Dusgusted.

I don't normally talk about politics on my blog, but I am greatly disturbed by McCain's selection for vice president. I would write a post on the subject, but I read a blog that summed up my opinions perfectly this morning. Go check it out.

Eating disorder

Porgie is such a big girl. She knows all of her colors and shapes. She knows some letters and numbers. She likes to pick out her own clothes. She eats water ice with a spoon. She bravely goes down the big slide at the park. Although she seems advanced for her age, I did not expect Porgie to become bulimic at the tender age of two.

My darling daughter has discovered the fine art of making herself vomit. She repeatedly gags herself while we are driving in the car. She seems to spontaneously vomit when she is upset. She will forcefully shove her fingers down her throat until she pukes if she doesn't like the food being offered at dinnertime.

Over the past two weeks, I have watched her vomit no less than 7 times. And every time I witness one of these events, I feel my blood boil. I get angry. Very angry. When she first started gagging herself, I would say, "NO!" in a stern voice, and she would stop. But that tactic stopped working after a few days. Then I started distracting her with promises of going outside. But that tactic stopped working after a few days too.

According to parents on various message boards, I should be ignoring her behavior. But that is the hardest advice in the world to follow. When I watch her gagging herself I know that a few things are going to happen - 1) I am going to have to clean vomit off of the floor. 2) I am going to have to clean vomit off of Porgie. 3) I will have to send my daughter to bed without eating dinner AGAIN. And have I mentioned that it makes my blood boil? It is very difficult to stay clam, when your BLOOD IS BOILING.

So, any advice? Is my child the only one with this annoying habit?

Blah,blah, blah and I want more babies

Let's talk some more about periods and birth control and pregnancy. I feel like I didn't fully explain myself yesterday. So, today I am going to delve a little deeper into the issues at hand - namely, all things related to fertility.

Did you know that I have only had two periods since August of 2005? That sound like crazy talk - right? But it is true. I found out I was pregnant with Porgie in September of 2005. She was born in June of 2006. I pumped for 6 months, and didn't start my period until I stopped pumping. I got my period in January and February and found out I was pregnant with Izzy in March of 2007. I've been period free since his birth in November of 2007. So, last week's pregnancy scare wasn't related to a late period or anything - I just took the test because I started getting paranoid.

Moving on to birth control. You would think that having two children under the age of two would have motivated my ass to get on birth control, but it didn't. I really didn't want to take anything while I was breastfeeding. So, John volunteered to start using condoms. He even went to the store and bought a pack. But unfortunately, he never actually uses them. So, we have reverted back to the withdrawal method. If you recall, this is the method we were using when Izzy was conceived. Not good for a family who really can't afford another baby right now.

I do actually want to have more babies some day. To be exact, I want to have four children. With that said, I do not plan on becoming pregnant anytime soon. Maybe in 4 or 5 years? Maybe even longer? I don't think John wants to have anymore children. It kind of pisses me off and makes me sad all at the same time. But I am a very persistent asshole, so I am sure if I really want to have another baby, I can make it happen.

Okay, let's review what we learned today - I am period free, I need more reliable birth control, and I want to have more babies someday. The end.

Seriously?

Normally, I am a very lazy person. I don't much care for cleaning and all that jazz. But lately, I have been feeling very productive. It is a very unsettling experience to actually WANT to clean something.

I have been spotted washing laundry and FOLDING it. Amazing! There is a rumor going around that I actually mopped the kitchen floor. Shocking! And according to my husband, I volunteered to change and wash all of the bed sheets. Scandalous!

In addition to all of this productiveness, one night I woke up feeling a little nauseous. The next night I woke up with hip pain. And the next day, I started to FREAK out. Have you ever seen that movie Idiocracy? No? Well, go rent it. Anyways, I was beginning to think that we were the dumb white-trash people with 12 kids from that movie.

So, I packed up my two BABIES and went to buy a home pregnancy test. Let me just say, those were the longest three minutes of the damn life. SERIOUSLY.

The test was negative.

Now let's all breathe a sigh of relief.

Starting them young

Remember this post? Well, it turns out that Izzy thinks beer is fun too...




My children are going to be raging alcoholics.

