I read an interesting article in one of my parenting magazines this weekend. The article focused mainly on how to balance the household chores in your marriage. This is an issue I often think about, because I get very annoyed when my husband isn't doing his fair share around the house. He really only has two chores around here - taking out the trash (which includes the litter boxes and dirty diapers) and home improvement projects. And yet somehow, he still manages to disappoint me.
For example, it is my husband's job to take out the dirty diapers. I change 95% of the diapers, so I expect him to happily haul them outside to the trash can. When the diaper pail is overflowing, I'll start nagging John about doing his chores. Then he always responds by saying something along the lines of, "Why do you assign me specific jobs? If something needs to be done, just do it." Ummmm...NO! I might do his chores periodically, but he NEVER does my chores. When is the last time he did laundry, just because it needed to be done? When is the last time he scrubbed the toilet, just because it needed to be done? When is the last time he vacuumed, just because it needed to be done? He never does any of my chores. He just ignores them.
Admittedly, I really have nothing to complain about because I am home all day. But everyone deserves a little help. Taking care of the house and kids 24/7 can leave you feeling drained and overwhelmed. The women who really have a right to bitch are working mothers. According to the article I read, 75% of working mothers still do the majority of the household duties and childcare. That is fucked up. Working women are still expected to cook nutritious meals, clean the house, and take care of the children.
But why? Why do women agree to do so much more than men? Is it instinct for woman to nurture and care for their loved ones, even if it is running them ragged? Or are women just trying to live up to society's expectation, which are completely unrealistic?
In my own household, I do the majority of the cooking and cleaning because I feel guilty. If John is working hard to support our family, the least I can do is straighten up the house and make dinner. And I am relatively happy with our arrangement. However if I worked full time, I think things would be much different here in Cakerwakerville. How about you? Do you and your husband split chores 50-50?
22 comments:
When I was a working mom I found this to be true. It didn't help that my husband was a slob of course...
I'm in the same boat as you - SAHM with a hubby who works and does very little in the way of chores. That is our arrangement and I'm fine with that. The thing is, when the kids get to school (in 4 years-ish) I will have a lot more free time and I considered going back to work. But if we don't need the money, I don't think I will do it because I will still have to clean, cook, take care of the kids, do laundry, do errands, etc. Doesn't seem worth it...
This is about to be an issue in my house. I'm not "working" right now, in the sense that I don't have a paying job. I am, however, laying all of the groundwork for a business that WE will have in 2010. Filing papers, getting the marketing stuff ready, beginning the prospecting. You know, WORK. And yet...
Not fifty-fifty, no. My husband will do specific assignments, mostly, but he invariably won't totally finish them. He does all the mowing/blowing (but we're thinking about getting a service). I work part-time but he's not at the house at all about half the time so it's still leaving all the work to me. He might do the kitchen sometimes and he does cook big dinners (making lots of dishes). I get more irritate not about cleaning but about how he never locks the door, and then makes fun of me for checking before bed. GRRR.
My husband and I both hate cleaning. I am supposed to do most of the chores but it doesn't happen and he rarely does the few things I ask of him. i don't think of myself as a housewife but as a mom-so i spend my time with the kids and then we yell at eachother about what a pigsty we live in every chance we get. fun right?
did you read end the chore wars? just saw article on my dining room table- in a big pile of mail of course.
Well, I work AND go to school and still do 95% of what gets done. Sometimes I rant and get help but usually he happily lies around in filth til' I clean it up of course!
LOL I've read that article surpisingly (can't stand the magazine).
No seriously despite me being lucky (my husband attempts to do a little more around here... dishes are his domain as is cat litter and usually the trash) I still have this problem. Unless I pick up the slack dishes get overflowing. I literally can't take out our trash because I have noone to watch Kalila while I walk it down (is too far to leave her and I need both hands to lift it) so I either sit it out for Jas and risk the wrath of our neighbor (who knows the situation and that it'll be gone in 30 min) or wait until Jas is home and usually still end up doing it myself. Before I got pg I'd cave on cat litter too, but... yeah can't do that anymore so I get to nag about that now.
And yet Jas has said that if I choose to go back to work that he'll pick up the slack and our place will stay clean. I call bullshit. As much as he does now... He doesn't do anything half the time!
