I am retiring my boobs for awhile

Have I mentioned that Izzy recently weaned himself? No? Well, he did. And surprisingly, it wasn't a big deal. With Porgie, I was pumping 6 or 7 times per day (which was hell on earth). I decided to stop when she turned 6 months old. It was a very difficult transition. Although she didn't seem to mind the change in milk, I was an emotional wreck. I cried and cried and cried. I felt guilty. Incredibly guilty.

With Izzy, breastfeeding was so easy. He loved to nurse, and I loved our bonding time. I talked about weaning him several times over the past year, but when he requested to nurse, we always nursed. It was beautiful, and I loved every second of it. I know I sound corny, but it is true.

About two weeks ago, Izzy refused to nurse one morning. The morning was his favorite time to nurse, so I thought his behavior was a little odd. He continued to refuse to nurse during the entire week. He has taken a few days off before, but never an entire week. To my delight, I never became engorged. It was almost too easy. As of today, Izzy hasn't nursed for two week, and everything seems to be fine. He is happy, and I am happy. No guilt this time. Just fond memories of our two years nursing.

My big boy

Milk

I think it is over. My beautiful breastfeeding experience is coming to an abrupt end. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. One minute, I feel completely at peace with this new turn of events. The next minute, I feel overwhelmingly sad.

I struggled to breastfeed Porgie. We had latching issues. We had lazy nursing habits. We had failure to gain weight. Ultimately these problems led me to pump exclusively for nearly 6 months. And I hated it.

When I was pregnant with Izzy, I was terrified of breastfeeding again. But my little guy was born eager and ready to nurse. Since day one, he has been a champion nurser. He loved to nurse so much, that he turned into the chunkiest exclusively-breastfed-newborn most doctors had ever seen.
And although I had my doubts at first, I grew to love nursing my baby boy. For the past 16 months, we have nursed every single day. It was easy and effortless and ENJOYABLE. I actually looked forward to feeding Izzy. It was such a special time between mommy and baby.

But, my little guy has been sick. For almost two weeks now, Izzy has had a really bad cold - complete with a cough and runny nose. In this time frame, he has nursed about 3 times. He can't nurse and breathe. So naturally, he refuses to nurse. At first I was committed to pumping during those missed nursing sessions. However after three days, I grew sick of pumping all the time. So, as you might have guessed, I decided to stop pumping.

To my surprise, I am not engorged at all. And Izzy doesn't really seem to mind all those missed nursing sessions. In fact, when I sit down to nurse him, he just tries to roll away from me.

Bittersweet.

Hello friends

We had a break-through last night. Porgie ate dinner! She ate an entire plate of food. We had soy ravioli, which tasted fabulous apparently. So, that was great. We have also been working on getting Izzy to eat table food, and he scarfed down his ravioli too. So, I highly recommend this product.Sorry I have been such a downer lately. I don't know what is wrong with me. I seem to be swinging between highs and lows. I think my mood swings stem from the fact that Izzy just dropped another nursing session. I think my hormones have gone completely wacky. My baby boy is a freaking toddler. He is 14 months old. I just want to freeze time and stay in this phase for a few years. My kids are such great little people. I love them to pieces.

I think I am also a little off kilter because I haven't been leaving the house much lately. Between being fiscally responsible, having icy/snowy weather, and being sick, I haven't had the opportunity to interact with people. And it is kind of depressing. But we are going to the Children's Museum this afternoon, so hopefully that will lighten the mood around here.

To recap, happiness is soy ravioli, nursing your baby, and getting out of the damn house.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

The world is a cruel and harsh place. My baby boy hasn't been nursing much lately. This has been making me feel sad and weepy. And then I woke up this morning to discover that my period has finally returned. FUCK! And then I opened the refrigerator and realized that I was completely out of Coca Cola Classic. DOUBLE FUCK!

This is all I have to offer you today...

