I have no ass. It is a horrible affliction, which devastates me every time I look in the mirror. My jeans look goofy, because the ass of my pants is always baggy and saggy. I secretly envy all of those girls with big tushies. It is not fair! I deserve to have an ass too!
Here is some photographic evidence of my asslessness...
Look! I have no ass!
Please excuse Porgie. She is on the go go go.
I blame my mother. I think her ass is even flatter than mine. I am hoping that Porgie is not burdened with this awful physical defect. Instead, I hope she gets her daddy's big butt.