Monday, June 25, 2007

Someone shoot me, please

So we are still doing the cry-it-out at night routine. Porgie wakes almost every night around 2 or 3 am, but only cries for about 5 minutes. It is not even really a cry - its more like a whine. I could live with this stupid little routine.

However, I can not tolerate Porgie's new wake up time. Sunday morning she woke up at 4:00 am. FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING. She was happily talking to herself for a while, but then she started crying and crying and crying. She cried until 6:30, when she finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I fell asleep shortly thereafter. But then Porgie woke up at 7:00 am crying again. So we got up. Basically, I got up at 4:00 am yesterday. I was so tired that I went to sleep at 9:00 pm last night.

So this morning Porgie woke up whining at 2:00 am. After 5 minutes, she went back to sleep. At 4:30 am, she woke up screaming. The tears and drama continued until 6:30, when I finally got her up. And now she is in a horrible, sour mood. As I type, she is crying. And guess what? I don't really care. If she wants to start the day at 4:00 am, I guess we are all just going to have to be miserable.

I need some advice my dear Internet friends. Should I just let her scream and cry until 6 or 7 every morning? This cry isn't whining - its full blown tears and quivering voice. Should I go in to comfort her? If so, should I pick her up? When I go in during the middle of the night, she usually just gets more upset. She wants a bottle and cuddles, which I don't feel like giving anymore. I know that I sound awful, but I am sick of all this shit. I just want her to sleep through one night, without whining, without screaming, and without waking up at 4 in the morning.

To make a long story short, I am tired.


Em said...

Oh wow what a pain! I dont really know what to suggest, sorry. I think i'd leave her to cry and not give milk, so cruel it is but if she knows it gets a response she'll do it more. I just ignore Billy once i know he's ok.

4am is the worst time in the world to me, so you have my sympathy!

Misguided Mommy said...

brandon has woken up the last four mornings at 4 and yesterday he woke up at 3:50 and when he is up, he is up. however this morn he was so tuckered out he didnt get up till 5:30. I think you should go in and get her, giver her some milk and then let her take her first nap early in the morning and then try and sleep with her. no matter what i've had to get used to brandons new wake up time whether i like it or not

BRas said...

Just feed your baby already! Some kids are just born with a higher metabolism and need to eat more or more frequently than other babies. You can't "know" that she doesn't need to eat at 4am - only she knows if she's hungry or not! If you woke up starving and someone refused to feed you, you'd keep crying and crying too! If you just get up and feed your hungry baby, you can all go back to sleep after 15 minutes, instead of spending hours and hours, with your baby crying getting hungrier and hungrier.

You commenter that said "if she knows it gets a response she'll do it more"?? Are you kidding me? This isn't some manipulative 3 year old! She's a baby! A HUNGRY baby!

Christy said...

I appreciate your opinions, but I just want to provide a little background information. Porgie is almost 13 months old. She is over the 95th percentile for weight (She is dangerously close to being overweight). I think this mainly stems from her night time eating habits. If I get up and feed her at her request, she would eat 3 times per night. I can't do this anymore. I am severely sleep deprived. On top of this, I am going to have a newborn to care for in about 5 months. No, I cannot get up and feed her all night long. And I doubt that she is really that HUNGRY.

I am not trying to be a bitch, but I think there comes a time and place when you have to do a little sleep training to help your family. Porgie needs more sleep. I need more sleep. John needs more sleep. Although I admit that I feel lost at the moment, I think that this will ultimately result in a baby who sleeps better, and a mommy who is happier.

Lainey-Paney said...

Um...that's when we decided that it was better to get up at 2 & give a bottle than get up at 4 for the day.

Misguided Mommy said...

yeah i would maybe give her one late night bottle and then she will sleep in long instead of waking up hungry...just get in give the bottle and get out fast!

Misguided Mommy said...

oh yeah. know what else we did that was random to change brandons sleeping habits...we changed his jammies. since it was summer we had been putting him in shorts and stuff with a blanket, but then he would kick the blanket off and get cold from the fan, so one night against all of my husbands protesting i put him in full jammies, pants and long sleeves and all (last night oh so cute footie jammies) and then i just put the blanket over his feet. he passed right out and seemed to sleep so much better. to me it made sense since i knew he would kick off his blanket since kids do that and the warm jammies would keep him warm and the fan would still keep him cool enough to work out..anyway he has slept sooo much better since then! just some randomness for you

Bon said...

i'm sorry you're not getting much in the way of concrete suggestions, Christy...though i know a lot of us commenting genuinely would like to help if we knew how to! (especially since our own kids do the same thing)

as for the eating in the middle of the night at thirteen months...probably not biologically necessary, bras. probably a habit. doesn't make it easier for everybody, wee Porgie included, but as her tired mommy said...she's not starving. and at a year, kids totally have responses to habit.

