Matters of the waist

I am not an obese person, but I have always struggled to maintain a healthy weight. I was a very chubby child, and I was often picked on – in school and at home. My grandfather often made “funny” remarks about my weight. These memories are always rattling in the back of my mind.

In high school I wore a size 12. In college, I wore a size 14. During student teaching, I ballooned to a size 16 (I don’t handle stress very well). After graduating from college, I went back down at a size 12. I was comfortable with this size.

When I was pregnant with Porgie, I gained 40 pounds. My doctor assured me that this was normal weight gain, so I didn’t stress about it. When Porgie was born, I instantly lost 20 pounds. At my six-week check-up, I had lost a total of 30 pounds. All I needed to lose was 10 more pounds. I was pretty proud of myself.

I was pumping for Porgie, so I didn’t want to diet. I feared that it would cause a decrease in my supply. So, I happily ate whatever I wanted. Breastfeeding is an amazing thing, because I was able to maintain my weight, despite all the junk food I ate.

In December, I stopped pumping. However, I continued the same old eating habits. Guess what? I have gained about 15 pounds! 15 POUNDS!!! None of my clothes fit me anymore because I am once again a size 16. I get disgusted every time I get dressed in the morning. I have bought a few new outfits to fit my huge ass, but I refuse to buy a whole wardrobe. If I buy clothes, I am afraid that I will not be motivated to lose the weight.

So, I need to go on a diet, but I just can’t seem to find the motivation. Additionally, I never get any exercise. It is too cold to take Porgie outside, and I am not an exercise video type of girl. I am a let’s go for a long walk type of girl.

Something has to be done and I am not looking forward to it.