I like to blog even when I don't have internet

I brought my laptop to Kentucky, because John's dad informed us that he had wireless internet. But there was some confusion, and I was unable to get on the internet. Since I still wanted to document the trip, I decided to type entries into Word to post later. Enjoy...

December 20th
Mama is losing her mind. I somehow forgot that other people's lives do not revolve around nap schedules. Other people have sheer curtains on their windows, letting in tons of light during nap time. Other people have nice furniture, which babies love to ruin. Other people do not get up at 6 am everyday. We are here, but things are not good. My kids won't nap. AT ALL. I am not sleeping well - the bed is too soft, the pillows are too fluffy, and my room is too warm. My head is pounding. My kids are screaming. Our nine day adventure may have just turned into a 4 days romp. Mama is losing her mind.

December 25th
Christmas was CRAZY. My kids got so many gifts that I am not sure where we are going to put them when we get home. Actually, I am not sure how we are going to get them all into our van. My mother went OVERBOARD. She spent so much money on gifts, that I felt bad for not buying her more. Actually everyone bought the kids too many gifts. I'll have to take a picture of all the loot.

Things are much better in the napping department. The kids have settled into a more predictable schedule. But regardless, I am ready to go home. I am tired Internet. VERY TIRED. I am not sleeping well, we are on the go all day, and I am sick of being around my relatives CONSTANTLY. I long for peace and quiet. I long for pointless trips to Target. I long for my comfy couch. I long for our playroom. I long for home.

December 26th
I think my MIL is getting sick of us. Today she commented that they "needed a break from the kids." I understand this need, but I thought that it was rude to actually say it. So now I am feeling the need to leave the house even more. Ugh. My kids are being run ragged.

Today is the anniversary of when John and I started dating. We have been together for 11 years! Tonight we are going to go eat at the restaurant where we first met. So romantic!

December 27th
John is spending the day with some friends, so I am spending it with family. At first I was pissed that John wanted to hang out with his friends, while I NEVER get a moment's peace, but now I am kind of glad. I can go spend the entire day with my family, without hearing him bitch and moan.

Update: John's plans with his friend fell through, so he ended up spending the day with my family. It was actually a blessing, because Porgie has caught a stomach flu. Over the course of the day, she vomited 3 times. Her fever is really high, so I think we might pack up and leave tomorrow.

December 28th
Going home...

Farewell

I think all of the stress from our upcoming trip is starting to wear me down. Everyone has been pissing me off - especially my husband. To be honest, John has been getting on my last fucking nerve. He'll be telling some stupid story about work, and I'll get an overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. Is that normal?

Anyways, we are leaving tomorrow. I am taking my computer with me, but I am not sure how much time I'll have for blogging. More than likely, I probably won't be back to blogging until January. What are you guys going to do without me? How will you survive without my boring stories?

To ease the pain of not having me around the blogsphere, here are a few pictures of my adorable offspring...

Oh, and Merry Christmas!

Kids are fun

I have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit these last few days, so I decided to bake some holiday cookies with the kids. We had some leftover icing from Izzy's Elmo cake, so I decided to decorate the cookies too. Look...

Porgie was absolutely smitten. For two hours, she babbled on and on about Frosty. After dinner, she was finally given the opportunity to eat Frosty...After three little nibbles, she was done. I wish I could stop after only three nibbles.

Although we haven't seen any snow here in New Jersey, Porgie is definitely ready for the white stuff. She loves wearing her mittens and scarf. But clothes? Not so much...
And finally, here is a picture of the kids with Santa...
As you can see, Porgie isn't really a fan of chubby old men. Did you notice Santa's death grip on Porgie's leg? She was KICKING him. Poor old guy.

Damn Stupid Sleep

Sleep training has been going well at night, but things have gone awry during the day. For the past week, I have not nursed Izzy during the night. He has been doing really well, and has been sleeping through the night. Although this is WONDERFUL and AMAZING, I still have a few complaints.

