Monday, March 31, 2008

Bum Boob

WARNING - This posts contains lots of booby talk. I think I used the word boob at least 5,246 times.

I have a bum boob. From the very beginning of my breastfeeding adventures, my left boob has always had problems. During the first month that I attempted to breastfeed Porgie, I had reoccurring clogged ducts on the left side. It was very painful. After numerous hours of pumping and applying warm compresses, my boob would feel better. After I started pumping, I noticed that my left side only produced about half of what the right side produced. Fortunately, I rarely ever had clogged ducts after I started pumping. Thus, my bum boob problems became a distant memory.

After Izzy was born, he nursed frequently. And by frequently, I mean ALL THE DAMN TIME. I never became engorged or had clogged ducts for the first several months after Izzy's arrival. But, times are changing and Izzy no longer requests to nurse 23 hours out of the day.

About two weeks ago, I got a clogged duct on my left side. I pumped and pumped and pumped, but the side of my boob still felt like a damn rock. After nursing Izzy on the left side for about an hour, I felt some relief. This past weekend, I got another damn clogged duct in my left boob. I pumped and pumped and nursed and nursed, but nothing helped. My boob was throbbing, and I was in near constant pain.

After an entire day of agony, I decided to try a different nursing position. I got Izzy into the football hold, and I nursed him for about 20 minutes. Miraculously, the duct came unclogged, but my boob still hurt. It continued to hurt on Sunday, and it still hurts today.

I think my boob is broken.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Say cheese!

I wussed out and swaddled Izzy this weekend. Have I mentioned that I am a creature of habit? Izzy would probably be fine without the swaddle, but I am afraid to change our routine. So, we are going to continue swaddling for now. Friday's post is bound to pop up again in the future. Sorry in advance.

We FINALLY took Izzy to have his pictures taken this weekend. It was a pretty horrific experience. Our appointment was scheduled for 3:30, and we arrived at promptly 3:30. A woman was in the middle of her photo shoot, and another group was waiting to go next. What the hell is the point of appointments if you have to wait for an hour anyways?

We waited and waited and waited. After about 40 minutes, the group ahead of us was called back. They had a little girl, maybe 3 or 4 years old, who was suppose to appear in the pictures. But, she had other ideas. She pitched a fit of epic proportions. She SCREAMED and SCREAMED. Her mother tried to bribe her with McDonald's, but the little girl just started SCREAMING for a hamburger. The two woman started getting very angry with the child. They were screaming at her, and she was screaming for a hamburger, and I just wanted to slap all three of them. After enduring 10 minutes of nonstop screaming they left, dragging the tantruming preschooler out the door.

We were finally called back. We discovered that our favorite photographer no longer worked there, and instead we were stuck with some random dude. Izzy was adorable and smiley, but the photographer was incompetent. I really wanted a tummy time shot, but I never got one. I really wanted a picture of Porgie and Izzy in their diapers but I never got one. We left the studio disappointed. Of course, I still purchased $100 worth of photos, because my children are freaking adorable.

I should probably mention that I am photo junkie. I had Porgie's pictures taken at 3, 6, 9, 12, and 18 months. And I plan on doing the same for little Izzy. What about your kids? How often did you have their pictures taken?

Friday, March 28, 2008

To swaddle or not to swaddle

We have been swaddling Izzy in a blanket for a few months now. At first, it seemed to help him sleep a little better at night. After a week or two, he reverted back to his old habit of waking every two hours. I stubbornly continued to swaddle him, hoping that he would sleep better.

Now, at 4 months old, Izzy barely fits into his swaddle blanket, but he can't settle down without it. He doesn't even like to nurse unless he is tightly swaddled. This is a major problem when we are in public or at a friend's house. My stubborn little boy will go 4 or 5 hours without nursing, if I don't swaddle him.

The most annoying part is that Izzy fights being swaddled. Sometimes, I have to enlist John's help, just to get his little arms down. And when he gets really pissed, he just busts right out of the swaddle. Some nights, I have to reswaddle him three or four times.

Basically, Izzy is too big and active to be swaddled, and I want to stop, but I am afraid that he won't sleep or eat.

