Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Feeding our addictions

I have been trying to kick my coke addiction for months, but every time I make progress, I fall right back off the wagon. It is frustrating, because I am well aware of all the empty calories I consume on a daily basis. But the lure of that fizzy, sugary drink is overwhelming.

A few weeks ago, I decided that I was no longer going to purchase myself Coca Cola. But I couldn't bare the thought of going cold turkey, so I made some excepts to the rule. I decided that I could accept a soda if someone offered me one, and I could also purchased a single serving of soda (like a 20 oz). However, I was no longer going to keep it stocked in my refrigerator. When I told John about my plan, he decided to give up Limeade too.

But we are clever little devils, and we figured out a way around our new rules. We simply started buying limeade and soda for one another. I would come home with a jug of Simply Limeade for John. He would come home with a case of Coca Cola Classic for me. So basically, we are back to square one.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 24

Things have settled down again, and life is good. Izzy has finally figured out how to get down from a standing position, and Porgie has not puked since I wrote this post. It is amazing how one week can be so horrific, and the next week can be so wonderful. Motherhood really is a rollercoaster of emotions.

Did you guys watch the presidential debates last night? I thought that Obama did a wonderful job. He is very well spoken, and he seems so genuine. When he speaks, I honestly believe that he wants to help the American people. I haven't felt that way about a presidential candidate in a long time. Although I find the debates interesting and energizing, I don't think they really influence how people vote. By this point, most people have already made up their minds about the election.

I have been getting some extremely painful headaches lately. The pain radiates around my left eye and my left temple. I have taken Tylenol on several occasions, but it does little to ease the pain.

I made apple crisp! And it tasted delicious! I was so damn proud of myself. Now I am all excited about apple picking, and I want to do it every year with the kids. I think it would be a fun tradition for our little family. John thinks I am a sap.

It is rainy and gloomy in Jersey today. Actually, it has been rainy and Gloomy since Thursday. I am so sick of sitting in the house. I am pretty sure that Porgie and Izzy are sick of it too, because there has been an usually high number of temper tantrums lately.

I feel like I am WAY behind in the bloggy world. I just can't seem to get caught up on reading and writing. Our nap schedule is changing, Porgie is going to bed later, I have tons of scrapbooking to do, and we just subscribed to Netflix. I am having trouble keeping up with everything. I am going to try to get back on track this week. Sorry if I haven't made it to your blog lately. I am working on it, my dear internet friends.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Hello World

Sorry for the silence, but things have been a little hectic in Cakerwakerville. My Izzy Whizzy Woo has learned how to get into a sitting position from his stomach. Normally this would be a wonderful new milestone, but this milestone has enabled my little guy to pull himself up in his crib. And the child cannot get down from a standing position. Izzy has decided that 4 am is the perfect time to practice this new skill. I spend half my nights laying him down and the other half listening to him scream. Ugh. So, I've been a little tired. Actually, that is an extreme understatement. I have been completely and utterly exhausted.

I took the kids apple picking yesterday. It was very cute watching Porgie pluck apples off of trees. However, I was a little shocked at the outrageous prices at the farm. It was $3.95 per person for the hayride (Izzy was free) and $5.90 to feed the farm animals/play on the jungle gyms. YIKES! So basically, I spent nearly $14 before I even made it to the damn orchards. And the worst part is, I now have a ton of apples in my kitchen, which means my husband is expecting me to bake something yummy. This whole "going to the farm" trip has turned out to be a lot of money and work.

Today we stayed home. I hate staying home all day, but my house was filthy. Seriously, it was getting to the point where I felt ashamed of myself for living in squalor. So, I did some major cleaning this morning. I even scrubbed some of my greasy fingerprint covered walls. I love the look of flat paint, but my kids have wrecked havoc on my walls.

Yes, this post was fairly boring. I am sorry. To make up for my blandness, here are some pictures for little old you...

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I jinxed myself

See this butterfly nightlight... This little butterfly was supposed to save my sanity, restore peace and harmony in my household, and be a trusted companion for my wayward toddler.

After writing this post last week, I decided that perhaps Porgie's opposition to bedtime was stemming from a fear of the dark. So, I hunted around in my bedroom until I found the lovely butterfly nightlight pictured above. I plugged it in, and Porgie was captivated. I was certain that I had struck gold.