Stream of Consciousness: Part 14

We are very busy over here in Cakerwakerville. Next week, I have a follow up appointment with my surgeon, Porgie has her 2 year well visit, and Izzy has his 6 month well visit. The following week we will be celebrating Porgie's 2nd birthday. In addition to her party, I want to take her somewhere fun - like the zoo or the aquarium. The week after that, Porgie and Izzy will have their pictures taken professionally, Porgie will see a pediatric cardiologist, and Izzy will be going back to the GI doctor. When I think about all of our appointments, my head spins.
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John is sick. I have been running around the house spraying Lysol on everything he touches. I know that the babies are going to get sick, and it is going to make the next few hectic weeks even HARDER.
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Porgie has been having some temper tantrums lately. Up until this point, she has always been a very easy going child. But now, she screams and throws objects on the floor in a fit of rage. It is adorable and annoying all at the same time.
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I finally mailed all of those handmade gifts to my blogger friends. Here is a picture of my craftiness...__________

Speaking of craftiness, I am thinking about signing up for a local craft fair. I want to sell scarfs, baby afghans, pot holders, coasters, etc. The only problem is, I am not sure I'll have the time or the energy to make these things. I am still on the fence about whether or not to sign up.
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Izzy hasn't been nursing much lately. He is down to about 4 nursing during the day. This wouldn't bother me, except that he only wants to nurse for about 5 minutes at each of these feedings. He is only getting about an ounce of food at lunch time, so I am positive that he is not filling up on solids. Maybe it's teething? I try not to worry because he is such a chunky little guy, but of course, I still worry.

To feed a baby

I am really on the fence about starting Izzy on solids. I have composed a list of pros and cons that effectively highlights the conflict ensuing in my head.

Pros
1. Since Izzy only wants to nurse when he is swaddled and in a dark, quiet room, solids would be a great option when we are on the go.

2. Izzy would be able to go for longer stretches without nursing. Porgie would think this is delightful. She still gets upset when I nurse Izzy in his bedroom.

3. I know that all the experts say it doesn't really help, but maybe starting solids would allow Izzy to sleep for longer stretches.

Cons
1. If I start solids, my milk supply will go down. This means that my period will return. Ugh.

2. If my milk supply goes down, I might turn into an emotional baskets. Those darn hormones!

3. Izzy has food allergies, but I don't know what he is allergic too. Therefore, I might be feeding him a food he is allergic too.

4. Starting Izzy on solids means more work for me.

I am sick of being a responsible parent. From now on, I am going to let the internet make all important decisions for me. What should I do???

Bum Boob

WARNING - This posts contains lots of booby talk. I think I used the word boob at least 5,246 times.

I have a bum boob. From the very beginning of my breastfeeding adventures, my left boob has always had problems. During the first month that I attempted to breastfeed Porgie, I had reoccurring clogged ducts on the left side. It was very painful. After numerous hours of pumping and applying warm compresses, my boob would feel better. After I started pumping, I noticed that my left side only produced about half of what the right side produced. Fortunately, I rarely ever had clogged ducts after I started pumping. Thus, my bum boob problems became a distant memory.

After Izzy was born, he nursed frequently. And by frequently, I mean ALL THE DAMN TIME. I never became engorged or had clogged ducts for the first several months after Izzy's arrival. But, times are changing and Izzy no longer requests to nurse 23 hours out of the day.

About two weeks ago, I got a clogged duct on my left side. I pumped and pumped and pumped, but the side of my boob still felt like a damn rock. After nursing Izzy on the left side for about an hour, I felt some relief. This past weekend, I got another damn clogged duct in my left boob. I pumped and pumped and nursed and nursed, but nothing helped. My boob was throbbing, and I was in near constant pain.

After an entire day of agony, I decided to try a different nursing position. I got Izzy into the football hold, and I nursed him for about 20 minutes. Miraculously, the duct came unclogged, but my boob still hurt. It continued to hurt on Sunday, and it still hurts today.

