Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Relationships are hard

My husband and I have been fighting a lot lately. Mostly, these fights center around vaccines. John is very anti-vaccination. I, on the other hand, think our kids should be fully vaccinated. Since we are both stubborn assholes, neither of us wants to make concessions.

Today I took Porgie for her 4 year check-up. At my husband's request, I asked the doctor to perform a titer test to check for Porgie's immunity to Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. Apparently, the second dose of MMR is not a booster. After the first shot, most people are immune. However about 5% of people will not develop immunity. The second shot is administered to give that 5% (or 1 in 20 people) another shot at immunity. Before giving the second MMR shot, a titer test can be performed to measure a person's immunity. In an effort to compromise with my husband, I agreed to have the titer test completed before giving Porgie a potentially unnecessary vaccine.

Unfortunately for me, the doctor was a little rude about the whole situation. I explained my husband's point of view, yet the doctor kept insisting that the titer test wasn't effective. I was starting to feel a little flustered, because this really isn't my battle to fight. My husband really needed to be there to voice his concerns. By the time I left, I had the distinct feeling that the doctor thought I was an idiot.

My husband and I love our children and want nothing but the best for them. John worries that something in the vaccines might harm them, whereas I worry that getting one of these preventable diseases will harm them. We both want our children to be safe and healthy, but we differ on where we think the danger lies. It is a frustrating situation, and I wish that there was a easy solution. Sadly, someone always ends up angry and hurt.


Jenny said...

I do not think you are alone in this battle...there are plenty of couples who feel the same way.
I totally agree with your point of view as does my husband, although he has questioned the ped. before why he needs a certain vaccine.
Hope it all works out!

Antropologa said...

I'm sorry. I know you guys have been discussing this a long time. You know my opinion, already. Good luck.

MK said...


You know my thoughts on the whole hard relationship/disagreeing subject. :-/ Is def rough...

Wish me luck.. we have our 4 week visit today (at 5 weeks lol) and I get to talk to the pedi about our vax schedule. We didn't delay or anything w/ our first so I have no idea how she'll react. She said she does it, but talked about spacing them out by 2 weeks... ??? We'll see how it goes, but I'm just happy my hubby is ok with spacing them out like he wasn't with the first... now if only we could work out other issues lol.

Hope yours gets easier. That sounded like a good comprimise this time around... but yeah I'd make him go next time (or try).

jen said...

honestly ... the vax controversy is really really difficult.
we spaced things out with all of our children. we read about every vax before giving it. we have a pediatrician that we absolutely TRUST with our children's lives.

and i think that is the key component. you have to have trust.

and your husband might be frustrated by me saying this ... but if he is the one that is in disagreement with the receiving of the vax ... then he is the one that is prepared to have the difficult conversation with the ped. and he NEEDS to be there. or he will end up resenting you for making the decision that you feel is best. it's a team decision. not yours or his.

Just Jiff said...

Well, I agree with Jen. HE needs to be the one talking to the ped. People always fear/resent what they don't understand and it's not fair to make you be the one to talk to the doctor about it.

I know you didn't ask, but I'm going to tell you my opinion: NOT vaccinating your kids puts not only YOUR kids at risk for these dangerous diseases but also other kids too.

I hate it for you because you are caught between a rock and a hard place. I hope you don't hate me now. :(

amanda said...

so sorry friend this really is a tough one to disagree on. and you are right someone always walks away hurt and upset over the final decision.

thinking of you....

Jeninacide said...

That sucks. I honestly am on the fence about how I feel about vaccinations myself as I can see BOTH SIDES and BOTH SIDES totally freak me out. Stupid diseases.

Marni's Organized Mess said...

We so have these moments. Same fights, different subjects.