Wednesday, July 29, 2009


In 2005, my husband took a job with a national company. This business has offices located across the United States. When John accepted the job, he was informed that he would be traveling often and that he could possibly be relocated to the east coast. I found the idea of relocating very exciting. I was desperate for change. I didn't want to live my entire life in the same podunk town in Kentucky. For as far back as anyone can remember, my family has always lived in Kentucky. My grandmother, mother, aunts, uncles, brothers, and cousins all currently live in Kentucky (in the same town even). And they always will.

In the Fall of 2005, John's company approached him about moving to New Jersey. We JUMPED at the chance. They told him in October, and by January we were already living in New Jersey. We made the move when I was 20 weeks pregnant. And although my family was a little bitter about the whole thing, I was elated. We were less than an hour from the beach! Twenty minutes from Philadelphia! Forty-five minutes from Atlantic City! An hour and half from New York! WOW!

I was pregnant when we arrived, so we didn't really go anywhere because I was fat and tired and cranky. We did go to the beach a few times right before Porgie was born, but it was still too cold to swim. After she was born in June, we didn't go back to the beach for an entire year. The next summer I had a 1 year old, and I was 20 weeks pregnant with Izzy. We went to the ocean a few times, but after I fell in the ocean with my baby girl, I decided that a clumsy pregnant woman should definitely NOT be romping around in the ocean. The next summer, Izzy was only 8 months old, and I wasn't really too keen on lugging my immobile baby around the beach for hours on end.

But this year? OH MY GOD, the beach is soooooo fun. My kids love it. I love it. John loves it. Today was the best. We headed down to the beach after nap time. We left at 3:00, arrived at 3:50, and were playing in the ocean by 4:00. Porgie loved running into the ocean, splashing and kicking her feet. Izzy loved digging in the sand and hunting for seashells. And mommy loved watching her babies have fun. John and I took turns going out into the ocean to swim. After 2 1/2 hours of fun, we decided to go get some pizza for dinner. And then we drove home. We got back around 7:30 and the kids were asleep in their own beds by 8:30. AMAZING!

Today I am feeling grateful for my simple little life here in New Jersey. Life is good friends.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Summer Fun

In the car...

Passing Atlantic City...
Admiring the beautiful water...

And finally, playing in the ocean!!!

Saturday, July 25, 2009


What the hell was I thinking? Why did I post a picture of dog shit on my blog? Sorry about that. I have no idea why I thought that would be a good idea. Man, I am a weirdo.

My husband is on vacation this coming week. We are planning on driving down to the shore for at least 3 days, so blogging will probably be light next week. Taking a little blogging hiatus is probably a good thing. I have been posting pictures of dog shit for crying out loud! I think we can all agree that I need some time to clear my head.

Friday, July 24, 2009


For days now, I have been planning on going to the aquarium. I decided that Friday would be the magical day. I even emailed a friend, and invited her to come along too. We agreed to meet at 10:00 am. Since Izzy has been sleeping so late, I asked John to set the alarm for 8:00 am. I thought that would give me plenty of time to feed the kids, shower, get everyone dressed, and make the 20 minute drive.

I woke up at 8:54 am. The alarm was going off, but the volume was turned down low and it was just playing static noise. FUCK! I jumped out of bed and opened my bedroom door. I was greeted by this...That would be dog shit. Fucking stupid dog. I hate her. Seriously, I HATE my fucking dog. She is a bastard.

Despite all of the drama, I somehow made it to the aquarium by 10:00 am. I waited. And waited. And waited. There was no sign of my friend. So after 25 minutes, I said fuck it and left without her. Fortunately, my friend found me about 10 minutes later. She had ran into traffic.

After we went through the entire aquarium, we headed outside for lunch. Porgie guzzled down her entire drink in 2 seconds flat. And of course I didn't have anything else to give her. She whined and cried and whined some more. When she finally calmed down enough to play with the other kids, it was time to go home. It was at this time that I realized that both of my kids had pooped. I hurried them to the car to change their diapers. I didn't have any wipes. At this point I wanted to cry. I just wanted to have a fun day with my kids. Why was that so fucking hard?

Today sucked.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I know that you earn all of the money, but you're still annoying

I know that I am preaching to the choir here, but my husband is driving me INSANE. He snores so damn loud. Why is he so fucking noisy? I punch him and poke him and yank on his covers, but he just keeps on snoring. I am seriously considering moving my ass out of the bedroom. The couch is looking more and more appealing. Actually, anywhere sounds more appealing than my bedroom.

