Friday, August 15, 2008

Blogging confessions

When I started my blog, I didn't tell anyone about it - even my husband. After I had been blogging for a few months, I began to suspect that my husband was reading my blog. First, he would mention specific things I had blogged about. Then, he started angling his computer away from me and slamming the lid down as soon as I walked into the living room. Hmmmm?

One evening, I was putting Porgie to bed while John was messing around on his laptop. After Porgie fell asleep, I came out to the living room and logged onto my blog. According to my sitemeter, I had checked my blog while I was putting Porgie to bed. Hmmmm? How is that possible? He was busted. I knew that John was reading my blog. So I asked him about it. At first, he tired to deny it. But after confronting him with my evidence, he admitted to reading it. He even admitted to visiting the blogs on my blogroll and reading all of my comments on a daily basis. Creepy, right? I got pissed, we argued, and he agreed to never read my blog again.

I am not sure why I kept it a secret. I guess I wanted to be able to write freely about my feelings, without worrying about hurting his or anyone else's feelings. I wanted this space to be my little haven from the real world. But after I realized that he was reading, it has never been quite the same. And now that my friend C knows about my blog too, I feel even more restricted. Don't get me wrong - I love blogging. But, it has definitely lost some of the luster and appeal that it used to have.

So, how about you? Does your husband and/or friends read your blog? If they do, do you sometimes wish that they didn't?

41 comments:

Rachel said...

My hubby does not read my blog because he says he lives it. At first I was upset but then I realized that was the beauty of it. Family as well-the never read but my mother in law does and well-she knows when I write about the hubby that it is just women stuff. Some family members-not immediate as for the link to see pics of max-I give it to them because I figure we all have relationships and emotions that are sometimes uncomfortable, right?

You guys are my friends.

Eva said...

You know my situation, but in the interest of making a comment...

My husband knows, evidently does not read. If he had a blog I would be all over it, but whatever.

Over the last few years, two real life friends have started reading. It doesn't make me as uncomfortable as I had anticipated.

iMommy said...

Hubby knows, two close friends know, rest of my family doesn't know.

I don't feel restricted, no... but I would if my mother, brother or sister did.

But Hubby knew from the beginning. If I had begun this in secret, I could see how it would be constricting - sort of like knowing that your mom/hubby/friend was breaking into your diary with the unicorn on front that you kept underneath your mattress.

jen said...

unfortunately (fortunately??) my husband and several friends and family read the blog. i started it as a way to get those far away involved in our day to day lives.
now...
i wish it was more hidden. i can't write things on there that i wish i could write. like, when i'm extremely pissed off or frustrated with someone/something. i can't express it in writing like i wish i could...and starting a diary is just not my style!
i think that's occasionally why people should have occasional "guest-posters". another blog to put an entry on that allows you to be open and honest??

Kristin said...

I've been talking and thinking about this too. I don't tell anyone about my blog and my husband reads very very seldom. No one (including the hubby) doesn't understand blogging and why I would want to do it. Blogging is definitely a private thing and so public at the same time. I think that is the point. My blog will hopefully always stay a secret from my family. Otherwise I might run out of things to say!!!

amanda said...

husband has known from the beg. which is fine he knows it all anyways.

my mom, mil and rest of the close fam don't know. except my lil bro who is nyc (he just reads to see pics of beans). i hope/pray that my mom and mil never do know. not out of fear bc i talk bad about them (i don't) but just bc i know it would hurt their feelings that i never shared with them.

a few close friends knew and then they shared with others.

honestly in hindsight i wish i would have told no one. this is why i still keep my pen/paper journal. to really vent.

chris said...

Yeah, my family reads my blog. It is restricting at times. Sometimes I want to get things off my chest that I can't. But, what are you gonna do? You know... Thanks for talking about this. It's nice to know others have the same feelings!

moo said...

mom and hubby know, but don't read (Although I've invited them to). Some friends IRL read. That's it.

it is VERY freeing to know that I can (mostly) talk about what I want to talk about.

