Thursday, December 4, 2008

Learning more about myself

Over the past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and how I am perceived by my loved ones. According to my family, I am an emotionally stunted asshole.

When my cousin was leaving for the airport last week, I hugged her and said, "I love you." She instantly looked teary eyed. When I questioned her about the unwarranted tears, she said that I had never told her I loved her before. Although I KNOW that I have told her I love her, I honestly cannot remember the last time I said those words to her. I found this highly disturbing.

After fretting about it for a few days, I asked John if I am stingy with my love. I fully expected him to say no, but instead he told me that in addition to not saying "I love you" enough, I also do not offer enough physical affection - kisses, hugs, holding hands, etc. And its true, I don't like much physical affection.

It is incredibly hard knowing that other people want your love and affection, but you seem to be unable to give it to them.

16 comments:

Misguided Mommy said...

i have this problem, it's amazing how many people are bothered by lack of hugs. they always tell me it makes them afraid of me, or makes them think i'm weird.

oooh we should get together and hold hands!

uggg the thought of hand holding just gave me shivers....nvmd lets get together and drink lots of coffee

Jiff said...

I used to be like that... not sure what changed me... but I'm not overly huggy either...except with my hubby and Bayley and Z.

amanda said...

if it makes you feel better - i feel your love. seriously. bloggy style :)

ok that sounds bad.

that's not what i meant.

at least you don't have a problem with words and putting your foot in your mouth!

jen said...

my newest quest in the hugging thing ... especially with husband and kids is hugging them until they let go.
it's amazing how long the hugs seem to last, which is slightly uncomfortable at first. but overall feels really good.

Jenn said...

I'mnot a hugger unless I want to do it. Whenever we are leaving a huggy person's house I always say by and try to make it to the car before they grab me! hahaha

TEACHBROECK said...

I hate to go all gospel Oprah on you ...but you must read http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/

Yha the guy is religous but it didn't take away from the lessons I learned as a wife and a mother..seriously I hate self help shit but this made a lot of sense!

Z's Mom said...

I'm the same way with family...unless they initiate it....which most of my family does. So I guess I have no idea how they perceive me.

Now Z....I could hug and kiss him all the time....but he won't let me....little bugger!!!

Do they initiate hugs and stuff with you? Its a 2 way street, baby!

kristi said...

My husband had to work with me on this too!

Midwest Mommy said...

I think I am guilty of this too. After I read this I felt the shame of not doing this enough. Really until I moved out I never really hugged my parents goodbye or kissed them now I think it has a lot to do with the fact that I have kids.

iMommy said...

Some people just aren't touchy feely. I think it's ok, just try to show it another way!

Danielle said...

I am not big on physical affection either-well I am with E but jo so much with the HUBS. I don't like being touched. Whenever I hug or kiss people I feel awkward. My mom said I have been like this since I was little.

Catizhere said...

I'm not a very demonstrative person either. I rarely hug my husband. My children get smothered with kisses and hugs and little touches thoughout the day, but Joe? Not so much. I want to be more physical and show more affection, but he's not really into that, so I just let it go.

Steph said...

I am a very affectionate person. Eli can be, but not all the time and it has been an adjustment for me to get used to. Sometimes I am fine with it, others it really bothers me. He is really good with the "I love you's" and holding hands, but more than that is hit or miss.

Rachel said...

I too am that way. I have a problem showing love except to my son. It is hard to trust when we went through people not being there for us and letting us down. But the face that you are aware-well that is huge. I work daily to be more available to my hubby in that way-that naughty word-intimacy. I am much better than I was when we first met. Progress and not perfection.

Karen said...

Wow! That's very insightful of you to discover. I'm kind of in the middle of all this -- not overly huggy with those outside of my immediate family, but very huggy with my spouse and daughter.

Eva said...

We have conversations like that sometimes, about how he wants to cuddle and share a bed. The rest of the time I am the one initiating the hugs and kisses.

But anyway not everyone is demonstrative. You show it, don't say it. That's good too!