Also, my husband is mean in subtle ways. He would never insult me directly, but he still finds ways to make me self-conscious. Usually, he does this through our children. He'll remark on an undesirable trait in our children and then accredit me with bestowing this quality upon them. For example, last night he remarked that Izzy sweats a lot - "just like mommy." What the fuck is that supposed to mean? I don't sweat excessively. At least, I thought I didn't sweat excessively. Even though my husband is probably talking out his ass, I found myself applying to little extra deodorant this morning. Stupid jerk face husband. He really gets on my nerves.

And finally, why does my husband have so many fucking clothes to wash every week? I swear, 2/3 of all the laundry belongs to my husband. He has "work clothes" and "relaxing clothes." So, he wear two different outfits everyday. That really adds up. Bastard.

Gah. Husbands are annoying. Especially when you have to do their dishes, wash their clothes, and cook their food.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Sleeping too much? Is that possible?

My son wakes up at 7:00 am almost every day. Sometimes he wakes up at 6:30 am, which really sucks. But for the last few days, he has slept until 8:00 am. This would be awesome if my kids were flexible little people. But unfortunately, they are not.

Today Izzy woke me up at 8:40. Fuckity, fuck, fuck! This meant that we had 45 minutes to eat breakfast, get dressed, and drive to story time. Somehow, we managed to make it. But I felt disheveled and out-of-sorts the entire morning. When nap time rolled around, I knew that I was in trouble. Although I put the kids down 40 minutes later than usual, but they still weren't ready for bed. Izzy cried for an entire hour before he finally fell sleep. Porgie never slept. Since Izzy didn't fall asleep until well after 2 pm, I decided to let him nap until 3:30 (I usually wake him up by 3:00 or he won't fall sleep easily at night). And now, it is 9:00 pm and Izzy is still whining in his damn crib.

In summary, sleeping in is only fun when you don't have children. Otherwise, it is a pain in the asshole.

(side note: Porgie will sleep FOREVER if I let her. That is why she isn't mentioned much in this post. She is my good little sleeper.)

Monday, July 20, 2009


It is time for another rendition of "look at my stuff!" Are you excited? Of course you are! We have already looked at my purses, coats, lamps, and artwork. Today we will be looking at my shoes. I am warning you ahead of time, I am not a shoe person. I REALLY like flip flops, and that is about the extent of it. However, I do have a problem with saving every pair of shoes I have ever owned. So, I have a wide selection of shoes that date back to the mid-nineties.

Also, my feet are ginormous. They are seriously HUGE. It is embarrassing. Please, no snarky comments about the boats on my feet.

This is my current selection of flip flops. It doesn't take much to satisfy me. The simpler, the better...
When I am looking for something slightly dressier than flip flops, I turn to my sandals. But let's be serious - when do I need something dressier than a flip flop?
These are my gym shoes. I am really not a sneakers kind of girl. I have never owned a pair of Nike's. Ever. I am not exaggerating. However, I have owned a million pairs of Converse. What is with that pair of shoes on the right? They look like bowling shoes! Personally, I like the brown Rocket Dog shoes in the middle (no laces! AWESOME!)...
These are my dressy shoes. I rarely (if ever) wear these shoes. Actually, I haven't worn any of these shoes since I stopped teaching...
These are my favorite shoes to wear with slacks. I LOVE them. I bought them about 5 years ago, and they still look great...
I have a few other odds and ends in my closet, but they aren't worth the time to drag them out.

Enthralling - right? You're welcome.

Sunday, July 19, 2009


Since birth, both of my children have leaned heavily toward mommy. I was always the first one they cried for, the first one they asked for when they woke up in the morning, and the first one to get hugs & kisses. But Izzy decided to jump ship last week.

At first, I was relieved. You want Daddy to hold you? GREAT! You want Daddy to change your shitty diaper? AWESOME! Sensing my delight, Izzy decided to step it up a notch. Suddenly, he didn't want me to touch him. If I tried to pick him up, he kicked and screamed until I released him. When I tried to change his diaper, he thrashed and flailed around on the changing table. It got so bad that I started to feel like my Izzy Whizzy Woo didn't like me anymore. I was suddenly jealous of Daddy. The more Izzy rejected me, the more I wanted to snuggle him.