When we put Porgie to bed that night, she didn't cry or puke. It was a miracle. For the next 5 or 6 nights, Porgie went to bed without a fuss. But then I did something very foolish. I bragged. Yes, I bragged to Eva that I had fixed our bedtime problems. I think I even told her that I was a genius. Tsk tsk.

Porgie SCREAMED during bedtime last night. Porige PUKED during bedtime last night. I am not a genius. I am a jackass.

Monday, September 22, 2008

My husband is a landscaper?

My husband worked very hard this weekend. He finally replaced the shrubbery in the front of our house. It looks wonderful! Our house looks so darn cute right now. If I wasn't such a paranoid asshole, I would post a picture of the whole house. But since I am a paranoid asshole, I can only share these cropped images.

The first group of pictures showcase the before and after photos of the right side of our house...


The next group of pictures showcase the before and after photos of the left side of our house...


Finally, at the corner of the house, we planted a beautiful Laceleaf Japanese Maple...
Although the flowerbeds look great, they still aren't complete. We want to hire a landscaping company to add cobblestones around the border. Unfortunately, we can't afford that luxury right now. But regardless of the missing stones, I still think it looks fantastic!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Grace under pressure

Hands down, motherhood is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love my children passionately and wholeheartedly. But the transition into motherhood was difficult for me. I am currently reading several blogs written by new mommies. Maybe it is all a facade, but they seem so calm and peaceful and rational. It makes me wonder if maybe I am a little more high strung than most people.

When I was pregnant with Porgie, I was in fantasy mode. I basically thought that motherhood would be rainbows and unicorns and fluffy clouds. But I was wrong. Horribly wrong. Instead, there was lots of crying (from baby and mama), nursing issues (which ultimately lead to exclusive pumping), sleep apnea (Porgie was monitored for 4 months), and horrible eczema. I felt like my life had been turned upside down. I felt angry and sad and happy and confused, all at the same time. Basically, I was a big ball of anxiety and nerves.

With Izzy's birth, I was much more relaxed, but I still had my moments of anxiety and fear and frustration. Like this post. Or this post. Or even this post.

But not these mothers. They seem to really have their shit together. I was discussing this phenomenon with a friend, and she also seemed unable to relate to my experiences. So, I want to hear about your experience. Was it difficult for you to adjust to life with a newborn? Or was the transition smooth and easy?

A Change of Scenery

Remember that post last month, where I asked you to help me select a new header? Well, I ultimately decided that I hated both options. So, I decided to be an annoying asshole and ask Mary to make me another new header. And because she is AWESOME, she agreed. Mary made the FABULOUS new header you see above. I love it! I don't know how she does it, but everything she makes looks beautiful. Thank you Mary!

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


Izzy is finally mobile, but he is not crawling. Instead, he is scooting on his little butt. He zips from one side of the room to the other on his little tushy. As a result, my fussy little guy has turned into a happy little man.

This morning I had some laundry to put away, so I carried Izzy back to the master bedroom so I could fold clothes. He was scooting all over the place, examining the various trinkets he found along the way. He was absolutely fascinated by a pair of house-shoes he found in the closet.

After about 5 minutes, I noticed that Izzy had stopped scooting and was sitting near a post at the bottom of the bed. He was being unusually quiet, so I walked over to see what he was up to. He was happily chomping away on something. Knowing that he did not have food, I stuck my finger in his mouth to retrieve the object. And I pulled out a spider. AHHHHHHH! A freaking spider! AHHHHHHHHHHH! It looked just like this...

Okay, maybe I am exaggerating. But it was a spider. And it was in my baby's mouth. AHHHHHHH!

It was terrifying.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Why do we keep procreating?

I have two words for you - POOP and PUKE. These seem to be the predominant themes in our household right now. My sweet baby girl has transformed into a little demon. Let me explain.

In the past, we always put Porgie to bed around 7:30. Sometimes she would go straight to sleep, and sometimes she would play in her crib for an hour before falling asleep. And life was good. This weekend, life as we knew it changed dramatically.

