Monday, August 31, 2009

Libraries are lame

I am about to boycott the library. We have craptastic library in our city, that is staffed completely by volunteers. It sucks ass. The selection of books is awful. And they don't even have CDs or DVDs. No, they have cassette and VHS tapes. Seriously? What year is it? 1987? Geesh.

But despite this, I have been going to the library every week with the kids. I have a routine. I always bring in the books from the week before on the day that we check out new books. Last week, the librarian informed me that I had 4 books that were overdue. I kindly explained that I didn't, because I ALWAYS bring back the previous week's books on the day I check out more books. But she insisted that these 4 books were not returned. In fact, she claimed that they were nearly two weeks overdue. BUT THEY WERE RETURNED. And why didn't anyone mention the overdue books last week? I asked her to check the shelves, because I am 100% positive that I returned the books. She said she would look into it, but she looked annoyed.

Today is library day. I am going to flip my wig if they haven't found those damn books.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Something else to keep me awake at night

I want to take a moment to talk about the vaccine that is currently being developed for the swine flu. I don't know about you, but I do not want my children to be guinea pigs for the pharmaceutical industry. I was reading an article on, and I think this pretty much sums it up...

A high-level U.S. government decision in 1976 to vaccinate 43 million people against swine flu backfired -- badly.

Not only did the dreaded outbreak never materialize (illness never spread beyond 240 soldiers stationed at Fort Dix, N.J.) but some 500 Americans who did get vaccinated came down with a rare neurodegenerative condition called Guillain-Barre syndrome, which many experts believe was linked to the shot. Twenty-five of those 500 people died.

Now U.S. health officials are considering a fall immunization campaign that could involve an unprecedented 600 million doses of vaccine for the currently circulating H1N1 swine flu vaccine.

How do health experts know 2009 won't be a repeat of the 1976 fiasco? Are there any guarantees the vaccine will be safe?

The short answers to those questions, according to the experts, are "we don't know" and "no."

Isn't that scary? My main concern is that this vaccine has never been given to large quantities of people. That scares the shit out of me. However, becoming infected with the swine flu scares the shit out of me too. How do I know which option to choose?

Well, I have thought about this long and hard. If I give my children the vaccine, I feel like I could be potentially causing them harm. What if the vaccine is linked with another rare disorder? What if the virus changes (just like the regular flu virus does every year), rendering the vaccine useless?
And finally, what if the outbreak of the virus isn't as bad as they are predicting? Then, I just endangered my children for no fucking reason.

So, I am going to say no to the swine flu vaccine this fall. I just can't risk it. How about you? Any opinions on the topic?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

A new day

Yesterday was the day from hell. Yikes! Porgie is a great little girl. She is really well behaved 90% of the time. She is calm, she listens, and she is very affectionate. But something went awry yesterday. I was bitchy, the kids were bitchy, and combined, we were a disaster.

Honestly, I don't think she intended to spit in my face. I think she meant to spit out her food, which would have been annoying, but she put just a little too much force behind the action. All I know for sure, is that I almost completely lost control of myself. I was so angry, that I knew I couldn't be in the same room as her.

When the kids got up from their MUCH needed naps, things were better, but not great. I had a splitting headache and no tolerance for whining. Fortunately, John got home from work early, so that helped. And I went to Target after dinner and spent money. That always makes me feel better.

Today is a new day! We are going to a concert in the park to hear Ernie and Neal. We are having a picnic lunch. And gosh darn it, we are going to have fun!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Free to a good home

I just had the worst morning with my kids. Seriously, it got ugly around here. Izzy is going through a phrase where he doesn't want to eat anything I offer him. For the remainder of the day, he cries constantly, while opening the cupboard/refrigerator door. I am trying to keep snacking to a minimum to encourage him to eat at the regularly scheduled meals, but he hasn't gotten with the program yet.

This morning he refused to open his mouth for even one bite of cereal. And Porgie decided to follow suit. FINE, STARVE. We went to story time, and suddenly my kids were ravenous. They were crying and pawing at the diaper bag. "I want Goldfish. I want puffs. I want cheese. I want raisins. I want a cereal bar. WAAAAAAAAHHHHHH." I ended up giving them some crackers, so that the poor story time lady could finish her book.

