I am throwing a pity party for myself. Guess what? You're invited!!!
I have never been a very social person - I tend to be pretty shy around new people. Also, I have a hard time maintaining friendships because I hate talking on the phone. I think I have a slight anxiety disorder regarding phones. For some strange reason, I get extremely nervous when calling people. It is bizarre. My husband thinks I am insane. I probably am.
Anyways, I am a little lonely here in New Jersey. I haven't met anyone I would consider a friend. Whenever I take Porgie to the local park, all of the other moms hang out near the swings. They obviously already know each other, and I am too shy to approach the group. Additionally, their children are all in the 2 -4 age range - way older than Porgie.
I have looked into playgroups in the area, but they are always going to places like Chuck-E-Cheese. What the hell would Porgie do at Chuck-E-Cheese? It is times like these, when I wish I still lived in Kentucky.
Okay, I am done feeling sorry for myself. Let's move on...
********** A list of interesting developments **********
1. I think Porgie is getting ready to crawl. She has been rolling across the floor at lightning quick speeds. Also, she lifted herself onto her knees twice yesterday. This only lasted a few seconds, and then she flailed her limbs out straight again.
2. John has gotten home early from work everyday this week. I have gotten in the shower at least 4 times. I feel refreshed.
3. Porgie slept through the night on Wednesday. I was so proud. I called all of my friends and family to report the spectacular news. They didn't care - but you care, right?
4. I haven't lost any weight, because my husband keeps buying me sweet treats. I have an addiction to candy. If it is in the house, I have to eat it. I actually went to bed with a stomach ache from eating so much candy - I am like a fucking 4 year old.
5. Porgie might have an earache, but I am just not sure. She had some eczema behind her right ear, which she scratched on a regular basis. Over the past few days the eczema cleared up, but Porgie continues to scratch and pull at her ear. She hasn't been fussy or out of sorts. In fact, she has been in a pretty good mood lately. So, I am just not sure about the earache thing. What do you think?
6. We had an ice storm on Tuesday. I have been stuck inside my house for 4 days, and I think I am going crazy. I WANT OUT!!!
I hope you have a great weekend. I am probably going to sit at home, sulking about my boring life.
10 comments:
christy - (loooong comment here!)
this is why i love blogging so much. it enables one to express herself albeit with an acceptable level of anonymity.
you and i are kindred souls. honestly, the parallels in our lives are quite uncanny.
Soooo…you moved from Kentucky to New Jersey. Well, there you go. My situation is similar. When I moved from Arizona to the Chicago area I thought my heart would burst. I was so excited to be a part of “the big city.” What I didn’t realize was that it was really the “BIG SHITTY”. The differences between southerners and easterners are far too vast to list. southerners and easterners are like "Mars vs. Venus", "Dogs vs. Cats", "Rain vs. Shine".
Southerners are FRIENDLY. Easterners, for the most part are NOT – that is…UNLESS you are part of their “click” - we'll get to the "clicks" later in my rant.
Overall, southerners are quite accepting of newcomers. They’re the type to bake a cake for a perfect stranger, put it in a really pretty dish and not expect anything in return. They are the types who never forget you at holidays (cards, yummy treats, etc.) even if you are just an acquaintance. They are the types who maintain beautiful flower and vegetable gardens and are continually bringing over extra veggies and handmade bouquets. They use titles of respect like "Ma'am" and "Sir". They say please and thank you. They actually smile when you meet them on the street.
Now…lets talk about easterners. BTW, I don’t want any hate mail from any easterners. These are the facts, it is simply the way it is. If you are an easterner and are reading this and disagree, then I would say that A) you have lived on the east coast your entire life and are thus rendered B) completely immune.
Easterners love other easterners. They are brazen, edgy and cynical. They are loud and abrupt. If you are an easterner and you live in the city, chances of you knowing your neighbors is slim to none. As far as baking and gardening, an easterner would say, "why the fuck would I do all that when I can just go down to Farm Fresh and buy all that shit?"
