SERENITY NOW!

I had pretty much the worst day EVER here in Cakerwakerville. My children decided to have a water fight in my daughter's carpeted bedroom at 7am while I was asleep. I woke up to this...


Porgie's floor was soaked from one end of the room to the other. I wanted to kill them. Water cups have officially been banned.

Random things

My son keeps shitting in his underwear. I have no idea why he is has suddenly decided to be an ass. Actually, I do have a theory as to why he is pooping his pants. If my hunch is correct, he wants to wipe his own butt. After the THIRD pooping incident, I explained that he could wipe his own butt ONLY IF he pooped on the potty. Sometimes I think my son's sole mission in life is to drive me INSANE.
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It was sunny and beautiful last week. All of the snow melted, we played outside, and I started thinking about what I want to plant in our garden this year. And then mother nature bitch slapped me with snow. That is right, it is fucking snowing right now. I want to cry.
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My daughter is currently obsessed with the PBS show Super Why! She just can't seem to get enough. She calls herself Princess Pea, and she calls her brother Whyatt. She begs me to turn the show on every afternoon. Then she begs me to let her watch it on Netflix. It is a sickness.
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I have been eating way too much junk lately. Ugh. It started with my birthday. John got me one of those HUGE cookie cakes. Then I got a pound of butter creams for Valentine's day. Then I made those delicious lemon bars I posted about last week (in my defense, we had a bunch of lemons that were getting ready to go bad). And last Friday a good friend of mine baked me peanut butter brownies (a belated birthday gift). I have be eating all of this junk on a daily basis, and I can't stop. I have no will power when it comes to sweets.
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To balance my gorging on sugar, I bought the ingredients to make salad this week. Surprisingly I am looking forward to munching on veggies. Lets see how long that attitude lasts.

Defeated and depleted

I couldn't believe it. This has never happened to me before. NEVER. My children don't need sleep...

There is actually a really long story that goes with this picture, but I'll shorten it for you. Izzy stayed up until 10pm, then got up at 6:30am (because he likes to torture me), and then refused his afternoon nap (once again, because he likes to torture me). I found him this way at 4pm, when he had completely run out of steam. The nap was short lived, and he was running around like a maniac by 5pm. But it was still sweet to find him unexpectedly conked out on the couch.

Vegan Lemon Bars and whatnot

These lemon bars are sooooo delicious. They are time consuming and a pain in the ass to make, but they taste like little pieces of heaven right here on Earth.
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The weather has been amazing lately. The temperature has been slowly creeping up the thermometer, melting all this nasty snow. AND it is supposed to be 65 degrees on Friday. You have no idea how excited I am . We are going to play outside ALL day.
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I think I may have talked my husband into doing a little renovation project in the kitchen. Last night while bitching about doing the dishes, I proposed that we replace our counter top, purchase a smaller sink, and add a dishwasher. With the way our kitchen is currently arranged, the large double sink hinders our ability to add a dishwasher. The amazing part is that John actually wants to go to Lowes to price the supplies.
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I watched the documentary Waiting for "Superman" last night. It was a depressing film on the state of education in America. I actually grew up in a crappy neighborhood, with "failing" schools (according to the state test scores). And despite what many people on the film stated, I didn't feel cheated or robbed of my education. I graduated from a school in the ghetto, and I feel like I received a great education. I am just as smart as you. But I can also see how the system has failed others. Both of my brothers went to the same schools that I attended and both dropped out. My brothers are currently unemployed and living with my mother. Obviously something went wrong. Or maybe we place too much emphasis on the schools and not enough emphasis on the parents. I definitely think my mother's behavior directly impacted my brothers' education.
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I got Izzy's hair cut yesterday. He always looks so handsome right after a haircut. The best part was that I had a coupon for $4.99. Is that a cheap haircut or what?

Since when did toilet paper become fascinating?

I was making dinner. My kids were being eerily quiet. This should have been my clue. Suddenly Izzy ran into the kitchen buck naked and asked for more flushable wipes. Since my son does not wipe his own ass, I knew this meant trouble. We walked back to the bathroom together, where I was greeted with an overflowing toilet and an empty container of flushable wipes.

Trying to remain calm, I took Izzy to the changing table to finish wiping him (obviously I couldn't put anything in the toilet). But his butt was clean. I said, "Izzy, did you poop in the toliet?" He responded with, "No." WHAT? I wanted to scream. I said, "Then why did you put all those wipes in the toilet?" My child stared at me with a blank expression.

