUSLY! I know that a lot of women are obsessed with having bigger boobs or a flatter stomach or losing those last 10 pounds. But really, I don't obsess about these things too much. However, I do worry a lot about my flat ass (which I cannot do a damn thing about). Wearing jeans that fit my ass makes all the difference in the world to me. So, thanks for your kind words.

We have a busy weekend/week planned. I am baking Izzy birthday cake today (wish me luck!), Izzy's party is Saturday, we have to go to the grocery store and run errands on Sunday, we are taking our Christmas pictures on Monday (because the world hates me, I currently have a zit on my freaking nose!), I have an Ortho appointment on Tuesday (and it's Izzy actual birthday), Wednesday will be a food prep day for Thanksgiving (I am making a pie, crescent rolls, and mashed potatoes - John is handling everything else), and Thursday is Thanksgiving.

Lucky for me, John is taking the entire week off work. I am really looking forward to hanging out with my husband. It feels like life has been so hectic lately. I think all of us (John, me and even the kids), need to just relax and mellow out. Although we have a lot of stuff to do, I am hoping that we can find some time to just enjoy each others company.

I need to go finish cleaning the house and doing the laundry, so I really must stop wasting time on the internet. I hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Showing off my ass

After countless hours of trying on pants, I finally found some cute jeans. I tried on many, many, many pants. The only ones that made my ass look good were from the Junior's section. That is right, apparently I am shaped like a 13 year old girl. But whatever, I look good in my new jeans...
P.S. It is surprisingly hard to take a picture of your ass.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


I dropped my minivan off at the auto body shop Monday. The whole process was surprisingly painless. I am now driving a brand spanking new Dodge Grand Caravan (rental). It is pretty and shiny and lovely. I have never driven a new car before, so I didn't know what I was missing. I am sooooo in love with my rental van. I told John that I would like a new car for Christmas (HA HA). They can keep my old minivan for a long as they would like, and I'll keep the rental.

I am currently on a mission to buy some pants that fit me. I tried on about 28 pairs of pants at Target (I am on a budget!), but none of them fit right. I have a serious flat ass issue, which is really hindering my search for cute jeans. The ass of my pants always looks baggy. UGH! I am going to go to Kohl's today and see what they have in stock.

I got my hair cut. It is okay. It looked really cute when I left the salon, but I can never make my hair look as good as they do. When they blow dry my hair, it is smooth and sleek and straight. When I blow dry my hair it is frizzy and puffy. What gives? Stupid dumb hair.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Busy busy

Last week I sat around the house feeling sorry for my pathetic self. This week is going to be action packed, whether I like it or not. We had the carpets professionally cleaned on Saturday, I thoroughly cleaned out my minivan on Sunday, I am taking my car into the body shop today (fingers crossed that the rental place will have a minivan), we have our last class at the local nature center, I have to buy at least one pair of pants that actually fit me (oh, the horror of losing weight!), I need to get my haircut, the entire house needs to be cleaned (especially the kitchen) before Izzy's birthday, I need to go shopping for various party supplies, and I need to bake Izzy's cake. I am sure there are at least fifty other things I need to do that I forgot to mention.

I have so much stuff to do that I feel guilty even taking the time to write this! I am off to complete something from my list!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Money Talk

November and December are going to be very expensive months for us. We have Izzy's birthday coming up, we need to have our carpets cleaned, Porgie's dance recital costume payment is due, everyone needs a haircut, we need to have the dog vaccinated, my car battery needs to be replaced (don't even get me started on the collision stuff), we still have Christmas presents to buy, and finally, we need to have professional family photos taken. I know that we don't technically NEED to do even half of the stuff on my list, but these are things I WANT to do before the holidays. Christmas has a way of sucking my bank account dry every damn year.

The good news is that I do not plan on buying my children or husband any presents. They are going to get so much stuff from my family (my mother always gives too much), that anymore would just be overkill. Also, I still have a little over $200 in my Amazon account from Swagbucks! So, that is definitely going to help too.

I haven't talked about Swagbucks for a while, but I am still enjoying the program. Basically, you get points for using their search engine. You can cash in your points for prizes (I always buy $5 Amazon gift cards). I have to admit, when Swagbucks changed over to their new point system, I was disappointed. It suddenly seemed a lot harder to earn as many prizes. But they have added lots of new features (like swagbucksTV, daily polls, surveys, and videos), so it probably all evens out. But it feels like a lot more work, so I have definitely lost some of my enthusiasm. However, free money is hard to refuse, so I have continued to use the program. I average about 2 $5 gift cards per month, which equals $120 per year. Not too bad.