Rachel said...

I wish I could give you tons of advice. Max has been teething so I am not getting much sleep anyway. I also so not subscribe to the "let them cry it out". But every family needs to do what feels right for them. I just got a book that a fellow blog mom told me was good-"the no cry sleep solution". It seems that 2 hours is pretty long and maybe she does need some milk and then she would go back down. Good luck.

Amber said...

Have you tried going in to her room and giving her the bottle in the crib and then leaving? I know you're not "supposed" to have them take a bottle to bed but if it gives you some extra time to sleep then I'd give it a try. And the suggestion about the footed pj's seems like a good one if she doesn't already wear them. Taylor has decided that it would be fun to wake up in the middle of the night now too. For the past week she's been waking up at 2 and 5, I can get her back to sleep at 2 with the binky but at 5 I have to feed her. Very frustrating for me! So I feel your pain!

Lainey-Paney said...

Oh, and Bras--- you would probably think that I'm the most inhumane parent ever, b/c I will give my son a bottle & put him back in bed. If it's 2 in the morning---that's night-night time, whether he wants to sleep or not. Hey, it's a habit. I habitually sleep during the middle of the night, and over time, we've gotten our child to do the same.
Sure we allow room for flexibility...if we know he didn't eat a big dinner b/c of teething or something....
but, I assure you, babies/infants can get into habits & manipulate in their own little ways. Not that they are intentionally twisting things to get their way---but they know that they can wake up & get their way if it routinely works.

That's why so many people even know about methods like "cry-it-out" & Ferberizing...etc.

Hey, JMO. You don't have to agree.
But, I didn't have to agree with yours either.

Cagey said...

My #1 piece of advice is this:
What is your instinct telling you to do? Listen to it. You know Porgie the BEST, better than any of us.

However, I totally feel you. You are pregnant, tired and staring down a shotgun barrel of contending with TWO kids. I had similar concerns not long ago, but have been amazed at how much my son has changed in that time period. You will be similarly amazed because 5 months isn't much to you, but it is a LONG time developmentally for Porgie. She is only 13 months and really, still a baby. She will be a little GIRL before you know it. :-) Don't be so hard on yourself, okay??

SO, here are things to consider:
1) Could she be teething? does she have her 1st year molars yet? They totally kicked our ass, frankly.
2)Is she still napping twice a day? If so, consider trying to get her to one nap and you may see improvement with the night sleep. This is a tough one because you have to read your CHILD and not a book. :-) I've seen some kids keep that morning nap til 18 months. Some mothers are reluctant to chuck the morning nap, but seriously! Our life got considerably easier when we went to one afternoon nap at around 13 months. If she is at one afternoon nap, how long is it? If my son sleeps too long it screws with his nighttime sleep. For him, he only needs a 2 hour nap, but each kid is different (my sister, that lucky duck, could get 3 hours out of my nephews!)
3) Personally, I am vehemently against CIO (meaning, for HOURS. 5 minutes? Is not CIO). There is enough brain research that shows this is not necessarily healthy, so I choose not to do with our son. I normally keep my anti-CIO opinion to myself, but will give it when asked, such as you did here. :-)
4) That is a tough one, but it sounds like you have cut out at least one of the night feedings, which is good. My son was also a night feeder for a long time, he finally cut them out at around 14 months-ish.
5) comfort objects? does she have an unwashed shirt of yours in her crib? That went a long, long way in helping our son transition to the crib - I gave him a shirt I didn't care for anyway.
6) I highly recommend reading Ferber - not for his sleep method, which I am not entirely on board with because it truly depends on the kid, but rather because he gives an EXCELLENT background on how infant sleep differs from adult sleep. Read it for the intro sections alone and you are not wasting your time.
7)Did I already mention to not be hard on yourself?

BRas said...

Hey now - I don't think anybody is anything. And I never said anything other than "FEED PORGIE!!!" I only posted what I thought in response to advice that Christy ASKED for. I'm not judging anybody for anything.

Cristina Mathers said...

we put ellie in her room at 4 weeks, and life has been great for us. she still eats a snack before bed and an occasional bit of milk, but she sleeps well. we did add a tsp of rice cereal to her bottles around 10 weeks and it worked. everything i have heard from other parents, is that once they cry it out for a while it gets better, and tht its worse on the parents than the kid. sometimes she (now 18 month old) will cry when we first put her down, but we never have gotten her. she usually sleeps 14 hours a night because of this. do you think its separation anxiety or hunger?

hope it gets better for you. =)

Cristina Mathers said...

ps: i know you aren't supposed to give a bottle at sleep time, but sometimes you have to pick your battles, and sleep is prety important. esp with a new on the way, you want to resolve this soon.

best of luck on this one!