Thank you for all of your kind words and support. I really needed to hear your encouraging words, because yesterday was really tough. When I was at my breaking point, ready to chase Porgie around with a spoonful of food, Amanda wrote this, "oh how i wish my mom would have heard that quote...i could go on and on with details - her weighing me in the morning before school, having the lunch ladies check my tray before i could get up from my seat, the timer at dinner, the hidden veggies, the eating disorder...instead i will just say thank you and good luck. you can do it! and you both will be much happier." I cried just a little when I read her comment. Because if I don't get myself in check now, I can easily see myself in her mother's role.
We started the day with a bowl of Cheerios. Porgie didn't eat any of her cereal. Not even one bite. She cried most of the morning, and begged for Crunchies. When lunch rolled around, I was positive that she would eat. I made her peas, pasta, and tofu. She ate 1 single pea and a two bites of tofu. And then she asked to get down. It killed my soul, but I let her down. She then promptly asked for some graham crackers. At that point, I made the desicion that snacks had to be offered at a set time and that she had to eat them in her highchair. Otherwise, she was going to refuse her meals and gorge herself on snacks. When I refused her the crackers and offered her more tofu, she cried and then I cried. When naptime rolled around, Porgie was rattling on and on about cheese and bread, and I wanted to cry again. When she woke, I gave her a snack in her highchair. For an hour or two afterward, everything seemed like it would be okay. Porgie was in good spirits, playing and singing. Then we had dinner, and our good vibe promptly ended. Porgie ate a handful of frech fries and three nibbles of her veggie burger. She asked to get down and I grudgingly obliged.
It was a tough day my friends. A really tough day. If I had taken over the reins and started spoon feeding her, I am positive that I could have made her eat most of her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. But I did not resume my bullying role. Instead, I let Porgie decide what and how much she wanted to eat. I know that she didn't eat enough. I know that she went to bed hungry. But I also know that I cannot continue to control Porgie's diet. I need to let her feed herself, listen to her own body, and make her own decisions about food.