Thursday, February 16, 2012


Internet people, I am so fucking tired.  I am so tired that I can't remember ever not feeling tired.  I am so tired that I wake up angry and mean.  I am so tired that I can't even go to sleep when the opportunity presents itself.  My baby boy has never slept great, so I have been functioning on very little sleep for the past 6 months.  And largely, I was fine with this arrangement.  But this cold virus has pushed me over the edge.  Guppy has been waking every fucking hour at night.  EVERY HOUR.  This has been going on for the past 4 days.  I feel sorry for the little guy, but I think I feel more sorry for myself.

My head is pounding. I have been eating like a pig.  I yell at my other children for the slightest infraction.  I can't concentrate on anything.  I have no motivation to clean the house or fold the laundry or cook dinner.  I feel like I am just barely able to get through each day.  Life is just no fun when you aren't sleeping.

This post is so annoying.  I am such a whiny baby.  Okay, let's pretend that I didn't just write the world's most boring post.  Instead, let's do something productive!  I know, let's bake a German Chocolate Cake! 

When my lovely cake stuck to the bottom of the pan, I lost my shit and cussed loudly.  Then (because I am super mature and level-headed) I threw the cake pan.  Finally, I ate half the destroyed cake right off the counter top.  It was a bad morning.


Jenny said...

I am sorry friend! If it makes you feel any better, I just ate a couple spoonfuls of cookie dough and now I am on my second cookie.

I miss sleep too. When Eli was sick he was up non-stop! Now he will go from 8pm-3am. Then it takes an hour to get him back to sleep and then he is up at 6am. Now if I went to bed at 8, I would be feeling good.

Hope he starts to get better and sleep more.

antropologa said...

Oh you poor thing. It's so hard to be nice and eat well when you are exhausted.

amanda said...

oh man friend. i am so so so sorry. i wish i knew what to tell you. seriously. you need a hotel by yourself and a solid 24 hours. and some massive sleeping pills.

and yes i know that is unrealistic. but i am wishing it for you anyways...

kristi said...

Oh wow. I am so sorry. I do throw shit when I am tired...or when I am sick.

April said...

You could have made cake balls with the messed up cake! Mix icing in with shredded cake, roll into balls, freeze, dip in candy coating. Yum!

So maybe you have answered this before but I don't there a chance that the co-sleeping arrangement isn't working for anyone in your house? If you are miserable and baby is miserable and your other kids have a cranky, upset mommy all the time they're probably miserable and I'm just gonna guess your husband doesn't like a cranky wife either. I'm honestly not trying to be an ass, it just sounds like everyone is currently miserable.

While I don't believe in some people's definition of babies "crying it out" (would never have my baby cry for long periods of time and not go in to console them) is there a modified method you could do? I have always done the cry 5 mins, console, cry 10 mins, console, cry 15 mins, console, etc. I have never read any books on the sleep training but I'm guessing this is some kind of baby help method someone has written a book about. And if not then I'm really missing out on a major money maker.

It could be tough for a few days but all my babies (3 of them) have been great sleepers using this method (my current youngest is 6 1/2 months, older two are 5 and 4 years). I also don't co-sleep because I can't (we make too much noise and wake baby up, baby makes too much noise and wakes us up, enter vicious cycle and it's just not something that I've ever enjoyed).

Again, not trying to be mean or antagonize just wondering why you haven't or won't try something different? Or maybe you have and I just don't know. I know being sick adds another level of stress too. Hope things get better soon!

Anth said...

That sounds like exactly the thing I would do after not sleeping for 6 months - the cursing, and throwing, then the eating of a cake. Perfectly reasonable, really.

Ace woke 1-2x a night for 9-10 months and I have sleeping issues anyway, so my sleep was fubar'd. I ate a lot of brownies. Like, A LOT. So with Guppy getting up every hour, well, let's just say anything you eat that is not made of sugar, I think you should give yourself points for.

Very sorry. :(

May said...

Oh I'm so sorry.... You are a mother, OF COURSE you're supposed to SNAP AND BE MEAN IF YOU Had not slept. Do you think maybe formula for Guppy at night could just help him sleep longer,,, just at night,,, i dont know.... Well its a long weekend,,, have your hubby help you this weekend,,, dont go out SLEEP in the afternoon and I hope you ll feel better. Hope you feel better

allyk said...

I love you because you are so genuine! I do not know how you do it all and then manage to bake a cake. You are amazing! I wouldn't have even been able to go there. I'd have eaten the cake off the counter too by the way!

Laura McIntyre said...

I can just offer hugs and let you know i understand , my son was a horrible sleeper - he finally started going 2-3 hours between feeds at 18 months old...for the first 1.5 years he woke hourly . It was a horrible nightmare and not something i could ever go through again .

You need to get some sleep , I agree with Amanda go away for a night if you can or make daddy deal with it. Express , give a bottle - anything but sleep is important. I look back on my sons first year and remember nothing except being tired and depressed - which also means i missed a year of my other children's life.

misguided mommy said...


because who cares about the sleep...but a damaged cake, that is the real tragedy here.