Stream of Consciousness: Part 22

At least once per week, someone will ask me if Izzy and Porgie are twins. Yes, he is a big baby, but he certainly doesn't look like a two year old. Other people are jackasses.
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I have a hard time grasping the concept that other people do not get up at the crack of dawn. On more than one occasion, I have called a friend at 8am. When they finally pick up the phone, they sound groggy and sleepy. Oops! I just assume that if I have been awake for a few hours, everyone else must be awake too.
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I am going to apologize in advance for this one. I have noticed that MANY people have my blog name misspelled on their blogroll. I know I am being an asshole, but it really bugs me. Could you please check to make sure you spelled it correctly? It is NOT Cakerwalkers. It is Cakerwakers. There is no L in the name. Thanks!
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Do you sometimes feel like Americans are overly concerned with how they look? Why are we so obsessed with being perfect? Perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect clothes, perfect weight. Does this disturb you? Because lately it has been disturbing me. I find myself eager to change parts of my body that I find unappealing. Yet at the same time, I want to embrace my flaws and accept them. This notion becomes even more confusing when you see your own physical flaws duplicated in your child.
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Izzy has his 9 month check up on Tuesday. My little guy still isn't crawling, but can roll like it is nobody's business! He can also clap, wave bye-bye, and is starting to cruise around while holding onto furniture. I am absolutely amazed at how quickly he has grown. It feels like I just had him last Tuesday. SERIOUSLY!
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Porgie has morphed into one of those big kids. She sits in a regular chair when she go out to eat. She requests water ice when we go out for our nightly stroll. And she picks out her own clothes. Amazing!
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And here are some cute pictures for your viewing pleasure...

In case you thought I was a nice person...

**Sorry in advance to all the people who commented that they liked our stone bench.

I hate the people we bought our house from. The woman is rude and her husband is a jackass (we'll just pretend that his actual name is Jackass). I could tell you many disturbing stories about their incompetence, but I won't bore you with all the trivial details. Just know that I do not like these people. Unfortunately, Jackass and his wife only moved one block away from us, so we still have to see them ALL THE DAMN TIME.

Our neighbor (an elderly woman), decided that she wanted to have new vinyl siding installed on her house. She decided to ask Jackass to come install it for her. Ugh. I was very disappointed. But she can't afford to pay a contractor, so I understand why she asked him to do the work. But he is a jackass, so I am not sure she'll be saving money in the long run.

Anyways, let's rewind back to the day we bought our house in January of 2006. We were standing outside, talking to Jackass about the house. He was prattling on and on about these stupids stones in the flowerbed. Apparently, he thought they were really special.Now fast forward back to our elderly neighbor getting her vinyl siding replaced. When I found out that Jackass was going to be installing her siding, I went out of my way to ask the landscapers to remove those stupid stones. I wanted Jackass to drive past our house and see that his beloved stones were gone. Yes, I am a bitch.

But he got the last laugh my dear internet friends. While installing the new vinyl siding, Jackass has been blaring his music so loud that my children can't nap. Honestly, I wish I still had one of those stones, so I could whop him upside the head with it.

More home improvement pictures (kind of)

We have decided to replace all of the shrubbery in the front of our house. The bushes were overgrown, ugly, and were spaced haphazardly. Despite having a new roof and a new entry door, the front of our house still looked disheveled and unkempt.

Here is some photographic evidence...

So, we took the plunge yesterday, and paid a landscaper to rip out all of the old shrubbery. Here is some more photographic evidence...
I realize that the after pictures look much worse than the before pictures, but we have big plans. We are going to paint the foundation, plant new shrubbery, trim the flower beds with stone pavers, and put down fresh mulch. It will look beautiful when we are finished. However, our house is an eyesore at the moment.

When did vacations turn into work?

My husband is taking his vacation in a few weeks. I wish we were traveling to some far away beach to relax. But we're not. Not even close. Instead, we are going to be working. Yuck!

Since the kids are too little to enjoy the beach, and we are too poor to stay at the beach, we will be working on casa Cakerwaker. We have many projects planned - building a new shed in the backyard, repainting the foundation on the house, having the living room and dinning room carpet professionally cleaned, and replacing the faucet on the kitchen sink. I am excited about updating the house, but I am dreading the actual labor. Actually, I don't know why I just wrote that. I am not going to be doing any of the labor. My poor overworked husband will be doing most of the hard work.

I feel bad that John has to work all year, and then has to work on his vacation too. Why can't we just win the lottery already?

Fortunately, John is also taking off a week in December. I am seriously considering going back to Kentucky for Christmas. My grandma is nearly 80, and she is constantly asking to see Izzy. I know this sounds morbid, but I am afraid that if we don't go back this year, she might never get to see my baby boy. So, I am trying to figure out a way to go back in December. But that sounds suspiciously like work too.

My first "I am so embarassed she is my child" temper tantrum

Sunday started out very peacefully. We laughed, we played, and we napped. In the afternoon, we decided to take the kids to the local children's museum. Porgie was in heaven. She played with every exhibit, ran around with the big kids, and admired the turtle display.

After we finished exploring the museum, we decided to run to Target to pick up a few things. As we pulled into the parking lot, Porgie started crying to go home. She was blubbering on about night-nights (her blankets). We told her that we had to pick up a few things, and then we would go home.

