Sleep deprivation is starting to get the best of me, and its not pretty. I am turning into a mean person, and my loved ones are suffering. I know that I have been complaining a lot, but I am really not very happy right now.
Yesterday was awful. John managed to wake up both Izzy and Porgie from their naps. By the time I left for my doctor's appointment, I could have punched him in his damn face. As I was leaving the house, he had the balls to ask me to stop and buy him some beer on the way home. AHHH!
Then I had to go sit in a waiting room for an hour, before I was finally seen by the doctor. As I was leaving, some old bitch at the front desk kept harassing me about the bill from my c-section. I told her that I had not yet received a bill from their office (which I haven't), and she told me that a bill had definitely been sent. She kept staring at me, like she expected me to pull $600 out of my purse and pay the damn bill. She ended up giving me the number for the billing department, and told me to call them. I just had Izzy 6 weeks ago. That damn woman was acting like I hadn't paid my bill in 5 months or something. AHHHH!
On the way home, I started crying. I am not really sure why I was crying, but I know that I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to nurse my baby. I didn't want to play with Porgie. I didn't want to hear crying. I didn't want to see John. I just wanted peace. I just wanted to be alone. But, I sucked it up and drove home to nurse Izzy.
Last night Izzy woke up 56 times, as usual. But when he refused to go back to sleep at 3:30, I honestly felt like I was on the edge of snapping. I actually had to go in the living room and scream into a pillow to release some of my tension. After a few minutes, I went back in and tried to calm Izzy down. I was actually angry at him, so it was hard for me to be empathic. He cried off and on from 3:30 to 6:30. Izzy kept waking her up, so Porgie cried off and on during this time too.
And this morning, I am left feeling sad and tired. I am disappointed in myself. I knew having two babies under the age of two would be tough, but I didn't expect to feel so depleted and empty.