Dooneybug said...

My husband reads, he's addicted. Although I don't think he checks up on my commenting to others. Hmmm, I should ask him! Haha!

I have two friends who know about my blog but I am positive one forgot about it. The other comments occasionally.

I'm completely fine with it. When I started blogging, I made an absolute promise to myself and my husband to never talk about negative aspects of our relationship on my blog. And man, that is really hard sometimes because as much as I love the man, we can get into some doozies. As far as my friend knowing I am glad she reads because she's a close friend from high school and it's a good way for her to keep in touch with me since she lives so far away.

I guess my deal is I wouldn't tell anyone I ever planned on blogging about, particularly in a negative way.

Insta-mom said...

I almost stopped blogging because about a week after I started my mom found it and told another family member who mentioned it to me. I was oblivious to the fact that any of them were reading it. I don't know if she's found me under my new blog name. I don't want to know.

My oldest friend recently started reading it because she found out through a mutual friend who also blogs. My philosophy, though, is that it's better that she reads it and enjoys it than doesn't read it because she thinks it stinks.

The Hubs knows, but doesn't read it at all. He understands that it's my thing. Probably best that way. *wink*

Awake said...

Husband - yes, but very rarely reads (usually I read him something I want him to hear - ha!)

Real life friends - no, on purpose

dani said...

hi, christy:)
my life is an open-book... i'm really laid back, and everybody knows everything about me that knows me. on the other hand, john is very private. i open my mouth or start writing, and he just shakes his head. but, after 20 years, he knows that's just how i roll, HA!!! and bless his heart when he flubs:I tee-hee...
love,
dani

Lindz said...

My mom, my boy friend, his mom, his aunt, a number of my friends read my blog. While it can be fun, it also severely restricts the candidness with which I write.

Tabitha said...

Do you know what Christy ~ I have been feeling the exact same way. I have even set up the template for a second blog ~ which would be for invited people only (obviously I would let all my current blog roll in!!!) ~ but I have felt the same way about opening my heart in my blog and wondering whether 'someone' who I don't want there has been in reading it!!
I still haven't gone ahead with the second blog and if I did, I would still post on my current one...anyway I will keep you posted!
Who would have thought that something that I started on a whim would become so important to me ha ha !!
love and hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Rose said...

I know the hubby reads my blog, but don't know how often. It does make it a little uncomfortable, because there are definitely some things I would like to vent about but can't because I don't want him to read them. As for friends, only one, and she's the one that got me into blogging, so I def don't mind - I mean I'm addicted to hers, so it's only fair, right?

Kate said...

I told everyone about my blog - but I knew that I wouldn't be writing about anything that I would mind them reading. BUT this did come back to bite me on the ass. I wrote something that I thought was a very harmless funny story - but as it turns out, my husband finds the story embarassing (to him - even though it had nothing to do with him, at least not in my mind). He also thought it was inappropriate (as did my father in law. That's right, never occurred to me that HE would read me). End result is that I have found that I AM a bit restricted. And I even wrote a post this week that's related to this issue. End of story is that I can't write about anything - but when I do write something, I've put thought into whether I'm willing to stand behind it (and tell my father in law that he can mind his own f*cking business). Everyone has to find their own level of intimacy with the world - and then the world can just deal with it! (I'm sorry soapbox - am I CRUSHING you?)

Kate said...

I told everyone about my blog - but I knew that I wouldn't be writing about anything that I would mind them reading. BUT this did come back to bite me on the ass. I wrote something that I thought was a very harmless funny story - but as it turns out, my husband finds the story embarassing (to him - even though it had nothing to do with him, at least not in my mind). He also thought it was inappropriate (as did my father in law. That's right, never occurred to me that HE would read me). End result is that I have found that I AM a bit restricted. And I even wrote a post this week that's related to this issue. End of story is that I can't write about anything - but when I do write something, I've put thought into whether I'm willing to stand behind it (and tell my father in law that he can mind his own f*cking business). Everyone has to find their own level of intimacy with the world - and then the world can just deal with it! (I'm sorry soapbox - am I CRUSHING you?)

