Climbing, animal sounds, and body parts

My child can climb. She climbs up the equipment at the park. She climbs on the ottoman in our living room. She climbs all over her toys. Basically, she tries to climb on everything. I call her my little monkey.

Because of her new found love of climbing, John finally lowered her crib to the lowest setting. However, I still have her bumper on the crib. I am afraid that she might try to use the bumper as a stepping stone to climb out of the crib. Should I take the bumper out?

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Last month, Porgie was talking up a storm. She was saying new words everyday. However, she has decided to take a break from talking. Some days, I won't hear her utter a single word all day. To replace her words, Porgie has decided to start imitating animal sounds.

She can say "arf" for dog, "meow" for cat, "baa" for sheep, "nay" for horse, and "moo" for cow. She used to quack for the duck, but she seems to have forgotten this skill. I think making animal sounds is even cuter than talking.

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This moth Porgie also started labeling her body parts. Porgie can point to her nose, ears, hair, mouth, and belly. I tried to get her to point to her eyes, but she just points to her ears instead. Goofy girl!

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So, that is the latest update on Miss Porgie. She is learning so many new things everyday. It is amazing to watch her change and develop. While John was gone this month, I think Porgie learned a trillion new things. I feel bad that he misses so many of her milestones.

Dinner time is not for the weak

We are entering an awful phase in Porgie's development. Its called the "I don't want to eat anything" phase. If your child is already in this phase, you have my sympathy. If your child hasn't reached this phase, get down on your knees and praise the lord.

Before beginning this story, I have to tell you about Porgie's former eating habits. In the past, if I fed her something she did not like, she would simply spit it out. Porgie's tactics are now new and improved...

For the past several weeks, Porgie has been fussing at breakfast. Typically I feed her pureed fruit, so I decided to alter the menu. I made oatmeal and Porgie actually cried so hard she puked. Lovely.

For dinner, I made Porgie a tamale pie. This is the torture I had to endure for making my child a nice wholesome meal...
I am trying not to act too concerned with her tantrums. I have been casually offering her another bite, as if she wasn't having a meltdown. After I few tries, I give up and offer her something else. And by something else, I mean pasta.

Mommy friends

I am kind of a private person - and I always have been. One or two close friends have always been enough for me. As you might have guessed, I don't have a very outgoing personality. I never joined any organized sports in high school. And I certainly never joined any sorities in college.

Somehow, I have turned into a social butterfly. Porgie seems to have made me more outgoing and willing to talk to other people. I am always striking up conversations with other moms at the park, or the book store, or the doctor's office. In the past week, I have asked for three other moms phone numbers - and I fully intend to call them to arrange playdates.

This behavior feels strange to me, yet at the same time it is liberating. I have finally realized that I don't have to be lonely. I don't have to be bored. I don't have to feel isolated. Why did it take me so long to figure this out?

There is a tear in my beer and I am crying for you dear...

Things that happened last week...

1. I took Porgie to Borders for "story hour." She was an awful beast, who refused to sit in her stroller or on my lap. She was pulling books off of the shelves and driving her mama INSANE.

2. I had an ultrasound appointment. The tech wouldn't let me watch the screen while she performed the growth check. Then she printed out two pictures, which looked exactly the same. BITCH.

3. The scheduling woman at my doctor's office was trying to trying to charge me a $40.00 co-pay. I do not have a co-pay for ob/gyn visits. I had to argue with her FOREVER. Incompetence runs rampant.

4. My husband was out of town. Enough said.

5. I tried to offer Porgie a new dish at dinner time. She had a complete meltdown. For full dramatic effect, please stay tuned for pictures...

6. My back is aching. When I stand for long periods of time, I feel like my spine is going to snap in half. The only thing that makes me feel better is laying down. Do you know how long I can lay down during the day? .003 seconds.

7. I had this great plan about having my c-section on November 21st. But, the doctors do not agree. Apparently I cannot have a c-section at 38 weeks and 5 days. I can only have a c-section at 39 weeks.