I love him, but yes annoying.
50/50? snort. In my dreams! He's the SAHD, I'm working 2 jobs to make ends meet, yet it is still my responsibility to cook and clean. Needless to say, my house isn't as clean as I would like it to be. To give him credit, he takes great care of little bit, and he does laundry (I have to ask him to do it and I have to put it away, but at least it gets done)
i think that if i too worked full time it would be much different around here.
i truly don't know how the "working" moms do it all - pretty sure i couldn't.
No such luck. Joe was raised by parents who were raised that Dad went to work & Mom took care of the kids/house/everylittledamnthing else.
Even though I work 8 hours a day too, I am the chief cook & bottle washer. Joe's job is to cut the grass, pick up the kids from school & build me stuff. He's built Maggie's bed, Will's bed, a kitchen cabinet/island thingy, now he's in the planning stage of a double wardrobe/dresser thing for our bedroom. I don't particularly mind doing all the housework (except taking out the garbage, THAT bothers me)because then I know that it's being done the way that *I* like it done.
I would not complain if he decided that he wanted to do his own ironing though, I loathe ironing.
Oh man, here is my soapbox. Thankfully I'm sick and have no energy so I can't really respond the way I normally would. Hubby and I both work outside the house FT and both are in college FT. I still do almost all the house stuff and I change 98% of diapers, I give the nightly bath, etc. etc. If I ask him to bring me something, he says, "You know where it is." or he changes the subject to, "Are you going to clean up the dog shit?" It totally pisses me off...and he really is a great guy but this is one area that makes me INSANE.
And I agree... even if you are at home all the time, you still need a FREAKING BREAK. You don't get vacation from being a mommy and you never leave your workplace, so I don't buy the "you're always home" bullshit either.
Ok, you will hate me, but I have cleaners...so I don't do a lot of chores around the house. I do all of the laundry, although if it gets really backed up chris will throw in a load (because he is desperate for undershirts). he will also help me fold things if we are sitting on the couch, and carry stuff up. so i guess, he does help a LOT, i don't have much to complain about. i do all of the cooking, but he usually helps clean, and he loves to grill out in the summer. he is really great, and i can't complain (he used to change LOTS of diapers too). i am lucky i guess!
Amen sister! Hubs is on my LAST nerve right now and it's because of a lot of this.
One of the few things I enjoy about being single!!! I don't have to deal with my ex in that regard because he wouldn't do anything around the house when I stayed home with the kids and when I worked full time! Now if my house isn't as clean as I want it to be I have no one to blame but myself which reminds me I should get off here and get to cleanin...... ;)
I swear we are working through this subject daily. It has always been me but then it leaves me angry and resentful so we are trying to find a good balance. I am just concerned that my hubby needs to spend time with us and so I guess in the end of the day maybe 80/20 or even 90/10 but I always need to ask. I just want to not have to ask!
Yeah, Erick and I mostly split things 50/50. He will even do laundry since he works from home ALL DAY and I am only there HALF the day and when I am there I cannot expect him to help me with the baby because he is WORKING! (OMG LIKE I AM NOT WORKING TOO AND HE USUALLY HAS A BABYSITTER THERE IN THE MORNING OMG!- but not always... so, yeah).
Anyway- I think it probably works out to something like 60/40 Me/Erick on child care just because it does... but household stuff is typically 50/50. There is no way I could do it all by myself. We would live in squalor. Oh wait... we DO live in squalor. UUUGHHH!
my husband is the primary bacon bringer homer if you want to put it that way, but still helps with the household stuff. mainly trash, dishes (which i love!) and he does is own laundry because he likes it 'plain' as in no fabric softener etc. i am happy with this sitch except that he has no clue how to load a dishwasher. oh well, you win some, you lose some!
What a great topic! My husband cooks most of the time, I'd say about 70% and vacuums. That's a long with other tasks as they come up. WE spllit the dishwashing. I do the laundry and all other cleaning. It seems to work out okay.
somehow i totally lucked out, my husband loves dishes, laundry, trash etc,
his motto, happy wife, happy life
john's only "real" chore is to take out the trash... but, he does help with other things occasionally:) your john really does need to get a handle on the diapers, though, ha!!! ewwwwww:/
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