Amanda said...

My husband sometimes reads my blog but i wish he wouldn't. It does restrict what i would like to write on there.
l,
Amanda x

Melissa said...

I haven't told many people IRL about my blog, except those who would "get it". Which is pretty small. I do know my ex-fiance reads it. Which can be awkward. Hubby and SIL read it.

And so does my MIL. Which I found out the hard way. Sigh...

So yeah, it can be restricting. I feel your pain.

Amber said...

My husband and family know about my blog. A few of my friends know about it but don't check it too regulary and it doesn't really bother me at all because since the day I started a blog everyone knew about it so I never had the opportunity to say things that might hurt someone's feelings!

April said...

Everyone pretty much knows about my blog, but my husband doesn't really care to read it. Although I guess I have to be somewhat censored thinking about who could be reading it which is a con, but knowing I can talk to everyone and share is an even bigger pro so it is worth it.

TEACHBROECK said...

I only have to RL friends that I trust and adore enought to read my blog. My husband KNOWS about it, but he really doesn't get it what it is.

Heather @ A Boy, A Girl, A Pug said...

Everyone knows about mine.

However, there are times when I wish they didn't because then I could bitch about them!

Lately, my mom has been driving me nuts! But can I bitch about her on the blog? Nope, because she reads it!!

Maybe I will come bitch about her on your blog:)

Dana said...

my boyfriend knows I have a blog and he knows I obsessed with bloggin but i never gave him my site address.. I mean I know he could have it - he's seen my site before and he uses my laptop - same goes for my family... But mmy friends read mine... I figure it's mine - i'm going to write about what i want to write and if they don't like it then they shouldn't readi ti..LOL...

Laura McIntyre said...

Everyone IRL knows about my blog, i know alot of family read it (DH
does sometimes when he remember, don't get it as i know if he had one i would stalk it). Sometimes i regret that everyone knows about it as i cannot blog completely honestly without hurting people .
I done a post a week or so back not thinking that i had not told my dad or sister some of the detail in it (when my daughter was ill, they are both extra sensitive and i did not lie but held back some details) . Both of them read it and got very upset, brought it home to me that i need to remember its not all strangers reading

Jenn said...

My hubby knows about it and he might read it some days if he has time but not much. I have not told anyone I know about it and warned him ,he's not to tell anyone ever I have it! That way I can talk about whoever be it his family or my life !

Mama Kalila said...

Yup... He enjoys seeing the pics that he wasn't here for & stuff... & of course I have fam that reads it to catch up w/ our lives.

I do regret that to some extent... I wish I had a way to vent sometimes (like now lol) but at the same time I enjoy it as is...

THopgood said...

Hubby reads mine. As does several family members and friends.

No, I don't mind.

The only time it bothers me is when I would love to rant and rave about my inlaws...glorious blog material...but I don't out of respect for my hubby...it would hurt his feelings...even though he totally agrees that they are fruit loops.

Midwest Mommy said...

My husband knows about it but I would have to remind him each day to read it. He never checks it. I tell him everyday he is missing out:-)
I don't want my family to know about my blog. My sisters, no way. They think it is too weird if people have blogs. I have one friend who knows but he has a blog too so it is ok.

Colleen - Mommy Always Wins said...

My hubby subscribes via RSS! At first I was proud that he could figure that out :O) but then I know he sometimes misses days, and doesn't go around reading my comments, either. That would kinda freak me out, I think. He told me once that I had a good blog, and that was like the best compliment EVER! I like that he's interested in what I have to say, and I guess I don't feel like I have to hold back - I don't when he and I talk directly, so while I'm more polite on my blog than in real life, he's used to that "less-politeness". Plus I say nice things about him, too, so that probably helps. :O)

Danielle said...