8. I went to the grocery store and had a full cart of groceries. When I got to the register, I realized that I didn't have my wallet. Yes, I am a dumb ass.

But, its over and John is back. Of course, he leaves Monday for another week, but at least he is home now.

Rough week

This week has been a difficult one. Once John gets home and I have more than 2 seconds to myself, I will explain. Until then, all I can offer is pictures. Also, I haven't forgot about interviewing all the people who volunteered. I will get the questions to you sometime this weekend. I promise.

Vaccuum cleaners are scary...

Porgie is afraid of the vacuum cleaner. In these photos, she was trying to get outside to escape the wrath of the beastly machine.
Its little moments like these, when I realize how incredibly beautiful Porgie is. That face is so sweet and innocent.

Getting ready

Thanks for all the lovely comments about how great I look. You guys are wonderful! Several of you commented on the fact that I am not "that big." I think it must be the camera or the lighting or the angle or something, because I feel HUGE. And every person I meet instantly asks about my due date.

Let us move on to more important topics - like my enormous child. Did you know that Porgie isn't a baby anymore? Did you know that she has been growing for the past 15 months? I know, I was shocked when I discovered this startling revelation too.

I have been looking at all of Porgie's old clothes and diapers and socks and shoes. I am absolutely amazed by how small she used to be. I can't even remember her being that little.

I guess this is my weird way of getting ready for Izzy.

29 weeks and 4 days

I am 29 weeks pregnant. Yes, 29 weeks. In only 10 short weeks, I will have a new little baby in my arms. This concept blows my mind.
Yes, I am already HUGE. John has told me on multiple occassions that I look like I am nine months pregnant. Isn't he sweet?

Spare tires

We went to the grocery store on Saturday, which seems like a fairly tedious task. However, this trip turned into a nightmare. All of our woes can be traced back to a damn spare tire.

When we were loading our groceries into the trunk, John noticed that we had a flat tire. It hadn't just lost a little air - the tire was dead. As you know, we just bought our minivan back in July. As a result, we had never had the pleasure of retrieving the spare tire before.

The tire was mounted underneath the van. There was a tool in the trunk to lower the spare, however the tire wasn't coming down. It was stuck. And my husband was extremely pissed.

Being the lazy woman that I am, I suggested calling a 24 hour auto service place, but John continued fighting with the tire. After about 40 minutes of cursing and violently shaking the tire, John called the 24 hour place. The guy said that they didn't carry the tire we needed. Bastard. I know he was lying - he just didn't want to come out on a beautiful Saturday afternoon.

John turned into a lunatic. He was angry and mean, so I took Porgie for a walk down the shopping center. I wasted about 30 minutes inside of Rite Aid - the longest 30 mintues of my life. When we came back to the car, John was still yanking and pulling on the damn spare tire. I was starting to think that we might never make it home again, when suddenly the tire fell to the ground. YAY!

Yes, it totally sucked, but I am so glad it happened while John was with us. What the fuck would I do if that happened to me and Porgie while we were out?

On a fun related note, John noticed that one of our other tires had a nail in it too. So, we had all of the tires replaced today. To the tune of $300. Don't you just love all of those unexpected expenses that pop up out of nowhere?

Interview

Carrie interviewed me!

1) Before having a baby, what was your biggest fear about having a child and how did you deal with it?

My biggest fear was that my child would hate me. Of course, this fear can be traced back to my relationship with my own mother. When I think about all of the horrible things I have experienced, it motivates me to be a great mother. Sure, I might let my baby watch too much TV or eat too many crackers, but I love her wholeheartedly. I will do anything and everything to make sure Porgie always feels loved by me.

2) If you could change one thing from your past, what would you change?

I don't have many regrets regarding decisions I have made. Honestly, I feel like I have accomplished almost every goal I have set for myself. But, I do have regrets about my teaching experience in the inner city. When I left my students to move to New Jersey, I was happy, elated, and overjoyed to leave. These were children who were neglected and abandoned by their own parents, the least I could have done was feel sadness at my departure. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about them, wondering where they are now.

