Somebody has to be the bad guy. And today, I am the bad guy. If you remember, my daughter likes to puke. She makes herself vomit if she doesn't want to go to bed, if she doesn't want to eat dinner, if she is really pissed off about something, etc. It started last summer and has been a regular part of our lives for the past year. However the problem has greatly decreased over the past 6 or 7 months. Sometimes she'll go an entire month without forcing herself to vomit. This is AWESOME.
But the problem still exists. She still makes herself puke. And it still makes my blood boil. On Easter Sunday, Porgie made herself puke because she didn't want to eat lunch. She wanted to eat candy instead. I managed to remain fairly calm during her episode, but all of her candy was confiscated, and she was sent to bed early.
Fast forward to today. When lunch time rolled around, she told me she wanted soup. I prepared the lunch she had REQUESTED and put her in the highchair. After two bites, she asked to get down. I told her no, so she started gagging herself. Knowing that she was getting ready to vomit, I ran to the linen closet to get a towel. I tried to stay calm. Truly I did. But as she vomited onto her tray, I lost it. I SCREAMED at her. I screamed LOUD. But she seemed unfazed by my rage, so I made a brash decision. I took away her night-night (aka her most prized, beloved blanket).
She started crying. I told her that she could have night-night back after she woke up from her nap. She cried harder. I put her to bed. And she cried for the entire 2 hours. I felt like shit. Why did I take away her favorite thing in the whole wide world? I almost caved and gave her the damn blanket, but I didn't. I am hoping that she learned a valuable lesson today. I know I did.
25 comments:
Oh - this is such a hard issue... I never feel like I'm doing the right thing, and then I feel like I'm too inconsistent with punsishments. I'm so sorry!
This is such a tough one, but I think you are right to try new things to see what may get her to stop puking. You never know what is going to work with any given kid so all you can really do is rule things out through trial and error. I don't think you're a bad guy!
You did good! Never give in. That is one of the things teaching taught me is if you cave once they will walk all over you. I know this may sound harsh but she still has to know you is in control and before today she was controlling you. I think I would have done the same.
Lately, BG is driving me nuts. She will tell me she wants soup for lunch then as soon as I put it down in front of her she will say no I want peanut butter jelly. It drives me nuts! No I don't remake her lunch and I do let her cry it out.
Oh this is tough. I wonder if would work if you did it consisently? Tell her that each time she does that you're going to take it away. I hope whatever you decide works. And you're a great mom - helping her learn that that is not acceptable. Ugh. I feel for you!
Oh no. I don't think that makes you the bad guy... you had to do something at some point. As much as I hate letting mine cry it out.. I've gotten to that point before. Makes me feel like a hypocrite, but breaking point. It happens. Besides, as much as it upset her... maybe she'll learn from it. And if it does work... then you'll have learned a good new punishment lol. I know my cousins daughter has to have things taken away, nothing else works w/ her.
It's not easy!
But you cannot give in to her ~ keep standing your ground and hopefully Porgie making herself sick will be a thing of the past.
Amanda x
Yelling at my kids is the thing I always feel the guiltiest about. It still happens often.
As for the blanket, you are tooo hard on yourself. It was only one nap, you gave it back. You can make it off limits as a 'consequence' but don't drive yourself crazy over trying it once!
Oh Christy ~ this parenting thing is so damn hard at times ~ my two are 7 and 11 and I still fly it by the seat of my pants most of the time ha ha !!
Hope all is ok with you again soon,
Love and hugs Tab XX
You did the right thing by not giving in. That would have been bad. I'm not sure what you could do to get the puking to stop, but trying something different might be the key.
I am sure this is very hard for you. She is definitely in a power struggle with you. Is it just with you or is it witrh you and your husband? Once you took away the blankie you had to keep it away. Giving it back would have been worse.
Yikes. That one is tough. But at least you didn't cave. I hoped she learned her lesson. I think I would just freak out if Ellie puked when she didn't get her way. How messy and annoying that must be for you!
brandon used to do this. pissed me off so bad. once i took away his milk and i swear he acted like i killed him.
once i put his elmo in time out instead of him...oooo that pissed him off. sometimes, you just need to let them know you mean business!
Good for you for sticking with it! I know it had to have been hard to listen to her cry for the whole 2 hours! I hope she learns from it!
wow. I would lose my mind so I'm impressed you are able to be calm most of the time. And I don't think yelling that one time or taking the blanket away is horrible at all. Sometimes kids need to see that you are angry after they've done something a million times...especially if you are calm the rest of the time. My stepson kept getting in trouble at school and finally my husband YELLED at him and Z saw the anger. It scared him a little, but he straightened up after that. Well, for the most part. lol.
As for taking the blanket away, you have to try SOMEthing... and trying something new may be the trick.
I'll keep my fingers cross that she grows out of this phase (I hope that's all it is) and SOON.
How else are you supposed to communicate with a toddler? I say good on you - plus that is a scary habit/talent she has. Effective but scary and messy.
i love all of the comments, you have such supportive readers:) i honestly don't know what i would do in that situation, i hate to see vomit to begin with. i remember my sister did this as a kid growing up, but it was mostly surrounded by eating foods she didn't like. i would have probably done the same thing!!
My children are 14 months apart so it was fun finding a blog about another mother's experience with 2 under 2!
valuable lessons hurt don't they friend? sorry for the pain but in my book you did the right thing.
someone forgot to tell us that being a mama can make a sane woman want a vaca at the loony farm :)
It is always important to never cave in-once I threaten-then I need to act on it and sometimes I threaten out of anger and realize what I said was stupid but I still have to not cave in and keep my word so my kids know I am consistent. It is hard. we all have those days. I had one just a few days ago. HUGS Friend!
It is always important to never cave in-once I threaten-then I need to act on it and sometimes I threaten out of anger and realize what I said was stupid but I still have to not cave in and keep my word so my kids know I am consistent. It is hard. we all have those days. I had one just a few days ago. HUGS Friend!
It is always important to never cave in-once I threaten-then I need to act on it and sometimes I threaten out of anger and realize what I said was stupid but I still have to not cave in and keep my word so my kids know I am consistent. It is hard. we all have those days. I had one just a few days ago. HUGS Friend!
My son did the same exact thing - he puked at every meal, he puked when he didn't want to do something, he would do it every time we ate in a restarant, he would puke in the parking lot before swim lessons, etc.
We just had to ignore him when he did it and not give him the reaction. I know people thought I was a horrible & callous mother when we were in public, but it is hard to get worked up when it is the 3rd time for him to puke in one day. I would just wait for him to finish and clean it up.
It was really gross. He finally outgrew it when he started pre-school. I totally feel your pain!
Been there. Very much been there. Don't have a lick of advice. So sorry.
Oh Christy....there is no manual for being a parent....or I would have bought it.....you do what you have to do. How is she now? Has she tried vomiting again?
That whole situation sounds incredibly difficult. I can honestly say I would have no idea what to do here.
::hugs:: stay strong.
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