We got home, and I asked Porgie what she would like for lunch. She demanded that we have cheesy rice. So, I went into the kitchen and made what she requested. But the little bastards teamed up again. Izzy wouldn't take a bite and Porgie only ate a few bites, which she wouldn't swallow. Instead, she stored the rice in the side of cheek like a damn hamster. I was getting pretty pissed off by this point. I got down on Porgie's level, looked her straight in the eye, and told her in no uncertain terms that she had better eat, because we weren't having any snacks this afternoon. And she spit her food out. In my face. She spit a mouthful of rice into my face. I saw red. I was so angry, I couldn't even stand to look at her. I yanked her up and put her into her crib. I went back to get Izzy and he was throwing rice on the floor. He isn't a 9 month old baby. He is almost two. He knows better. So, I yanked him up and tossed him into bed too.

Little bastards.

Did I say I didn't want Porgie to go to preschool? What the hell was I thinking? Damn children.

Monday, August 24, 2009


How many times am I going to write this post? I am attempting to kick my caffeine habit AGAIN. I have been off of Coca Cola Classic for approximately 26 hours, and I am not sure I am going to make it. I am having the withdraw headache. The headache that feels like someone is pounding on my head with a hammer. The headache that makes me want to installed a soda fountain in my kitchen, so I never have to be without that sweet nectar ever again.

What is it about that fizzy drink? I just can't seem to stop drinking it. And there is absolutely no healthy reason to consume it. It is loaded with sugar and makes my teeth hurt. It contains high fructose corn syrup, which everyone knows is horrible. It is just a bunch of empty calories and is contributing to my fat ass.

I am thinking that if I can make it for three days without coke, I can kick the habit permanently. I know this is bullshit, because I stopped drinking pop during both of my pregnancies. But I am going to try. Again.

Sunday, August 23, 2009


I finally made a decision regarding preschool. Instead of following your sage advice, I decided not to send Porgie to school this year. I don't think that she is ready, and I am 100% positive that I am not ready. I have attachment issues. Serious attachment issues.

To be honest, I felt peer pressured into enrolling her in three year old preschool. I thought, "Everyone else's kid is going to school, so my kid needs to go to." Which is just crazy. Porgie is still a baby. She is just barely out of diapers for crying out loud (To be honest, some days she is still in them). And my heart was breaking at the prospect of leaving her in someone else's care. I know that it was only for 2 hours, for 2 days per week, but it felt wrong. So, she is staying home with me for one more year (or maybe 20).

However, Porgie is starting ballet class in 2 weeks. Additionally, I am thinking about enrolling her in soccer this fall. John doesn't think she'll like soccer, so we are still debating this one. Now that she has some extra activities to attend, I am feeling less guilty about skipping preschool (I am not entirely sure why I felt guilty to begin with, but I did).

It feels good to have finally made a decision. And it feels even better to know that I followed my gut and not my friends. I am going to soak up every ounce of my baby girl. I don't want to miss a minute.

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Christmas in August!

Last Christmas, Porgie acquired four Christmas dresses. My mother, grandmother, and aunt each bought her a dress. I wasn't anticipating this, so I bought her a Christmas dress too. All of the outfits were adorable, but unfortunately she didn't get an opportunity to wear most of them. I saved the dresses, with the hope that she might be able to wear them next Christmas.

Today we were having a lazy afternoon at home. Bored, I pulled the dresses out of her closet, and we played dress up. Look how adorable Porgie looked...Of course, Izzy wanted to join in the fun too...He looked so freaking adorable in that dress. Too bad he can't wear it out in public. Damn gender roles.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Confessions of a blogger

1. Some of the blogs I read annoy the shit out of me. The author genuinely irritates me, but I can't seem to stop reading. It is a sickness. I want to see what annoying thing they'll do next.

2. I don't usually read those letters people write to their children every month. Snore.

3. The more comments someone gets, the less likely I am to comment. For example, I love Uppercase Woman (who regularly gets a million comments), but I could count the number of times I have commented on her blog on one hand.

