Over the past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and how I am perceived by my loved ones. According to my family, I am an emotionally stunted asshole.
When my cousin was leaving for the airport last week, I hugged her and said, "I love you." She instantly looked teary eyed. When I questioned her about the unwarranted tears, she said that I had never told her I loved her before. Although I KNOW that I have told her I love her, I honestly cannot remember the last time I said those words to her. I found this highly disturbing.
After fretting about it for a few days, I asked John if I am stingy with my love. I fully expected him to say no, but instead he told me that in addition to not saying "I love you" enough, I also do not offer enough physical affection - kisses, hugs, holding hands, etc. And its true, I don't like much physical affection.
It is incredibly hard knowing that other people want your love and affection, but you seem to be unable to give it to them.