Forget about an easterner smiling at you on the street. Just be glad you’re not getting flashed, cursed, spit on, or mugged. As an outsider (especially a southerner of which they think all are dimwitted and ignorant) making friends with an easterner is a practically impossible feat.
You see, easterners are still friends with the people they grew up with. They are tight - like family. They are not too keen on inviting outsiders into their world, and are certainly not ones to ever initiate an invitation. They can be coerced, of course. But it takes a lot of humility and patience. Be prepared to be rejected many times before any social doors open.
Of course I am exaggerating a bit, but I have lived both ends of the spectrum and feel completely qualified to offer up my summations.
Too bad I don't live in New Jersey because I'd be your friend. Of course, I am also a displaced southern gal. ;)
In my area, I have tried Mommy and Me playgroups and Gymboree. All of which failed to produce any real "friends". Mostly mean, catty bitches looking for a “coffee clutch.”
In all honesty, the friends I have made in Chicago are mostly a by-product of my husband. Mike has lived in the Chicago area his whole life and is subsequently, one of THEM. being his wife sort of gave me "free admission". in marrying mike, i became "one of them" by default. i also made a few artsy friends just from being in the art industry.
I, too, am not a social being by nature, but i can be a willing conversationalist when the circumstances are right (stars, planets aligned...).
Just keep trying. I know it is so difficult to put yourself out there. Believe me, I know. I have lived it for thirteen years.
Tiffany,
Thanks for the support. It is so hard trying to fit in, where you just don't seem to belong.
This blog has really helped me to feel less lonely. Most days, I feel like I have a community of internet friends to share my experiences with. But other days, it just doesn't seem to be enough. I need to hear a voice.
I am going to keep trying to make friends. We are going to start swimming lessons at the Y soon. Damn, I feel like I am the new kid at school or something.
Thanks for all of your kind words.
Thanks for coming by my page! Your daughter looks adorable as well! Yay for her sleeping through the night! That's always a proud moment when they do that! And a shower four times this week, you got me beat by that one four times!! Ahh the joys of having a newborn! I'm always so ready to move into the actual baby stage of crawling, playing, and cooing!
christy - you mentioned 'new kid at school'. you and i are former teachers. thus, we both know how cruel "kids" can be. no, it doesn't get any easier when you're a grown up. gee, can't wait to tell that to mikaela someday (sigh).
i think swimming at the Y sounds fabulous! i am a fish in the summer and have great hopes that mikaela will enjoy it equally as much.
as much as i, too, love to blog, i understand what you mean about "needing to hear a voice." yes, i totally get that. i forgot to mention that i share your phone anxiety, or whatever you want to call it. i have lost countless friends this way - particularly girlfriends, or girls i thought were my friends. my guy friends totally understand, but my (very few) girlfriends really don't.
i know i come across as very cynical in my writing, but i do SINCERELY wish you the best of luck in finding companionship out in Jersey.
hugs, tiffany
Making new friends as an adult is one of the hardest things to do. Even more so when you don't know anyone in the area because of a move. I understand because I moved half-way across the country at 18 years old and all the friends I ever made were from work. And now I live a good 45 minute drive from there and am a SAHM so I don't feel like I have any "friends" now. My best friends live on the other side of the country and we communicate through myspace and email but it's not the same as being there with them.
I have made some new relationships with moms in the baby class that we attend and through MOPS. It is nice but I also would love to hang out with someone and not have it all centered around babies. Sure I love my son but I also have my own interests too.
Meeting other moms is a start. Do you have a local early childhood family education center in your area? Lots of times these are places that do pre-school and often they offer classes during the weekdays for moms of babies at different stages. If you are religious, there's MOPS which is nationwide (www.mops.org will tell you where the nearest chapter is in your area). We also go to story time at the local library - check with your library and see if they offer this. There's also a website called www.meetup.com that you may be able to find mom groups in your area who "advertise" play groups. I've not found it helpful for me because I live in a small town and no one has advertised anything but you never know and hey, you could even post something yourself!
