I have been feeling a little blue lately. This feeling of sadness is connected to multiple aspects of my life - babies, friends, home.
First and foremost, I have been feeling miserable about my relationship with baby Izzy. It feels like I am always pushing him aside, at a time when he needs me the most. I am always placing him in his jumperoo or exersaucer so that I can eat breakfast or feed Porgie or do the dishes or vacuum the floor. He cries when I walk away, and it breaks me heart. I should be holding him, cuddling him, and singing to him. He isn't going to be a baby forever. But instead, I keep pushing him aside.
I have a friend who always says strange little things to me, which leave me feeling like an inadequate mother. I might just be reading too much into the things she says, so I don't necessarily want to end our friendship. She is the type of mother who tries to do everything - she is like super woman. Basically, she is the exact opposite of me. And sometimes, it feels like our kids are in a completion, and it doesn't feel good.
And finally, I hate my house. It is so small and cluttered with baby junk. It feels like the walls are closing in on me. There are so many things that need to be fixed and updated. It is overwhelming, because we have no time to fix anything, and no money to update anything. So I have to be content with what we have. But I don't feel very content. Instead, it feels like I always need to be doing something.
In summary, I need to get out of the house more often and kick this sadness in the ass. Okay, I am done whining.