Izzy now wakes up for the day at 6:00 am. And 6:00 am is way too early to start the day. To remedy this problem, I decided to not get him out of bed until 7:00. This plan didn't work out very well, because he screamed like a maniac for the entire hour. In the process, he also woke Porgie up. And then I was stuck with two cranky babies for the entire morning. So, I have been letting him get up at 6:00 am.

The good news is that because he wakes up so early, he has been going down easily for both of his naps. The bad news is that he will only sleep for about 45 minutes. After those measly 45 minutes, he wakes up screaming. If I do not rescue him from is crib immediately, he will screech so loud that he wakes Porgie from her nap. I thought that perhaps Izzy was ready for one nap per day. I was hopeful that instead of taking two 45 minute naps, he would take one 2 hour nap. No dice. When I implemented this new plan, Izzy just took one 45 minute nap and was miserable ALL DAY.

Why does sleep always have to be a struggle?

Jingle blah blah blah

Christmas is fast approaching, but it still feels like November here in Cakerwakerville. We didn't put up our tree this year. We had intentions of decorating the tree, but then Puppy got sick. We didn't really feel like being festive that weekend. The next weekend was action packed with Christmas pictures and home improvement projects. And this past weekend it just seemed silly to put up the tree, because we are leaving for KY in a few days. So it doesn't feel very Christmasy here. Instead, it just feels BLAH.

In addition to feeling blah, our trip home is becoming more hectic by the hour. We have so many plans with other people, that I am concerned that we are going to run ourselves ragged. And my mother is already being a pain in my ass. She keeps whining about wanting to spend quality time with her grandbabies. I understand that she wants to bond with Izzy and Porgie, but we cannot spend the entire trip holed up in her apartment. She is so incredibly frustrating.

I am also worried about how our trip is going to impact breastfeeding. I know this sounds silly, but I am fearful that Izzy won't nurse during our trip. And I am not sure I am ready to wean yet. Actually, I know that I am not ready to wean. I am bringing my breastpump, and I fully intend to pump if he refuses to nurse. This is just one more thing to stress about.

And to top everything off, we are getting sick. Izzy is super fussy, and I feel like crud. And I am sure that Porgie will be sick tomorrow.

Did I mention that we are leaving for KY on Saturday morning?

Physical abuse

I am convinced that baby-number-two is destined to be bad. It took Porgie a few years to figure out how to be really bad. At the tender age of one, Izzy already has everything figured out.

My little guy is bad. He slaps, pushes, and pulls on other people. He steals toys. He opens the refrigerator door. He unscrews the lid on his sippy cup. He takes his diaper off. He plays in the dog's water bowl. He pulls garbage out of the trash can. He splashes in the toilet water.

Although some of these offenses are typical toddler behavior, some of them are learned behaviors from his big sister - namely the pushing, pulling, and slapping of other people. Izzy has become quite an aggressive little guy. While nursing him, he beats the crap out of me. Seriously, I walk away feeling like a battered woman. The child is relentless.

But when I look at his little face, all is forgiven...

Your head will explode from all the cuteness!

I had the kids' Christmas pictures taken last weekend. Since the photographer's website lets you copy photos, I thought I would share some of the cutest pictures with you.





And because I have to brag about my bargain shopping skills, I bought both of their outfits for a grand total of $20! Isn't that amazing? Porgie's dress was originally $56. Macy's was having a great sale, I had a fabulous coupon, and I got another 15% off for using my Macy's card. AMAZING!

And finally, here is a family photo...

Complaints, updates, and questions

I bought a fancy new laptop shortly before Izzy was born. It had a one year warranty. Last month the warranty expired. And this month my computer is all screwy.

