Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Losing myself

People are always changing. We are constantly in motion, moving from one phase of our lives to the next. My life has changed dramatically in the past few years. I can honestly say, without a doubt, having kids has been the best phase of my life. However, I can't help but feel like I have lost something along the way.

I no longer feel feminine, girly, or pretty. I don't know how to phrase this exactly, but I no longer feel like I am attractive (to anyone - even my husband). And the most disturbing part is that I don't really even care. I never wear makeup anymore. I rarely buy new clothes. And I am a little pudgier than I need to be.

Although I have been fairly at peace with my lackluster appearance, something has been bothering me lately - my hair. When I look in the mirror, I see my mother's unruly and disheveled mane. It is everything - the color, the cut, the texture. And it disturbs me on so many levels.

This realization has awoken something inside of me. Why have I let myself go? If I don't like what I see in the mirror, then I need to change it. First up is my hair - I need to have it cut and dyed (For the past several months, I have been skipping the dye to save money). Next, I am going to work on shedding a few pounds. Although I personally don't really have a problem with my weight right now, I know that I could stand to shed a few pounds. And it is almost summer, so bathing suit season is just around the corner. Finally, I am going to start wearing a little makeup everyday. Hopefully it will make me feel a little more put together and maybe, just maybe, a little more feminine and girly and pretty. And I think that is exactly what I need right now.

7 comments:

Jenny said...

I am totally guilty of this...I never wear makeup...just never been a fan. I do try and do mascara and lip gloss but that is usually it.
I do think we lose a bit of ourselves when we have kids but we can always get it back! Let's do it!

Jenny said...

I am totally guilty of this...I never wear makeup...just never been a fan. I do try and do mascara and lip gloss but that is usually it.
I do think we lose a bit of ourselves when we have kids but we can always get it back! Let's do it!

Clare said...

it is amazing what a little hair and make-up will do! i left the kids with chris last week to get mine cut, and i am getting it high lighted in a few weeks, i need it so bad!!

Antropologa said...

I know what you mean. I have paint in my hair and don't even care.

Jeninacide said...

You probably won't be surprised to know that I am definitely an advocate of a little makeup now and again. I loved being in Costa Rica because I wore ZERO makeup the entire time and it was soo lovely to take a break from it. That being said, I am so grateful that I have to get up and go to work in a professional environment every day because if I didn't I would sit at home in my yoga pants with a bowl of macaroni and cheese and a gnarled matte of hair on my head.

I was reading a fashion blog yesterday that was talking about how putting on a cute outfit can really change your whole mood and how you feel about yourself- I have been pondering it and I think I sort-of agree! Go get that haircut girlfriend!

amanda said...

today i wore this tank top and i got a compliment from each person i saw. like to the point i wondered, "do i look like crap everytime else you people see me".

it's hard friend. i get it.

and i too am totally calling for a haircut tomorrow.

Nellie said...

I could have written this exact post. I'm going to start working on the same things.