Today was the hardest. Izzy absolutely refused to interact with me. I felt genuinely disliked, but I kept my distance. And then, after bath time, Izzy crawled onto my lap with a book. We read it, and he gave me a kiss before we turned out the lights.

This is just the beginning. Izzy is separating himself from me. He is pushing me away, because he is a BIG kid. I am not ready. I want to cuddle my baby boy. I want to smother him with kisses. But really, I just want him to stop growing so damn fast.

Stay little and cuddly and innocent, my sweet boy. Why are you in such a hurry to grow up?

Saturday, July 18, 2009


Let's see, we have covered money issues, my fat ass, and my garden. What else is there? My kids have been pretty good lately. We are playing in the backyard A LOT. To save some dough, I have been avoiding Target like the plague. And that is my life people! I have nothing else to offer you. But I do have a question. Is your husband a walking cliche? Because sometimes, I am not sure if my husband is seriously mentally retarded or if he is just trying to be funny. I asked him to dress the kids this morning.

Here is Izzy in blue and orange plaid. John told me that he thought the shirt and shorts were a matching set. Really?
Here is Porgie in hot pink shorts and a blue striped shirt. John said, "That doesn't match?" No dear, it doesn't match.
However her shoe situation really takes the cakes...
So, is you husband as goofy as mine?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Another way to cut the cost of food

To end my food themed week, I want to share the latest pictures from our garden. Here is a picture of John posing with his squash...

This photo is hilarious. He looks so proud - like he just won a blue ribbon at the county fair.
John's garden has really taken off. Look at the size of that squash! Aren't you impressed? I know I am. And look at how big our other vegetables are getting...





Thursday, July 16, 2009

C is cookie

Since we have been talking about food, let's discuss my ginormous ass. I am on the road to fatness, and there is no turning back. I have to be really motivated to lose weight, and I am just not feeling it. However, I am feeling the urge to eat pop tarts for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, and pasta for dinner. Basically, I just wanted to let you know that I have stopped trying to be skinny. I am just eating whatever the hell I want. You're probably shaking your head in disgust right now. Just know that I might be fat, but gosh darn it, these peanut butter cookies sure do make me feel happy.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

I feel dumb

Okay, so apparently I spend WAY more than everyone else. The only good thing I can note is that we rarely ever eat out anymore. So although we spend a lot at the grocery store, we still spend way less than we did before. In addition to our huge grocery bill, we used to eat out about 3 times per week too. So, we're making some improvement.

My main problem with saving money is coupon clipping. Most of the stuff we buy is organic. I rarely ever see coupons for these items. Another problem is my husband's Ben & Jerry's addiction. He wants ice cream every night. And if he is eating ice cream, I am eating ice cream too. And finally, I buy too many convenience foods - like pre-made veggie pot pies or soy ravioli or Amy's burritos. I have been making an effort cook more, but these expensive items are usually always included in the weekly line-up.

So, I have decided to implement a few new plans to help us save some dough. First, I am going to make muffins or scones from scratch for John's breakfast. He usually buys a few bagels or donuts in the morning. Second, I am going to start serving more left-overs for lunch. I have this really bad habit of forgetting about left-overs. I frequently find two month old lasagna in the back of my fridge. And finally, I am going to start scouring the internet for coupons. They have to be out there somewhere.

Honestly, I was hoping that all of you would have similar sized grocery bills. I feel a little embarrassed by my excessive spending.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Money matters

I have a general question for you. How much do you spend at the grocery store weekly? I have been paying more attention to how much we spend, and I am SHOCKED at how much money we shell out.

We actually have three stores that we shop at weekly - Whole Foods, Safeway, and Target. This weekend we visited all three stores back-to-back. We spent a ton of money. A TON. It wouldn't bother me too much if this was just a one time thing, but we spend this much every week. EVERY WEEK! We do most of our shopping at Whole Foods. And no, I am not a snooty pompous asshole. We shop there because we are vegetarians, and they have a wide selection of foods that cater to our diet. On average, we spend about $120 per week at Whole Foods. Not too bad, if that was the only store we shopped at. However, we have to go to the regular grocery store (Safeway) for odds and ends that are simply too expensive at Whole Foods. We get things like shaving cream, toilet paper, paper towel, etc from Safeway. On average, we spend about $50 per week at this grocery store. But we're still not done! I also go to Target weekly for other necessities - like diapers, wipes, soy milk, etc. We spend anywhere from $50 to $100 per week at Target (depending on how many times I visit, how many good deals they have, and how cranky my children are).