This is what my computer looks like sometimes...
And the next minute it looks like this...Damn stupid computer.
__________

On the sleep front, things are improving. The first few nights, Izzy woke up three time per night. He cried for about 5 to 10 minutes at each wake-up. For the last two nights, he has only woke up once! Holy crap! I actually got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night! I feel wonderful! I am keeping my fingers crossed that this trend continues.
__________

We leave for Kentucky next weekend. I am scared shitless. We have to drive for hours and hours and hours with two BABIES. Before we had kids, it took us 10 hours to drive from NJ to KY. I am not sure how long it is going to take us this time, but I am fairly confident that it is going to take at least 13 hours. Any advice or words of wisdom? We are driving during the day, so the kids will be awake for the majority of the trip. Please tell me how to make the drive bearable.

Grrrrr...

Did you know that people selling/buying crap on Craig's List are mentally retarded? This excludes me, of course. Since starting my adventure to sell our crap, I have been continuously annoyed with the people I encounter on this website.

I have at least one person per week contact me about my baby bassinet. The vast majority of people send me an email asking if it is still available. I quickly respond with a "yes," but I never hear from them again. Bastards. Last week a woman contacted me about the bassinet and even picked a day and time to come get the damn thing. BUT SHE NEVER SHOWED UP. The stupid woman stood me up!

I also have my 75 gallon aquarium set-up listed. I have received several emails asking how much I want for just the tank or just the stand or just the canopy. Annoying assholes. I AM SELLING THE WHOLE THING, NOT JUST ONE PART. If I sell some dude just the stand or just the canopy, the set will no longer match and I'll have an even harder time getting rid of the damn aquarium.

And my final complaint is about other sellers on Craig's List. I am interested in buying Porgie a LeapFrog LeapPad, so I thought I would look on Craig's List. I found TWO people who were asking $40 for their used toy! $40! They only cost $29.99 brand new. Are these people on crack?

In summary, Craig's List is annoying.

This is just an excuse to talk about Fred Savage AGAIN.

Bobbi was right - it was The New Zoo Revue. This was one of John's favorite shows as a kid. And unfortunately for me, Porgie LOVES it too. I, on the other hand, had never even heard of this show until last week.

As a kid, I didn't watch many educational shows. No, I liked goofy stuff like Smurfs, Fraggle Rock, and Scooby Doo. I also have fond memories of watching reruns of Happy Days, Welcome Back Kotter, and The Bob Newhart Show.

But my all time favorite show when I was a kid was The Wonder Years. I developed a HUGE crush on Fred Savage. Actually, I still have a HUGE crush on Fred Savage. You can have Brad Pitt - I'll take my Freddy.P.S. Bobbi, send me an email and we can talk about your fabulous gift!
cakerwakers@gmail.com

Some interesting pictures for you to examine

John drew this picture on the Magna Doodle...
When he asked Porgie who it was, she enthusiastically said, "Mama!" So if you are wondering what I look like, please see above picture.
__________

Porgie likes to hide stuff inside the hole on our kitty tower...
She hid a pickle in there last FRIDAY. Guess who was chomping on this tasty treat this morning...__________

John just ordered this children's video from netflix...The first person to correctly identify this show will win a fabulous prize from little old me!

My clumsy green thumb

I bought two Christmas tree kits from Target a few weeks ago. I planted seeds in both pots, with the intention of growing two little trees for my two little babies. I looked at my windowsill the other day and saw this...
I grabbed my camera and snapped a picture. In the process, I knocked the other little pot off of the windowsill, sending dirt flying across the counter tops. Needless to say, I am only going to have one little tree, instead of two. Izzy was quite upset...
I am sorry little guy. You know mommy is a klutz.

Sleep? I don't need to stinking sleep.

When I first started blogging, I often whined and complained about Porgie's horrible sleeping habits. I was desperate for answers. I just wanted someone to tell me how to get her to stay asleep. Although my readers did offer suggestions, the only thing that really produced results was not responding to her every whimper (AKA - letting her cry). Please do not leave a comment telling me that you could never let your child cry at night, because you have never walked in my shoes. And please do not discuss Attachment Parenting in the comments, because my children are constantly in my arms during the day. I have devoted my entire life to ensuring that they are happy and healthy little people.

