Competition

I have a weird relationship with one of my cousins. For as long as I can remember, we have always competed with one another. As a child, I was motivated to get straight A's, because I knew that my cousin could never accomplish this feat. And she bragged about all of her fashionable clothes, because she knew that my family could never afford them.

Although it was a horrible part of our relationship, we have managed to keep this horrible tradition alive. To this day, we still compete about nearly everything. We even compete about things that aren't desirable - like who is more sleep deprived or who has the worst luck. It is ridiculous.

Anyways, my cousin is trying to buy a house in a very ritzy area in northern Kentucky. Honestly, I was happy to hear about her move, because her current neighborhood is going into the shitter (there are open drug transactions, people partying all night, etc.). She has two young children, and I want them to grow up in a healthy environment.

Last week, my cousin called to tell me that their home loan didn't go through - they have too many liabilities (own a small business, car payments, student loans, home equity loan, etc.). She was heartbroken. I felt really bad for her. She said something along the lines of , "Every time I really want something to happen, it doesn't happen." I told her that I completely understood how she felt.

Instead of accepting my sympathy, she got very defensive with me. She asked me how I could possibly understand how she felt. I was taken aback by her comment and sat in silence for a moment. She proceeded to tell me that I have everything I want - a happy marriage, a college degree, a home on the east coast, and two sweet babies. And she is completely right.

The thing that pissed me off was her attitude. She acted like everything was given to me, with no trials or tribulations along the way. I have worked EXTREMELY HARD to get to the place where I am. Although it was tempting, I almost started a discussion on whose life has been harder. But by doing that, I would simply be continuing our ignorant competition. So, for the first time in my life, I let it go. I let her win.

I think I am finally over it. I am secure enough in my own life, that I don't need to compete with her anymore.