So, when I combine everything together, we spend at least $220 per week. CRAZY! I didn't know if this was normal, or if we are spending abnormally large sums of money at the store every week. Tell me, how much do you spend weekly on necessities? And more importantly, how do you trim the bill?

Saturday, July 11, 2009

A first time for everything

I took the kids to the farm on Friday. We roamed around looking at the animals, playing in the barn, and exploring the old farm house. We were there for over 2 hours, and the kids were exhausted when we finally left. As soon as we walked in the door, I put both kids to bed.

After everyone was snug in bed, I went to the bathroom. While sitting on the toilet, I noticed a little bug on my leg. My first instinct was that it was a smashed spider. I thought Ugh. A spider crawled into my pant leg and is smashed on my thigh. Gross. I tried to flick it off, but it wouldn't budge. I looked more closely and saw it's legs moving. OH MY FUCKING GOD!

It was a tick. A big, fat, nasty, disgusting tick. And it was attached to my leg. I grabbed a piece of toilet paper and ripped it off of my thigh. I opened the wad of paper to look at it and the nasty bug scurried across the surface. I quickly threw it in the toilet, and then took off all of my clothes. I was convinced that they were EVERYWHERE. After checking every square inch of my body, I debated burning my clothes. MORE BUGS MIGHT BE HIDING IN THEM!

It literally took me an hour to calm down. I am a wussy. I have never had a tick on me before. Gross. Completely and totally gross. And now I convinced that I have Lyme disease. Damn stupid farm.

Friday, July 10, 2009

Just stuff

We have no breakfast food left in my house. At the beginning of the week we had cereal, waffles, and yogurt. But somehow it has all been used up. I just fed my children cheese and peaches. They seemed happy enough.

I finished the Twilight books. They were good (maybe a little too good). I am happy to be done with them, because they were consuming all of my free time. Now, maybe I can go to bed at a decent hour. Or actually pay attention to my children. Or cook dinner.

My repainting the living room project has been put on hold temporarily. I actually need about 3 cans of paint to cover the walls and 1 can for the ceiling. Kind of expensive. Since I am trying to be frugal, I have decided to postpone this project until we rebuild our savings account. It stinks, because I feel motivated to do it RIGHT NOW! Who knows if I'll be motivated in a few months.

As most of you know, I really struggle with my Coca Cola addiction. I can kick my habit for a few months, but I eventually end up caving. I have been drinking tons of Coke lately, and I need to stop. But I don't want to! I am completely addicted. In my defense, it is my only vice. I never smoke or drink or gamble. I just consume way too much soda. Ugh. I am going cold turkey this weekend. Wish me luck.

I found this awesome coupon for Khols. Go buy something cute:)

Thursday, July 9, 2009

This is the last one! I promise!

I want to show you the finished play area in our backyard. Why am I still talking about this boring topic? Because this is by far my favorite home improvement project. This part of our yard was drab and unused. But now? It is a summer paradise. I LOVE our new swing set. Love isn't the right word. Actually, there isn't a word strongest enough to accurately describe my feelings for our yard.

The view when you walk into the yard...

The lovely mulched play area...

And mommy's swing. A little piece of heaven right here on Earth...

See the swing? I spend countless hours swinging and reading and listening to the birds. It is awesome. I highly recommend getting one for your backyard. We bought it at an Amish store. Do they have those in other parts of the country? I love Amish people! They build nice, quality stuff. And for a reasonable price too.

In summary, I love my being outside now. And I am not really an outdoorsy kind of girl. My backyard is amazing. You should totally come over to play!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Thank you friends

I was unnecessarily harsh in my last post. Porgie isn't demonic. She is just going through a difficult period right now. And it doesn't help that Izzy is also going through a clingy stage. He is only happy when he in my arms. With these two situations combined, I sometimes get a little overwhelmed. But I know that it is all temporary. In a few months, things will be great again, and I won't even remember this frustrating period in their development. Thank you for listening and for not judging me too harshly (at least in the comments section).

I have been slacking in almost all areas of my life. The laundry is piled up, I am behind on my blog reading, I have thank you cards to write, pictures to mail out, and errands to run. I just can't seem to get anything done. I get so worn out with the kids, that I simply don't feel like accomplishing anything when they are in bed. I just sit on the couch and read. Sometime I watch TV. But I do nothing of importance.