I think my boob is broken.

Since we are talking about sleep...

Izzy continues to wake every two hours at night. It is so frustrating and irritating and exhausting and annoying. Damn baby.

We started out co-sleeping, and it was AWFUL. Izzy was waking up every hour or so and was screaming to nurse. I tried and tried and tried to do the side-lying position, but I just couldn't figure it out. So, I had to sit up in bed approximately 349 times per night to nurse Izzy. I was so exhausted that I kept falling asleep sitting up. Then my neck started to hurt. And then my back started to ache. So, I decided to change our sleeping arrangement.

In a desperate attempt to get some sleep, I swaddled Izzy and put him in his carseat. The first night he slept for 4 hours straight! The second night he slept for 5 hours straight! Izzy decided to put me back in my place by sleeping for only 1 hour straight on the third night. Little bastard.

For weeks now, I have continued to swaddle Izzy and put him to sleep in his carseat at night. He wakes every two hours ALL night. And I get up and nurse him every two hours ALL night. I was feeling brave last weekend, and decided to put him in his bassinet again. All hell broke loose, and Izzy cried for about an hour. Finally, I nursed him back to sleep and put him in the damn carseat again. Why do babies alway seem to win every fight?

Izzy has been napping in his crib during the day, so I was thinking about putting him in the crib for nighttime sleep too. But if he wakes up every two hours, that would require my tired butt to walk down the hall every two hours.

I don't really know where I am going with this post. Basically, Izzy is a horrible sleeper. End of post.

Full Circle

Growing up, everyone I knew fed their babies formula. EVERYONE. I never questioned this practice. It was just a normal part of life - babies take formula from a bottle. I never really considered how I would feed my own babies, until I met John. When we talked about having children, he insisted that I breastfeed them (he was one of six children, who were all breastfed). I agreed, but didn't feel very passionate about the subject. Bottle or breast - who cares?

In the summer of 2005, the baby bug bit me. I wanted to have a baby so badly. After several months of trying, we got pregnant with Porgie. I instantly knew that I wanted to breastfeed her. I wanted my body to nourish and support her little body.

Because I had never actually seen anyone breastfeed a baby, I took a class at our hospital. After learning more about breastfeeding, I was convinced that formula was the devil and breastfeeding was the ONLY way.

After Porgie was born, breastfeeding proved to be much harder than I had anticipated. Porgie demanded to nurse all the time, but as soon as she started nursing, she would fall asleep. I would put her down, and she would instantly wake up screaming and mouthing her hands again. So, I would breastfeed her again. This vicious cycle went on all day, everyday. After nearly a month of this crazy routine, Porgie had still not regained her birth weight. I was devastated. Breastfeeding was hard and confusing and overwhelming. This is what ultimately led me to pumping for 6 months.

When I got pregnant with Izzy, my biggest fear was regarding breastfeeding. But by the time Izzy arrived, I had made peace with the fact that breastfeeding might not work out. Fortunately, my little guy LOVED breastfeeding. He nursed frequently and gained lots of weight. I was relieved that nursing was so easy and painless this time around.

Then I discovered that he has food allergies. And now everything is hard and confusing and overwhelming again.

Poop problems

I think I have mentioned this before, but Izzy has really weird poop. It is bright green, and very runny. It has the consistency of water. Every time I change his diaper, I am a little disturbed.

About a month ago, I called and talked to one the nurses at my pediatrician's office about his strange poop. She said that there was a wide spectrum of what is considered normal for newborn poop and that Izzy sounded pretty normal. So, I tried to let go of my fears and accept his runny poop.

Over the past few weeks, I began worrying more and more about his poop. On more than one occasion, his poop was actually slimy. I decided that it was not normal and called to make an appointment this morning.