3) What is your favorite thing about your house?

We live in a ranch style house, so we don't have stairs leading to a second floor. That translates to no baby gates.

4) If you were a super-hero, who would you be and what would be your super-power?

If I was a super-hero, I would be The Fuss Buster. My super-power would be clearing a case of the fussies with a wave of my magic wand. I would be great around colicky babies and moody adults.

5) If you could have any job in the world, what would you pick?

I would be a wildlife rehabber. Specifically, I would rescue orphaned baby squirrels.

If you want, I could interview little old you. Just let me know...

Having Twins

On Saturday, my little family went to Whole Foods to do some grocery shopping. The trip was fairly uneventful. However, I feel the need to share a little story with you.

I was pushing Porgie in the shopping cart, when the desserts caught my eye. Yummy, delicious vegan brownies to be exact. I was drooling in front of the display case, when a woman approached me. She smiled, pointed to my belly, and exclaimed, "You're having twins!"

My heart sunk, and my self-esteem plummeted. I glanced over at her, a look of bewilderment on my face. I was speechless. What do you say to a comment like that?

The woman smiled at me and then began explaining her comment. Apparently, she was referring to the fact that I am pregnant and to the fact that Porgie is so young. According to her logic, it is like I am having twins.

Thank goodness! I thought she was saying I am so big that I must be having twins. To celebrate the fact that I do not look like I am having twins, I bought those damn brownies.

Poop stories continued...

So, we are still having some poop problems over here. I am hoping that Porgie gets back on schedule soon, but I don't understand why it is taking so damn long.

Unfortunately, Porgie's constipation turned into diarrhea. She has had runny stools for about 5 days now. But the worst part is that she keeps pooping during the night. Sometimes she poops shortly after we put her down to sleep. And sometimes she wakes up super early to poop.

The most baffling part of this whole thing, is trying to figure out what caused this abrupt change in her bowel movements. I feed her breakfast, lunch, and dinner at the same times everyday. I put her down to sleep at the same times everyday. I give her snacks at the same times everyday.

On a related note, remember when I told you about the COVERED IN SHIT episode? Since that day, Porgie's Eczema has been really bad. Her little back and sides are covered in scaly patches. We have been putting lotion on her, but the rashes persist. When I took Porgie in for her check-up on Friday, the doctor once again prescribed corticosteroids. I really don't want to use a steroid ointment again, so I didn't have the prescription filled. I am going to continue lathering her up with lotion and hope for the best.

Big girls don't cry (but baby girls definitely do)

I took Porgie to the doctor for her 15 month check-up on Friday. Why didn't anyone tell me about the horrible reaction babies have to the doctor at 15 months. WHY???

We arrived at the office, and Porgie ran around like a wild monkey. She was pulling books off of shelves, trying to climb on chairs, and running through every open door. When we were finally called back, I was already exhausted. Then we were left in a tiny little exam room to wait for the doctor.

Have you ever been trapped in a small room, with a rambunctious toddler? Oh, the horror. THE HORROR. First, she ran back and forth across the room trying to open cabinets. Then she moved on to trying to open the door. When that didn't work, she started whining. I was trying to appease her with crackers and a sippy cup, but my plan wasn't working.

Just before all hope was lost, the doctor casually stroller in. Porgie, being a sweet little girl, waved and said, "Hi." The doctor smiled and Porgie smiled and I smiled. I thought we were in the clear. I was wrong. So, very wrong.

I picked up Porgie and sat her on my lap. As the doctor approached, Porgie flipped out. She started crying, clinging to me, and trying to shoo the doctor away. Very traumatic - for everyone involved. By the time the doctor finished her exam, Porgie had hot tears and snot streaming down her little face.

When the doctor left, Porgie instantly perked up. BUT, then the nurse came back. You probably know where this is going. The nurse came back to give Porgie her shots. Porgie lost her shit again. Except this time, she wasn't so easily consoled. She cried and cried and cried. She cried while I got her dressed. She cried while I made her next appointment. She cried on the drive home. She was so sad. I was so sad.