But instead of calming down, she started crying even harder. I unstrapped her from the car seat, and carried her to the sidewalk. Of course, she refused to walk. So, I picked her up and plunked her into a cart. This created even more screams of horror. People were starting to stare. And I was starting to get angry. Porgie was a messy ball of snot and tears. Keep in mind that we hadn't even made it into Target yet. We were still standing on the sidewalk in front of the main entrance.

John, trying to defuse the situation, picked Porgie up to carry her. But she was too far gone by that point. She started coughing and gagging and she PUKED. The kid cried so hard that she made herself vomit. I was horrified. I picked her up, tossed her ass in the car seat, and drove home.

So here we sit tonight, with no diapers, shampoo, or soap.

Blogging confessions

When I started my blog, I didn't tell anyone about it - even my husband. After I had been blogging for a few months, I began to suspect that my husband was reading my blog. First, he would mention specific things I had blogged about. Then, he started angling his computer away from me and slamming the lid down as soon as I walked into the living room. Hmmmm?

One evening, I was putting Porgie to bed while John was messing around on his laptop. After Porgie fell asleep, I came out to the living room and logged onto my blog. According to my sitemeter, I had checked my blog while I was putting Porgie to bed. Hmmmm? How is that possible? He was busted. I knew that John was reading my blog. So I asked him about it. At first, he tired to deny it. But after confronting him with my evidence, he admitted to reading it. He even admitted to visiting the blogs on my blogroll and reading all of my comments on a daily basis. Creepy, right? I got pissed, we argued, and he agreed to never read my blog again.

I am not sure why I kept it a secret. I guess I wanted to be able to write freely about my feelings, without worrying about hurting his or anyone else's feelings. I wanted this space to be my little haven from the real world. But after I realized that he was reading, it has never been quite the same. And now that my friend C knows about my blog too, I feel even more restricted. Don't get me wrong - I love blogging. But, it has definitely lost some of the luster and appeal that it used to have.

So, how about you? Does your husband and/or friends read your blog? If they do, do you sometimes wish that they didn't?

Conquering fears

Two year olds are crazy little creatures. They are loads of fun, but they are also a little neurotic. Currently, Porgie has lots of phobias. To name a few, she is terrified of vacuum cleaners, stuffed animals, sitting on the potty, and stepping on sand. Yes, my little girl is a creep.

Although I would love to talk about all of her irrational fears, today I am going to focus on her fear of stuffed animals. As a baby, Porgie disliked stuffed animals. She always tossed them aside for her colorful plastic toys. As she got older, Porgie grew to hate stuffed animals even more. In the past few months, it got to the point where she would cry if we even showed her a stuffed animal.

To illustrate this point, here are a few photos of the most horrifying stuffed animals we own...
On Monday, Rachel gave Izzy a teddy bear. And Porgie fell in love with it... She carries the teddy bear around the house, gives him hugs & kisses, and has even been spotted teaching him how to play the paino...
My baby girl has conquered one of her biggest fears. And I am so proud of her.

Templates

When I first started blogging, I didn't really care about my template. Everyone seemed to have the same generic design. And life was simple. But then suddenly everyone started getting customized headers. I was jealous. I wanted my blog to look fabulous too. A few months later, Mary graciously agreed to make me a header for free. And it was lovely...
But then the kids' pictures became outdated. I thought about contacting Mary again, but decided that she would think that I was annoying. So instead, I kept my header for a few more months. Then one day Z's Mom had a fancy new template on her blog that she uploaded for free from Simply Fabulous Blogger Templates. I was super excited! A FREE TEMPLATE!

So I picked out a nice summery theme. This is my current template, but guess what? I am bored and want another template. I am so damn annoying. But instead of going the free template route again, I followed Z's Mom's advice. I have been messing around with scrapblog, trying to make my own custom header. I have narrowed it down to two options, and I would love to know which one you like best.

Option A...Option B...

It was like meeting a celebrity

Today I got to meet Rachel! I was super excited! We met at Adventure Aquarium, for a day of fun. I was a little nervous about meeting her, because I am much more boring in real life than I appear on my blog.

But it was fabulous. Rachel was so laid-back and easygoing. It felt like we had known each other for years. The conversation flowed smoothly, with no awkwardness. And Rachel is adorable. She is short and petite, with a cute little pregnant belly! Oh, and Max was freaking adorable. Seriously, pictures do not do him justice. He is too cute. And he is so gentle and sweet. A nice change of pace from most of the little boys we encounter.

Although it is hard to believe, I actually remembered to bring my camera. Of course, I took two pictures and my battery died. So, I have no good pictures to share. This lame picture is the best shot I got...Look closely at the picture...Max was eating Chinese food. BY HIMSELF. I was totally impressed with his utensil skills.

When we left, Rachel gave us a bag of goodies. Porgie loved her gift...
Actually, we all loved our gifts! Thank you Rachel!

So, if you have a bloggy friend in your area, I highly recommend that you get together for a playdate!

