Minivans are for winners!

I take back everything I said about minivans. I LOVE minivans, even if it means I am now a full fledged member of the boring housewife club.


I love my new minivan so much. I have been inventing errands to run, just to have an excuse to drive around town in my awesome new van. It drives so smooth and it has lots of cup holders and it has power sliding doors and it looks pretty. Don't you think its wonderful?

I have a toddler!

Porgie can walk! That's right, my little baby is now a toddler.

On Friday morning, Porgie and I were doing our usual "let's practice taking two steps" routine, where I stand Porgie up in the middle of the room, and she toddles a step or two closer to me. Anything more than two steps, and she will usually drop down and start crawling. However, Friday morning was different. When I ventured further away from her, she just kept walking. She took about 6 steps before plopping down onto her bottom.

I was very impressed. All day long, we practiced her new skills. Porgie was very proud of herself. She was all smiles and giggles.

After feeding Porgie dinner, I sat her down on the floor, and I proceeded to wash her highchair tray. I glanced up from the sink, only to see my baby walking from the kitchen to the dinning room ALL BY HERSELF!

When John got home from work, Porgie practiced walking from mama to dada for hours. Needless to say, this whole weekend has been filled with lots of walking adventures. I know that all babies learn to walk, but I am so proud I could bust.

Pudgy's condition

John was at the vet office with Pudgy for hours. They ran multiple tests and performed an x-ray of her chest. It was determined that Pudgy simply has asthma. This morning's episode was an asthma attack. Pudgy was given a shot and sent home - to the tune of $330. If she has another attack, we have to take her back for another shot. I am actually relieved that it is only asthma. When John first arrived, the vet was concerned that Pudgy was having heart trouble. Thank goodness Pudgy is okay.

Pudgy cat

I have always been an animal lover. Since I was a small child, I have always tried to rescue all the stray neighborhood animals. As an adult, I have acquired many animals - 4 cats and 2 dogs. My animals have always been the center of my world. However, since Porgie's birth, I have not paid nearly enough attention to my furry friends.

A few days ago, I noticed that one of my cats (pudgy) was coughing. The cough didn't sound too bad, and she seemed to be fine in every other way. If I had heard her cough before Porgie was born, I would have rushed her to the vet. But this time, I decided to take a wait and see approach.

It was my hope that Pudgy would be better in a few days. However, this morning Pudgy was gasping for air. We called our regular vet office, but the vet was not in. So, we started calling around to other offices. No-one was willing to see our cat. Everyone kept saying, "We are all booked." My cat was dying and all these bastards were too busy to see her. Finally, someone gave us the number of an emergency animal hospital. We called, only to find out that there were no vets in the office! Can you believe that shit?

I continued calling vet offices out of the phone book, until someone finally agreed to see her. John just left to take her in. I can't help but feel a little guilty about poor pudgy's condition. I should have taken her to the vet 3 days ago.

Dr. NiceGuy

I had my first appointment with my new obstetrician last Wednesday. I have to say, he was the nicest man I have ever met. Seriously, I think he was the nicest human being I have ever met.

Unfortunately, my blood pressure was high once again (as expected). So, I have to perform a 24 hour urine collection. For those of you who have never had PIH or Preeclampsia, this is simply when you have to urinate in a jug for 24 hours. Then, you give this ginormous jug of urine to a lab, where they analyze it. When I came home with the jug, John asked me why I was carrying a gas can! HA!I came to the appointment, armed with all of my medical records in hand. I had copies of my pap smear done in April, and all of my bloodwork results. However, Dr. NiceGuy performed another pelvic exam and ordered more bloodwork. Kind of frustrating, but I appreciate the fact that he is being cautious.

I feel relieved to finally be away from Cooper Hospital. I am just so sick of fighting with the billing department and my insurance company. I am hopeful that this new office will be able to process my bills correctly. Wish me luck on my new adventure to actually have my insurance company pay my doctor bills. I know it sounds impossible, but I am hopeful.

P.S. The girl who was scheduling appointments, informed me that Dr. NiceGuy delivered two babies on the Baby Story show on TLC.

Did you know...

This is a post from Whymommy, which I copied from Crib Chronicles. Please read this post, and spread the word.
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We hear a lot about breast cancer these days. One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetimes, and there are millions living with it in the U.S. today alone. But did you know that there is more than one type of breast cancer?

I didn’t. I thought that breast cancer was all the same. I figured that if I did my monthly breast self-exams, and found no lump, I’d be fine.