When I was pregnant with Izzy, I was optimistic that he would be a "sleeper." You know, the baby who naturally starts sleeping through the night at 6 weeks of age. The baby who can sleep in the car, in the stroller, or even in a busy restaurant. The baby who puts himself to sleep without mommy's participation. I did NOT get that baby. Instead, I got a perfect little boy who liked to wake every hour or two all night long. I got a little boy who only napped for 20 minutes at a stretch. I got a little boy who would only fall asleep in his dark, quiet bedroom.

It has been difficult, but I have tried to refrain from discussing Izzy's sleeping issues excessively on my blog. No-one wants to hear me bitch and moan about sleep deprivation for an entire year. But I have had lots to bitch about, because Izzy has been an extremely wakeful baby. At one year of age, he still wakes 3 to 4 times per night. On a really good night, he'll only wake twice. But lately, we have been having 4 nursing sessions per night. And I am tired. Actually, I am exhausted.

I have re-read all of my sleep books. I have read countless message boards on sleep. I have questioned family members and friends. But despite my efforts, Izzy is still not sleeping. So, I have decided that it is time to stop responding to every whimper. It is time to teach Izzy an important life skill. It is time for mommy to get some sleep.

Learning more about myself

Over the past few weeks, I have learned a lot about myself and how I am perceived by my loved ones. According to my family, I am an emotionally stunted asshole.

When my cousin was leaving for the airport last week, I hugged her and said, "I love you." She instantly looked teary eyed. When I questioned her about the unwarranted tears, she said that I had never told her I loved her before. Although I KNOW that I have told her I love her, I honestly cannot remember the last time I said those words to her. I found this highly disturbing.

After fretting about it for a few days, I asked John if I am stingy with my love. I fully expected him to say no, but instead he told me that in addition to not saying "I love you" enough, I also do not offer enough physical affection - kisses, hugs, holding hands, etc. And its true, I don't like much physical affection.

It is incredibly hard knowing that other people want your love and affection, but you seem to be unable to give it to them.

Entourage

As a baby, Porgie was indifferent about stuffed animals. As a toddler, she was terrified of stuffed animals. As a preschooler, she is enamored with stuffed animals. Porgie now has a menagerie of stuff animals that she totes around the house.

It all started with her blanket, Night-night...A few weeks before Halloween, our neighbors put up Tigger and Pooh inflatable decorations. Porgie was absolutely fascinated with these figures, hence the reason for her next obsession...
After Porgie started carrying around Tigger (who she calls Tiger), Izzy became jealous. He kept trying to steal her new friend. I hunted around in the closet and found a duck for Izzy to play with. Unfortunately, Porgie took a liking to the duck and started toting him around too...A few weeks ago, I went shopping to find winter coats for the kids. While I was looking at clothes, Porgie was rooting around in a bin of stuffed animals. She came back with a little cat, who she named Ticklebum. Since the kitty only costed $2, we brought her home to play with Tiger and Duck...On Izzy's birthday, he received an adorable blue elephant. I am sure you know where this story is headed...
Things have really gotten out of control with these damned stuffed animals...But she sure is cute cuddling all of her new friends.

Habits

When I woke up this morning and Puppy wasn't prancing around the door to go outside, I was sad. When I absentmindedly threw some treats on the floor for Puppy, I was sad. When I went to get the mail and Puppy wasn't laying in front of the door, I was sad. When Izzy started dropping food from his highchair and Puppy wasn't there to gobble it up, I was sad. When I came home from the store this morning, the silence in the house was deafening. And I was sad. I miss my dog.

A horrible turn of events

Things are not looking good for my sweet Puppy dog. After having x-rays taken of her tumor on Friday afternoon, we learned that it is growing inside of her nasal passage - not above it. Surgery is no longer an option. So we brought her home and gave her lots of love and attention. What else could we do?