Tomorrow is another day. Maybe I can get my act together by then.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

3 is harder than 2.

Porgie has transformed into a beast. Seriously, the kid is almost impossible to deal with. She whines A LOT. I swear she whines more now than she ever did in the past. She thinks she calls all the shots around here. She doesn't ask for things - she just takes them. She is aggressive toward Izzy. She kicks him and hits him and slaps him upside the head. She is openly defiant. My baby girl is turning into a monster.

For weeks now, I have felt a little stressed out. I yell too much, and it makes me feel like a bad mother. But there is no way around it. She just keeps pushing, pushing, pushing. Sometimes the urge to give her a swift spank on the ass is overwhelming. But instead of hitting, I yell and give time-outs repeatedly. It is wearing me out. The terrible twos were nothing compared to the demonic threes.

I really thought the swing set in the backyard would snap her out of this crazy behavior. I tried to convince myself that maybe she was just bored. But her crazy behavior has continued unabated.

Below, I will illustrate the first hour of our morning:
Porgie wakes up. She whines to go outside. She refuses to eat breakfast, because she wants to go play. After 15 minutes, I give up on breakfast. We walkout the backdoor, and she starts whining for juice. I hand her a cup of milk that I have already poured. She cries. And cries. And cries. She throws the milk on the ground. She kicks Izzy in the face. She demands that I push her on the swing and go down the slide and play in the sandbox. She whines to go inside. When we get in the house, she whines to watch TV. When I tell her no, she cries. And cries. And cries. Finally, I can't take it anymore. I tell her she needs to stop whining or she is going to time-out. She doesn't stop whining. I yank her up and toss her butt into the time-out chair. She sobs. I yell. Rinse and repeat 200 times per day.

This kid is kicking my ass. She is so stubborn and willful and irritating. And she is only three. She is lucky she is so cuddly and cute. I despair for my future. Can you imagine Porgie during puberty? The thought sends cold chills down my spine.

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Why am I so bitchy?

You'll be happy to know that John finished enclosing/mulching/building stuff for the new play area in our backyard this weekend. It is AWESOME. My kids have spent countless hours in the yard playing. I really want all of you to come over and see our spiffy new stuff. Anyone?

We have new neighbors moving in. I really think I am too anti-social to live in such close proximity to other people. I really liked having vacant houses on the side and behind our house. Somehow, it made our house (in a sea of houses) feel secluded. But those days are long gone.

I grew up in the city. We didn't talk to our neighbors. We all kept to ourselves, carefully avoiding eye contact as we hurried to our cars. It was FABULOUS. But that doesn't happen here. People always wave and smile and chat. It is nice, but sometimes I wish that I could go back to the days of my youth. I just don't feel like being nice all the time. John tells me (on a regular basis) that I am a bitch. He is probably right. But other people are annoying.

Do you still want to come over to play? No? Oh, that is right - I am a BITCH. Of course you don't want to play at my house. Or maybe you do? Maybe you're just as bitchy and bitter as I am? Come over and we can talk smack about other people. Sound good?

Thursday, July 2, 2009


We went from this...
To this...And finally to this...We still have more work to do. We need to enclose the space and lay down wood chips. BUT, I am still super excited! Hours of entertainment, right in my own backyard!

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Starting summer the right way

My insomnia has reared it's ugly head again. I have been having so much trouble falling asleep lately. It is insane, because I walk around exhausted all day, but when I try to go to sleep, I just toss and turn for hours. I never had these problems before I had children, so I am going to blame this on them. Damn children.

To fill the hours in the night when I cannot sleep, I read. In the past month, I have read all nine of the Sookie Stackhouse novels. When I finished the series, I was still vampire obsessed. So, I started reading those books. You know which ones I am talking about - those goofy Twilight books. I was hoping that they would live up to all the hype. I was really disappointed with the first book. I thought the characters were entirely unbelievable, but the storyline did captivate me. I bought the second novel because I wanted to know if Edward turned Bella into a vampire. And the second book sealed the deal. I am now officially hooked. My husband keeps telling how lame I am, but I don't care. I am going out first thing this morning to buy the third book. But I have to hurry because...

Today is the big day! Our swing set is being installed. I am so freaking excited. YAY! Stay tuned for pictures:)