Izzy's doctor agreed that his poop is not normal. She said that it sounds like he definitely has food allergies, and that I need to start an elimination diet. I have already stopped eating dairy. Now I need to eliminate soy, eggs, and peanuts. Oh crap people, I am a vegetarian. Do you know how hard it is going to be to stop eating soy?

In addition to altering my diet, Izzy needs to be seen by a GI specialist. Apparently, the GI doctors in this area have a pretty long waiting list, so it could be months before Izzy even goes to the GI specialist. Sigh.

I knew something wasn't right. Izzy seems so uncomfortable and restless after eating. He can't seem to settle down and get any rest. He takes little catnaps during the day and wakes every hour or two at night. My poor little guy doesn't feel good.

Stream of Consciousness: Part 4

I love writing on my blog. LOVE IT. However, I have been struggling to come up with new topics to write about. I never leave the house, so I have no fun stories about our adventures. I hardly ever speak to any of my old mommy friends, so I have no good gossip. I could write about our day to day routine, but I am sure that you don't really care that Izzy pooped 3 times or that Porgie actually ate lunch in her highchair. So, please excuse me if I indulge in a few memes to pass the time.
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I have been eating so much junk food lately. I am always starving, so I shove whatever is closest to me in my mouth. Seriously, I ate lunch at 10:30 this morning because I was starving. And now its noon and I am hungry again. Since I can't blame this on being pregnant, I am going to blame this on breastfeeding. It couldn't just be me being fat could it? Of course not. Its definitely breastfeeding. Right? Come on, throw a dog a bone.
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I spoke too soon about Izzy's naps. We are back down to 30-45 minute naps. Ugh. He changes like the wind, so maybe next week he'll start napping better. Although these little catnaps are irritating, I am thankful that he is napping.
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I bought a sling for Izzy before he was born. I only used it a few times, because it just seemed to hug him too tightly. When I put him in it, he would squirm and fuss the entire time. I tossed the sling in the closet, and forgot about it.

One day last week, Izzy was uber fussy during Porgie's nap. Desperate to hush his cries, I dug the sling out of the closet. I decided to place him in an upright position in the sling. He LOVED it and was instantly calmed. I have used the sling several more times at the grocery store and Target, with Izzy sitting upright. It is a wonderful feeling to leave all of the baby equipment in the car - no carseat, no stroller.
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It is official, I am now in the rapid hair loss postpartum phase. After I wash my hair, big clumps will fall out in my hands. And hair is all over my house - on the couch, on the counters, in my food, on my children, etc. I can't wait until I stop shedding like a damn cat.
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We have been having some nursing issues lately. Izzy refuses to nurse almost all day long, and then he eats all night long. I have no idea how to fix this problem. If you have any advice, please send it my way.
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Rachel gave me with this little award...
I had no freaking clue what "I Less-than-three your blog" even meant. Apparently, I am not very cool or hip. After much research, I discovered that <3 is supposed to represent a heart. Awww, how sweet. I heart your blog too Rachel. Now it is my job to pass the award along to a few of my favorite blogs...

Fragmented Sentences and Incomplete Thoughts - I just started reading this blog, and it is fabulous. Not So Perfect is a great writer, who isn't afraid to discuss the tough stuff. I kind of like when people write about real life problems. I don't want to read about rainbows and unicorns all the damn time.

Antropologa (because I heart Eva) - Eva is my best blog friend (BBF). What? You don't have a best blog friend? Well BBFs are wonderful, so you definitely need to find one. In addition to being my BBF, Eva is also a terrific writer, with a beautiful little girl. Always a good read. And I am not just saying that because she is my BBF.

True Adventures of Super Hero Girl - Anth is getting ready to pop. Thats right, she is pregnant with baby number 2. She really is a super hero - she cooks and cleans and makes all kinds of fun crafts. She is amazing. Go check her out.

