Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Milk

I think it is over. My beautiful breastfeeding experience is coming to an abrupt end. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. One minute, I feel completely at peace with this new turn of events. The next minute, I feel overwhelmingly sad.

I struggled to breastfeed Porgie. We had latching issues. We had lazy nursing habits. We had failure to gain weight. Ultimately these problems led me to pump exclusively for nearly 6 months. And I hated it.

When I was pregnant with Izzy, I was terrified of breastfeeding again. But my little guy was born eager and ready to nurse. Since day one, he has been a champion nurser. He loved to nurse so much, that he turned into the chunkiest exclusively-breastfed-newborn most doctors had ever seen.
And although I had my doubts at first, I grew to love nursing my baby boy. For the past 16 months, we have nursed every single day. It was easy and effortless and ENJOYABLE. I actually looked forward to feeding Izzy. It was such a special time between mommy and baby.

But, my little guy has been sick. For almost two weeks now, Izzy has had a really bad cold - complete with a cough and runny nose. In this time frame, he has nursed about 3 times. He can't nurse and breathe. So naturally, he refuses to nurse. At first I was committed to pumping during those missed nursing sessions. However after three days, I grew sick of pumping all the time. So, as you might have guessed, I decided to stop pumping.

To my surprise, I am not engorged at all. And Izzy doesn't really seem to mind all those missed nursing sessions. In fact, when I sit down to nurse him, he just tries to roll away from me.

Bittersweet.

19 comments:

MarvelousMOM said...

I'm reading this while breastfeeding, crazy. I'm sorry friend. I hate pumping too. I've only done it a couple times and can't stand it. I have no supply built up because of this. I'm sorry it's coming to an end but at least you know you kept him healthy and strong. :)

Danielle said...

I know your exclusive pumping pain. You give me hope that i will be able to breastfeed my second time around. You have done a great job and it seems that izzy is ok with it coming to an end.

Amanda said...

You have done so well breastfeeding both babies and have given them both an excellent start in life :o)

Amanda x

Midwest Mommy said...

I pumped 4 times a day for 11 months. LM never latched on. When I was told to stop back in December I had really mixed emotions. It was hard. You are so lucky you didn't get engorged. I was for two weeks and it sucked donkey balls!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Every little benchmark in the change from baby to boy is a little heartbreaking.

Love the first picture - so cute!

Jiff said...

Awww...your little boy is growing up.

Bayley refuses baby food now...just real table food for her... makes me sad, but it's nothing like your situation.

Anyway... *Hugs*

Rachel said...

I hear you. It is such a strange thing because there was a part of me that was relieved when it was over but ao sad too. I have struggled with sam and now I pump but she is only 4 months old and so I feel it is my duty. You did a great job christy.

Eva said...

Weaning is always hard, no matter when and why. So sorry.

Clare said...

you have done an awesome job with both kids. You should be so proud!!

Jeninacide said...

Awww. I totally understand. You did it for longer than most of us! You should be super proud of yourself. Booga and I parted ways at 11 months. Since then I have had moments where I miss it, but mostly it is nice to have my body back. Although, one of Booga's first words was BOOB and he remains OBSESSED with mine.

Mama Kalila said...

Oh I am sorry! I'm not looking forward to that... I guess the cold thing is going around too because Kalila's had it too (nothing other than the nose though so I'm wondering if hers are allergies?). Thankfully she's stubborn though and nurses though it. She'll break off every few seconds to breath but still lol.

Mary said...

You did a great job!

amanda said...

bittersweet indeed friend. we made it to 13 months and it was sooo hard to let go. harder on me, of that i am sure. but i am a sap.

high five for going so long friend.

Chris said...

Oh, that's a tough thing, for sure. Pumping isn't all that much fun... It is definitely bittersweet no matter when it's over (now or later down the road). It's awesome that you've worked so hard at breastfeeding!

anymommy said...

It is bittersweet. I'm sorry. If he's ready though, it will all be okay. Just hug him tight and lots of snuggles.

Don't worry, I'll be a basket case when this last baby stops nursing!

Christy said...

Oh I totally understand. I've been nursing my daughter for 7 months and really enjoy it. I sort of dread not doing it anymore, one day. But I also look forward to that freedom. Mixed feelings, indeed.

Sotorrific Twins said...

Bittersweet for sure. I read some of your old posts about feeding and pumping and I am in the same situation with my twins as you were with Porgie. They are 4 month snow and I pump exclusively. I wonder if I can get them to nurse - it just seems so hard to switch now that they are older...and they are 2!

Nellie said...

oh all the emotions we mommy's go thru. i remember coming to the bf end with ellie and i was SO SAD. i actually cried for quite a few days... but eventually got over it.

i agree pumping sucks.

iMommy said...

Well at least it hasn't been a physically painful experience for you! Weaning both the girls - even after only 2-3 months and a low/declining milk supply - was brutal!

So sad to see the end of another stage.... but gosh he's cute!!!