4. I have the blogs in my reader arranged in a hierarchy. Do you want to know where you rank? Well, too bad. It is a secret.

5. Sometimes, I comment even when I didn't read the entire post. Shhhh...don't tell anyone.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

I bought some new shoes! Are you excited? I am not really a shoe person. I can go years without buying new shoes (except for flip flops - I ruin every pair within a month or two. But those are cheapy shoes anyways, so they don't really count. I don't think I have ever bought a pair of flip flops that cost more than $10. Wow, this little blurb about flip flops has morphed into a whole paragraph. STOP TALKING CHRISTY). Where was I? Oh, new shoes! Exciting!

And here they are...And because we are bestest friends, I bought Porgie a pair that kind of matches...
We will look adorable in our snazzy new shoes this fall. And speaking of fall, will it hurry and get here already? It has been hot as a bitch out lately.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Dear Diary

This blog has turned into my complaining place. When I can't think of anything else to write, I just start bitching about random things in my life. I think this gives my readers the wrong impression of my life. I am not a bitter old hag, who is miserable with her life. In reality, I am a very happy person. My kids are awesome little people. My husband is fabulous. I couldn't ask for anything better. I could certainly use more money and more patience and more living space, but I couldn't ask for better people in my life. So, in case you were wondering, I am happy.

I have noticed that my comments have really dropped off lately. I used to average 20 to 30 comments per post. Now I am lucky if I get 10. I am sure this is directly related to bitchfest 09'. Or maybe it is related to the fact that I no longer comment as much as I used too. Or maybe it is because I have nothing interesting to say EVER. Whatever the reason, it makes me a little sad. I can only hope that you are still reading. Otherwise, this whole blogging thing seems kind of meaningless. You're still reading right? RIGHT?

I may be boring and I may bitch too much, but my kids are still cute...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Yadda yadda yadda

I have been the queen of finding fun FREE activities lately. Today we went to a story time offered at the local mall. The kids had a blast. And we got lots of free stuff too - free pretzels from Auntie Anne's, free dinosaur finger puppets, and free sidewalk chalk. YAY!

My friend J was at the story time too, with her brand spanking new baby. So adorable and precious and small. It almost made me want to another baby. Almost. But I am really happy with where I am right now. We have a great routine established, both kids are old enough to play independently for short stints, and everyone is sleeping through the night. Life is too good, and I don't want to rock the boat. But babies sure are cute!

We are going to see another movie tomorrow. Porgie is so excited. She chatters on and on about the BIG television and popcorn. The movie theatre we go to is located inside of a mall. Just inside the front doors, there is a huge fountain in a pool of water. My kids love that thing. You have no idea how hard it is to pull them away from the water. Last time, Izzy actually tried to climb in. Crazy kid.

This afternoon we are going to the library, so mommy can get a few new books. I have been a reading fool lately. I just can't get enough of Charlaine Harris. I read all 9 of the Sookie books. Then I read all 8 of the Aurora Teagarden books. And now I am on book 3 of the Lily Bard novels. They are all easy, interesting, and relatively short books. I highly recommend them.

Peace out homies!

Sunday, August 16, 2009


I have noticed a disturbing trend in my life. Whenever my life feels overwhelming and chaotic, I gain control by enforcing a strenuous diet and exercise regimen. Basically, when I have no control over my life, I exert control over my body.

When I entered high school, I became painfully aware of my appearance. I also became painfully aware of boys. Like most young girls, I wanted attention from the opposite sex. But I had no control over this issue, so I decided to take action. I knew I wasn't the prettiest girl, but god damn it, I could be skinny. I start limiting my food intake and exercising. I ran up and down the alley behind my house for hours. And I was skinny (of course, at the time I thought I was still fat). I got the attention that I craved. But when I began my relationship with John, I started packed on the pounds.

Time went by, and I was happy. I continued to slowly gain weight. After I graduated from college, I was searching for a teaching job. It was a stressful time, because I was interviewed and rejected about 500 times. I needed to take control again. So, I embarked on a new diet and exercise plan. I lost 45 pounds in 5 months. I was hired for a teaching position, and life calmed back down. I started packing on the pounds again.