Home improvement projects

We have been making some small improvements to our home recently. Since I keep referring to these projects in my posts, I thought I would share a few pictures.

In May we had our roof replaced. It is hard to tell from the picture, but it was in desperate need of repair. The old roof had THREE layers of shingles and had been patched numerous times. If you click on the photo, you will see a larger image...

The new roof is a little darker, with dimensional shingles. Our house looks ten times better with the new roof...

Last month we had our front door replaced. Not only did I think that the old door was ugly, it also let in a ton of air. Not very energy efficent. Here is a picture of the old door...

Our new door is air tight, lets in lots of natural light, and looks super spiffy. It really goes well with the outside of our house too. I love it.

Next up is the shed in the backyard. Stay tuned for more before and after photos!

Inspiration

Happiness by Alfred D. Souza

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For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time to still be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have. And remember that time waits for no one…

So stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy…

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Two sweet babies

After Izzy was born, I was tired and overwhelmed and a little sad. Taking care of a newborn and a 1 year old was hard work! It was emotionally, physically, and mentally draining. To say that I was exhausted was an understatement.

But after I got Izzy on a good sleeping/eating schedule, life instantly improved in my household. Honestly, I LOVE being a mommy. I LOVE having two babies. I LOVE their age difference. I LOVE their little personalities. I am so thankful for my two sweet babies. Without them, I am nothing.

So in case you were wondering - life is good in Cakerwakerville.

Trying to capture some smiles

The other morning I was snapping some pictures of Izzy sitting on our new living-room furniture... I thought it would be cute to get a few photos of the kids sitting together. I told Porgie to sit next to Izzy. And this is what she did...
Izzy was laughing hysterically. Apparently it is very fun when someone who weighs nearly twice as much as you, sits on your lap. I made her get up, but she was reluctant to move...
And a good time was had by all...

Stream of Consciousness: Part 21

I got my hair cut and dyed this weekend. I look fabulous. Seriously.
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Izzy has decided that he no longer wants to eat pureed foods AGAIN. This seems to be an ongoing battle with my little guy. He is currently eating lots of pasta, mixed veggies, and beans.
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We had a new front door installed last week. Our new door is super spiffy. Be on the lookout for before and after pictures.
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I have developed a serious addiction to these cookies. I bought them for Porgie, but she has only gotten to eat a few. Mommy, on the other hand, has eaten nearly an entire box. Ugh.
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Porgie has turned into a little parrot. She repeats nearly everything we say. One morning I was trying to pull our stroller out of the van. After several failed attempts, I said, "Fuck it!" And then Porgie said, "Fuck it!" I was so proud.
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I think we have fleas. I have numerous bite marks on my ankles. Porgie has a few too. My husband thinks I am insane, because he hasn't been bitten even one time. I put Frontline on the animals last month. What else can a girl do?
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I have come to the conclusion that we are not going to get our swing set this summer. We just have too many things to do to the house first. This Fall, we are planning on having the landscaping ripped out of the front flower beds, and building a new shed in the backyard. Next Spring, we will plant new shrubbery, and get a privacy fence for the yard. And hopefully we'll have enough money for the swing set by the end of next summer.
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Because laziness has gotten the best of me, I have decided not to have my yard sale. Instead, I am going to list all of the good stuff on Craig's List. Anyone looking for a 75 gallon aquarium with a solid oak stand and canopy?
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Izzy keeps crying for attention, so I guess that is my cue to get off the internet. See you later alligators!

Keeping up with the Joneses

We went shopping for a new sofa yesterday. I was overwhelmed by all of the colors, textures, and fabrics. My head was spinning from all of the choices. This is a major decision, that will affect the look of our home for many years. I wanted to make sure I picked the perfect couch.

After perusing the store approximately 4 million times, we finally settled on a lovely little sofa. The colors are bold, but I think we can pull it off...
We even splurged and decided to go with a sleeper sofa...

Let's talk about poop

Izzy had another appointment with the GI doctor this week. It appears that my little guy's digestive tract is finally maturing. His stool sample was perfect. I feel so relieved knowing that his little tummy feels better.

The bad part is that we have achieved this amazing feat by eliminating dairy, eggs, soy, nuts, and citrus fruits from my diet. According to the doctor, most babies outgrow food sensitives by 9 months of age. Now that Izzy is 8 months old, the doctor would like for me to start adding these foods back to my diet. I am following the doctor's orders and adding citrus fruits back to my diet first. I plan on buying some limeade this weekend. Mmmm...limeade.If all goes well, I will add nuts in two weeks, soy in four weeks, eggs in six weeks, and dairy in eight weeks. In two short months, I could possibly be eating like a normal person again. This is great, except for the fact that I am probably going to gain 20 pounds in the process. Do you know how bad I want ice cream? And cheese? I would give my left eye for a calzone and a bowl of Chunky Monkey.