Wednesday, April 29, 2009

How to snag a lady: Part 1

It was the winter of 1997. I was working at a little pizza place called Mio's Pizzeria. I had been working there for about a year, and had become friends with most of the people who worked there. I didn't have a car and my mother was unreliable, so I frequently asked my coworkers for a ride home. Usually a guy named Jason would drive me home. We would smoke a joint and drive around town for a few hours. Good times, good times.

One Saturday night, one of the delivery drivers was hanging out in the restaurant. His name was John. He had blue hair. For that fact alone, I thought he was awesome. He was a funny guy - always making offhanded comments about other people. He had given me a ride home a few times, and I remember thinking that he was very cool because he listened to punk music. But other than that, I really didn't know him.

He was chatting with all of the waitresses, and he appeared to be drunk. We were laughing at his silly antics, while closing up the restaurant. I have to admit, I always liked John. He was much older than me, but he was so fun to be around. I always looked forward to working with him, because I knew I would spend half of the night laughing.

When my chores were finished, I went to the register to clock out. John and Jason were both standing at the front counter. Somehow, both of them offered to drive me home. I awkwardly agreed to go with John. I was obviously a very dumb girl, because I knowingly agreed to go home with the DRUNK guy. But the other guy smoked pot, so I am not sure which is better.

John drove me home. And we almost wrecked into a telephone pole. When we finally made it to my house, I asked if he wanted to come inside for a few minutes. My mother was asleep, so we tiptoed up to my bedroom. We were listening to music and talking. This was 12 years ago, so some of the details are fuzzy, but I remember that he tried to kiss me and I turned my head just in the nick of time. After the awkwardness faded, he started talking about his dog. He asked if I wanted to go back to his house to see his puppy. AND I AGREED. That is right, I got back in the car with a DRUNK man. On the drive, we agreed that I would spend the night at his house, since it was already past midnight.

When we arrived, I met his adorable and cuddly dog. She was a sweet little puppy, and I liked her instantly. But our meeting was short-lived, because John insisted that he was tired and wanted to go to bed. We all know where this story is headed. We slept together. Well, almost. We tried to sleep together, but John was really drunk and couldn't keep his erection. So we both went to bed frustrated.

The next morning, we woke up early. John drove me home. It was a really awkward experience. I didn't know what to say to him. When we were about halfway to my house, John decided to explain that he "didn't want a girlfriend right now." It was laughable. This jerk invited me to his house, couldn't get an erection, and was worried that I wanted to be his girlfriend. HA! Funny guy. I kindly explained that I didn't want to be his girlfriend.

When I got out of his car, I had absolutely no intentions of EVER dating this guy. I just wanted to pretend our night together never happened.

And that is how I became romantically involved with my husband. Quite the love story - right? HA!

18 comments:

Midwest Mommy said...

OMG I am freaking laughing my ass off! How old were you? My curfew was 10:30 til I was 17, lol!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I prefer an interesting story to any other. So I think this is great!

Mama Kalila said...

LOL That is great! My story isn't nearly as interesting. Not at all...

dani said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!
john's gonna love this one:P
love,
dani xxx

kristi said...

Ha! For reals??

Jeninacide said...

LOL!! I got drunk the first time Erick and I hung out alone and I TRIED to drive him home, but when I went to get into the driver's seat I FELL OUT OF THE CAR INTO THE STREET. That is when HE drove us home to HIS house... and unlike John... Erick did not have any "issues". THE END.

amanda said...

shut up shut up!! that's beyond romantic and wonderful :)

what's part two??

and how much older??

Mary said...

I can't wait to hear the rest of the story!

Danielle said...

Awesome! when I was 16 I worked at a pizza place and dated a guy who was 7 years older than me. He had his nipple and tongue pierced and his dad owned a tattoo shop. I ended up with tattoos and piercings. Then in college I married my sraight edge accountant husband. The other guy turned out to be an accountant too. It seems I can't pick a bad guy even if I try! Can't wait to read the rest- you have two kids so I am assuming he overcomes his drunken erection issues.

Tabitha said...

Oh Christy ~ I am laughing soooo hard!
What a totally great story ~ I cannot wait for part 2!!
Love and hugs Tab XXXXX

Jiff said...

LMAO.

I hope he doesn't read this. He'll kill you! lol.

So when do we get to see pics of the young lovers?

Eva said...

I love it :) I have a sordid story, too, behind our relationship.

For the record, drivers on pot tend to be paranoid and drive really well.

Husband can always get it up but he can't always finish (when drunk).

Chris said...

I was glued to the screen waiting to find out the ending.... wasn't expecting that! Ha. ;)

Nellie said...

OMG. That is flippin hilarious. I should do a post like that... I've got a good story... it'd have to be private post though!

Z's Mom said...

OMG....does he know you told us all this????? It is quite a funny story....strange how things happen isn't it?

Christy said...

Wow - I missed this post yesterday somehow and I see you've already posted today so I get to see the ending right now! Yippee!!!

Marni's Organized Mess said...

That is freaking awesome. Funny.

MG @ MommyGeekology said...

Wow that's hilarious. So I guess you won't be telling your kids that story? ;)