Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Baby fever?

In my humble opinion, newborns are tough. They cry a lot and poop a lot. And in my experience, they never sleep. But despite all of their crazy antics, I still want more babies. The newborn phase is so fleeting, and toddlers are so much fun!

My husband would probably have a heart attack if I even mentioned having more children right now, but it is something I often think about. I love kids. They are funny little creatures. And I definitely want more. Although we certainly have our hands full with our two beautiful babies, I still think about trying for a third.

Unfortunately, there is a gap growing between what I want and what John wants. It sucks, because I often feel angry with him when we talk about future children. He is completely content with our little family. He often tells me how lucky we are to have two perfect babies. And he is right. We have been very blessed. But, our family just doesn't feel complete. We need another little body running around this house. Another little voice to add to the noise. Another little smile to melt our hearts.

But I can't make my husband want the same things that I want.

23 comments:

Danielle said...

That's a tricky situation. Maybe he will come around. My hubs said if you said child is a girl then we are done- because if we had a third girl he couldn't imagine being in a house full of women! If it is a boy...it would even the score.

All these B's and Me! said...

I'm right there with you! I want to try again in 4 years and B says NO!! I still feel that I'm not done and want to be pregnant again, nurse again, swaddle again and all those things. I don't think I'm ready to say okay were done FOREVER! It's so hard when the other is feeling different than you on that subject. Give it sometime and maybe you can convince yours and hopefully I can convince mine as well. :o)

dani said...

i hope, if you continue to feel that a third baby would complete your little family, that john will come around to your way of thinking, christy:) a third little cakerwaker sure would be cute!!!
love,
dani

jen said...

i am in EXACTLY the same boat.
i want a third. desperately.
i feel frustrated ... that i didn't experience the second like it was the last time for everything. because i really felt that i would be having another.
and so did husband. until recently. and every time that i am stressed...he takes that to mean that we shouldn't! argh!

Jiff said...

hm... I'll think of ways to convince him. I think you'd have a sweet baby...and how can he pass that up??

Jenn said...

Well I have already been there and had three kids all two years apart and even though I love them. It's hard all the things that you find hard and that drive you nuts with two gets way worse when there are three , two you can each grab one if they are bad or you are out somewhere and they need to be controled carried whatever with the third it's very hard to do that.

That's why we already knew going into this new baby it will be two for our new little family and that is it, the hubby will be going to get snipped once this baby comes and even though I still might feel it in my heart when I see new babies my head realizes how hard it is and we are not going to do it.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

When it comes down to it - you really do have to be on the same page with that. A family will never be happy if the parents aren't happy (regardless of how wonderful the children are).

I think that there are a couple of factors to consider. First - money. Kids are expensive, from diapers to college tuition - and 3 kids will be a lot more expensive than 2. With the current economy, increasing household expenses will automatically increase any stress related to money. Unless of course money isn't an issue (for some people it isn't - but for most it is).

Second - adding another child to the house will inevitably take up more time - which of course will take away from the limited time that you have with each other (without the kids I mean). This is a big deal for a lot of men. For a lot of women too actually.

(and Jenn makes some good points about 3 as opposed to 2 - I am living the dream on that one with a 3 year old and 2 2 year olds...)

So maybe you have to figure out if either of these issues or others play a role in your husband's preferences and then try to see things from his perspective. Then of course, he really needs to see things from yours as well.

And in the meantime - you can just vent about your feelings on your blog where everyone loves you and has your best interests at heart!

You should check out The Gift (http://www.anastasiaspeaks.com/) today - she's struggling with the idea of having a third, and lists comments that people have made to her on the subject.

MarvelousMOM said...

That is tough. I think that my husband would be content stopping after this one. But I want one more...and I think he is finally ok with that. This of course can change...

Insta-mom said...

Kate has some excellent points. When we found out we were pregnant with the twins, we were in the process of trying to adopt. I know I don't want to be pregnant again, but there's still that empty spot that my adopted child was supposed to fill. We know we can't now...it would mean a bigger car, bigger house, costlier vacations, another college education...but there's always that piece of my heart that hopes "Well, maybe someday."

I hope no matter what decision is made that your heart is happy.

Eva said...

Yep.

Laura McIntyre said...

It is a tricky situation, we went through a similar situation sort of recently (basically he sure that we were done at 3 and wanting to take permanent action, me done for the moment but wanted the window kept open. He choose permanent). Its hard but you cannot force them to change there mind, that being said your kids are young and maybe in a few years he will change his mind

Jeninacide said...

Maybe he will change his mind eventually? Just wait a bit?

I always thought I wanted 3-4 but nowadays the thought of having even TWO like, scares the poop out of me.

I will have more... but not for a WHILE. QUITE A WHILE.

Amanda said...

I hope he comes round to the idea ~ eventually!
love,
Amanda x

AnastasiaSpeaks said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog on this issue. I wish I was as sure as you are about the third. I go back and forth a lot.

Also, don't worry about the resistance, I think husbands all are hesitant and say the things yours did. With some time and open communication, he will come around.

Tabitha said...

Oh Dear ~ I hope that you get your dream of another child oneday!!
Children definitly are a blessing.(Even though mine drive me mad at times ha ha !!!)
Love and hugs Tabitha XXX

Rose said...

Hopefully he'll come around. But until then, continue to enjoy your beautiful babies. They are too cute!

Midwest Mommy said...

That's hard. I felt done after LM but the Hubs didn't. When LM was about 9 months old he finally said he agreed with me that we were done. I tell people my mind says I am done but if we have a surprise my heart was never done.

moo said...

swistle is going through the exact same thing right now.

it's hard when you two aren't on the same page. I'm so sorry you are frustrated.

can you table the discussion and revisit, perhaps this summer? Maybe he will have changed his mind. Or maybe you will have.

Mama Kalila said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. Lately I've read about a bunch of couples in that situation... I know that's gotta be rough.

Just so the other side gets heard lol... Yes it will be hard having another, but if yall do there's always a way to work past those points mentioned. Granted you're husband does have to agree first (on Cafemom I have been shocked lately to read women advising others to have an "accident" - I'm sorry that's just wrong). If you really want a third talk to him. I know that's easier said than done, but still... I'd explain it much the same way you did here.

amanda said...

we are the opposite over here. i mean i know we will have the second but he is ready like yesterday. and me. i just want to soak in as much time as possible with the bug before the next one comes around.

but i totally get it. being in different baby camps isn't easy.

Becks said...

Again I can relate!! My husband isnt ready for another kid because of financial reasons. Even though it would always work out. I mean we have everything we need to have another one. But I am not pushing it because I still need to lose a bunch of weight before getting pregnant...when and how i will lose it is a mystery!

You make such cute babies, how could you not have another one!!!

anymommy said...

I know this pregnancy is our last and I still have trouble experiencing it all enough and letting go of this phase. I completely understand what you are saying.

Lisa said...

When Ally was born I had this overwhelming sense that my family was complete. It was the oddest feeling in the world, but I knew we were done. Six weeks after she was born hubby went and got fixed. Of course, there are time I do miss having a baby around.