Regardless of my fears, it is time to stop. I am actually thinking about putting him to bed unswaddled this weekend. Wish me luck!

He looks like he hates it, but he really loves it.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 7

I have gone shoe crazy! Except, I haven't purchased myself any new shoes - they are all for Porgie. In the past week, I purchased her 3 new pairs of shoes.I am thinking about buying these shoes...
They remind me of my own childhood. Did anyone else LOVE jelly sandals? Fond memories.

The elimination diet is kicking my ass. Did you know that soy is in EVERYTHING? I have been eating cereal and bean burritos for a few weeks, because I just can't seem to find anything to eat. You would think that I'd be losing weight, but I am not. I guess it is all that Rice Dream ice cream I've been devouring every night.

I have made 3 different appointments to have Izzy's three month pictures taken, but I ended up canceling each appointment. Izzy's eczema is really bad and it seems to flare up on picture day. I guess I am going to have to be content with 4 month photos instead.

Porgie knows her colors! Isn't that exciting? I kept identifying her "cullies" during the day, and I started reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear every night, and now she knows red, yellow, brown, blue, green, purple, white, and black. Yes, my child is a genius.

I tend to overuse exclamation points! I use them at the end of really boring sentences, where they obviously do not belong! Below I have listed actual examples from an email I recently sent to a friend...

Make sure you change my email address in your contacts!

I'm trying to find somewhere for Porgie to start swimming classes!

Well keep in touch, and I'll talk to you soon!

It is a sickness! I am making a resolution to stop overusing exclamation points today!

I would like to entertain you with more hilarious stories from my extremely interesting life, but I can't think of anything else to say. So, I guess I am done.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Nothing is good enough for me

I am seriously considering switching pediatricians AGAIN. I guess I have pretty high standards, because these doctors are really pissing me off. Well, it is not just the doctors - it is also the nurses and front desk people. They all piss me off.

To showcase their incompetence, I am going to list several of the incidents where they pissed me off. Here we go...

1. When Izzy was a week old, we took him in for his 1st check-up. He was still a little yellow, so the doctor asked me to bring him back in a week. I explained that Porgie had her 18 month appointment the following week and asked if I could just bring him to her appointment. The doctor said yes. So the following week, I took both kids to the appointment. But the stupid doctor (a different doctor from the first visit), refused to look at Izzy's jaundice because he didn't have an appointment. Isn't that shitty? I was sooooo pissed.

2. Around Christmas time, Porgie was very sick. After being extremely ill for about a week, she suddenly broke out in a rash. I was worried about her, so I called to talk to a nurse at the pediatrician's office. No one answered, so I left a message explaining Porgie's condition. TWO hours later, no one had called me back. I called again and got the answering machine again. I called back and spoke to a receptionist. I explained the situation, and she proceeded to tell me that they were too busy to respond to my call. I told her that since I couldn't talk to a nurse, I wanted to make an appointment to see a doctor. She cut me off mid-sentence and told me they were all booked up. I was livid.

3. When I took Izzy to see the doctor about his poop problems, I also talked to her about his horrible sleeping habits. I was wondering if maybe they were related to one another. She told me THREE times in the course of our conversation that Izzy was born a great sleeper and that his horrible sleeping habits are learned behavior. Apparently, I taught Izzy to wake up every two hours to nurse. Because obviously I LOVE getting up all freaking night long. So, any moms with kids who don' sleep - IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT.

4. At Izzy's four month appointment, the doctor told me to let him cry-it-out at night. But he didn't just suggest it - he said it in a way that implied that I HAD to let him cry at night. I really don't like when doctor's try to tell you how to parent your children. They can give suggestions or offer advice, but they should not act like they call the shots. And he told me that co-sleeping with your baby will result in suffocation. What a narrow-minded prick.

Am I being too sensitive or do you think these people are jerks?

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Christy = asshole

I read lots of blogs. Almost all of them are baby related, but the subject matter of each blog varies greatly. For some strange reason, I read lots of infertility and miscarriage blogs. I don't belong to either of these groups, which I am truly thankful for.

