Grateful

This was a good year. I have three amazing, beautiful, healthy, and adorable children.  What more could I ask for?

I love my babies.  I love my life.  I am eagerly looking forward to spending 2012 in the company of my wonderful family.  I am a very lucky girl.

Jumperoo? Jumperiffic!

Guppy is loving his jumperoo (yes, Santa gave him a toy perviously used by his siblings - cheap old bastard).  Porgie and Izzy also love the jumperoo.  I am fairly convinced that they would climb in and give it a try if I wasn't such a mean mom.

Strawberry Rhubarb Pie

This is a strawberry rhubarb pie.  OH MY GOD - I love this pie.  I am not good with a camera, so my picture really doesn't do it justice.  But trust me, this pie tastes like a little slice of heaven right here on earth.  Here is a link to the the recipe, because you'll definitely want to make one pronto.

Loving Guppy

My baby is growing!  At Guppy's 4 month check-up, he weighed in at 16lbs 14oz.  My big, healthy boy!  His little personality has changed so much in the last month.  Guppy is a happy, smiley, giggly little guy.  I love kissing his chubby cheeks, rubbing his fuzzy little head, and staring into his beautiful blue eyes.  I am so glad that Guppy is a part of our lives.  I love him to pieces.

Santa. FINALLY.

I took the kids to the mall to see Santa this morning.  My lack luster parenting skills are very evident in the picture.  Porgie insisted on wearing her Christmas dress.  Izzy insisted on wearing regular clothes.  The baby insisted on wearing 3 month clothes that are clearly getting too small.  My daughter's hair looked wild and disheveled (by the way, it always looks wild and disheveled).  She also has several half washed off tattoos on both arms.  And Izzy was desperately holding on to my hand, because Santa Claus is some scary shit.  BUT, we did it!  We got to tell Santa what we wanted for Christmas!  Go me!

P.S. This is a picture of a picture, because I am much too lazy to scan in a copy of the actual photo.  

Mmmmm...pie

Okay, so my children look nothing alike.  Every single person guessed correctly.  I think Guppy and Porgie both look like John.  Izzy resembles my side of the family.  None of my children actually look like me, although they all have my nose, which is kind of fun.  It is the one feature that unites all three of them - cute little pudgy noses!

Guppy and Izzy have a doctor appointment in the morning (4 month and 4 year check-up).  I am not looking forward it.  I am always convinced that my kids are going to get sick whenever we enter the doctor's office. That place is germ central.  Ugh.

I bought a new cookbook!  I am super excited about making new pies!  So, be expecting lots of fun pie pictures.  To get the party started, here is my first pie...

Pumpkin Pie Brownies

Name that baby!

#1

#2

#3

Tired, sick, stupid, etc.

I finally got my braces off.  I know I should be more excited, but I am not.  Everything was fine until I got my retainers on Monday.  OH MY GOD, retainers are horrible.  I cannot speak.  I literally sound like I am mentally retarded.  Why didn't anyone tell me that retainers are way worse than braces?  Ugh.
__________

My baby boy is sick. He has a fever, and his tummy is very upset. He vomited three times yesterday. It is incredibly sad to see his tired little eyes and to hear his desperate little cry. Poor baby boy.
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My husband has been working tons of overtime.  I am trying to be thankful for all the extra money we'll have this Christmas, but usually I am just mad that John is never here to help out with the kids.  I love my children to death, but sometimes I need a break.
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My cousin flew to New Jersey last weekend to visit.  It was fun getting to chat and catch-up, but houseguests are hardwork when you have a newborn.  I felt like I ran my baby ragged, yet my cousin still seemed bored with all of the down time spent in the house while the baby napped and whatnot.  But I am still glad she came to visit.  I really miss seeing her.
__________

My brain is officially useless.  I guess it is all the sleep deprivation catching up with me.  I can't remember ANYTHING.  I forgot to take the kids to see Santa at the library last Friday.  We have gone every year since Porgie was born.  I was heartbroken when I realized that we had missed the whole event. 
__________

I have been trying to send out Christmas cards for about a week now.  Since Guppy only naps in 30 minute increments, it is really hard to get anything done.  So, my Christmas cards should probably make it out by Valentine's day.

