Growing up, everyone I knew fed their babies formula. EVERYONE. I never questioned this practice. It was just a normal part of life - babies take formula from a bottle. I never really considered how I would feed my own babies, until I met John. When we talked about having children, he insisted that I breastfeed them (he was one of six children, who were all breastfed). I agreed, but didn't feel very passionate about the subject. Bottle or breast - who cares?
In the summer of 2005, the baby bug bit me. I wanted to have a baby so badly. After several months of trying, we got pregnant with Porgie. I instantly knew that I wanted to breastfeed her. I wanted my body to nourish and support her little body.
Because I had never actually seen anyone breastfeed a baby, I took a class at our hospital. After learning more about breastfeeding, I was convinced that formula was the devil and breastfeeding was the ONLY way.
After Porgie was born, breastfeeding proved to be much harder than I had anticipated. Porgie demanded to nurse all the time, but as soon as she started nursing, she would fall asleep. I would put her down, and she would instantly wake up screaming and mouthing her hands again. So, I would breastfeed her again. This vicious cycle went on all day, everyday. After nearly a month of this crazy routine, Porgie had still not regained her birth weight. I was devastated. Breastfeeding was hard and confusing and overwhelming. This is what ultimately led me to pumping for 6 months.
When I got pregnant with Izzy, my biggest fear was regarding breastfeeding. But by the time Izzy arrived, I had made peace with the fact that breastfeeding might not work out. Fortunately, my little guy LOVED breastfeeding. He nursed frequently and gained lots of weight. I was relieved that nursing was so easy and painless this time around.
Then I discovered that he has food allergies. And now everything is hard and confusing and overwhelming again.