But I often wonder if the authors of these blogs are annoyed by me. I stop over, read about their struggles, and often try to leave a comment. But sometimes it is incredibly hard to find the words. Although I can imagine how painful their situation is, I really do not know how they feel. Do they even want to hear what I have to say?

This situation often carries over into my real life too. My friend C struggled for years to get pregnant with her daughter. We were talking about babies one day, when I happily asked when they were going to try for baby #2. As soon as I had spoke, I knew that I had said the wrong thing. She looked so sad and hopeless. Getting pregnant was very hard for her, and even the thought of trying again is overwhelming. And I am a stupid jerk, who doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut.

So, I have probably been going around the blogsphere offending people and making them sad. I truly do not mean to be unsympathetic, I am just an asshole.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Happy Easter!

I stole this picture from Cagey. It is HILARIOUS! Look at the money in the bunnies' undies! HA! I love it!

I am shocked that you would post such a risque picture Mommy.

Me too.
On a completely different note, we changed our internet provider yesterday. Without telling me, my husband deleted my verizon email account. WITH ALL OF MY CONTACTS. Ugh.

So, I can't email anyone, because I don't remember anyone's email address. Damn stupid husband. So, if we were email buddies, please send me an email at my new address, so I can put you back in my contacts lists. Thanks internet friends!

Wednesday, March 19, 2008


Porgie calls her crayons "colors," which she pronounces as "cullies." She is basically obsessed with coloring. I can not put the damn crayons away, because she will have a complete meltdown. So, the crayons are always on her easel tray for easy access.

At first, Porgie just loved coloring on her easel. We were in the honeymoon phase of her coloring adventure. Then she took a liking to coloring the refrigerator, which I scolded her for on numerous occasions. Then she took a liking to coloring her toys, which I scolded her for on numerous occasions. And finally, she took a liking to coloring the wall, which I totally flipped out about and yelled and made her cry. It only happened once.

Fortunately, I think Porgie has finally learned that she is only allowed to color on PAPER. Of course, these means that she colors on every damn sheet of paper in the house. For example...

But, I am not complaining. She can color on my calendar anytime, as long as she leaves my damn walls alone.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Stool testing results

The GI doctor called this evening with Izzy's stool sample results. His stools are highly acidic, and contain 3+ mg of sugars. According to the doctor, this indicates that Izzy definitely has an intolerance to something I am eating - most likely dairy.

She is using the first stool sample result as a baseline. I am supposed to completely eliminate soy, dairy, citrus, and peanuts (which I've been doing for the past two weeks), and then take in a new stool sample to have it analyzed.

Although I expected her to call with bad news, I was hopeful that his stools would come back normal.

Since we are talking about sleep...

Izzy continues to wake every two hours at night. It is so frustrating and irritating and exhausting and annoying. Damn baby.

We started out co-sleeping, and it was AWFUL. Izzy was waking up every hour or so and was screaming to nurse. I tried and tried and tried to do the side-lying position, but I just couldn't figure it out. So, I had to sit up in bed approximately 349 times per night to nurse Izzy. I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep sitting up. Then my neck started to hurt. And then my back started to ache. So, I decided to change our sleeping arrangement.

In a desperate attempt to get some sleep, I swaddled Izzy and put him in his carseat. The first night he slept for 4 hours straight! The second night he slept for 5 hours straight! Izzy decided to put me back in my place by sleeping for only 1 hour straight on the third night. Little bastard.

For weeks now, I have continued to swaddle Izzy and put him to sleep in his carseat at night. He wakes every two hours ALL night. And I get up and nurse him every two hours ALL night. I was feeling brave last weekend, and decided to put him in his bassinet again. All hell broke loose, and Izzy cried for about an hour. Finally, I nursed him back to sleep and put him in the damn carseat again. Why do babies alway seem to win every fight?

Izzy has been napping in his crib during the day, so I was thinking about putting him in the crib for nighttime sleep too. But if he wakes up every two hours, that would require my tired butt to walk down the hall every two hours.

I don't really know where I am going with this post. Basically, Izzy is a horrible sleeper. End of post.