A gift

Some anonymous asshole left this comment...
"So, I'm curious...why do you exploit your kids by posting pictures of them, but you won't post pictures of you or your husband?! Seems kind of off, doesn't it??"

How in the hell am I exploiting my kids?  I don't make a profit off of my blog.  I thought I was just writing and communicating and connecting with other moms.  I post pictures of my kids because they are lovely and adorable, and I wanted to share their cuteness with you.

So anonymous commenter, here is a picture of me...

And here is a picture of John...

 You're welcome!

Confessions of a cosleeping mama

Co-sleeping can be great.  Some nights Guppy and I snuggle up together in bed and happily drift off to sleep.  It is lovely and cozy and so incredibly sweet.  I love to brush my lips across his fuzzy little head.  I love to listen to his little sleep noises.  I love knowing that he is safe.  There is comfort in having my baby sleeping in my bed.  I know that Guppy won't be this little for long, and I just want to savor these precious moments with him.

But sometimes, co-sleeping is a real bitch.  Sometimes I just can't get comfortable with Guppy sleeping so close to me.  Where is my arm supposed to go?  It feels oddly out of place no matter how I position it around him.  Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, and I just really REALLY want to roll over.  But the baby is in a light stage of sleep, and I fear that my movement will wake him up.  I will literally stay awake for 30 minutes debating whether or not I should roll over.

Last week I was finally going to move Guppy to his own room. John was taking a week off of work, so I knew that he could help me rock the baby back to sleep if he woke excessively during the night.  I had the whole process planned out in my head.  I was going to have my bed back!  But then, out of nowhere, my baby boy started sleeping for long stretches.  He was only waking once at night.  He was going to bed at 8:30 and not waking up to eat until 4am or 5am.  I was absolutely amazed!  I didn't want to rock the boat, so I pushed off the move to the crib until next month (when John is taking another week of vacation time).

Tune back in three weeks when I write a duplicate of this post.  Who am I kidding?  My baby boy is going to be in my bed until he is 23.

Birthday Boy

My little man is 4 years old today. He just suddenly started looking like a big kid, which is fitting since he is a big kid now. He is suddenly so tall! And handsome.

Izzy wanted a pogo stick for his birthday. John and I thought he would be too little to play with it, but he has been proving us wrong.  He has been bouncing all morning...
It is a cliche, but they grow so fast. I can't believe my baby is so darn BIG.

I hate naps

Life with three really isn't too hard.  I am not trying to sound like I am super mom or anything, because I am not.  But I feel like I manage day to day life fairly well.  The only real problem I face is trying to get the baby to nap for longer than 45 minutes.  Porgie rarely napped at this age and Izzy was also a cat-napper, so maybe it is a genetic thing?

I know it will get better with time, but it is hard to ever get out of the house with this current schedule.  Our day goes like this: baby wakes up, nurses for 10-15 minutes, plays for about an hour, and then I nurse or rock him to sleep.  Sometimes I put him in his swing and sometimes I put him in his crib.  Despite where I put him to sleep, he usually wakes up 30 to 45 minutes later.  If I put him in the swing, he will sometimes sleep for an hour or two, but this is rare (it happens maybe once a week).  This loop continues all day, which means that my baby is going down for FIVE naps every day.  It feels like I am constantly putting my baby to bed, which means that I am spending a large portion of my day in the baby's bedroom, which means my other children are spending a large portion of their day watching television. GAH.

I have tried going in quickly when the baby wakes and rocking him back to sleep.  It doesn't work very well, and just ends up frustrating me and Guppy.  After that 30 minute nap, he really struggles to go back to sleep.  Last Monday John was off work, so I really tried to extend his nap.   For his first nap, I spent 20 minutes getting him to sleep.  He slept for 35 minutes and woke up.  I rushed in and tried to rock him back to sleep.  I spent 40 minutes rocking him!  He finally fell back asleep and slept for 30 more minutes.  So, I spent an hour of my time trying to get him to sleep for an hour.  It hardly seems worth all the effort.

Sleeping arrangements

Guppy and I started co-sleeping on the day he was born. When we brought him home, he slept curdled up right beside me in bed. After he was about 2 weeks old, he started grunting and straining all night long. It was really disturbing my sleep, but we muddled through a few more weeks of co-sleeping.