Oops. It turns out that you don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer. Six weeks ago, I went to my OB/GYN because my breast felt funny. It was red, hot, inflamed, and the skin looked…funny. But there was no lump, so I wasn’t worried. I should have been. After a round of antibiotics didn’t clear up the inflammation, my doctor sent me to a breast specialist and did a skin punch biopsy. That test showed that I have inflammatory breast cancer, a very aggressive cancer that can be deadly.

Inflammatory breast cancer is often misdiagnosed as mastitis because many doctors have never seen it before and consider it rare. “Rare” or not, there are over 100,000 women in the U.S. with this cancer right now; only half will survive five years. Please call your OB/GYN if you experience several of the following symptoms in your breast, or any unusual changes: redness, rapid increase in size of one breast, persistent itching of breast or nipple, thickening of breast tissue, stabbing pain, soreness, swelling under the arm, dimpling or ridging (for example, when you take your bra off, the bra marks stay – for a while), flattening or retracting of the nipple, or a texture that looks or feels like an orange (called peau d’orange). Ask if your GYN is familiar with inflammatory breast cancer, and tell her that you’re concerned and want to come in to rule it out.

There is more than one kind of breast cancer. Inflammatory breast cancer is the most aggressive form of breast cancer out there, and early detection is critical. It’s not usually detected by mammogram. It does not usually present with a lump. It may be overlooked with all of the changes that our breasts undergo during the years when we’re pregnant and/or nursing our little ones. It’s important not to miss this one.

Inflammatory breast cancer is detected by women and their doctors who notice a change in one of their breasts. If you notice a change, call your doctor today. Tell her about it. Tell her that you have a friend with this disease, and it’s trying to kill her. Now you know what I wish I had known before six weeks ago.

You don’t have to have a lump to have breast cancer.

Welcome to my home

Today, I would like to welcome you into my humble home. In an effort to share my insane personality with my readers, I have decided to post pictures of a few of the paintings displayed throughout my house. You'll notice that they follow no theme. All of my artwork was purchased on a whim, because I happened to like it. Enjoy!

This is my favorite painting. I bought it at a Starving Artist show about 4 years ago. I think it is absolutely beautiful, so I display it proudly above my fireplace.

This painting also hangs in my living room. What? My paintings don't match? That is because I am retarded. I bought this painting at a thrift store for like $10. I think its pretty.

This painting is just totally awesome! It is currently hanging in our hallway, but I am thinking that I need to find a more prominent place for it. I bought this painting from a consignment shop about a year ago. I LOVE IT!

This painting is hanging in our bedroom. It is a serene picture of the ocean and a lighthouse. Once again, it matches nothing else in the room. I bought it merely because I think its lovely.

Isn't my artwork fabulous? I know that you are completely jealous of my wonderful decorating skills.

I was asked out on a date and I accepted!!!

Since moving to New Jersey, I have failed to make any new friends. As you know, I whine and complain about my loneliness frequently. BUT, another mommy asked me out on a date. Of course I said yes. I am super excited!

I posted about swimming lessons at the YMCA last winter, but I have failed to mention that I seem to be obsessed with swim lessons. For some reason, I just keep enrolling in more classes. To be precise, I have enrolled in the last four swim classes offered at the YMCA. A few other mothers have also enrolled in the last several classes, and we have become buddies.

Last Tuesday, one of the other mommies invited us to the Aquarium. So, today Porgie and I will be out socializing and looking at all the fish. Maybe I am completely lame, but I am so excited about hanging out with other mommies!

The Fear

Since discovering that I was pregnant, I have effectively managed to remain calm and collected about my situation. I try to focus on the positives. But occasionally, I start to panic. What the fuck am I doing? How the hell am I going to care for two babies? What if Izzy and I have breastfeeding issues? Is Porgie going to be jealous of her little brother? Will Izzy have colick? Will Porgie be going through the terrible twos? AHHHH!

I know that the first three months after Izzy's birth will be traumatic and awful - for everyone involved. I am expecting this, but I am also hopeful that this time around will be much easier. I have experience on my side, right? And maybe Porgie will be my little helper. And hopefully John will stop working tons of overtime, so he can help out with the babies too. If we work together, I think we will be okay.

Despite all of my fears, I am thrilled about having little Izzy in our lives. Maybe its just my happpy pregnancy hormones talking, but I have a feeling that Izzy is going to be a laid-back and content baby. And I am keeping my fingers crossed that he'll be a good sleeper. That is the thing I am most worried about. If Izzy sleeps good, I think we can handle anything else he throws our way.

Okay, Okay, Okay

I have had several requests for belly shots. Honestly, I wanted to start taking belly shots early on, but I never seemed to get around to it. Amber from over at My Own did a great job of capturing her expanding belly. I was totally going to steal her idea, but I am lazy.