I returned to the stove and turned the food off, and then I made my way back to the bathroom. I plunged the damn toilet for nearly 30 minutes. NOTHING HAPPENED. I don't know if you remember, but we only have one bathroom. I started to panic. I called John at work to ask if he wanted me to call a plumber. John said no and that he would be home soon.

Thirty minutes later my husband arrived home to snake the toilet. He retrieve a HUGE wad of flushable wipes. We both scolded Izzy and told him how upset we were. However within the hour, my little boy was in the bathroom playing with the roll of toilet paper. According to him, he was merely blowing his nose. Yeah right!

So, we had to lock Izzy out of the bathroom. That is right - my son now has to ask for permission to get into the bathroom. There is never a dull moment around here. NEVER.

Bread woes

As I mentioned several weeks ago, I bought a bread machine off of Craigslist. A very nice woman sold me the machine for a mere $20. And she even gave me the instruction manual, which was packed full of yummy bread recipes. I was super duper excited. I raced home and promptly started baking some bread.

My first loaf turned out okay. It was a little burnt on the sides and was slightly too tall for our sandwiches, but I thought the bread tasted okay. John, on the other hand, was disappointed. He lamented that it didn't taste as good as my regular bread. I rolled my eyes. WHATEVER.

So, I made another batch of bread last night. I decided to use a recipe from the instruction manual, hoping for better results. Unfortunately, the bread was a disaster. For some reason, the entire center caved in. I was pretty pissed.

I am giving the bread machine one more chance. I have printed out a new recipe, which I am going to try this afternoon. If the recipe flops, I think I'll just resale the damn machine on Craigslist.

Update on the family

So I thought I would update you on the family. My mother seems to be back to her old self again, which is great. However, she wouldn't tell me if she was on death's door. My grandmother was released from the hospital last week. She is currently staying with my cousin. I've only talked to her once, but from what I can gather, she hates the physical therapist who has been visiting her at home. So, things are headed in the right direction.

Now, lets talk about me. I am not really sure what the deal is, but I have been getting some HORRIBLE stomach pains. It started last week after lunch. It was almost like a churning sensation, that went from my bellybutton to my ribcage. It was unbearable and agonizing. Last night I woke up at 2am, with that same horrible pain. The only thing that helped alleviate the pain was sitting upright. I googled my symptoms this morning and according the internet, I either have a stomach ulcer or acid reflux. I've had heartburn before, I was was quick to dismiss the acid reflux. However, I do find it strange that the pain went away when I sat upright in bed.

Anyways, I guess I need to make an appointment to see my doctor. Any guesses as to what you think it could be? And just so you know, I've already had my gallbladder removed, so I know that is not the problem.

In my closet

Do you ever look around your house, and wonder how in the hell you have accumulated so many material possessions? My house is so small and so cluttered. I opened up my linen closet today and took a step back. The top shelf held toilet paper. The next 3 shelves housed towels and rags. The last shelf was a hodgepodge of cleaners, soaps, shampoos, etc. But the floor? HOLY CRAP. I have no idea what happened. The floor was covered in junk. I spotted a toaster oven, a fancy pasta container, 2 watering cans, a shit load of batteries, numerous light-bulbs, and 500 plastic grocery store bags. WHAT THE FUCK?

I tried to sort through the junk, but it was so hard. All of that crap ended up on the floor of the linen closet for a reason - there is just no place to put it! So, I gave the toaster oven away and donated the pasta container to the Goodwill. Then I went to target and bought some cute little green baskets. It is my hope that I can organize all of my stuff into these cute little green baskets, thus eliminating this mess in my life. Now I just need to sit down and actually DO IT.

Next up is my bedroom. Whenever I can't find a spot for something useless (probably an indication that I should just throw it away), I toss it into my bedroom. It is clutter central in my house. Ugh.

STOP CALLING ME MOMMY!

We were driving down the road, and my daughter started her usual chatter. Except she has introduced a new element lately, which entails her saying my name A LOT, but never actually asking me anything. OH MY GOD, it is so frustrating. And annoying.

Porgie - "Mommy? Mommy? Mommy?"
Me - "What?"
Porgie - "Ummm...Ummm...Mommy?"
Me- "What?"
Porgie - "Ummm..."

We drive in silence for 30 seconds.

Porgie - "Mommy?"
Me - "WHAT?"
Porgie - "Ummm...Mommy?"
Me - "STOP CALLING ME MOMMY! IF YOU HAVE A QUESTION, JUST ASK ME! DO NOT SAY MOMMY!"