When Guppy was about a month and half old, I decided to put him to sleep for the night in his car seat (I thought maybe the gruntiness was due to reflux). I kicked John out of the bedroom, put the car seat on his side of the bed, and put my swaddled baby in the seat. The first few nights he slept great, only waking about 2 times. And because he was on my husband's side of the bed, the constant grunting and straining didn't seem to bother me as much. AWESOME! I thought our problems were solved.

But then about 2 week ago Guppy started having trouble at bedtime. He would go right to sleep, and I would transfer him to the car seat. But 20 minutes later he was screaming and crying. The only thing that would calm him was putting him into bed with me and letting him stare at a side table lamp. Over the past week, I stopped putting him in the car seat and just started letting him co-sleep with me again. But he is still waking 20 minutes later, and he is still grunty at night, which is still very disturbing to my sleep. He is better than he used to be, but between the hours of 4am and 7am he is the loudest sleeping baby in world. This basically means that I am awake from 4am almost everyday. UGH.

Now, the ultimate goal is to get Guppy into his crib (in his own room) within the next month or two. I waited until Porgie was 8 months old, and I was utterly exhausted by that time. With Izzy, we used the car seat for sleeping almost exclusively until he was 5 or 6 months old because of all his tummy troubles. He never really slept well in my bed (or in the car seat for that matter), so the transition to his room wasn't hard at all. I have started letting Guppy take a few naps in his crib during the day, but he never sleeps for more than 45 minutes. And he wakes up pissed off. UGH.

So, I am working towards a goal and it is not going to be easy.

Halloween

Apparently I can sum up any entire life in pictures alone.

Pumpkin Picking: A Day in Pictures

BIG boy

I took my littlest babe to the pediatrician on Wednesday for his 2 month check-up. 2 months already! That sounds so big, like he isn't a teeny tiny baby anymore. Anyways, the pediatrician we seen was an older gentlemen. And by older, I mean older than dirt. He was probably closing in on 80. He gave me lots of outdated advice, like to retract my son's foreskin, to feed my 8 week old cereal, and to drink some wine before bed (in the hopes that it will sedate my wakeful babe). Old people! They are so crazy.

So, the wee little babe is 14 pounds! I knew he was starting to look like the classic chubby baby, but I had no idea that he had basically doubled his birth weight! My boobs are amazing, milk making machines. I think my overabundant milk supply is the source of my mastitis problems. I often wake up so engorged that I HAVE to pump. I know that this is only making the milk problem worse, but I can't walk around with bowling balls on my chest all day.

Guppy is doing great. In the past few weeks, I have noticed a definite increase in his awareness. He stares at people. He coos. He smiles (but very rarely). His little personality is already forming, and it is amazing to watch him change and grow. I just love that little babe so freaking much. I want to cuddle him and kiss him and nibble his chubby cheeks all day.

My son is such a boy

Izzy drew a picture for me...
It is kind of hard to see (he used Colorwonder markers on regular paper), but note the huge boobs. Lovely.

Home is the funnest place on earth

Remember when I told you about feeling guilty for never doing anything fun with the kids? Well Tuesday night the library was having story time from 6:30 - 7:30. Since we haven't been since mid-summer, I asked John to take the kids. It was a "fall" themed story hour and the kids were supposed to bring in 3-4 different leaves.

At about 4pm, I took the kids outside and collected leaves. When we got back inside, I noticed there was a message on the phone. I checked it, and of course it was my husband telling me that he had to work late and wouldn't be home to take the kids to the library. Because I wanted to have fun with the kids, I decided that I would take all three kids to story time, even though the baby can be SUPER fussy in the evenings.

Long story short, story time sucked ass. I left early with 2 of my 3 kids screaming and crying. I learned my lesson. It is more fun to just stay home.

Mommy guilt

A list of things I currently feel guilty about...

* Ignoring my older children while attending to the younger one.
* Putting the baby in the swing for all his naps.
* Kicking my husband out of our bedroom.
* Letting my newborn scream every time we get in the car.
* Never taking Porgie and Izzy anywhere fun.
* Getting frustrated with my son constantly. Have I mentioned that he sticks his hands in his butt?
* Letting Porgie and Izzy watch entirely too much television.

