I think this all started about 7 years ago, when I was in college. During this time, I was going to school full time and working at night. I didn't have time to cook or clean. Without grumbling or groaning, John did 90% of the household chores. Keep in mind that he was working full time. He is a pretty nice guy, huh?
After I graduated and began working as a teacher, John continued to manage our household. I started to feel kind of guilty, so I made an effort to help out more around the house. I even took on some major jobs, like painting the entire upstairs of our house during my summer vacation from school. It felt like our domestic relationship had finally evened out. I did most of the cleaning and laundry, and he cooked and did the dishes.
Last January, John's company relocated us to New Jersey. Because of the move, I was forced to quit my job. I was about 4 1/2 months pregnant with Porgie. During this time, I had high blood pressure and was told to rest as much as possible. I followed the doctor's advice, and rarely moved my ass off of the couch. I didn't clean much, and I never cooked. Once again, John saved the day.
I could tell he was getting pretty tired of doing all the housekeeping, because he would often talk about how I could start cooking and cleaning after Porgie was born. This notion was quickly tossed out the window when our daughter was actually born. Being amateur parents, Porgie's arrival was very overwhelming. For the first several months, I rarely even got dressed. I didn't have the time or energy to tend to the house. John was exhausted too, so the house stayed pretty much unkempt (it is still unkempt - neither of us clean regularly anymore). However, he did continue to make dinner. He's my superhero!
Now that Porgie is a little older and much easier to care for, I am starting to feel guilty about neglecting my obligations as a stay-at-home-mommy. I know that I should be vacuuming every day (we have 2 dogs and 4 cats), cooking dinner (at least a few nights per week), and keeping up with the laundry (maybe doing a load or two everyday). I guess I have been spoiled for too long, because I am having the hardest time getting motivated.
I am trying to be a better wife and mother, but it sure is tough.
Please vacuum the carpet mommy. I want to throw my sippy cup on the floor, without worrying about the spout being covered in dog hair.
Thanks,
Porgie
7 comments:
LMAO! Well written, Christy..very, very well written!!!
In regard to your question, there are so many definitions of the word 'domestic'. i do know, however, that one of those definitions states: "a servant who is paid to perform menial tasks around the household." umm.....no.
sounds like you have a pretty great arrangement going, if you ask me. ;) and if that pesky guilt keeps haunting you, just throw in a couple loads of laundry a week and stock up on hamburger helper.
I think I could have written that post myself! I've been so lazy-you definitely aren't alone! I don't seem to have a problem washing the laundry; I just don't fold it, which my DH hates. I've been cooking lately-a lot of 5 ingredient or less recipes. I try to make double and freeze half for later. That at least makes me look like I'm doing something! LOL
I always feel like I should be doing more around the house, too, especially with all the pets. There's always a floor that needs sweeping/vacuuming, a cage that needs cleaning, a litter box that's dirty, pacifiers to de-fur, laundry to put away, a dishwasher to empty. I let myself off relatively easy though--pumping is a good excuse!
Lately however my mom has been coming once a week to watch Baby while I'm in class so the day before she comes I clean a bunch. My mom is the type that won't boil water for tea on a dirty stovetop. I just need to throw vacuuming into the mix--especially now that Baby will soon be playing on the floor.
Don't beat yourself up about it. Congratulate yourself on such a good-natured husband! And babies require attention. Less cleaning, more playing!
Does your girl have a playroom? I'm thinking of turning the master bedroom into one. Of course I'll have to police it for cat vomit.
Bah. Being a better mommy or wife has nothing to do with how clean your house is. ;-)
I try to keep laundry to only Sundays - it keeps my sanity because there is ALWAYS laundry to do. If you don't keep it to a particular day, you'll always be feeling you should be doing some. The only reason I am doing more now these days on other days is that I have only 4 pairs of maternity pants SWEAR TO GOD (I am trying to hold out for warm weather because i have tons of capris).
overall, I try to keep a minimum of cleanliness and try not to stress about it too much. We do eat out way too much, but that's because we enjoy it. It's not a factor of laziness but a factor of we like trying new restaurants.
Anyway, don't feel bad or lazy. You're staying home to be with your baby, right? Not to have the most perfect house on the block.
My 2 cents. Which is really about all that it is worth!
Tiffany,
You probably think I am crazy for feeling guilty, but I just want John to know that I appreciate him. Also, great dinner suggestion! I haven't had hamburger helper in years.
Mary,
I have the same exact problem with laundry - I never fold it. In fact, I only fold laundry to make room for more laundry. It just sits in the basket all week long.
Eva,
Our dinning room is the playroom. It is nice to have an area to throw all of Porgie's toys.
I think part of my lazyness stems from the fact that I feel bad when I don't get to play with Porgie. Somedays, I will strap her into the snugli carrier and go on a cleaning spree. She is pretty content being carried around, but I feel like she needs more stimulation.
Even though my house is a wreck, I am glad that I usually play with Porgie instead of cleaning.
Cagey,
I read about your maternity clothing woes. You should definitely go out and buy some clothes that you like. I know that it is superficial, but I feel better when I am wearing nice clothes. AND YOU NEED MORE PANTS. X will totally understand.
You're right - I stay home to be with Porgie, not to have the cleanest house on the block. Next time the guilt strikes, I will try to remember this.
Housework IS stimulating for a baby, I think! Mine loves to watch me do the dishes, crazy thing. She sits in her swing and smiles at me. It's educational for them! Patterns, sounds, movement. And she helps me fold the laundry (well, she tries to knock over the piles she is sitting near) and is excellent at sorting the junk mail (this piece goes in my mouth, this piece goes on the floor).
Update us on the sleeping when you get a chance. It's like a rollercoaster thriller for the peanut gallery.
OMG I love you!!
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