Years later (shortly after I gave birth to Izzy), my life was feeling out-of-control again. I was on a restricted diet due to the baby's allergies, I was having daily gallbladder attacks, and I was trying to adjust to life with two children under the age of 2. I started losing weight again. I lost 50 pounds in 6 months. But eventually things settled down and I started eating more food.

And here I sit, wishing I felt motivated to lose weight. Unfortunately, I am only motivated to bake brownies. Fuck. How have I developed this pattern? I feel like I have two choices - fat and happy or miserable and skinny. Neither option is good enough for me. I want skinny and happy.

Friday, August 14, 2009


I don't really understand the appeal of social networking sites, such as myspace and facebook. I don't really give a shit about people from my past, and I certainly don't want to talk to them now. But my husband? He has become obsessed with facebook. He doesn't actually like communicating with anyone. No, he just likes to lurk around, stalking his high school friends. Weirdo.

I guess he got bored with researching people from his past, because this morning he sent me a link to my high school boyfriend's facebook page. Why is my husband researching my old lovers? I found the whole thing to be a little creepy.

So tell me, what is the appeal? Why is it so addicting? Because personally, it doesn't even sound interesting to me.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Enjoying the summer

We went to the movies today! WOW! It was soooo fun. And it was free! It doesn't get much funner than that! We watched Wallace and Gromit and ate popcorn. Porgie loved it! She sat in her seat the entire time like a good little girl. Izzy had some trouble sitting still and using his inside voice, but overall he was pretty good too.

After we got home, Izzy and Porgie were running around in the front yard playing. And suddenly, Izzy was sobbing and holding his hand out for me to inspect. My baby boy got stung by a bee. Poor little guy. He has a tendency to gravitate toward bugs, and if I know my son, he was probably trying to pick up the bee. I guess we learned a valuable lesson today. Apparently bees are not as nice as fireflies.

We are going to the farm tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers crossed that we will remain tick free. I don't know what it is about that farm, but we love it. The animals! The barns! The swing sets and clubhouses! We are even going to pack our lunch and eat at the farm. It should be a fun filled and action packed day.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

She smells like ass

Porgie has almost completely potty trained herself. It is amazing really. She decided to start using the potty one weekend, and we haven't looked back. At first, she would only pee on the potty. When she had to poop, she would ask me to put a diaper on her. I decided not to stress about it, and last night she finally decided to poop on the potty. It was EXCITING! I never knew that using the bathroom could be so fun! But it is!

However, we have a new problem. I suspect that lots of parents have this problem, but it is still extremely gross. Porgie likes to stick her hand down her pants - A LOT. I am constantly saying, "GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR UNDERWEAR!" It is especially embarassing in public (and especially gross too). It is not really the hand down the pants that bothers me, it is the fact that her hands always smell like ass. Completely gross, right? We now wash our hands approximately 318 times per day.

It is always something! These darn kids keep me on my toes.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Cuddly baby or Evil demon?

I am strongly considering changing my son's nickname from Izzy to Demonboy. He is such a pain in the ass lately. He whines constantly. This is probably related to the fact that the child cannot speak, but seriously? Does he have to whine so much? Shit, just point to what you want, and I'll get it for you! Geez kid!

Also, he won't sit in his stroller anymore. This is just completely unacceptable. The kid runs around like a demented monkey when he isn't in his stroller. He breaks stuff and rips things off of store shelves and runs in the opposite direction of my voice. GAH!

And finally, he is starting to be physically aggressive too, which just sucks donkey balls. He takes most of his anger out on me, which is preferable to him hitting other kids, but it is still an unpleasant experience. Currently, he enjoys pulling my hair and pinching the skin on my neck. But this is the part that makes him a demon - he smiles and laughs when I wince with pain.

He looks so darn cuddly and cute, but trust me, he has earned the name Demonboy.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Ballet baby

I found a tutorial on making no sew tutus. It looks extremely simply, and the results are amazing. I am going to the craft store tonight! Adorable tutu pictures tomorrow!