Although I am a little behind, here is the first belly shot at 21 weeks.

From the side, I definitely look pregnant. However, from the front, I just look like a FAT ASS.

Also, you'll be happy to know that I finally managed to get an appointment with an in-network ob/gyn. The only problem is, I really wanted a female doctor and my first appointment is with a male doctor. I don't know why, but I hate the thought of having a male doctor doing vaginal exams. I know, I am totally insane. I just feel like a woman doctor can better understand and empathize with a pregnant woman.

Minivans are for losers

John and I have been looking for a new vehicle. And by new, of course I mean used. After looking into prices, gas mileage, and space, we have decided to buy a minivan. Yes, a minivan. I am going to drive a minivan. No offense to anyone who drives a minivan, but I am way too awesome to drive a minivan.

We can't afford much right now (we are still paying on Porgie's hospital bills, our bedroom furniture, and various credit card bills). In an effort to be fiscally responsible, we have been looking at used car dealerships. Things have not been going too well.

A few weeks ago, John went to a dealership down the street from our house. He saw three vans that seemed to meet our criteria. Unfortunately, the first two vehicles would not start. While test driving the third van, it broke down. Obviously we are not buying a minivan from that dealership.

Yesterday, we went to another dealership. They had a minivan that appeared to be in very nice condition. Upon closer inspection, it became evident that the van was a piece of crap. The inside smelled like a damn zoo. I swear, they had to be keeping monkeys in the back or something. It was rank. Then, we noticed that the side trim was being held in place by duct tape. You heard me correctly - duct tape. However, the minivan did run really good. So, we approached the salesman about lowering the price - BECAUSE THE SIDE WAS BEING HELD TOGETHER WITH DUCT TAPE. He absolutely refused to come down on the price. There is no way in hell I am paying $7,000 for a van that is held together with duct tape and smells like a zoo.

So, the search continues. It is actually incredibly hard to find the time to go car shopping. And finding a decent minivan for under $10,000 is next to impossible. Wish me luck in my quest to become a boring housewife.

I've been beaten up

As my belly expands, I have become more and more aware of blows to my abdomen. Specifically, blows to my abdomen from my rambunctious toddler. She is quite abusive at time, and I am not sure of how to correct this behavior.

At swim class, I have noticed that Porgie tends to do lots of kicking and splashing. Because I am holding her, many of these kick are directly toward my stomach. I've tried holding her in different positions, but she still manages to get a few really good kicks in before the end of class.

At home, Porgie likes to cuddle. Except, she doesn't just sit idly on my lap. She rams her head into my stomach multiple time and then tries to climb up my abdomen. Of course, she uses my belly as a stepping stool. It almost like she can't get close enough to me, so she just keeps squirming and wiggling against my body.

During the day, I have been trying to rest on the couch for short periods of time (to help alleviate my high blood pressure). Porgie likes to lay on the couch with me. And of course, she also likes to kick my belly repeatedly. I have tried placing her in other positions, but she isn't content until she is curled up next to my belly.

I realize that babies are well protected in the womb, but I can't help but worry a little.

Separation anxiety

Someone in our house is suffering from separation anxiety - and its not Porgie.

When Porgie was itty bitty, John would often take her to the grocery store on Sunday mornings. He did this primarily so that I could have some time to myself. I was incredibly thankful for this short reprieve from my baby. Have I mentioned that Porgie cried A LOT as an infant? Oh, and she NEVER slept.

Needless to say, I loved my hour alone on Sunday mornings. But, somewhere along the way John stopped taking her to the grocery store on Sunday mornings. Instead, we started going as a family on Saturday afternoons. Since Porgie was no longer a fussy newborn, I really didn't mind giving up my Sunday morning hour of peace.

Last week, John was out of town. He was taking a class somewhere in New York state. So, Porgie and I had to spend lots of time to together. Its not that I mind, but it can be draining - physically and emotionally.

John arrived home Friday evening. Porgie was very shy around him, only wanting to be held by mommy. After about thirty minutes, she warmed up, and was happy playing with her daddy once again. I could tell that John really missed her. All weekend long, he would look at her with googly love eyes. Wanting to spend some one-on-one time with his little girl, John decided to take Porgie to the grocery store this morning.

This is when my separation anxiety kicked in. First, I tried to convince him that we could all go later in the afternoon. Then, I ran around like an insane woman getting her diaper bag ready - just in case Porgie needed ANYTHING. Then, I held Porgie like she was going away for 3 years. I kept kissing her and making John promise to drive cautiously. As John placed Porgie into her car seat, I watched from the window with a tear in my eye. I didn't want her to leave.