Over the past two days, the bleeding has gotten much worse. It is now dripping from her nose at a steady rate. We all know what has to be done, but we avoid talking about it. I have decided that for the next few days we are going to PARTY with Puppy. We are going to go for walks, eat lots of junk food, and spend countless hours lounging on the couch. I am going to make these last few days the best that I can for her. She has been such a great dog. She deserves to be pampered and loved and cherished.

Thank you internet!

I have been blessed with a group of fabulous readers. Seriously, you guys are AWESOME. Not only do you support me on a daily basis, but you also send my little guy presents on his birthday. I am amazed by your generosity. Thank you.

Rachel sent a fridge farm toy. My kids have been fighting over this toy for days...

Eva sent this adorable bib. Izzy looks like a little cowboy when he wears it...

Heather sent a Tonka truck for my little man. He has been carrying it all around the house...

Once again, thank you. I love you guys.

Cancer is a bitch

I took this picture of my dog, Puppy, last month...
She was an average dog, lounging around the house, stealing the kids' food, and sleeping for 15 hours per day. Two weeks ago, John noticed that Puppy had a lump growing between her eyes. He immediately scheduled an appointment with the vet. I was largely unconcerned, because Puppy has numerous fatty tumors on her abdomen. I thought this would turn out to be a fatty tumor too.

Unfortunately, the vet thinks Puppy has cancer - a very fast growing type of cancer. And although the test on the tumor came back inconclusive, it appears that he might be right. Here is a picture of Puppy's Tumor as of this morning...Everyday, the tumor grows larger and larger. And now it is impeding her breathing. She snorts and sneezes all day. She also has a bloody, mucousy discharge coming from her nose. The vet wants us to euthanize her, but other than the snorting and sneezing, she seems perfectly healthy. So although our friends and family (and veterinarian) think we are wasting our money, we are going to have the tumor removed. Puppy is 13 years old, but I think she still has a few good years left. There is no way in hell I am going to steal those years away from her.

Tales from Craig's List

I have been trying to sell some of our old crap on Craig's List. Although most of my items have been listed for over a month, only one item sold quickly - a clothing rack from a department store. This was the item I thought was least likely to sell, so I was a little surprised when several people contacted me about purchasing the clothing rack.

Most of the items I listed were baby related, and no-one seemed interested. I had basically given up on selling our junk. But then I suddenly received an email about our used stroller/carseat travel system (which I had listed for dirt cheap). The woman was eager to pick up the travel system that night.

She was supposed to arrive at 5:30 pm. I was annoyed when she showed up 20 mintues late, because she was interrupting our dinner time. When I opened the front door, I was surprised to see an older woman staring back at me. For some reason, I was expecting a pregnant woman to be on the other side of the door.

I invited the woman inside to look at our stroller and carseat. She was very impressed with the travel system, and eagerly handed me the money. While lugging the stroller out the door, she explained that she had a 1 month-old foster child waiting in her minivan. My heart crumbled. I felt bad even accepting money from this dear woman. She was offering her heart and home to a baby in need, and I was pissed off because she came during dinner time.

I am a petty, selfish person. I hope that someday I can be as selfless as this woman.

This is the last birthday post - I promise!

This past week was crazy. I spent several days frantically cleaning, several days visiting with my cousin, and I ended the weekend with Izzy's birthday party. I am exhausted. The kids are exhausted. And to compound the exhaustion problem, I think the kids are getting sick. Izzy has had a fever for two days and has been waking up 4 million times per night.

I wanted to share some fun pictures of Izzy eating his birthday cake, but I just realized that we didn't take any. Oops! Oh well, here a few cute photos from the party...

Izzy enjoying his present from mommy and daddy.

Porgie trying to take off her birthday hat.

A few of our party guests watching some Baby Einstein. Don't ask.
Izzy during a game of Elefun.

I think we are going to stick close to home this week. We need some time to relax and get back into our routine - especially Izzy. He has been out of sorts for the past few days. Poor little guy.