So, a word to the wise - your child might FLIP THE FUCK OUT at her next doctor's appointment. Bring plenty of Tylenol - for baby and mommy.

Pictures galore

Last week, I took Porgie to a great little place called the Jellybean Jungle. This is a play zone for young children. Porgie fearlessly ran around the equipment, just like one of the preschoolers. She pushed her way into play areas, threw balls across the room, and demanded to go into areas her pregnant mama couldn't fit into. She was so happy in this new environment, that I decided to take her back over the weekend.

This time was much more fun because daddy could more effectively meet her needs. They played for hours. Look at my big girl...

Strollers, furniture, and baby monitors

I have to buy a new stroller - a double stroller to be exact. I have been looking, but they are all so damn expensive. My only real criteria in picking a new stroller is cost. Also, it wouldn't hurt if it looked halfway descent. But really, I am just focused on cost.

At first, I really wanted the seats to be side-by-side. I wanted both of my babies to have a nice view from the stroller. However after talking to my cousin Bean (who has twins), I have decided to go with a stroller with the seats arranged one behind the other. According to Bean, this type of stroller is much easier to navigate through stores.

Any suggestions or recommendations?

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I also have to buy Porgie new bedroom furniture. I really want a convertible crib, but I am having a hard time finding a cheap one. With Porgie's original furniture, we spent way too much money. I only thing I can say to justify why we spent so much is because we were new parents. Actually, I spent way too much money on almost everything we bought for her.

This time around, I want affordable furniture and decorations. Any suggestions or recommendations?

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I am confused about baby monitors. We have a monitor for Porgie's room, and I LOVE it. Being able to hear my baby at night is comforting to me. However, when the new baby comes, I want to be able to hear him too. I have suggested buying another monitor, but John thinks I am insane. He insists that Porgie doesn't really need a monitor any more. Obviously this isn't about Porgie - its about me and my comfort level. Although I could probably hear Porgie when she wakes up, I want to listen in on her during the night.

What do you think? Should I buy another monitor for the new baby?

We need to win the lottery

When we lived in Kentucky, John had to travel to New Jersey or Pennsylvania ALL THE FREAKING TIME. He was out of town for about two weeks out of every month. This situation was very tough on me because I had to cook my own dinner. I am not kidding - I was a spoiled. spoiled girl.

When we decided to start trying for a baby, I was eager for us to move to the east coast. I wanted to spend more time with John, and I wanted him to be available for our baby. Soon after I got pregnant, John's company offered to relocate us to New Jersey.

When we first moved here, John worked late periodically. However the majority of the time, he was home by 5:00 pm. After Porgie was born, he still managed to maintain a good work schedule. He was home on time most days, ready and eager to play with his baby.

Unfortunately, things have taken a turn for the worst. John and his co-workers are swamped with work. He usually begins his work day at about 5:30 am, and doesn't get home until after 6:00 pm. That is roughly a 13 hour work day. I am pretty pissed about this new development. On an average day, John gets to see Porgie for about 30 minutes before she goes to bed. It makes me sad that he gets to spend so little time with her (and with me).

And this month is going to be even more difficult. John will be out of town for 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS. I am pretty sure that Porgie is going to be incredibly sick of looking at my face all day long. And I will be exhausted because I am 27 weeks pregnant. Count them people - 27 weeks.

So, during the next month, expect an inordinate amount of bitching and moaning from me.

Poop Poop Poop

We have been having some poop issues in our house. To fully understand this story, I have to give you some background information on Porgie's poop habits. She is a fairly consistent girl, who poops about 3 times a day. She rarely ever suffers from constipation.

This story begins all the way back on last Thursday. On this particular day, Porgie only pooped twice. I wasn't worried, because she had pooped right before bedtime. I feed her a bottle and put her in the crib. It took her FOREVER to go to sleep.