I am not exactly sure how much money I have earned through Swagbucks, but I have bought quite a few things on Amazon during the past year and I haven't paid a penny for any of them. Additionally, I still have $200 in my account, so I can't complain. It is definitely worth the small amount of effort I put into earning my points.

I got really big into survey sites for a while too, but it just seemed like I never qualified for any freaking surveys, so I kind of gave that up. A few people sent me links to other search and earn sites, but I just can't convince myself to sign up. Maybe I'll feel up to it this winter when I am trapped inside my house for months and months.

I don't really know where I am going with this post. I guess I just wanted you to know that Christmas is expensive, but the internet makes it easy to earn free gift cards. The end.

Thursday, November 11, 2010


I have been feeling very BLAH lately. I am not really sure what my problem is. Everything just seems so overwhelming right now. Honestly, most days I don't even feel like leaving the house. I think it is a combination of lots of things. First is the car accident. I am still making myself sick with worry about every little decision I have to make. Second is Izzy's birthday. I have lots of stuff to do and no motivation to do anything. Third is Christmas. I am both looking forward to and dreading our trip to Kentucky all at the same time. It is stressful (and expensive) to travel.

Damn, I am annoying. After reading that last paragraph, I realized that I have no real reason to complain. Yet, here I sit sulking and feeling sad. Sorry internet friends. I have nothing to offer today.

I have an idea! Let's look at a picture of my adorable offspring. That always cheers me up!I feel better already.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Yummy stuff

This week I tried a new muffin recipe. These little beauties are ginger-raisin-bran muffins...

I also made some lemon cupcakes. The icing turned out a little too runny, but they still tasted delicious...

I am gearing up to make Izzy's "test" birthday cake. This project should push my baking skills too the limit. I am predicting that the cake will be a flop. Get ready for some laughs:)

Monday, November 8, 2010

Nothing is ever easy

Do you know what is really REALLY REALLY hard for a naturally chubby girl? Maintaining a weight loss.

I hit my goal weight! Of course, I am not like super skinny or anything. However, I am at a healthy, normal weight for my height (when I left the overweight category, I did cartwheels across my living room). And I am happy with where I am at. Honestly, I can't imagine being much thinner - that would just be entirely too difficult (have I mentioned how much I like dessert?).

Anyways, when I stepped on the scale this morning, the magical number I have had my eye on finally popped up. This should have been a fabulous moment, but it really wasn't. I just don't know where to go from here. Do I set a new thinner goal (probably not). How do I maintain my current weight (especially with the holidays fast approaching)?

This has been a lifelong problem for me. I can lose weight, but I never seem to be able to maintain it. I always end up falling back into my old habits. When I am dieting, I am hungry. When I eat until I am full, I am overweight. So how in the heck I am I supposed to maintain my current weight and be happy? Because friends, food = happiness in my neck of the woods.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Fuck off please

I feel like the entire world is trying to pick a fucking fight with me. According to the guy who hit my van, I was speeding. Really? How in the fuck do you know that? The day of the accident he specifically told me that he didn't see me. Thanks for changing your story asshat.

According to my husband, I didn't put enough detail in my version of events on the police report. Really? Because I thought it was pretty straight forward case. I was going straight, the other guy was turning. I HAD THE FUCKING RIGHT OF WAY. Thanks for not being a source of support John.

According to Frank at the auto body shop, due to comparable negligence laws in New Jersey, I will be responsible for at least part of the damages to my car. Also, Frank let me know that I have insurance with the worst company on the market. Thanks Frank! You really know how to make a girl feel better.

I just want to scream "FUCK YOU" to every person who feels the need to lie, criticize or tell me more bad news. Unless you have rainbows and sunshine shooting out of your ass, please don't speak to me.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

The source of my headache...

Well, the kids and I were in a car accident on Tuesday afternoon. I was driving straight down a road, and an SUV making a left hand turn wrecked into the side of my minivan. The police were called. Reports were made. My car is pretty fucked. The driver's side door is completely ruined. There is no longer a handle on the door, but that doesn't really matter because the door won't open anyways. Ugh. There are scraps and dents all the way down the driver's side of the car. No-one was hurt (THANK GOD). So instead of sulking, I should be thanking my lucky stars.

Honestly, I have been sick with worry since it happened. I just hope everything goes smoothly and quickly with his insurance company (but I have a feeling it won't). I want all of the shit done and over with.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Finally something good happened!