Um I think everyone who knows me reads my blog. haha My husband reads it every day and he reads all of my friends' blogs too. At times I feel very restricted but then I say &^% it- I don't really care if they read what I write.

Danielle said...

Um I think everyone who knows me reads my blog. haha My husband reads it every day and he reads all of my friends' blogs too. At times I feel very restricted but then I say &^% it- I don't really care if they read what I write.

Erica at Mom's Journal said...

My current blog was started so that family can see our baby grow and reach milestones. I have a blocked padlocked locked down category for private things. ;-) That category isn't available on the internet even. I just like keeping everything in one database.

Nellie said...

I often times wish that some of my inlaws didn't read my blog... I don't know... it started as a way of our family far away to keep up with what is going on with Ellie... then it turned into mommy's bitching ground... i'm sure i've hurt a few feelings... but I also have my privat blog for those real BAD times that i need to vent... do you have access? I can't remember. Want it? let me know.

Jennifer said...

My hubs occasionally reads and I'm okay with that; however, I'm terrified that his ex-girlfriend/mother of his first child will find my blog and read it, so I don't post as freely as I want. I've thought about doing a "hidden" blog where you can only read by invitation.

Becks said...

UMMM TOTALLY!! Everyone in my whole entire family reads my blog. That is why it is soo G rated. I really dislike that my inlaws read it. A lot I hate that. My husband is the only one who doesn't read it. Apparently he cant be bothered...lovely. Yet I can't write about him because his parents read it!!

Jeninacide said...

Well, my husband never reads my blog and could care less about what I write on it. However, OTHER people have recently come by my blog address by way of asking me for it, and I was unable to refuse for lack of a good excuse. So now, my boss has my blog address (no clue if she reads it) and so does one of my best friend's fiancees who I think is crazy and would LOVE to write about... Also, several family members have my blog address and I have NO CLUE how they got it. WTF? UGH! CENSORSHIP SUCKS!

I accidently just wrote censorshiT. whoops!

Steph said...

I have to admit that I wish there are a couple of people that I wish didn't read my blog. It seems there are some viscious people that try to just cause drama and are still stuck in high school. I have been sure to not let these people stop me or get me down for I do enjoy writing. And in my opinon, they should stop reading if they don't like it. My fiance knows of my blog, but I don't think he has ever read it. My friends know of it also, but have never shown and interest.

Z's Mom said...

Hey Christy...I don't have a husband or boyfriend....so I don't have to worry about that....so there are pros and cons to everything I guess. ;)

Miss Frump said...

Awwww! I totally get what you mean! Its just not the same when you are constantly aware that "someone" you know might read it. Grrr. My blog is completely secret....from friends and family anyway, I would just DIE if they found out about it. For one thing its about me and my "weight-loss journey" and it talks about my huge ass and actually has my weight posted on it. Gahh My HUSBAND doesn't even know how much I weigh, GOd help me if he ever finds out too! Besides, its kinda fun to have a secret blog. :) I can be totally honest and even talk about my family/friends and not have to worry about getting a phone call...hahahaha
Oh btw, I love your blog. CRACKS me up. Yours is the only one that I literally laugh out loud at. :)

-Miss Frump

Melissa_C said...

My hubby knows but shows no real interest in reading it. His sis has a blog on her, she gave us her link, but I didnt tell her I had one...I guess because I want the freedom to write what I want, however, if they stumbled across it, there is no hiding that it is my blog with my pics up like I have them....hmmmm...I just want strangers to read my stuff, not people I personally know...

I still feel restricted even though I know the chances of someone reading this is slim...like what my sis in law said about breast feeding in public! She p'd me off...I wanted to write about it...but didnt...maybe I should anyway....BTW, I like all your headings..(dif post) I made mine too...before I learned how to scrap, now I might make another..