Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Identity crisis

Anxiety. I have lots of anxiety.

When my kids enter kindergarten, I will have to rejoin the workforce. I have a bachelor's degree in elementary education, but I am not sure that I want to continue teaching. Where does that leave me? What can I do with my degree? Although I am fairly confident that I don't want to teach, I have no idea what I would rather do. Nothing sounds interesting.

I have thought about going back to school to get another degree. I have even looked at the academic program guide for a local community college. Unfortunately, none of their degrees sound appealing to me either.

When I think about the logistics of actually working, I just don't understand how I am going to make it work. Who will be home to watch the children at 3 pm? Who will watch the children for Christmas break, Spring break, and Summer break? I guess most people rely on family members for support in this area, but I do not have that luxury.

And then sometimes I think about staying home and home schooling my kids. But then I worry about turning my children into social retards. Every home schooled kid I have ever met was weird - no offense to any home schooled people out there.

Am I going through a mid-life crisis or something? I feel so insecure and unsure about my path in life. And the worst part is, I have YEARS before I have to worry about these problems. Why are they keeping me awake at night?

19 comments:

Mama Kalila said...

Try not to worry about it... you do have awhile!

As for homeschooling. I know some kids who've done well with it... it really all depends on how it's done. My issue is that they still need to be in High School at least, most of the ones (but not all) I've known are missing a few skills they would have learned there. We don't want to home school, but have talked about it and decided that if we ever do it would only be in younger years...

Midwest Mommy said...

Seriously I think I have this converstaion with the hubs at least once a week. I do want to go back to teaching but I always tell him I just don't understand how we are going to do it. Where will the kids go before adn after school. I freak out too and he just says we'll figure it out. I tell him I can't even make it out the door before 9 with both kids how will I get ready for work, get two kids ready for school and make it to a job. I feel ya!

jen said...

oh. did you read my blog? cause i was talking about the same exact thing???? damn ... it's a tough decision and a hard road. and it sucks. bit time. and i so feel for you.
all i know ... is that working the "school shift" is so much better than trying to do something else.
i think you just get by ... huh?

Kate Coveny Hood said...

You don't need a degree for a different job. I know very few people who ever did anything with their degree.

But I understand your worry about post school hours and vacations. As a working mom without nearby family - this is something that I have to worry about. School should have after school programs - so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

I haven't figured out vacations yet (since they kids are still young enough for daycare, I hasn't been an issue. But I guess you just have to look into camps, hire babysitters and plan your vacation time over their spring break, etc.

iMommy said...

If we didn't have family around - and it looks like in July that we might not - I don't know how this would work.

Then again, I can't afford to put these kids in daycare, so I'd have to stay home if/when my family isn't an option anymore.

Good luck finding a balance!

Eva said...

Yeah, not having family nearby is a problem.

Z's Mom said...

hahahaha....ok, I know you are worried...but there are things in that post that just totally cracked me up....

It'll all work out.

Kristin said...

I know exactly what you mean, I was that way before Sydney was in school and I am starting to feel that way again about Ava and any other little people who grace our lives. One thing that I try and remember is that everything will work out, even if you have to adjust things all along the way. You will figure out what works!! ;)

amanda said...

hubby and i have this conversation too. i loved the classroom but i too am not sure i want to head back when it's "time" to.

and honestly how will i even know when it really is "time". know what i mean??

as for the anxiety overdose - i am right there with you. always. i bug the hubby about him not worrying enough - he says i do it enough for both of us!

Amanda said...

I wouldn't be able to work without the help of grandparents. It's a shame you don't have that support. But you have a wee while yet before the kids go to school!
love,
Amanda x

MarvelousMOM said...

I worry about this...and I am not a SAHM yet. I worry what it will be like, how I will work again, and on and on. I feel like a freak. And I am sure that once I do stay home with the kiddies, I am going to want to be with them on vacation days, summer, etc which would cause my job selection to be very picky. Sigh... Try not to stress, everything will work out as it should!

Tabitha said...

I quite often lie awake worrying about things that may never happen ~ or that are way off in the future!!
I am sure that it will all come right in the end.
Take care ~ Love and hugs Tabitha XX

Dana said...

as far as home schooling is comcerned I wouldn't do it! being a teacher in a psych hospital I have seen 1st hadn why it's not a good idea to home school your kids. I mean I'm sure you'd do a great job, but overall, socially, academically, emotionally, all of it i think it's better for them to experience a real school!

And I know what you mean about the anxiety! Same here sister!

Danielle said...

I feel the same way. I think thwe same things. You are no alone.

Mary said...

I have the same problem. I know I don't want to go back to teaching, but I don't really know what I want to do either. Maybe you could just take some classes for fun and see if any of them spark some sort of interest for you.

Rose said...

I have major anxiety too, and always worry about things in the future that I currently have no control over. Most recent: how in the world I'll get my daughter to and from school when I work 45 min away and leave ridiculously early in the morning.
As for going back to work, I had to return to teaching when she was just 4 months, and it was so hard. I loved teaching before, but now my heart's just not in it. But like you said, what else can we do with that degree?

Jiff said...

You know, I don't have the option to stay at home with my daughter but I've often wondered that if that choice DID become available, what would I do when it was time to go back to work? I think it's totally normal to think about.

As for what you'd do... could you afford to work at the school? Maybe not in a teaching capacity but in some other way? That way you wouldn't have the before/after school issues, etc. Or maybe you could work somewhere part time, work from home doing bookkeeping or something. I don't know, but it seems that just having a degree would be helpful. You don't necessarily have to work in that field.

Rachel said...

I have tons of anxiety lately. I think it is hormones, just me in general and the damn winter blues.

moo said...

I think what you are feeling is totally normal.
And you have a lot of time left to make this decision.

you might want to look into becoming an executive assistant ... often, you can work 9-2 and be home in time to get them from school!