And look at these little feet...
We have gone ballet crazy over here. Porgie is excited! I am excited! She practices dancing all day. She begs me to take her to dance class. September can't get here fast enough for my baby girl.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009


I suck ass at this whole blogging thing. I don't know what happened. I woke up one morning, and no longer felt like commenting. What the hell is that all about? Having a blog of my own, I completely understand the importance of comments. But, I am just not feeling it. I am going to try to be better this week.

To elaborate on my last post, if I follow the preschool's payment schedule, I will have to pay $550 by September. I am not rich. $550 is a lot of money to our family, and I can't afford to waste that money if Porgie doesn't enjoy going to school. As a compromise, I emailed the director to ask if we could get a pro-rated refund if we end up withdrawing her from preschool. She hasn't emailed me back. If she agrees, Porgie will definitely be going to school next month. If not, I'll probably wait another year to send her.

In related news, I enrolled Porgie in a ballet class today. Now I get to go shopping for a little tutu and ballet shoes! I am so freaking excited. I am living vicariously through my child. The dance studio is a block away from our house. For convenience sake, I am thinking about enrolling Izzy in a dance class next year too. Is that wierd?

Monday, August 3, 2009

It is all so confusing

This is the last post I am going to write about preschool. I know I keep bringing up this issue, which should really be a non-issue. Why am I so confused? IT IS PRESCHOOL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! Who cares - right? Well, I do. This issue has been keeping me up at night.

I began looking into preschools because I wanted Porgie to socialize with other children. I wanted her to have fun with other 3-year-olds. I wanted her to get used to being in a more structured learning environment, without my constant presence. I am not very concerned with academics at this point. Really, I just want her to get used to playing appropriately with children her own age.

After I sent in the registration fee, I started having doubts. Geesh, she is just three. Why am I rushing her off to school? A three year old is happiest when she is with mommy and daddy. Why not let her stay at home and be happy? After all, she isn't going to be little forever. I should savior these moments and be happy that I can spend so much time with my precious little girl.

A month or two later, I changed my mind again. It would be really nice to have some one-on-one time with Izzy. He still wasn't talking much. I thought that maybe spending more quality time with him would help? It couldn't hurt - right?

So it was decided. I was going to send Porgie to school. So, I started trying to potty train her (a prerequisite for the school). But that wasn't working out too well. For an entire month, she refused to sit on the potty. She claimed that she was a baby, and she insisted on wearing diapers. FINE! No preschool. The director of the school had informed me that tuition money was non refundable. There is no way in hell I am going to send in my first payment without having her potty trained.

And then out of the blue, Porgie asked to sit on the potty Saturday. We put on some big kid underwear, and she stayed dry all day. ALL DAY. She told me that she wants to go to preschool, so she is going to start going potty. Wow! I wasn't expecting that.

But now, I am back at it again. Do I want my baby girl in school yet? And what if the swine flu is really bad this fall? Do I want her to be hanging out with all those germy kids? What if she doesn't like school? I am not going to force her to go. Will I lose all of that tutition money I have paid?

But if I don't send her, how am I going to explain it to her? She is expecting to go to school - even more so now that she is finally agreeing to use the potty.

I don't know whether I am coming or going? Being a parent is hard.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

Vacation overload

My husband has been on vacation for a week, and I am about to KILL him. Sometimes I wonder how I married such an annoying asshole. Is it Monday yet? Hurry up and get here already Monday! What are you waiting for?

The beginning of the week was really great, but by the weekend things had taken a turn for the worst. First, he pissed me off by being evasive about a question I asked him. I don't like secrets. Sneaky fucker. Then, he told me that Izzy was going to be an ugly kid because he has a few freckles on his adorable little nose. Stupid bastard. My baby boy is freaking BEAUTIFUL. And finally, he got all dramatic about some scratches on our ice cream maker. So I got all dramatic too, and told him to just throw it away. Trying to be a bastard, he actually threw the ice cream bucket thingie in the thrash. So, I took it a step further and threw the entire machine into the trash. And he took it even further, by taking the bag of "garbage" out to the curb. Needless to say, we no longer have an ice cream maker. If you live in south Jersey, we have a perfectly fine ice cream maker sitting on the curb.

In summary, I apparently only like my husband in small doses.