It is so hard being the mom. Being responsible for everyone. Worrying about everyone. Making sure everyone is getting everything they need to grow and thrive. It is exhausting and overwhelming. If I could just turn off my brain and stop over analyzing everything, we would be fine. But instead, I fret and worry about all the little stuff that doesn't really matter. And I sit around feeling guilty.

This is my life?

So, I suffered through mastitis again. Admittedly, this bout was not nearly as bad as the first, but it still sucked. I think I am allergic to my baby! My boobs do not like him.

Things have been relatively good over here. The kids are still alive, I manage to make dinner every night, and sometimes I even clean the house! I often feel like I have nothing to say on the old blog anymore. Maybe this stems from the fact that I rarely ever leave the house.

Guppy is going through this horrible phase where he just can't seem to figure out how to sleep anymore. He takes all these crappy little catnaps and refuses to go back to sleep. And then he starts with the fussing. OH MY GOD newborns are annoying!

Izzy is going through a horrible phase where he sticks his finger in his butt all the time. The kid's hands ALWAYS smell like shit. "WASH YOUR HANDS!" is basically the only thing I say to him anymore. I am sure there are butt germs all over my entire house.

Porgie and John are not currently annoying me.

So, that sums up life over here in Cakerwakerville. I think I might mix things up today and go to Target. EXCITING! Could I be any more boring?

Round 2

I have mastitis again. Seriously, I just want to curl up on the couch and cry. Will this ever end?

Infection

Sorry for the silence, but I am just getting over a bout of mastitis. OH MY GOD, I had no idea how horrible a breast infection could be. I am not exaggerating when I say that it was one of the worst experiences of my life.

Last Sunday started out like any other day, but by noon my right boob was very tender to the touch. It didn't hurt to latch the baby on, but let-down was soooo painful. There is really no way to describe this pain. It was just awful. Being the naive girl that I am, I thought I merely had a clogged duct (even though I couldn't feel any lumps). I put the baby down for a nap around noon, and decided to pump. When I got done, I felt like I was about to pass out. I laid down on the couch and covered up with a quilt, because my hands and feet felt really cold (even though it was 75 in our house). John took Porgie and Izzy to the park. While he was gone things got worse. I was so cold my teeth were chattering, and my head felt like it was about to explode. Also, my breast was so painful that it hurt to even move my right arm. I literally laid on the couch and cried because I felt so miserable. After about an hour of this agony, I took my temperature. It was 103. Ugh.

I never go to/call the doctor unless I am fairly convinced that I am going to die. That afternoon, I called my OB. Through chattering teeth, I described my symptoms. The doctor diagnosed me with Mastitis and called in a prescription for an antibiotic. When John got home, I immediately sent him back out to pick up my prescription. I read in my breastfeeding book that after antibiotics are started, symptoms improve in 24 hours. I was really counting on this.

That night was awful. I would alternate between chills and sweating profusely. I also had the world's worst headache. It was so bad that I was taking the prescription strength Motrin they had given me after my c-section. The headache still wouldn't go away. My boob also took a turn for the worse. The side turned bright red, and it was visibly swollen. It was very tender and painful. Needless to say, it was a long night, but the next morning I felt a little better. And then I felt worse. Although the morning seemed promising, Monday was basically a repeat of Sunday. Monday night my temperature actually reached 105 degrees. My body felt like it was on fire.

On Tuesday I felt like I had been hit by a truck, but my fever and chills finally subsided. Wednesday and Thursday were much of the same. Friday is when I finally felt like myself again. I still have some slight pain in my right breast, but the redness has disappeared.

The moral of this story is that Mastitis is awful. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

4 weeks!

Somebody is 4 weeks old today! He eats! He sleeps! He poops (a lot)!

I was looking through my pictures, and I realized that I didn't have any pictures of Guppy with his eyes open. So, I decided to take a picture of him with his precious little eyes open. Upon trying to take this picture, I realized why I don't have any pictures of him with his eyes open. Newborns don't follow directions very well.

Take # 1

Take # 2

Take # 3

Take # 4

Please excuse the blurry pictures. It was night and my crappy camera sucks in low lighting.

Anyways, Guppy is doing great. We are so happy that he is a part of our lives. Can't wait to see what the next month will bring!