We drive in silence for 20 seconds.

Porgie - "Mommy?"

AHHHHHHH! Kids drive me insane!

Breaking out of my trance

I go through periods where I sit around the house, doing nothing productive for months on end. Then one morning I wake up and want to get something done. I have entered a "let's get some shit done around here" phase.

My birthday is this weekend, and I have decreed that I would like John to paint Porgie's room as my present. I painted all the interior doors, the livingroom, the dinning room, the hallway, and the bathroom within the last two year. It is John's turn. Actually, he was the one who originally painted Porgie's room (and he didn't do a very good job). There are thin spots EVERYWHERE, because apparently my husband does not believe in second coats. I am actually making this really easy on him, because I want her room to be painted the same exact color. However, I want an eggshell finish (it is currently a flat paint - which has greasy finger prints everywhere) and I don't want any thin spots. Since this is my gift, I intend to inspect his work and give feedback where needed. It should be fun (NOT).

I am also sick and tired of our coat closet. Shoes are everywhere. We have a shoe hanger thingie, but it filled up so fast, that the rest of the shoes just got thrown on the closet floor. I am investing in shoe hangers for Porgie and Izzy's closets. I am going to get this shoe situation under control if it is the last thing I do!

And the final item on my list is light fixtures. I want ceiling fans installed in both kids rooms. Then, I want the light fixture from Porgie's room to replace our current bathroom light fixture. And finally, I want vanity lights install over our bathroom mirror.

Every single item on my list is going to cost money, which really sucks for a family trying to pay down debt and live frugally. But I am forging ahead with my plans anyways. I want to see some changes around this place!

Things in my world

I had my teeth cleaned yesterday. I thought I was doing a really good job caring for my teeth, but apparently I am lacking in my brushing skills. It felt like the hygienist lady was tearing my gums apart. AWFUL. The worst part is that I had my last Ortho appintment on Tuesday, so my teeth were super sore and sensitive. It was just an all around bad experience. Note to self: Do not schedule two dental appointments in the same week.
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I have been working on a blanket for one of my pregnant friends for about 3-4 months. For some reason, this project is taking me FOREVER to complete. Even John has commented on how he never wants to look at the blanket again. I couldn't agree more. After I finish this project, I am hanging up my crocheting needles for a while. Several people I know are currently pregnant, so technically I should be crocheting more than ever. But I think I am going to take the easy route and just buy them something from the store.
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My daughter is going through a super annoying phase right now. For some reason, she keeps getting up between 5am and 6 am. WHY? No one knows. I think John is waking her up while he getting ready for work. And instead of going back to sleep (like she has done for the past 4 years), she is just starting the day really really really early. It wouldn't be so bad if she just played quietly in her room. But noooooo - she has to be an ass. She keeps opening and closing her bedroom door repeatedly. She doesn't actually go out of her room. She just opens the fucking door 200 times per minute. Yesterday I lost my cool and ended up yelling at her at 5:45am. Not fun. I am thinking about buying her a digital clock, and telling her that if the first number is a 4, 5 or 6 she has to stay in bed. She can only get up if the number is a 7 or 8. It probably won't work, but I've got to try something.
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John and I have been talking more and more about refinishing our basement. We don't really have the money right now, but after we pay off our home equity loan I think we'll be able to swing it. Honestly, I don't really care about the extra space. I really just want a second bathroom. We have one bathroom. ONE! I can't take it anymore. I need another bathroom.
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We finally got rid of cable. It is strange, because we never watched TV when we had cable. But ever since it was turned off, I have become obsessed with Television. Now I find myself watching cooking shows on PBS and reruns of All in the Family. Why do we always want what we can't have?

Igloo

We have gotten a lot of snow this winter. A LOT OF SNOW. So, my husband built the kids an igloo...He spent about 2 hours constructing the igloo, and then about 30 minutes yelling at the kids to play in the damn thing. Fun times, fun times.

Lately

Lately, I have been eating too much. Ice cream anyone?

Lately, I never feel like cleaning or cooking or tending to my children. The laundry is overwhelming.

Lately, I have been having trouble falling asleep at night. Bedtime is just an excuse to stare at the ceiling for 2 hours.

Lately, I have been avoiding my friends. There is no real reason for this. I just don't want to talk to anyone.

I can't wait until this month, this weather, this feeling passes. I am longing for change. Especially change in the form of sunshine and grass. That damn groundhog better have good news tomorrow.