Sunday, May 3, 2009

Skinny and Happy?

Skinny and happy. I think that is an oxymoron. I seem to be completely unable to achieve this balance. I can be happy and fat or I can be skinny and miserable. I love food. Really, I love it. Eating food is like the BEST form of entertainment. "It's our anniversary - let's eat out!" "It's my birthday - let's eat out!" "It rained today - let's eat out!" "My favorite color is yellow - let's eat out!"

So, I have slowly been creeping back up the scales. I am currently at 183, which sucks ass. I weighed 168 at Christmas, and I was truly starting to feel thin again. But I was miserable too. I hated denying myself of all the sugary, deliciousness in the world. And since allowing myself to indulge in chocolate again, I have been feeling really great. But I know that this feeling won't last. One morning I am going to roll out of bed and I won't be able to button my jeans. And then I won't be so happy anymore.

I guess I need to find some sort of middle ground. Why am I having so much trouble just maintaining a weight? I go up and down and up and up and up and then down. It is times like these when I feel out of control. Why is food always such a struggle? GAH!


Jeninacide said...

This is probably going to be the most annoying thing I could possibly say, but sugar is totally addictive, and you might ALWAYS crave it at times, however if you cut it completely out of your diet it sucks at first but then one day you realize that you don't really want it anymore. I cut out all processed sugar a while ago and feel great- my boss even called me into her office the other day and FORCED me to eat chocolate birthday mousse with her and it was so sweet I couldn't even enjoy it! And I used to eat like, a huge bowl of ice cream with a BROWNIE in it every night before bed when I was preggo.. so it is possible to change. I've done it myself. :-P


Midwest Mommy said...

I know what you mean. My friend came over on Thursday for lunch we had it delivered, the hubs came home with take out for dinner that night. Friday night I didn't feel like cooking so we went to a restaurant...$45 later I was stuffed to the gills and felt guilty about all the money we had spent on one meal. Then yesterday for lunch we go to a buffet! Now we just got paid and I already feel broke because we spent so much in 48 hours eating out. Not to mention stepping on the scale after all of this scares the crap out of me.

Danielle said...

ugh...sugar is bad. I am drinking a milkshake right now. I normally avoid sugar but pregnancy is killing me.

Amanda said...

I totally understand ~ my weight goes up and down like a yo-yo. Even when i was really skinny before i had my kids i still felt fat. I will probably never truly be happy with the way i look.

I hope you can find a good balance and become happy with the way you look.

Amanda x

Eva said...

This stuff sucks. So sorry.

I am really into fried food right now, myself.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I have to say though - that the fact that you can feel happy and comfortable at a "realistic" weight is kind of impressive. Most people are never satisfied. Ever.

Once you find your happy medium - you will actually be "happy." Very few people can do this.

amanda said...

i feel you sister. really. how sad is it that i am actually considering the go ahead for baby number two just so i can nurse myself back to a happy weight.


even sadder that i said it out loud!

Anonymous said...

I finally gave up on being in the 160s. I gave up the 170s. I would like to see the 180s again, but I swear it is a friggin struggle. I hate the fact that I have to watch every morsel I eat just to maintain some "ideal" weight. Even without eating sugar, I still put on weight. I LOVE TO EAT.

I have come to terms with the fact that my size 10 days are ov-er. I am a size 14-16 and am perfectly ok with that (for now)

Marni's Organized Mess said...

Wow, were we twins separated at birth? At least next to me you are the skinny one!


Ok, not really funny.

But anyways, I know the feeling. The first two sentences locked me in and I COMPLETELY agree.

I seriously am much happier "fat" and enjoying food. MUCH MUCH HAPPIER.

Then again, I enjoy being able to function without stomach pain, so I am kind of being FORCED to choose the healthy route right now. Sucks.

Anonymous said...

Its because we're sisters and I have the SAME DAMN PROBLEM!!!!

Heather @ boy, girl, and a pug said...

I say just be happy honey. Now that the weather is nicer you can take the kiddos on walks and that will help. But to be honest, I am skinny and sometimes I want to be skinner! If you are like me you will never be happy with your weight. It's just one of those things. Personally, I think being happy is way more important than being skinny. And I am sure the kids think so too:)

Carrie said...

Amen Sister!!! Breastfeeding isn't helping me, I'm putting on weight instead of loosing! It is time for me to go back to my diet. Sigh.

Jiff said...

Oh man. Don't get me started!

I am addicted to food, too. I LOVE to cook and bake and try new things. I love eating out. Food is wonderful. I love the taste of so many things.

I guess I need to get my fat butt to work out again. I was doing it again until my tooth was troubling me. So after today hopefully I can start back. Get a wii. It's FUN.

Clare said...

i hear you! i love to eat, that is why i really try to work out a lot!! it is so hard to find the balance though!

misguided mommy said...

I so totally understand this. She says as she shoves Cheeto's in her mouth.
I'm doing a give away make sure to enter

MG @ MommyGeekology said...

You're a brave woman to share your weight out there on the blog. So here I go:

Currently standing at 5'2" (Ok, 5'1" but don't tell my license) and 160 lbs.


My "ideal weight" is supposed to be somewhere around 120.