Saturday, March 15, 2008

She can't handle the tears

Sleep as always been hard won in my household. For about the first 4 months of Porgie's life, I was unable to get her to nap. As soon as her little head hit the mattress, she was wide awake and ready to play. Eventually I got her on a schedule by napping with her in our bed. Yes, I took three naps per day. At about 7 or 8 months of age, Porgie started napping independently in her crib. Porgie slept horribly at night too. She got up 3 or 4 times per night until she was a year old. Although I hate to admit this, the only thing that really produced effective results in the nighttime sleep department was crying. I know, I am a horrible mommy. But after enduring a year of sleep deprivation, I was willing to give anything a try. And crying worked for us.

But now Porgie is a great sleeper. She goes to bed at 7:30 pm and sleeps until 7:30 am. And she takes an afternoon nap for an hour or two. I really have no complaints about her current sleeping habits, which is WONDERFUL.

However, my friend K is having lots of sleep trouble with her two year old little boy. He goes to bed around 6:00 pm, wakes up and plays for an hour or two in the middle of the night, and is up for the day by 5:30 am. Also, he will no longer take his afternoon nap (hence the reason he has such an early bedtime). K is adamant about not letting him cry, so I have no real advice to offer her. When she tells me that he was up running around their house for THREE hours in the middle of the night, I just want to say, "Put him in his crib, shut the door, and turn down the baby monitor." I am not a huge cry-it-out advocate, but for some babies it really does work. Obviously, I am of little help to her.

This is where you come in, dear internet friends. Do you have any advice for my poor friend. She is exhuasted. I think she is getting less sleep than me - a woman with a newborn who wakes up every TWO hours all night long. Please share any tips or advice that might let K and her little boy get more rest. Thanks!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

I am an addict

I am addicted to Target. I love everything about it - the smell, the look, the feel. I go there at least once per week. If I just went to look around, this would be fine. However, I can't manage to leave the store without purchasing at least $50.00 worth of crap I don't really need.

I am also a Target snob. I think all other stores are gross. Walmart? Yuck. Kmart? Nasty. My friend C was telling me about some great deal she got at Walmart, and I actually rolled my eyes are her. I felt myself doing it and I tried to stop, but it was too late. I attempted to correct my display of arrogance by explaining how much I LOVED Target. She didn't get it, and continued to talk about the great prices at Walmart.

I went to Target last night to get some soy milk for Porgie. I walked out with 5 containers of soy milk, a Barney DVD, a set of bunny ears, two packs of diapers, and this...
Every kid needs a growth chart - right?

This wouldn't have been so bad, except for the fact that I spent $75. And all I needed was soy milk. I think I need help.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

I am only kind of fat! YAY!

So, apparently I am not as fat as I thought I was. About two months ago, I tried on a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans. There was no way in hell I could button them. I was sad. Because I am mentally retarded, I decided that all of my pants were too little.

I was feeling very domestic this weekend, and I decided to clean out my armoire. I found 4 pairs of pants that still fit. YAY!!! I also found several pairs of jeans that I will NEVER fit into again. Those went straight into the Goodwill bag. I am not really interested in being a size 8 or even a size 10 anymore. A size 12 sounds really nice, but I am not going to obsess about losing weight right now. I have too many responsibilities and stress factors in my life. Sometimes, a girl just needs some freaking chocolate without any guilt.

John watched the kids while I also went shopping for clothes this weekend. I didn't find anything great, but I did find a few descent things. When I returned home, the house was in chaos - toys everywhere, babies crying, and a sink full of dirty dishes. Needless to say, John was really happy to see me.

Because I am a total bitch, I was kind of glad that he had a rough day with the kids. I think it helped him to realize why I get so pissed off when he works late or goes out of town. Taking care of babies can be hard work and sometimes you just need a little help.

I went to the doctor yesterday. Of course, he has no idea what the problem could be. I am going to have an ultrasound of my gallbladder and get some blood work done next week.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Stream of Consciousness: Part 6

Daylight savings time threw me for a loop. I completely forgot to set my clocks back on Saturday night, and therefore was an hour behind everyone else on Sunday. Daylight savings started on Monday in my household. Izzy didn't like the whole "springing forward" idea and decided to sleep until 9:30 this morning. Porgie didn't really like the idea either, but I woke her little butt up to maintain our normal schedule.