On Friday evening, we put Porgie to bed at 7:30. Thirty minutes later she started screaming, "POOP, POOP, POOP." Thinking that she had pooped in her diaper, I raced to her room. But Porgie had not poop, so I put her back in the crib and left the room. Ten minutes later I heard, "POOP, POOP, POOP." I went back and checked her again, but she had not pooped. I put her back in the crib and left the room. Ten minutes later I heard, "POOP, POOP, POOP." Realizing that she was just playing a little game with me, I let her cry. She became frantic, screaming louder and louder and louder. Then I heard the vomiting sounds. Yes, she made herself puke AGAIN. I went to her room, changed the sheets, and changed her clothes (and in case you were wondering she had NOT pooped). I put her back in the crib, and she instantly started screaming again. I didn't want her to scream and puke, but I also didn't want her up running around the house at 9:00 pm. So, I made the decision to just let her cry. I know I am a mean mommy - you don't have to tell me. She whined off and on for about 20 minutes before she finally fell asleep. The same exact sequence of events occurred on Saturday.

John and I discussed the bedtime routine, and decided to start letting Porgie stay up until 8:30. I really thought that the new bedtime would solve our problems and that Porgie would go down easily at 8:30. But I was wrong. I put her down at 8:30 on Sunday, and she played in her crib until 11:00 pm! I was annoyed that she was awake for so long, but I was happy that she wasn't puking and screaming. Then Monday rolled around. I put her to bed at 8:30. The screams and fake poop calls started instantly. Within thirty minutes she had vomited twice. Ugh.

So, the 8:30 bedtime isn't working either. Damn toddler. Everything is always a power struggle. It is exhausting. So, now I am thinking about ditching her afternoon nap and going with an early bedtime. I have no idea what I am doing here. I am just trying to survive.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Losing the poundage

I don't really like discussing my weight on this blog, because frankly, I am not a very serious dieter. One week I am very strict and the next week, not so much. But despite my shortcomings, I have been making process.

I hate using real numbers when I talk about my largeness. HATE IT. But I am going to suck it up, and give you the real details - the astronomical numbers, in all their glory. I am tall, about 5'10". When I weighed 140 pounds, I was stick thin. I think this is important to establish, because I am not as morbidly obese as I sound.

I started high school weighing 140 pounds, and I graduated weighing 170. Although it is probably not his fault, I like to blame my weight gain on John. When we started dating, he would take me out to eat, buy me chocolates, and then compliment my puffy body.

Next came college, and even more weight gain. I started at a relatively healthy weight. At 170 pounds, I wasn't stick thin, but I wasn't excessively fat either. Of course at the time, I thought I was a blimp. Over the next 3 years, I gained another 20 pounds. I can't really account for this weight gain. It happened slowly, and I barely noticed it. My last year of college is when I went off the deep end. I was student teaching, and I was miserable. I HATED teaching kindergarten. I thought that my cooperating teacher didn't like me. I was sick of constantly be observed. So I did the only sensible thing I could think of - I drown my sorrows in donuts and cookies. I didn't even feel guilty for indulging in these sugary pleasures. I needed them to survive. When I graduated from college, I weighed a whooping 215 pounds (blush)!

I knew that the scale had been creeping up up up, but I didn't realize how fat I actually looked until I received my graduation pictures in the mail. I was enormous. I was so ashamed of the photos, that I threw them away. I kind of regret that decision now, but at the time I was mortified.

After graduation, I started substitute teaching. Life improved dramatically. I was subbing 3 or 4 times per week, eating healthier, and excising more. In the course of 7 months, I lost 45 pounds. I got back down to 170 pounds. Once again, I felt comfortable in my skin. I could easily fit into my size 12 pants. Life was good.

I maintained my weight until I got pregnant with Porgie. I gained 40 pounds during my pregnancy, but lost nearly all of the weight by 6 weeks postpartum. But then something happened. I was feeling a little lonely and lost here in New Jersey. I didn't have any friends or family to visit. It was just me and Porgie sitting home together all day. I started packing on the pounds. By the time I got pregnant with Izzy, I weighed about 215 pounds again. I was soooooo embarrassed when I had to be weighed at my first prenatal appointment. So embarrassed.