Don't feel like you look desperate going to something you've never attended before. My opinion is if these moms weren't looking for friendships and some adult conversation, they wouldn't be there themselves. Try to go into a new situation as relaxed as possible. Besides, if you leave a gathering and don't feel like you had fun, you don't have to go back - try something else instead!
Bottom line - I am still in the process of figuring it out myself but I've learned not to give up because that's never going to get me what I want.
First off, I have total phone panic as well!! I often make my husband phone people or answer the phone when it is giving bad news. I am also terrible with confrontation! I understand about being lonely. We moved to our town 2 months before I had my son and I knew not one person. It has gotten better because of my son (and now daughter) getting out to swimming classes, and drop in groups. It is really hard though! I will be your new "friend" however long distant it may be..........gotta run, baby is crying, will try and write more later!
Amber,
Newborns are so little and helpless. I kind of miss that stage. Enjoy it while it lasts.
Tiffany,
You are a sweetheart. Thank you.
Dooneybug,
Thank you for all the suggestions. I am not very religious, so MOPS probably isn't a good option. Our local library doesn't have story time, but I am going to investigate other libraries in the area. Also, meetup.com is a great suggestion. I am going to check that out tonight.
Ashley,
Thanks for stopping by. Hope to hear more from you soon.
Okay, it too me a while to respond because I've been thinking about this.
I really value my online friends. It's great that, geography be damned, I can find people I really connect with. My good friend E I wrote about a few weeks ago? I've known her for 5 years online, never actually met her. And she's one of my absolute best friends.
But I have some really close "real life" friends too. And they're great for eating out, playdates if they have babies, shopping, gossiping. I have no trouble with the phone. Girl talk is totally a skill, and I happen to be good at it (do it every day at least once).
But what I really really hate about my "real life" friends is the cattiness, especially with my current group of girlfriends (there is a trio of us--and then I have this other good friend who doesn't know the other two). We are total bitches behind each other's backs. It's really fun to gossip but also disheartening since I know they talk about me too (apparently I am really dull on the topic of pumping, which actually is part of the reason I started being public about it with my blog--so I could bother NEW people about pumping, people who might care or understand). I also know, for example, that B is currently making fun of me to M about the cloth diapering and the homemade leg warmers. She thinks I'm crazy. And M is bitching to me about B because B is being kind of rude about the shower B and I are throwing for M.
Actually to explain and explore all this I might just write about it sometime on my blog sometime.
So suffice it to say, there are benefits and problems to girl talk and "real life" friends. But I really really love having people to go to the park with, or shop with, or whatever, especially my friends B and D who have small kids. I hope you can find a good girlfriend to do that kind of thing with.
D is the wife of my husband's friend, and she and I are SO dissimilar, I never thought we would be buddies. But now she's the first person I'll call if Baby does something fun, or if I want to go to the park. You don't have to be totally simpatico (I can't curse around D for example, plus she goes to church).
And I joined a mother's group. I tried 3 diff groups (MOPS was wayyyy too conservative/religious for me, at least the one I went to). And I have one I semi-like right now. I really enjoy the baby playgroup, at least. So maybe try that. Haven't found any mommy buddies there yet, though, but it's just been a few months. (Actually I did find one, but then she turned out to be Mormon, and kept asking me to her church, so...no).
Oh my God this is long.
About the south/north thing: I'm a southern girl and live there now but went to college in RI. There is definitely a difference!
IN SUMMARY: Christy, I am so glad to have found you, by the way. I love your writing and you are really funny and incisive and thoughtful and kind. It sucks you don't do girl talk on the phone! I'll have to content myself with blog commenting! Same with Tiffany--so much fun to meet you both in the blogosphere.
Also, SHE SLEPT THROUGH THE NIGHT? How exciting! Fantastic.
Eva,
Thank you for all of your kind words. You're awesome! I definitely consider you an internet friend. I wish you lived closer to me. I would totally hang out with you.
By the way, I can girl talk on the phone with the best of them. I talk to my family and friends in Kentucky all the time. I just have this weird phobia about calling people I don't know very well. I even get nervous when I call to order pizza. I am insane.
Porgie only selpt through the night that one time. I am probably going to post about our sleeping woes today.
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