Remember the swing that I bought from Target? Well, I should have taken it back and saved my $100. But, I am a sucker and ended up buying Izzy this...He likes it...ummm....I think. Well he sits in it and he doesn't cry, so I guess he likes it.

I am really bad about not responding to comments. But I LOVE getting comments and I LOVE you, dear internet friends. So, I am going to make an effort to respond to your comments - not every single comment, but I will definitely respond if you asked a question or if I feel the need to elaborate on the subject being discussed. If I have your email address, I'll probably respond that way. If not, I will post my response in the comments section.

For about a week now, Izzy has been having brownish orange poop. Isn't that exciting! It is still very, very runny, but it is not bright green!! I never thought poop could be this exciting, but it is!!! Notice all the exclamation points!!!! So exciting!!!!!

I have been having some intense pain under my ribs lately. Sometimes the pain will last for 4 or 5 hours, and I usually end up vomiting before it is over. I have been having these little "attacks" for about 2 months. I am going to the doctor this afternoon, so hopefully they'll find the problem.

Sunday, March 9, 2008

Full Circle

Growing up, everyone I knew fed their babies formula. EVERYONE. I never questioned this practice. It was just a normal part of life - babies take formula from a bottle. I never really considered how I would feed my own babies, until I met John. When we talked about having children, he insisted that I breastfeed them (he was one of six children, who were all breastfed). I agreed, but didn't feel very passionate about the subject. Bottle or breast - who cares?

In the summer of 2005, the baby bug bit me. I wanted to have a baby so badly. After several months of trying, we got pregnant with Porgie. I instantly knew that I wanted to breastfeed her. I wanted my body to nourish and support her little body.

Because I had never actually seen anyone breastfeed a baby, I took a class at our hospital. After learning more about breastfeeding, I was convinced that formula was the devil and breastfeeding was the ONLY way.

After Porgie was born, breastfeeding proved to be much harder than I had anticipated. Porgie demanded to nurse all the time, but as soon as she started nursing, she would fall asleep. I would put her down, and she would instantly wake up screaming and mouthing her hands again. So, I would breastfeed her again. This vicious cycle went on all day, everyday. After nearly a month of this crazy routine, Porgie had still not regained her birth weight. I was devastated. Breastfeeding was hard and confusing and overwhelming. This is what ultimately led me to pumping for 6 months.

When I got pregnant with Izzy, my biggest fear was regarding breastfeeding. But by the time Izzy arrived, I had made peace with the fact that breastfeeding might not work out. Fortunately, my little guy LOVED breastfeeding. He nursed frequently and gained lots of weight. I was relieved that nursing was so easy and painless this time around.

Then I discovered that he has food allergies. And now everything is hard and confusing and overwhelming again.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Izzy Whizzy Woo

Maybe this is all a coincidence, but I have been off dairy and soy for 5 days, and Izzy is already sleeping better. He only woke up THREE times last night. It was like heaven on earth. SERIOUSLY. And as of ten minutes ago, he has been napping for an HOUR. Not thirty minutes - ONE HOUR. Holy guacamole!

Due to all this sleeping, I am feeling especially fond my little boy right now. I feel the need to brag about him, so please indulge me. My baby boy has been busy learning tons of new stuff, and I rarely ever talk about it. So, this post is strictly dedicated to my little Izzy whizzy woo.

Izzy is already 3 months old! Can you believe it? Honestly, I am shocked at how quickly the time with him has passed. Its feels like we just brought him home from the hospital. Yet at the same time, it feels like he has always been a part of our lives, and its hard to remember life without him.

Izzy is a good baby. Yes, he cries for no good reason sometimes, but he is easily consoled and comforted. He is very interested in the world around him, and is content to watch mommy do the dishes or to watch Porgie dance around the living room. This is very bizarre to me, because Porgie wanted to be held constantly when she was a newborn.

Izzy has suddenly started lifting his head off of the floor. He is quite good at it, and I am impressed by his skills. I have scheduled an appointment for his three month photos, and I am excited about getting a tummy time shot.
Izzy can also grab toys and bring them to his mouth. It is so amazing to watch him unfurl his little hand and grasp an object. I know it sounds trivial, but it is truly amazing to witness.

