I was supposed to meet Rachel at the zoo today at 10am. We got up on time. I packed our lunches. We left the house 10 minutes early. Everything seemed perfect. And then I got to the zoo. The motherfucking zoo. The exit to get off the highway was backed up. I sat on the exit ramp for about 20 minutes. Then we slowly crept around the block to look for parking. I decided to just follow the big yellow school buses. BAD PLAN.
After watching 596 buses pull into a big parking lot, I finally got my chance to go in. Except the bastard parking attendant wouldn't let me park there. Apparently that lot was being used for buses only. But there was a big sign the said, "ZOO PARKING $12." I was confused. He directed me back around the block. By this point it was already a few minutes after 10:00. I started feeling a little panicky. I don't have a cell phone, so I couldn't call Rachel to explain my tardiness. I slowly crept back around the block. There were a million buses parked along that road, and I somehow missed the parking lot entrance. So, I had to drive down a few blocks and turn around. I went back up to the parking lot, but I was now turning left against the traffic. No one would stop to let me turn. NO ONE! I sat there for an eternity, and not one kind soul let me enter the parking area. This is the point where I completely lost my shit. I started screaming about parking lots and traffic and bastard drivers. Porgie started crying, and I knew that I had to get my act together.
I calmly went around the block, came back, and parked my car. I glanced over at the clock. It was 10:25. FUCK! I tossed the kids in the stroller and ran to the front entrance where we were supposed to meet our buddies. But Rachel was no where to be found. We bought our tickets and went inside anyways. It took me 30 minutes to find a damn parking spot - WE WERE GOING TO HAVE FUN DAMMIT!
A few minutes later I ran into Rachel. What are the odds? And we got to have our zoo playdate after all. The kids were adorable. Porgie and Max even held hands. It was sweet. Rachel was awesome, as usual. And Sam? I could eat her up. Too stinking cute!
And then I tried to leave the zoo. Somehow, I got lost. I have GPS. All I have to do is follow a green line. I am a complete moron.
The end.
PS - I would post pictures, but I FORGOT MY FUCKING CAMERA.
20 comments:
I seriously love your honesty! I have to laugh because I was sitting here thinking where are the damn pictures of this parking attendant that wouldn't let you in, all these buses, all these MF who wouldn't let you in oh and probably the pics of the cute kids BUT now I know, lol.
Oh no! Glad yall had fun though..
My lord your description of zoo parking sounded exactly like the cluster fuck we have here in SC. ugh, I would much rather have hemroid surgery than to sit in a traffic jam.
I'm glad you got in and ran into your friend.
You don't need pictures b/c you painted the story just perfect. ;)
wait what? you got to see rachel? and sam? and max?
BEYOND jealous!!
Oh no! What a nightmare. I would have lost my shit, too!
This is what I feel like most of the time - even when I don't have my kids with me - and maybe without so many f-bombs. Potty mouth.
Hope this doesn't happen to you next week when we go to the farm. Get a cell phone girlfriend. Even a pay as you go!
Please tell me you didn't go to the Philly zoo alone with the kids! Sounds like what would happen to me which is why i stay home. That GPS thing gets me all confused.
Funny - although not at the time, I'm sure. This is the reason I do not go to summer kid attractions.
You crack me up.
no fair, you get to see rachel. come here we have a zoo...sort of.. if you call lizards and squirrels and dirt a zoo.
I could have written this post about a half dozen of my excursions. I'm a big cusser, too, when I get stressed and have a tendancy to throw the f-bomb around a lot. I am so feeling your anxiety in this post. So glad that the day was salvaged :)
After a rough start, I'm glad you all enjoyed the day!!
I hate the Zoo parking!! We had for a nanosecond considered having Maggie's birthday at the zoo. The parking "issues" quickly killed that idea.
Glad that you found Rachel though. I needs me one of them there GPS. I get lost soooo easy.
I had to drive the girls to Claymont Delaware last week. Maggie & her friend Samantha read to therapy dogs (it sounds wierd, I know, but it's really REALLY cute. The dogs love it, the kids love & Maggie is reading on a 2nd grade level.) I've never been to this library before & I pancicked the whole way. I even told them, "I tend to say really bad words when I get nervous, so cover your ears, Sammy."
I totally will post the pics. Did you get the ones I sent you from my hubby's email? We had a blast and we cant wait for porgies b day. What about them holding hands? Too damn cute!!
So it was a fun day then? The stuff we parents have to go through
sometimes i'm glad i live somewhere with nothing to do. at least there's no traffic.
mind you, a zoo would be exciting.
you crack me up. glad you had a good time in the end.
LMAO. Only funny because its over and done with. ANd hello...it's called a ZOO... pun intended. :)
I bet Rachel is awesome. I read her blog and she is so sweet. :)
sounds like a really interesting trip!!! that is why i moved away from washington, dc, the traffic makes me crazy!!!
GAWD...what a nightmare!
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