I have just had a really horrible day. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry. After having such an awful afternoon, I finally received some good news. I was asked to review a product from CSN, which I am actually pretty excited about. I was looking on their website and noticed that they have a cast iron bread pan. You guys know how much I love baking! I am SUPER excited about finally getting to try a nice, quality bread pan. So, be expecting a riveting post about Amish white bread and a cast iron pan (recipe included of course!). In case you are unfamilar with them, CSN is an online store where you can find lots of cool stuff - like children's luggage, cast iron cookware, or even beautiful wall art. I am excited about this opportunity, I can't wait to share my experience with you guys.

More on my harrowing day tomorrow...


I am completely fascinated with polygamy. For some reason, I just can't get enough of these people. Big Love is one my favorite shows. Any time I see a documentary on polygamy, I have to watch it. And just recently, I started watching the TLC show Sister Wives. So interesting!

Honestly, I think polygamy is an interesting idea. I love how these people have HUGE families (that is another subset of people I am fascinated with. If you have more than 6 kids, I will automatically want to know more about you.) I also love how these women can push their jealousies aside for the greater good of their families/their religious beliefs. I love how they work together and help raise each others kids.

I tend to be a jealous person, so for me personally, I could never be in that type of relationship. NEVER. I would be miserable. But I do think it is wrong to outlaw polygamy. What is so horrible about having multiple wives? If they are all willing, consenting adults, then it isn't really anyone's concern. I thought America was all about religious freedom?

All of this to say that Big Love is gearing up for its final season. I am bummed. I really liked that show. I also learned that the husband from Sister Wives is facing possible jail time for polygamy. Gah.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Halloween Cupcakes

We were invited to a little get together yesterday at my friend's house. Because I am little miss Suzie Homemaker, I decided to bring some Halloween themed cupcakes...

Happy Halloween!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Words of wisdom

Here is a list of things you SHOULD NOT do with your Halloween jack-o-lantern...

1. Do not carve your pumpkin 2 weeks before Halloween.

2. Do not ignore the rotting, stinky pumpkin on your doorstep because Halloween is only 2 days away (I was so sure we could make it! I was wrong).

3. Do not touch your rotten pumpkin. Bugs will swarm out, and they will scare the shit out of you.

4. Do not make the decision to throw away the rotten pumpkin, because then you will be responsible for the disgusting clean-up.

5. And lastly (but most importantly), do not attempt to pick up your rotting pumpkin. It will disintegrate in your hands, while maggots and flies desperately try to escape.

You can trust me on this one. I learned the hard way.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


John's boss is in New Jersey for the week, so he took our family out to dinner last night. AWESOME. I love free food. However, I couldn't actually eat much because of my freaking braces. Every time I took a bite of my veggie burger, tons of bread would become lodged under the arch wire. It was gross, and I was feeling a little self-conscious with this unfamiliar person sitting across from me. Gah. I ended up taking almost my entire meal home with me (which I promptly ate as soon as I was in the comfort of my own home). Damn braces.

In completely unrelated news, Porgie has officially learned how to use scissors. We have been working on this skill FOREVER. For the longest time, Porgie insisted on holding the scissors upside down and tilted in at an odd angle. I tried repeatedly to show her the correct way to hold scissors, but she just refused to listen to my advice. She is left handed, so I thought that perhaps she needed left handed scissors. But that didn't really seem to help the problem. After watching some online tutorials (approximately 138 times), something clicked in her little brain. I can now give her a cut and past activity, and she completes it independently. It is great. Now, if only I could convince her to wipe her own ass, we would be all set.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Double blah

My husband has been working insane hours lately. The kids have not seen him seen Sunday. It stinks. It especially stinks, because my kids are so darn sick. Izzy is really suffering with this cold. My baby boy coughs constantly, his fever keeps spiking, and he has no appetite. I hasn't eaten a full meal since last Friday. Usually 4 or 5 bites in, he starts complaining that his belly hurts. Then he goes into the living-room to lay on the couch. It is so sad to watch because Izzy LOVES food. My little guy is really REALLY sick.

We had lots of fun Halloween activities planned for this week that we won't be attending. I am kind of bummed. Additionally, the weather has been really warm lately, and we are stuck in the darn house moping and crying and wiping runny noses. Blah. Hopefully the kids will be feeling better by Sunday.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

And so it starts

My children are sick. Porgie came down with the a cough and runny nose on Thursday afternoon. It appeared to be a relatively minor cold, nothing too dramatic. On Saturday morning, Izzy started looking a little green around the gills. He couldn't eat lunch, and he asked to take a nap. That is right, my 2 year old asked me to put him to bed!