After I had Izzy, I quickly dropped down to about 200 pounds. By the time I had my gallbladder surgery, I was down to 190. And today, I weigh 180 pounds and wear a snug size 14. I really hope that I can lose about 20 more pounds, putting me at 160 pounds. I have no dreams of being super skinny - I love food way too much. Instead, I just want to fit comfortably into a size 12 again, maybe even a size 10.

What about you? Do you have any weight loss goals?

Friday, September 12, 2008

I am awesome. No seriously - I am AWESOME.

Lately, I've been rocking this mom thing. All of a sudden, I seem to really have my shit together. I've been getting out of the house everyday, going for long walks at night, and attending at least 2 playdates per week. I am amazing. Okay, maybe I am just the average stay-at-home mommy, but I am still pretty impressed with myself.

Due to all of this activity, I am tired. So, I am going to be lazy today. This is just a boring picture post. But you're lucky, because my kids are super adorable.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 23

I fell off the wagon last week. I am officially addicted to Coca Cola Classic again. I am so weak.

Porgie is addicted to apple juice. She asks me for juice approximately 4,831 times per day.

Izzy is addicted to breastmilk. He still nurses 7 to 8 times in a 24 hour period.

I have been spending lots of time at Target lately. I bought Porgie 5 new fall outfits this week. Now I am excited for fall to get here, so she can wear all of her spiffy new clothes. On the other hand, I have only purchased 2 outfits for Izzy. Boy clothes are no fun.

Since having our carpet cleaned last week, Izzy has spit up on the carpet 4 times, Porgie has spit out food on the carpet 87 times, and my dog shit on the carpet 1 time. What is up with that? I totally expected the spit up and food, but dog shit? Grrrrrrr.

We had Izzy's 9 month photos taken last week. I have two words for you - FUCKING ADORABLE. Yes, I had to drop the f-bomb. Seriously, they are the cutest pictures ever.

Last year Porgie suffered from diarrhea for several months. I took her to the doctor, and they diagnosed it as "toddler diarrhea." Which basically means that they had no idea why she had diarrhea. I started feeding her yogurt and adding probiotics to her food, and the diarrhea went away. Well, it's back. For the past week, Porgie has had horrible diarrhea. My poor girl pooped no less than 7 times today.

I had three bars of chocolate last week. THREE! I stepped on the scale this morning expecting the worst, but I was pleasantly surprised. I lost THREE pounds. How is that even possible? So, if you're trying to kick those last few pounds, try eating large amounts of chocolate.

Peace out homies!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Ugh - another post about my mom

There is a lot of information about my relationship with my mother, that I choose not to share on this blog. So when I write a post complaining about her, I feel like many of you will not understand the significance of the issue at hand. And this post is one of them. I am sorry that I am unburdening myself on you, but I know that you will be a source of support, my dear internet friends.

My mother and I haven't been talking much lately. She checks our family blog a few times per week, and she emails me occasionally, but we don't actually speak to one another. And this is fine. She is busy. I am busy.

Recently, my mother sent an email that really caught me off guard. Apparently, she has befriended a young woman from work. The girl is getting married and has asked my mother to be her Maid of Honor. Being the good, dutiful friend that she is, my mother is throwing the girl a bridal shower. In her email, my mother rambled on and on about how much fun they have had together. And instead of being happy for her and the bride, I find myself a little angry.

My mother has put no energy or effort into repairing our broken relationship, yet she takes joy in fostering this new relationship? My mother didn't even give me a wedding gift, yet she is throwing a bridal shower for her friend? And finally, my mother has time to plan a fucking party, yet she can't pick up the phone and call me?

I am feeling a little bitter. A little cheated.

Monday, September 8, 2008

Too much to do

My husband was on vacation last week. Whenever my husband is home, I morph into the laziest person on the face of the planet. So today I have a million dishes to wash, a million loads of laundry to clean, a million toys to pick up, a million blogs to read, a million...

In the midst of all this chaos, a few interesting things have occurred. First and foremost, Porgie went pee pee on the potty. Amazing - right? Second, Izzy has been pushing himself up on his hands and knees and scooting backwards. Amazing - right? And last but not least, we have officially decided to go back to Kentucky for Christmas. Amazing - right?

Okay, maybe these things aren't very amazing, but I am excited nonetheless.