Mama Kalila - Mama Kalila just started her blog. She is fresh and excited to write. I love new blogs! So exciting!
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My friend C is watching Porgie and Izzy this weekend. Because I am totally boring, I am just going to go shopping for some new clothes. Seriously, I need to pack away the maternity clothes, because getting dressed is just depressing.
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My friend K just called and said that Target has valentine chocolates for 90% off. That is crazy cheap, so I have to pack up the kids and get my ass over there. Bye.

Mr. fatty McButter Pants strikes again!

I can't believe it, but Izzy is already too fat for his swing. I plopped him down in it yesterday to calm his fussy little butt. After swinging for about 30 seconds, it gradually slowed down until it was no longer moving. I thought it was a fluke. I pushed the swing again. Same result. Is it just me or is anyone else a little disturbed by his hugeness?

Don't tease me. I am sensitive about my weight.

Breastfeeding Mr. Fatty McButter Pants

I haven't talked about breastfeeding in a while, because things have been going relatively good. I love everything about breastfeeding, except for the fact that I have to feed my little boy ALL THE DAMN TIME. The kid is a bottomless pit. He is never full. Have I mentioned that he weighs 17 pounds?

Izzy typically wants to nurse every 1 to 1 1/2 hours during the day. On a good night, I might get 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep, but that is rare. I am usually up feeding Izzy every hour or two all night long. It is exhausting. At first, I contributed his ferocious appetite to growth spurts. However, it has become apparently clear that he is not having one big continuous growth spurt. Instead, he is just a big baby. A very big baby, who likes to eat all the damn time.

I really struggled with breastfeeding Porgie, so I hate to admit this, but sometimes I resent breastfeeding. Especially in the middle of the night. Especially when Izzy eats every damn hour. Especially when he absolutely refuses to take a bottle from John. I guess the never ending demand for food is just a little overwhelming sometimes.

Yet at the same time, I love breastfeeding. I love that I don't have to get up and make Izzy a bottle 6 times per night. I love that he is instantly calmed when I pick him up. I love that I can feed him and still have one free hand to play with Porgie.

Obviously, I am a little crazy with postpartum hormones. I know I am still loopy because I had a horrible temper tantrum last week over a bowl of cereal. Yes, a bowl of cereal. But that is a story for another day...

Mr. Fatty McButter Pants

I can't stop talking about boobs

Porgie is sick. Really sick. She has been coughing so hard, she vomits. She coughs so hard, she wakes me up at night. She coughs so hard, she wakes Izzy up from his naps. I feel so bad for her. Due to our recent encounters with sinus and ear infections, I decided to take her to the doctor's office yesterday. Turns out it is just a cold - no ear infections, no sinus infections, and no strep throat.

I am kind of worried about this particular cold, because Porgie keeps coughing on her little brother. She likes to give him hugs and kisses, and I don't want to discourage her newfound love of Izzy. I know that she is going to give him her cold, and he is just too little to be sick already.

In other news, we have introduced the bottle to Izzy. On Thursday, I tried to give him a bottle of breastmilk, without much luck. He refused to suck on the nipple, and just ended up crying. Last night, John gave Izzy another bottle of breastmilk. John was successful in his attempt, and Izzy drank 2 oz from the bottle. I wanted to pump a few more ounces this morning, but Izzy nursed every hour. So, I guess I am not going to pump.

Izzy is still nursing frantically. He just never seems to be full. It makes me worry about my supply. At his last appointment Izzy weighed 10lb 5 oz, so I have to have a decent supply - right? Ack. I am so sick of talking about breastfeeding, but once again, it has consumed my life. I promise, this is the last post about breastfeeding for a while. I feel like I am alienating some of readers, and that sucks.

Blah

So, I have been feeling a little melancholy lately. I guess it is just the baby blues and sleep deprivation. I am at the point where it feels like my life will never be good again. Too much work. Too much stress. But I know that things will change. My babies will get older and things will get easier. And I'll sleep again someday, right?