Thirty minutes later Izzy was vomiting all over his bed. Thirty minutes after that, he was vomiting on his bed again. Thirty minutes later he was vomiting on my couch. Ugh. This went on all afternoon. My baby boy couldn't even hold down water. It was bad.

Then suddenly around 5pm, Izzy seemed to be in good spirits again. He ate part of a veggie burger and drank a cup of water. I expected the worst, but he kept everything down. He went for a walk around the block, played running games with Porgie, and spent over an hour playing with a flashlight (our electricity was out for two hours on Saturday evening).

On Sunday his nose ran like a faucet. He literally whined for me to wipe his nose from the moment he woke up to the moment he fell asleep. And then the vomiting started again. It wasn't true vomiting. It was just watery, filmy stuff, but Izzy was still miserable.

And now we are suffering from a horrible, nasty cough and the world's runniest nose. The moral of this story is that I am tired. And sick of cleaning up vomit. And sick of wiping noses. The end.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Pumpkin pie!

My pumpkin pie was delicious. Seriously - the best vegan pumpkin pie I have ever had. John and I have attempted vegan pumpkin pie every Thanksgiving, and it has always been too runny. But this pie? PERFECT. So, I thought I would give you the recipe (you know, just in case you decide to go vegan - or if someone in your family is vegan - or maybe just because you don't have any eggs in the house.)

Vegan Pumpkin Pie: A Novel
First things first, you need a medium sized pumpkin. Cut the pumpkin in half and scrap out the stringy guts and seeds. Next, place the pumpkin pieces in a shallow baking dish (with the open part facing down), cover with foil, and bake at 350 degrees for about 2 hours. When the pumpkin is nice and soft, scrap the pumpkin flesh out and throw the skin away. Now, this is where it can get a little tricky. My pumpkin was VERY watery. So, I placed it in a fine mesh strainer and let it sit for about an hour (I actually made my crust during this time). If you don't have a fine mesh strainer, I read that you can also use cheesecloth. Finally, I mashed the pumpkin with a potato masher for a few minutes. At this point you are ready to make your pie!

This is the recipe I used for the crust. Please note that is it for a double crust, so there will be a little extra. I placed the extra dough in the freezer to use for my next pie.

Finally, the pie filling...

2 cups pumpkin
1 1/4 cups milk (I use soymilk)
3/4 cups brown sugar
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp. ground allspice
1/4 tsp. ground cloves
3 tbsp. cornstarch
1/2 tsp. lemon extract
Pinch of salt
Add salt, spices, and cornstarch to pumpkin and stir. Then add the brown sugar, milk, and lemon extract. Mix well. Pour into the unbaked pie shell. Bake at 450 degrees for 10 minutes, then lower to 350 degrees and cook for 1 hour. Serve with whipped cream (or vanilla ice cream!).


Friday, October 22, 2010

I am awesome. SERIOUSLY!

I am like the BEST housewife ever. Seriously, I have been rocking this housewife gig lately. Behold my latest creation...That would be homemade pumpkin pie. And not pumpkin out of a can! No, I baked a pumpkin, scraped out the flesh, pureed everything, and then baked a pie (with a crust made from scratch too, of course). Gosh, I am so darn AWESOME!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Eating lips

Porgie and Izzy had another 6 month dentist check-up/cleaning today. The good news is that everyone was well behaved. The bad news is that my baby girl had a cavity between her back molars. Apparently I am not flossing between her teeth often enough (okay, I have NEVER flossed between her teeth). Oddly enough, I was very disturbed by the cavity. Somehow, I felt like I had failed her. The dentist repeatedly assured me that is wasn't a big deal and that they could fill it right away.

Fifteen minutes later Porgie was all fixed up, and we were ready to leave ($180 poorer). The dentist told me to have Porgie chew on a piece of gauze, because children often bite on their lips when they're numb. We promptly left the office and drove to Target for a special treat for my brave little girl.

Although she kept the gauze in her mouth while we were picking out our treat, I noticed that the gauze was suddenly very pink. I took it out of her mouth, and I seen her gnawed up, bloody lip. I literally gasped in horror, which made Porgie cry. Despite chewing on the gauze, she had taken chucks of flesh out of her bottom lip. I hugged my baby girl tightly, and we headed home.

This afternoon Porgie's lip is causing her lots of pain. She alternates between whining and rolling around on the floor in misery. I feel so bad for her. Mommy fail # 3,445,678.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

You love hearing about my teeth - right?

