Sunday, March 9, 2008

Full Circle

Growing up, everyone I knew fed their babies formula. EVERYONE. I never questioned this practice. It was just a normal part of life - babies take formula from a bottle. I never really considered how I would feed my own babies, until I met John. When we talked about having children, he insisted that I breastfeed them (he was one of six children, who were all breastfed). I agreed, but didn't feel very passionate about the subject. Bottle or breast - who cares?

In the summer of 2005, the baby bug bit me. I wanted to have a baby so badly. After several months of trying, we got pregnant with Porgie. I instantly knew that I wanted to breastfeed her. I wanted my body to nourish and support her little body.

Because I had never actually seen anyone breastfeed a baby, I took a class at our hospital. After learning more about breastfeeding, I was convinced that formula was the devil and breastfeeding was the ONLY way.

After Porgie was born, breastfeeding proved to be much harder than I had anticipated. Porgie demanded to nurse all the time, but as soon as she started nursing, she would fall asleep. I would put her down, and she would instantly wake up screaming and mouthing her hands again. So, I would breastfeed her again. This vicious cycle went on all day, everyday. After nearly a month of this crazy routine, Porgie had still not regained her birth weight. I was devastated. Breastfeeding was hard and confusing and overwhelming. This is what ultimately led me to pumping for 6 months.

When I got pregnant with Izzy, my biggest fear was regarding breastfeeding. But by the time Izzy arrived, I had made peace with the fact that breastfeeding might not work out. Fortunately, my little guy LOVED breastfeeding. He nursed frequently and gained lots of weight. I was relieved that nursing was so easy and painless this time around.

Then I discovered that he has food allergies. And now everything is hard and confusing and overwhelming again.

11 comments:

Marni Tiani Self said...

You poor thing.

My family only did bottles until I had children too.

Breastfeeding can be so easy for some and so much work for others.

How old is Izzy?

Awake said...

I was in the same boat - no real experience with breastfeeding to draw from. Isn't it strange how something as seemingly simple as feeding our children is so hard?

Hope you get the allergy thing figured out.

Melain said...

I HATED breast feeding! I did it anyway, because I knew I would be chased down the street by torch-bearing nurses if I refused. But it was extremely painful to me and I seemed to produce skim milk, so my babies were never satisfied. The longest I ever stuck it out was 4 months (for baby #2). I'm not sorry I did it, but I would NEVER guilt anyone else into it. Formula babies turn out just as happy, healthy and loved as breast babies. That's my 2cents. :)

Dooneybug said...

I'm sorry sweetie. The good thing is that you're figuring out what the problem is and you should be able to work through it. Even if you couldn't, we both know that formula isn't a tool of the devil. Your internet buddies will be here supporting whatever happens!

Rachel said...

I hear you. I went through the same thing. It is hard and then I realized that it was not about me. I know this sounds horrible but it wasn't. It was about what was best for my little guy and I knew that if he had soy or milk allergies, which he does, then what formula would I give him anyway..

I loved breast feeding and I miss is so much but it was tough. I went through some really bad postpartum depression and chose to continue breast feeding instead of trying some meds but that was for me and there is no judgement in what Ia m saying..

do what is in your heart and it will all work out.

Chas said...

I could have written this post myself...up to the point about the second baby of course. BFing is really hard, and I hope you can figure something out that works for you both!

Jennifer said...

I'm 7.5 months pregnant and am worried that I won't be able to breastfeed. I even bought one of those expensive pumps (used, can't afford a $300 pump full price!) and am nervous that I'll have to go to formula.

TEACHBROECK said...

Something that seems so simple can cause so much stress! I just wrote my feeings about Boob vs Bottle ...it is great we have options...good luck with the allergies!

Jeninacide said...

Wait but what if he is allergic to formula too? Oh wait- sorry to be devil's advocate... don't mind me i have no idea what the heck I am talking about anyways.

Mama Kalila said...

Sorry it's taken me so long to comment. I really feel for you going through this though. I was/am lucky that I have family that has been very supportive w/ the whole BF thing, what to expect & all that. I can't imagine going through all that. Has to be tough & I commend you for sticking with it.

As for Izzy, do what you need too... Obviously I think breast is best lol.. but there are times that it's not. If you come to that point then just keep in mind that you're doing it for him.. and that you tried & did your best. I hope things get better...

Not So Perfect said...

I wrote you a comment on this post yesterday and I was checking it today because I asked you some questions and now it is gone **poof** like disappeared.

Basically it said we have many similiaries with this motherhood thing and I wish I would have known you back when I was going through all my breast feeding whoas. I felt so alone.

So like did you get the results back from the stool specimen? What did they say? Have they determined allergies are the culprit?