And to finish this lame post, here are some pictures of my children being goofy...

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Even more progress!

Since having our shrubbery removed, our foundation has been an eyesore. It is hard to believe, but I honestly did not realize how awful the paint on our foundation looked...

To remedy the problem, we hired a nice man to paint our foundation this morning. He did a fabulous job...

I realize that these are not the most exciting home improvement photos, but repainting the foundation has really spruced up the outside of our house. And it is going to add even more curb appeal when we finish replanting the flowerbeds.

Although I am excited that we are getting so many home improvement projects completed, I am overwhelmed by the fact that we still have a lot of projects left to complete. Next year we are hoping to have our windows replaced and get a privacy fence in the backyard. The year after that, maybe a new kitchen???

So what about you? Any home improvement projects in the future?

Thursday, September 4, 2008


I am really feeling ambivalent about this whole growing up thing. I desperately want my children to grow and become more independent, while at the same time I want them to stay small and helpless. Can I have both please?

At Izzy's 9 month check up, I discovered that he weighed 25 pounds and was 29 1/2 inches long - the 95th percentile for both. I came home and checked the weight and length requirements on his infant carseat. I discovered that he had exceeded both requirements. We had to install his big kid carseat. It was definitely a bittersweet moment.

Although Izzy is definitely growing physically, he seems to be stuck in a newborn nursing pattern during the night. He has been waking 3 or 4 times per night for MONTHS. My boy is 9 months old, so what is up with that? I am totally baffled by babies who naturally start sleeping through the night. My children think sleeping through the night is for suckers.

And finally, I think my 9 month old has colic. Is that even possible? All of a sudden, Izzy has turned into a whiny little ball of mush. He cries all day long. Is it teething? Is it separation anxiety? Is it an ear infection? I have no idea.

It feels like we are in babyhood limbo right now - unable to decide if Izzy is a big kid or a tiny baby.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


We bought our house from a man named Jackass. Shortly before we purchased our house, Jackass built a shed in the backyard. In true Jackass fashion, he didn't finish the shed. When we moved in, we assumed that the shed just needed some vinyl siding. We planned on having the siding installed the following summer (we purchased our house in January). But by the time summer rolled around, there was a HUGE hole in the roof of the shed. It turns out that Jackass failed to put shingles on the entire roof. The rain saturated the plywood, creating a gaping hole. Needless to say, we were pretty pissed when we discovered that our shed was basically ruined.

Here is a picture of the ugly shed that Jackass built...

He positioned the shed underneath two lovely shade trees. We are having his shed torn down, so that we can put a new spiffy swing set for my babies underneath those two lovely shade trees.

Since I want our swing set to be in the shade, our new shed had to be built on the opposite side of our yard. This actually worked out lovely, because the people behind us have a MILLION things in their backyard, and our new shed would help hide their clutter. Here is some photographic evidence...And finally, here is a picture of our lovely new shed...
Go ahead, tell me how lovely it looks:)

Monday, September 1, 2008

Hello Friends

I was hesitant to publish my last post, because I was fearful that a few heated arguments would ensue. But, I was delightfully surprised. Everyone stated their opinions in a very polite and competent manner. I was only annoyed by one commenter - Spencer The Happy Moron, um...I mean Mormon. "GO MCCAIN" isn't a very convincing argument my dear Spencer.

I have discovered that politics are CONSUMING my very thought. John and I had an argument about 3rd party candidates on the way to the grocery store yesterday. Personally, I think voting for someone like Nader, is wasting your vote. Did we learn nothing from the 2000 election? John, on the other hand, doesn't agree with me. So frustrating. But I am happy to report that after some negotiating, I managed to get John to pinky swear that he would vote for Obama.

In other news, Porgie is still puking. She vomited in the middle of a restaurant on Sunday evening. Kind of embarrassing. But I did an excellent job of staying calm and even tempered. I just undressed her, John boxed up the food, and we left. I was hoping that she would learn a valuable lesson about puking in public places. I thought the consequence of having to leave would upset her, but she didn't really seem to care. Damn toddler. On a positive note, my little Izzy Whizzy Woo was an angel.

Well, I hope you are having a terrific Labor Day!