I don't know where these strange feelings came from, but I find it a little disturbing. Am I going to be one of those crazy moms who never let their children venture more than two feet away? Am I going to cry on her first day of school? Am I going to encourage her to live at home until she is 35? When she finally does move out, am I going to call her 4 times per day?

I think Porgie is going to have a very annoying mama on her hands.

Have some time?

I was checking my blogs this morning, when I stumbled upon this bumbo video. Funniest thing I have seen in a while. If you have some time, go check it out.

Walkers come in all shapes and sizes

Porgie loves to practice her nifty new walking skills. She has successfully figured out out to use her "old-woman" walker, without falling. She maneuvers it around corners and travels all over the house.
Then one day, the mail arrived. We received a box, which has also become a walker. It glides across the floor easily, and Porgie just adores it.

On Porgie's birthday, my mom sent her a little train, with a caboose attachment. Porgie discovered that the caboose is a great walker too. Except she is way too tall to use the caboose as a walker, so instead she uses it as a "kneeler." She travels all over the house on her knees, pushing the train caboose.

Yes, my baby is strange. However, I am pretty excited about her fascination with walking and her creativity in finding new walkers.

Crying really does work!

I wanted to give an update on the sleep front. For the first week, things were really rough. Porgie woke up whimpering and whining every night, and then she woke up for the day anywhere between 4:00 am and 6:00 am. By the end of the week, I was starting to reconsider my methods. Obviously, crying-it-out was not working.

BUT, then she suddenly started sleeping through the night. She also began waking up between 6:00 am and 7:00 am, which has been pretty typical for Porgie since birth. For the last two week, my baby has been SLEEPING ALL NIGHT LONG. I couldn't be any happier with her new skill. This is by far the coolest milestone she has accomplished.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a huge fan of the cry-it-out method. For an entire year, I got up multiple times per night to feed and comfort my baby. Several close friends and family members told me to let her cry-it-out, but I refused. She was so little and so helpless. I didn't want to abandon her at night. I wanted her to know that I was always going to be there for her.

But after being sleep deprived for so long, I knew that something had to change. When sleep issues started to negatively affect my life, I began to realize that sleep training might help. But before I began , I waited until she was a year old and obviously did not need a night time feeding anymore.

Then, the crying began. Sometimes it was just a little whimper and sometimes it was a dramatic, horrible cry. I know, I am an awful mommy. But it worked.

Insurance companies are my enemy

So, I have to switch obstetricians - and I LOVE my obstetrician. I truly hate our insurance company. Just in case you were wondering, Humana is the devil.

I have called 5 new ob/gyn offices, but I do not like any of them. Please, let me explain...

1. Office number 1 had rude receptionists and was given a bad review by my current ob.

2. Office number 2 has 11 doctors, but they are all booked until the end of August. WHAT THE FUCK? The receptionist kept trying to get me to see a nurse or midwife, but I WANT TO SEE A DOCTOR.

3. Office number 3 only has 2 doctors that actually accept my insurance, but both are on disability leave.

4. Office number 4 is listed on Humana's website, but they swear that they do not accept Humana.

5. Office number 5 was actually a surgical group and not an ob/gyn office. I have no idea why they were listed on Humana's ob/gyn page.

I am actually considering staying with Dr. S and paying out-of-network charges again. I know, I am INSANE.

Is it just me, or does Blogger totally suck ass? Blogger does strange things to my saved documents all the time, but today it decided to not let me compose a title for my post. I've been seriously considering switching to another blog provider. Any recommendations?

On to more important matters - Porgie has a drinking problem. She's been hitting the bottle pretty hard lately.





Apparently the condensation on the side of a beer bottle tastes like heaven to little babies. She gets so into licking the side, it looks like she is making out with the bottle.

If she already thinks beer is this fun, I am thinking that her teenage years are going to be really rough.

Family matters

So, last week I posted about the fact that Bean decided not to come to New Jersey to visit my little family. I was pissed, but also sad. Bean called last Wednesday to report that she was coming to New Jersey on Friday. I hesitated to post about this new development, because I didn't want to bitch and moan to my dear Internet friends when she bailed at the last minute again.

But, she actually came to New Jersey. Bean, her husband, and her two children arrived Friday morning. They stayed with her husband's family for the first two days. His family lives on a lake in Northern New Jersey. Today, they traveled down to south Jersey to visit me and my family.