I had another ortho appointment yesterday. Holy crap, my teeth are throbbing today. These powerchains are really kicking my butt. I tried to eat a Hersey chocolate bar last night, but it was just too painful to eat chocolate. Too painful to eat chocolate! You know that is REALLY REALLY painful because I love me some Hersey's chocolate.

The gap between my two front teeth is officially closed. I have been pointing this out to everyone, because no-one seems to notice. And frankly, it is really pissing me off! My husband never noticed until I mentioned it. Then he told me that he liked the gap between my front teeth, which just made me question why I am even doing all of this. Of course I am doing this for ME, but John's opinion is definitely important to me. Especially what he finds attractive.

Other than that, things have been going smoothly in the braces department. After months of very little progress, my teeth are finally moving and changing. My midline on top and bottom almost matches up, which is another huge milestone. I have also noticed some improvement with my overbite. It is all very exciting!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


For the past few months, I have been buying new clothes for the winter. I bought some jeans on clearance at Old Navy in the summer ($6 a pair!). They were a little snug, but I was confident that they would fit perfect by November. I have also been buying shirts whenever I see something cheap and cute.

I haven't really talked about it much, but after I got my braces in April, I made the decision to lose some weight. I was just feeling overwhelming unattractive with my fat rolls and my metal mouth. For the past 6 months, I have been a super star dieter. I have been eating less, exercising more, and eater smaller desserts. Yes, I still eat dessert every night. Without dessert, I would fall off the diet band wagon within a week.

After all of this hard work, I have almost reached my goal weight. I am nearly the same size I was in high school. GASP! Every time I step on the scale, I get a little giddy. And it motivates me even more to follow my diet. It has been a wonderful cycle, and frankly, it is not something I am used to. Usually my diets work in the opposite direction - I get discouraged because I am not losing weight, therefore I eat more and gain weight.

With the cooler weather approaching, I decided to try on all of my new clothes I have been buying. I was super excited about the prospect of not wearing a belt with my jeans. But things did not go exactly as I had planned. My clothes are too big. My pretty new clothes that I have been scrimping and saving to buy for months, don't even fucking fit me! The shirts are definitely do able, but my pants are just HUGE. I have mentioned before that I have no ass. This is a major problem when it comes to buying pants. If my jeans are even slightly big, the ass of my pants is all saggy and horrible looking. I need tight fitting jeans to make my ass look good.

I should have saved all my receipts, but I didn't. I keep having crazy, irrational thoughts about maybe gaining 5-10 pounds back. I know I am being annoying, "Woe is me, I lost too much weight." But for me, half the joy of losing weight is getting to buy new cute clothes that fit my new cute body. So, I am disappointed.

Monday, October 18, 2010


On Saturday we went pumpkin picking...

Then we had some yummy donuts from the farm bakery...

Next we drew faces on our pumpkins, and Daddy helped us crave them...

Last, we put candles inside and watched them glow in the darkness...

And a good time was had by all:0)

Friday, October 15, 2010

Need sleep

This week has been kind of crazy. On a whim, I decided that I wasn't going to buy nighttime diapers anymore. Because I am a naive asshole, I was fairly confident that after a few days of pissing in their beds, my children would start to wake up dry. STOP LAUGHING AT ME INTERNET!

I know, I know, I am a moron. I have not gotten a full nights sleep all week. At least once (and sometimes twice) per night I am changing bed sheets and underwear and PJs. Ugh. What in the hell was I thinking?

So, I am tired. And this was the best post I could come up with. Sorry friends...Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

If I only had a brain...

I am losing my freaking mind. Seriously, I think I am in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's disease.

Yesterday I shaved my legs. Or at least, I thought I shaved my legs. Upon getting dressed, I realized that one of my legs was nice and smooth. The other leg was obviously very hairy. I only shaved one of my legs. Who does that? People with no brain, that is who!

About 30 minutes later I went to the basement to do some laundry. Both the washer and dryer were full of clothes. I took the laundry out of the dryer, closed the door, and then turned the machine on. I opened the washing machine and was confused to see all of my wet clothes. What did I just put in the dryer? NOTHING. I was drying NOTHING. The dryer was empty.

I am crossing my fingers that I can still remember how to cook dinner and operate my vehicle. Wish me luck!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Yummy yummy yummy I got good stuff in my tummy

This week I made almond cherry muffins...

homemade apple pie...
And last, but certainly not least, rum pudding cake...

In case you are wondering, why yes I am trying to gain 150 pounds. I plan on being morbidly obese by December. I am hopelessly addicted to sugar.