On Friday morning, Porgie woke up crying. Since she always wakes up babbling and happy, I rushed in to get her. Upon opening the door, I knew that she has pooped. Her entire room reeked of feces. I got her up and put her on the changing table. Upon taking off her diaper, I was shocked at the state of Porgie's butt. It was the brightest shade of red I have ever seen. As I tried to wipe her, Porgie screamed and cried. I felt awful. She had laid in poop all night long. My poor baby.

During the day, I changed Porgie's diaper every hour and liberally applied diaper rash creme. By the end of the day, her bottom was looking pretty good. Unfortunately, Porgie did not poop at all on Friday. Not even one little turd.

I put Porgie down at her usual bedtime, and she went right to sleep. Being paranoid, I crept into her room after she fell asleep and sniffed her butt. I didn't smell anything, so I went to bed.

On Saturday, Porgie woke up early. I went in to get her and was once again greeted by the smell of baby poo. I guess Porgie pooped sometime during the night, because her little butt was a bright shade of red and very sensitive.

Trying to remedy this problem, I decided to feed Porgie prunes for breakfast. I wanted her to poop during the day, so she wouldn't poop at night. BAD IDEA. VERY BAD IDEA.

I put Porgie down for her nap at 11:00, and she promptly fell asleep. However after about an hour, she woke up. I heard her grunting and pushing. A minute later, she was asleep again. I was torn - should I go change her diaper or let her finish napping? Being the foolish woman that I am, I opted to let her finish napping.

About an hour later Porgie woke up. I went in to get her, and was greeted by the smell of poop. I flipped on the light and walked over to the crib. Instantly, I noticed a puddle of feces in the middle of the bed. I looked at Porgie. She was covered in shit. COMPLETELY COVERED IN SHIT.

I called for John to come help. I undressed Porgie, and John gave her a bath. I examined the damage in the crib. There was shit on the sheets, shit on her lovey, and shit on the bumper. In one word, it was GROSS. I was pretty traumatized by the whole experience.

On Sunday morning, Porgie woke up extra, extra early. John went in to get her, and once again she had pooped. Thankfully, she pooped several more times during the day.

Today, Porgie woke up at her usual time. She had once again pooped, but this time it was hard little pellets. Yes, she is now constipated.

Here is my question for you - how do I get Porgie back on track? I don' t think her little butt can take much more.

Strange person

I was tagged for a meme by Suz. I actually think this one is very interesting. Each person who chooses to play along, has to list seven quirks/habits about themselves. So here goes...

1. I have a telephone phobia. I don't mind talking on the phone, but I get really nervous when I call other people. My heart starts pounding, and I get a little shaky. Yes, I belong in an insane asylum.

2. I never put shoes on my child. Why? Because I am secretly a hillbilly. The only time Porgie wears shoes, is when I know that she will be walking out in public. Countless strangers have commented on her bare tootsies. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS STRANGERS!

3. I am the man in my marriage. I often tell John that he is my little woman. He does 90% of the cooking and cleaning. He also enjoys nagging me about all of my little quirks - like forgetting to put lids on containers, failing to turn over the diaper champ, and getting water all over the bathroom.

4. I have a crush on Fred Savage. Who is Fred Savage? He is the guy who played Kevin on the Wonder Years. I have been in love with him since I was a little girl. John insists that he is ugly. What do you think?

5. My favorite food is Pop tarts. I LOVE LOVE LOVE pop tarts. I would eat them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner if I could. Pop tarts are sooo yummy. By the way, strawberry is my favorite flavor.

6. I fantasize about being old. I am always talking about how fun life will be when I am 70. Maybe I've been hanging out with my neighbors for too long...

7. when talking, I mix up words that sound similar. For example, I will refer to the Pacific Ocean as the Specific Ocean. I get very embarrassed when I make this mistake. Other people must think I am a total moron.

Come on and share your weird little quirks with me. Pretty please.

Although everyone is welcome to play, I am tagging Rachel, Shannon, and S.