My grunty boy

The grunting and straining all night routine continues. My little guy is so gassy at night. I know that I am incredibly lucky, because he doesn't really cry. He just fusses and squirms and makes lots of strange noises. We have been going to bed really early (sometime between 8pm and 9pm), so that even though he wakes me up 549 times per night, at least I am in bed for a solid 10 hours. That helps (a little). For a few days, I kind of went off the deep end and was obsessed with this issue. But then I read my dear friend Eva's blog post about her new baby. She commented that she was going to go cuddle her son, because "he'll never be four days old ago." That made me reevaluate the situation. This gassiness is temporary. Guppy will never be 3 weeks old again. I just need to enjoy him - grunty noises and all.

Pictures of our little Guppy

My baby boy is so cute and little. I could just eat him up! Porgie is also smitten with our newest creation. She plays with him on his mat every morning. She begs me to wake him up from his naps. She kisses and hugs him endlessly. Izzy is also obsessed with Guppy. He is very touchy feely with him, which freaks me out. He loves to rub Guppy's little head. Honestly, I was worried about how the kids would respond to the new baby. So far, so good!

Rambling

For the first time since I had Guppy, I weighed myself. To my amazement, I have lost 20 pounds. Too bad that I gained too much and still have 23 more pounds to lose. BOO! I originally was shooting for a 30 pound weight gain. But I just couldn't seem to control my weight gain at various times in my pregnancy. Some months I would gain 2 pounds and others I would gain 12 pounds. I felt like I had very little control over it. So, this week I am going to try to start eating healthy again. Actually, I already eat fairly healthy, I really just need to watch my portion size. And stop eating Ben & Jerry's.

Guppy is doing great, but he is killing me with sleep deprivation. I had high hopes for this baby. I was sure that he was going to be my good sleeping baby. He was so calm and peaceful in the hospital. But he has been so freaking wakeful at night. He sleeps great during the day, but nighttime is a nightmare! He does this weird grunting, straining, and crying routine every hour or so all night long. And he is constantly rooting around and trying to nurse all freaking night. I am about to kick him out of my bed. I want to be a co-sleeping mama, but I can't handle this up all night nursing shit. I think I'll give him another week to get more settled at night, and if he is still nursing all damn night, we are going to make some changes in our sleep routine. I wouldn't mind getting up every two or three hours, but I am barely able to function on our current schedule.

John returned to work today. I have mixed emotions about this. I am excited to get back to our normal routine. I have felt a little off lately, and being more independent might help me feel normal again. But damn, I am going to miss having someone home to cook all my meals and change all the shitty diapers.

The newest babe

Guppy arrived Thursday (8/18/2011) at 8am via c-section. He weighed 7lbs 8oz and he was 19 inches long. My smallest babe. My little runt:) The surgery went smoothly, and the baby was perfectly healthy. The whole affair was largely uneventful, and everything went according to plan. We were discharged from the hospital on Sunday afternoon and have been home resting and recuperating ever since.

My little guy is perfect in every way, and we love him to pieces! Guppy is now 8 days old, and we are both doing great. He had his first doctor's appointment yesterday. He looks teeny tiny to me, so I was a little worried that he might not have regained his birth weight. But he did! He weighed in at 8lbs 2oz. Yippee!

Nursing has been going great. Actually, it has been going a little too great at night. My baby boy woke up 4 times to nurse last night. It felt like every time I laid my head down on the pillow, Guppy was fussing and rooting around. Otherwise, he has been pretty mellow. He sleeps a lot. He also poops a lot. He likes to be held and touched and kissed, so we oblige and give him lots of love.

I couldn't be happier. Seriously! I am so in love with this little guy...




In other news, we had an Earthquake on Tuesday. What the fuck? It was so bizarre and kind of scary. And now we have a hurricane bearing down on us. AWESOME. My husband is busy storing water and food in the basement. He seems to be convinced that something bad is going to happen. I hope he is wrong.

Well, I seem to have very little time for blogging lately. I just want to soak up every minute with my little family. I know things will change when John goes back to work, and I'll be eager to chat with my internet buddies. Until then, blogging will be light over here in Cakerwakerville.

39 weeks 6 days