I am woefully behind in the bloggy world. I am trying to get around to everyone's site, so hopefully I'll be reading about you and your family this afternoon:)

I've been busy people!

There are lots of reasons why I haven't been blogging much lately, but I think this picture pretty much sums it up...I made and decorated this AMAZING Elmo cake all by myself. Yes, I am the new Martha Stewart.

Where did all the time go?

A certain little boy turned one-year-old today. And that little boy would be my Izzy Whizzy Woo. Wow! A year already! I am shocked and amazed by how quickly his first year passed. In case you are wondering, he is an absolutely perfect little guy.

He babbles. He walks. He feeds himself finger foods. He steals toys from his sister. He nurses like a champ. And he is always ready to go go go!

His favorite fruit is strawberry. His favorite vegetable is peas. His favorite story is Where is Baby's Mommy. His favorite game is "So Big!" And his favorite person in the world is Porgie.

He hates sleeping. He hates wearing socks. He hates having his face washed. He hates sharing. And he hates being told "NO!"

He is little, but he is getting big. He is chubby, but he is thinning out. He is good, but he is learning to be bad. My baby boy is one.


See? He is absolutely perfect.

Dumbass strikes again!

Do you like Indian food? Over here in Cakerwakerville, we love Indian food. I have been craving Indian food lately, so we eat it 3 or 4 times per week. When my husband got home from work tonight, I happily suggested Indian food for dinner. Being the nice guy that he is, John agreed to cook Channa Masala again.

Unfortunately, the evening turned out to be more hectic than we had originally intended. After arriving home late, John had to take out the garbage, help a neighbor move some furniture, get in the shower, and cook my beloved Indian food. To save time, John decided to let me cook the Nan while he was taking a shower. My only job was to flip the bread...
Guess who forgot to flip the Nan?
I seem to be completely unable to cook. Even flipping a piece of bread is too damn hard. I am pathetic.

Can't write. Must clean.

Remember that whole going back to Kentucky situation? My cousin's husband felt like such a JERK, that he bought her a plane ticket to come visit us for Izzy's birthday! I am super excited about spending the weekend with her. I already have the entire trip planned out. AND John's dad agreed to let us stay at his house for Christmas. Honestly, I think staying with John's dad is going to be even better than staying with my cousin. So, I am happy this week. Very happy!

Unfortunately, I have lots and lots and lots of cleaning to accomplish between now and Friday. If you know me, you know that I do not like to clean. When I was laying in bed last night, I made a schedule in my head of things I need to clean. Of course instead of cleaning, I am sitting here blogging. Why am I such a lazy asshole?

Enough laziness, I am off to clean! Here are a few pictures of my lovely offspring to tide you over until I am done scrubbing my home...

My bestest goodest girl

Time is kicking my ass. My baby girl is nearly 2 1/2. She can talk and run and jump and sing. She knows nearly every letter in the alphabet. She can count to 10. She knows all of her colors. She picks out her own clothes. She doesn't like to sit on my lap when I read books. She has her own opinions and ideas about our world.

But it's not just the things she knows that impresses me. Her body is long and lanky. Her skin isn't baby soft anymore. Her feet smell stinky after a hard day of playing. Her hair is becoming long and unmanageable. She is turning into a big kid.

Although we have days where she is cranky and mean and bossy, the good days far outnumber the bad. She is such a wonderful little girl. I am so lucky to have her in my life.


And don't even get me started on my little boy who can WALK across the room before falling down. I am getting all weepy over here. Sniff sniff.

These teeth were made for chomping

Izzy has been busy gnawing on everything in our house. He is such a destructive little boy. Here is some photographic evidence...

Izzy really enjoys ruining books.

He likes to eat crayons- YUMMY!

He loves chewing on his crib rail.

He is also very fond of the taste of leather.

Izzy is going to chew us out of house and home before he reaches the tender age of one...