Skinny and happy. I think that is an oxymoron. I seem to be completely unable to achieve this balance. I can be happy and fat or I can be skinny and miserable. I love food. Really, I love it. Eating food is like the BEST form of entertainment. "It's our anniversary - let's eat out!" "It's my birthday - let's eat out!" "It rained today - let's eat out!" "My favorite color is yellow - let's eat out!"
So, I have slowly been creeping back up the scales. I am currently at 183, which sucks ass. I weighed 168 at Christmas, and I was truly starting to feel thin again. But I was miserable too. I hated denying myself of all the sugary, deliciousness in the world. And since allowing myself to indulge in chocolate again, I have been feeling really great. But I know that this feeling won't last. One morning I am going to roll out of bed and I won't be able to button my jeans. And then I won't be so happy anymore.
I guess I need to find some sort of middle ground. Why am I having so much trouble just maintaining a weight? I go up and down and up and up and up and then down. It is times like these when I feel out of control. Why is food always such a struggle? GAH!