Friday, February 17, 2012

You don't have to tell me. I already know.

I know I bitch about sleep a lot.  And really, it is my own fault.  I feel very ambivalent about all things baby related.  Guppy is most likely going to be my last baby.  Knowing that I will never have a wee little baby again is really difficult for me to accept.   So I am stuck in baby limbo.  I am afraid to move forward.

Yes, I want to get more sleep, and co-sleeping obviously isn't working.  But I want to cuddle with my co-sleeping baby for as long as possible, because I might never get to feel a peach fuzzy head rubbing against my cheek at 3am ever again.

Yes, I want to teach my baby how to self-soothe.  But I also love nursing my baby off to sleep.  Nothing is sweeter than watching his little eyes flutter shut, while I rub his little head.  Just thinking about it makes me want to go nurse him.  And I know this special time is so very brief.  I just want to enjoy it before it is gone.

Forgive me for complaining, dear readers.  I am frustrated and tired, but I am also so head-over-heels in love with having a baby.  Things probably aren't going to change overnight.  I am probably going to bitch about sleep again (and again).  But just bare with me.  We'll get there eventually.


antropologa said...

Yes, babies are sweet. :)

MK said...


May said...

tell me about it ;-( My baby is 13 months and I dream of another baby (knowing also he is my last baby)... it wasn't so with my 7 and 6 year old,,, its just that feeling that this is your LAST BABY is very hard to accept ( it means OLDER, no longer baby bearing age, it means NEXT BABY in the family will be grand-baby). It s Normal,,, think about your baby's preschool, first day of Kindergarten,,, you have your whole entire life ahead of you watching your beautiful children grow.. .LIVE NOW, for this moment will never be the same,,, they will never be this young again and you will never be either,,, but when they grow you have even more to look forward to.. Family vacations, soccer for the boys, ballet and gymnastics for Porgie... Oh all the fun you will have. Dont be sad, ENJOY every second. Even the YUCKY days will be fun to remember after theyre over. Take care and sending HAPPY THOUGHTS to you xxx

amanda said...

it's your blog. it's your bitch. seriously. no apologies. this space is where we work it out. and where we can be honest about our worlds.

ps - last babies are hard.

allyk said...

I don't think you should have to explain a thing! Your babies are so damn cute and you are right, how long will you have to see those precious close and feel his peach fuzz? I have only one child and you know what? Last night I let him sleep with us. I slept like crap but how much longer will I get to feel his little feet kick me all night?