I have a very strained relationship with my mother. I really don't want to get into specifics, but I didn't have the greatest childhood. As a result, my mother and I have never been very close. In fact, she used to live 2 blocks from my house, and we only saw each other on holidays.
When John and I moved to New Jersey, my mother took a sudden interest in me and the baby. She wrote me letters every week, promising to come visit as soon as Porgie was born. I was weary of getting my hopes up, but for some reason I believed her. I was genuinely looking forward to seeing her.
After Porgie was born in June, my mom promised to come visit in July. In July, she promised to come visit in August. In August, she promised to come visit in September. In September, she explained that she just didn't have the money to make the trip. I was extremely pissed off. All of my anger and rage toward her boiled to the surface. For fear of saying something I might regret, I avoided talking to her for the next 3 months.
In December, we traveled back to Kentucky to visit family for Christmas. I wasn't looking forward to seeing my mother. When we arrived, she was overjoyed to see Porgie. However, Porgie hated being held by her. She screamed and cried the moment her grandma touched her. My mother looked heartbroken. Secretly, I was glad that Porgie didn't want to be held by her.
Needless to say, the visit wasn't a very happy one. My mother kept begging me to come to her new apartment, but I claimed that we just didn't have the time. Realistically, I could have found 10 minutes to visit her damn apartment, but I didn't want to. She clearly wasn't willing to make the effort to come see my new house or my new BABY. My mother badgered me continuously, until I became annoyed. The visit ended on a very sour note.
For the past two months, my mother and I have only spoken briefly. We rarely call or write each other anymore.
A few weeks ago, my birthday passed. As expected, I did not receive a present from my mother. I know that I shouldn't care, but for some reason I do. Everyday, I excitedly go to the mailbox, only to find more junk mail and bills.
As I think about my relationship with my mother, I can't help but worry about my relationship with Porgie. I hope that I never make her feel so insignificant.
When John and I moved to New Jersey, my mother took a sudden interest in me and the baby. She wrote me letters every week, promising to come visit as soon as Porgie was born. I was weary of getting my hopes up, but for some reason I believed her. I was genuinely looking forward to seeing her.
After Porgie was born in June, my mom promised to come visit in July. In July, she promised to come visit in August. In August, she promised to come visit in September. In September, she explained that she just didn't have the money to make the trip. I was extremely pissed off. All of my anger and rage toward her boiled to the surface. For fear of saying something I might regret, I avoided talking to her for the next 3 months.
In December, we traveled back to Kentucky to visit family for Christmas. I wasn't looking forward to seeing my mother. When we arrived, she was overjoyed to see Porgie. However, Porgie hated being held by her. She screamed and cried the moment her grandma touched her. My mother looked heartbroken. Secretly, I was glad that Porgie didn't want to be held by her.
Needless to say, the visit wasn't a very happy one. My mother kept begging me to come to her new apartment, but I claimed that we just didn't have the time. Realistically, I could have found 10 minutes to visit her damn apartment, but I didn't want to. She clearly wasn't willing to make the effort to come see my new house or my new BABY. My mother badgered me continuously, until I became annoyed. The visit ended on a very sour note.
For the past two months, my mother and I have only spoken briefly. We rarely call or write each other anymore.
A few weeks ago, my birthday passed. As expected, I did not receive a present from my mother. I know that I shouldn't care, but for some reason I do. Everyday, I excitedly go to the mailbox, only to find more junk mail and bills.
As I think about my relationship with my mother, I can't help but worry about my relationship with Porgie. I hope that I never make her feel so insignificant.
Porgie on Christmas day
I love her to pieces
6 comments:
I also had a very strained relationship with my mother. But once my son was born, we seemed to mend a lot of issues. The relationship is in no way perfect, but it is better.
Here's the thing: you learned from her mistakes. That's not to say you won't ever make a mistake with Porgie, but you now know what biggies not to make.
That's the silver lining in the big ball of crap; you learn from all the bad things that happened to you.
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! We take birthdays very, very seriously at our house. How exciting! What did you do to celebrate?
I don't believe you will end up having such issues with Porgie. You know very well that hurt, and you won't want her to have it. You adore that girl. I think in parenting we usually try to make up for the deficits in our relationships with our parents, and you will assuredly do a good job doing the same. Best of luck.
My father's side of the family has shown similar disinterest in Baby. It's not my immediate family, so it doesn't sting as much, but it hurts. I just don't understand not being enthralled by her. It is an insult.
And I'm so sorry it's happened to you. You deserve better, and so does Porgie.
How has your husband's family reacted to little Miss Porgie?
PS: I talked to the bride today, and it was not good. Very upsetting. I hope this can be mended. But I am really excited about going to the beach with my mom and husband and the baby!
I am sorry about your relationship with your Mom. Porgie is VERY lucky to have such a loving, attentive Mom like you! Does your mom read your blog?
Wow, it must be hard to have a strained relationship with your mom and to hold out for anticapation of something that might not happen. I agree with the other comments, you know what it feels like to feel insignificant with your mom so you'll go out of your way to not make Porgie feel that way. She looks absolutely adorable in that pic by the way!
i've tried to comment a couple of times but either blogger hates me or some kind, benevolent forces of nature are saving you from the worst of my ramblings. suffice to say, i just want to lend my voice to the chorus saying don't worry about you and Porgie...you are paying too much attention to fall down whatever rabbit holes have hurt your relationship with your own mom. and still, for that hurt, i'm sorry.
that and happy birthday. :)
What you have to focus on is your future. There can be situations in anyone's lives in their pasts that they cannot alter, no matter how much they want to change or reverse a situation, for it can take one person to create a mess, but it may or can take more than one to resolve it, and the person who created the mess, must be as willing as those who want to resolve the situation. In your case, I would focus on your future, the past might creep in and will if relationships that you consider your past life are still there, but your future is with you and your family. You will need strength sometimes, and there will be times when the past and the present seem to mix, and there will be sadness for what could have been. Do grieve, do be upset for what could not be, but accept we can not always have what we want in life. The past will always infringe on your future in some way, but remember, you are the mother now and focus on that and be strong.
You cannot change other people but you can change your future.
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