Izzy is the most ticklish baby EVER. He is ticklish around his neck, on his belly, and on his thighs. Just lightly pressing on his belly will elicit tons of giggles.

Izzy really is a great baby. I love him to pieces.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The day from HELL

We left the house at 2:00 pm. I lugged Porgie and Izzy down the front steps and loaded them into the car. I quickly got into the driver's seat and buckled my seatbelt. I glanced back at Porgie and realized that I had forgotten her cup of milk. So, I ran back into the house and retrieved her cup. As I got back in the van, I realized that I had forgotten the address for the GI doctor. It is at this point, that I should have called and canceled our appointment, but I didn't.

After running back in the house to get the address, we were on our way. We caught every red light, but I still managed to pull into the parking lot of the doctor's office at 2:25. I quickly got out and pulled the double stroller from the back. I plopped Porgie and Izzy into the stroller. As I approached the building, I seen a sign for the GI doctor's office pointing to the lower level. The only way to get to her office was to use the stairs. There is no way in hell I can safely get two kids and a doubler stroller down the stairs. I stood at the stairs, contemplating my next move.

Two men were painting the exterior of the office building. One of them offered to help carry the stroller down the stairs. I declined his offer, because how would I get the stroller and kids back up the stairs? So, I decided to put the stroller back in the van and just carry both kids down the stairs. After packing everything away and picking up both kids, this same man informs me that there is a parking lot on the lower level, which can be accessed through the Commerce Bank parking lot. Thanks a lot jerk. That information would have been really helpful 10 minutes ago.

With my arm throbbing, I carried both kids down two flights of stairs. We made it into the office, where Porgie proceeded to scream and hug my legs, while the receptionist gave me 4,782 forms to complete. At this point Izzy started screaming. So, I had Porgie whining at my knees and Izzy whining on my lap, while I am attempted to complete the paperwork. I have no idea what I wrote on those forms.

I handed the receptionist the forms, and she asked for my $40 co-pay. I pulled out my trusty bank card, when she informed me that they only accept cash or checks. WHAT THE FUCK? I thought everyone in the entire world accepted credit cards. Of course, I had no cash or checks on me. She informed me that I could go to the bank next door and get money from the ATM. This was a great plan, except I didn't have my stroller.

I put Izzy on my hip and grabbed Porgie's hand, and we headed across the parking lot to the bank. I got $40 from the ATM, and I grabbed Porgie's hand to leave. But she wanted to stay. So she screamed and cried, as I pulled her across the parking lot and back into the doctor's office.

After waiting for 15 more minutes, we were finally called back. The GI doctor walked in and instantly commented on Izzy's weight. She told me I needed to send him to "weight watchers," and I instantly disliked her. Why the fuck does everyone feel the need to tell me how fat he is?

After listening to his symptoms, she declared that he had allergic colitis. She went over the most common food culprits, but confessed that many breastfeeding mothers never discover which foods their babies are allergic to. She informed me that if he does not improve after eliminating dairy, soy, eggs, peanuts, and citrus, that I have two options - let him continue to suffer or switch to formula. Both of these options are unacceptable to me, but that is another post entirely.

She gave me instructions for taking a stool sample, and sent us on our way. I left the office, feeling sad and fearful and helpless.

A quickie

I called to schedule the appointment to see the GI doctor, and they had a cancellation for today at 2:30. Thank goodness. It was too late for John to request the day off, so I have to take both kids to the appointment. Porgie is terrified of doctors and usually screams her little head off. I am praying that she behaves during the appointment.

Thank you for all the advice. Mojavi, Karla, and Mama Kalila suggested that it might be a foremilk/hindmilk issue. However, Izzy has been nursing at one side per feeding for about 2 months now. He did this on his own, and I assumed it was because I had a large supply of breastmilk. So, I don't think it is a foremilk/hindmilk issue. But thank you for the advice.

I am off to get everything ready before nap time, because as soon as Porgie wakes up, we are going to have to rush to the appointment. I'll keep you guys updated.