I am thinking about chronicling a night with Izzy on my blog. He is the most wakeful baby. I think you'll be shocked by his eating habits at night. I know I am. He feeds so much at night, that I was starting to doubt my milk supply. So, I decided to pump yesterday. I got 3 ounces! I was super excited, because when I started pumping with Porgie I got less than an ounce. But apparently 3 ounces isn't enough for Izzy, because my little baby nursed ALL NIGHT again.

This might be a bad plan, but I was thinking about pumping, and feeding him a bottle before bedtime tonight. If I could feed him a big 6 ounces bottle, maybe I could get more than 30 minutes of continuous sleep. What do you think? Is it too early to introduce the bottle? He will be three weeks old on Friday. I probably shouldn't do it, but the prospect of sleep is so appealing.

And these photos are for Shannon...

Any advice?

Izzy has his days and nights mixed up, and its killing me. He sleeps so peacefully all day and is incredibly restless at night. I have been waking him up every two hours during the day. When I can manage to get his sleepy little eyes open, I try to keep him entertained and awake for about an hour. Although I thought that this plan would produce effective results, I have yet to see many changes in his sleep patterns.

At night, he wants to nurse excessively. I will feed him, and he'll happily drift off to sleep. As soon as I lay him down, he is whining and crying to nurse again. Its very frustrating. I have tried to nurse Izzy in the side-lying position, but we just can't seem to figure it out. Either I am uncomfortable, and he is latched or I am comfortable, and he keeps popping off.

So, I need some advice. How do you master the side-lying position? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I need some sleep.

I don't want to complain but...

Sorry for the delay in getting back to blogging, but things have been a little crazy over here. Because I literally do not have the energy to write a long summary of the past two weeks, I am going to create a list instead.

1. Friday, November 23 - I had my scheduled c-section at 7:30 am. Izzy was born at 7:48 am. The doctors were shocked by his enormous size. Otherwise, he was the picture of health. After the surgery, I was wheeled to recovery, and Izzy was wheeled to the nursery. An hour later, I was in my room, ready to hold my baby. When the nurse brought him in, she explained that they had already fed him formula. I was pretty pissed. But my baby was BEAUTIFUL. Perfect in every little way.

2. Saturday, November 24 - Izzy quickly caught on to the whole nursing thing, and he nursed ALL NIGHT LONG. I am not exaggerating. He nursed continuously from 10 pm to 5 am. I was exhausted.

3. Sunday, November 25 - My milk came in, and Izzy finally settled down for some sleep.

4. Monday, November 26 - I got to come home from the hospital. The nurses on staff were incompetent and made the process very difficult.

5. Tuesday, November 27 - My mother went back to Kentucky. Surprisingly, she did a good job of caring for Porgie, but I was happy to see her go. I wanted to spend some time alone with my little family.

6. Wednesday, November 28 - I was fairly constipated during my entire pregnancy. After my surgery, I was even more constipated. On this day, the pressure to use the bathroom became overwhelming. I was in so much pain. I had John running to the store for laxatives and prune juice. It was a long and painful process, but I finally managed to use the restroom. THANK GOD.

7. Thursday, November 29 - I had my staples removed. YIKES! I didn't remember it being so painful.

8. Friday, November 30 - We took Izzy for his one week check-up. He had regained his birth weight, plus two more ounces. I was ecstatic. I still can't believe that breastfeeding has been so easy this time around.

9. Saturday, December 1 - I developed a sore throat and a cough. Yes, I am sick. Have you ever tried coughing after having abdominal surgery? NO FUN.

10. Sunday, December 2 - Izzy has his days and nights mixed up. The sleep deprivation begins to catch up with me, and so do the baby blues. I find myself crying for no particular reason. Well, actually there were lots of reasons, but I am not in the mood to discuss them.

11. Monday, December 3 - Finally, an uneventful day. Things have been fairly calm and peaceful since the beginning of the week.

