I know I bitch about sleep a lot. And really, it is my own fault. I feel very ambivalent about all things baby related. Guppy is most likely going to be my last baby. Knowing that I will never have a wee little baby again is really difficult for me to accept. So I am stuck in baby limbo. I am afraid to move forward.
Yes, I want to get more sleep, and co-sleeping obviously isn't working. But I want to cuddle with my co-sleeping baby for as long as possible, because I might never get to feel a peach fuzzy head rubbing against my cheek at 3am ever again.
Yes, I want to teach my baby how to self-soothe. But I also love nursing my baby off to sleep. Nothing is sweeter than watching his little eyes flutter shut, while I rub his little head. Just thinking about it makes me want to go nurse him. And I know this special time is so very brief. I just want to enjoy it before it is gone.
Forgive me for complaining, dear readers. I am frustrated and tired, but I am also so head-over-heels in love with having a baby. Things probably aren't going to change overnight. I am probably going to bitch about sleep again (and again). But just bare with me. We'll get there eventually.