They arrived around noon, and stayed the whole day. Her children played and played and played with Porgie. Miss Porgie was in baby paradise. I never heard a peep out of her all day long. She was happy being lugged around and manhandled by 10 year olds.

Bean's kids are getting so damn big. Although I just seen them last December, it felt like ages ago. Her kids are enormous. They look like very short adults.

Although we didn't do much, it was wonderful having them here. I wish I could post pictures, but they are unaware of my little blog.

Guess what?

Today I had my ultrasound. At the last minute, we decided to find out the sex of baby number two. Guess what?!?

We have a penis!!!

Baby number two will now be known as Izzy. I am so happy, I could do a back flip. Except that I have no coordination or skill, so instead I'll just keep smiling.

I am so cool **EDITED**

Did you know that I rock? Well I do. I totally rock, and I kick ass.

Dooney awarded me with the Rockin' Girl Blogger award. Because I ROCK! Now it is my duty to nominate five more bloggers that rock. This is a surprisingly hard - you all ROCK!

Nonetheless, I selected five blogs to nominate. You should definitely go over and check them out. BECAUSE THEY ROCK!

Eva from Antropologa is completely awesome. She has just taken her baby to Sweden. On a twelve hour flight. And her little girl only slept for TWO hours. Eva definitely rocks. Additionally, she is probably the sweetest person I know.

Amber from My Own is one amazing woman. She has three young children and still manages to blog on a fairly regular basis. She is my super hero. I am always looking to her for inspiration when I start panicking about baby number two.

Bon from Crib Chronicles is the smart girl in the group. Her writing is very interesting, and always seems so important. I am totally jealous of her writing style, because it ROCKS. You HAVE to check out Bon's blog. I promise that you won't be disappointed.

Shannon from Misguided Mommy posts more frequently than any other blogger I know. She is always interesting and always talkative (which I love). She is currently pregnant with baby number 2, and we're due about a week apart from one another. Personally, I think our babies will be born on the same day.

Em from Diary of Baby Billy is from England. She is always talking about fun things like tea and biscuits and beakers. It is always fun trying to figure out what the hell she is talking about. She posts lots of pictures and videos, which I thoroughly enjoy viewing. By the way, her baby is super cute.

All of these blogs rock - go check them out! NOW!

I forgot to mention that the nominated bloggers have to nominate five more blogs that ROCK!

Baby Maid

Are you sick of doing all the household chores? Are your days spent scrubbing and cleaning, with little or no thanks? Well, I have a solution for you! Its called baby maid. What is baby maid? Baby maid is a fabulous new service, where I send little Porgie over to your house to clean, and to care for your children. Don't worry, she comes highly recommended.First, she'll swifer all of your floors. She thinks this task is terribly exciting - note the expression on her face.
Then, she'll explore your cabinets until she finds just the right cleaner. Next, she'll saturate your floors in the cleaner of her choice. This task should only be performed by a professional cleaning baby. Do not attempt at home.When the mail arrives, Porgie will clip all those pesky coupons for you.

And then she'll clean up the mess (or eat the mess).

As the day nears an end, Porgie will carefully brush your children's teeth. She is an excellent tooth brusher. Trust me, you'll be impressed.

Finally, she'll read your children a bedtime story and tuck them in.

And the best part is, you can tell your husband that you have been busy cleaning and caring for the children all day. He'll never suspect a thing.

Complaints

Being pregnant isn't all its cracked up to be. Pregnant ladies have lots to complain about - vomiting, sore breasts, backaches, heartburn, etc. Fortunately, I managed to escape most of these aliments throughout my pregnancy with Porgie and with this pregnancy too. However, I do have a few complaints.

First, let's talk about the fact that my hips have come unhinged. When I lay on my side, my hips hurt. When I walk, my hips hurt. When I bend over, my hips hurt. Basically, my hips and pelvic region are very sore. This also happened when I was pregnant with Porgie, except I don't remember it happening so damn early.

Next, let's talk about constipation. I have been constipated for a few week now. Nothing seems to help. I feel the constant urge to go to the bathroom, but when I get there, nothing happens. I was also very constipated when I was pregnant with Porgie. From the time I got pregnant until a month after I delivered, I was constipated. I wouldn't wish this agony on my worst enemy.

Finally, let's talk about gas. Maybe this is related to the near constant state of constipation I've been in, but I have been very gassy lately. Its kind of embarrassing, kind of annoying, and kind of painful. I don't remember having gas when I was pregnant with Porgie, but maybe I just blocked out all of those horrible memories.

Don't you love to listen to me whine? And guess what? I am only 18 weeks along, so you get to listen to 22 more weeks of complaints. Lucky you!