I know that this post sounds like one big complaint, but really it is not. John has been a wonderful source of support and help. Porgie has been giving Izzy hugs and kisses all day. She really loves her little brother. And the baby has been fairly easygoing (except at night).

Overall, it has been a crazy, but joyful two weeks. I am happy with my little family and couldn't ask for anything more.

Enough about me, here are some pictures of my beautiful babies...

Whatever happened to wet nurses?

As many of you know, Porgie and I had a very difficult time with breastfeeding. After a month of breastfeeding exclusively, Porgie had failed to regain her birth weight, and I was an emotional wreck. Although I was tempted to switch to formula (which the pediatrician strongly recommended), I ultimately decided to primarily pump for the next 5 months (I still attempted to breastfeed Porgie when she was upset and during the night). Pumping was hard (I never had a very good supply), but it was totally worth it. Because of my pumping efforts, Porgie receive breast milk for the first 6 months of her life. Although it took a long time for me to come to terms with pumping, I am proud of my accomplishment.

Of course, I am going to give breastfeeding another try. I threw out all of the bottles, except for 4 small ones. I have my pump cleaned and ready to use (Thank you Amber!). And I already purchased a few nursing bras.

Even though I am ready to give breastfeeding another shot, I do not plan on pumping exclusively again. In fact, I am only giving breastfeeding a limited time span in my household. If things are not going smoothly after 2 months, I am going to give up on nursing.

Although many of you might not agree with this approach, I am not going to let breastfeeding dominate my life this time around. I spent WAY TOO MUCH time and energy trying to breastfed Porgie. By the end of the first month, I was still crying uncontrollably, calling the lactation consultant everyday, and waking Porgie up every two hours to nurse - even at night. Honestly, I feel like breastfeeding was hindering our relationship instead of helping it. I was so stressed out, and I think Porgie could sense my anxiety. After I made the decision to start pumping, life instantly got better. I stopped having emotional meltdowns, Porgie started gaining weight, and we all started getting a little more sleep.

With Porgie, I made the decision to pump. However, I will not have that luxury this time around. I am going to have a toddler and a newborn to care for. I will not have time to pump for 20-30 minutes, every two hours, ALL DAY LONG - in addition to cleaning all of the pumping supplies and then feeding Izzy from bottle. And of course, that would mean I would have bottles to clean too.

I am hopeful that things will go much smoother this time, and Izzy will be a champion nurser. But if breastfeeding begins to make me feel like I am spiraling towards depression, I am definitely going to stop.

Let's talk about breasts baby

As most of you know, I had a very difficult time breastfeeding Porgie. When I think back on our experience, I have many regrets. Yet at the same time, I feel like I did the best that I could under the circumstances. I had a c-section, no one was around to help me with the baby, Porgie wasn't gaining weight, and I was suffering from a bout of baby blues. That first month home with my baby, was overwhelming and confusing. Life was one continuous struggle, until I finally started pumping. Although pumping is 100 times harder than breastfeeding, at the time it felt like pumping was a god-sent. Pumping was a way for me to give my baby breast milk without the tears of frustration, the pain of cracked and bleeding nipples, and the screams of hunger from my baby.

Even though my experience was less than joyous, I definitely want to try again. However, this time around I want to start pumping right away to help build my supply. With Porgie, I just assumed at my supply would be adequate if I breastfed exclusively. This was not the case. After a month of breastfeeding exclusively, Porgie had still not regained her birth weight. After I made the decision to start pumping, I was shocked to discover that I was only producing about 1 ounce of milk every 3 hours.

Instead of renting again, this time I am looking into purchasing a hospital grade pump off of eBay. However, I am also a little scared of purchasing the pump. What if I fail at the whole breastfeeding thing again? There is no way in hell that I can pump exclusively, with two children under the age of two to care for. Then I will be stuck with an expensive breast pump. John reminded me that I could always resale the pump on eBay, but I know that I wouldn't (what if we have another baby?).

So, as usual, I can't seem to make up my fucking mind. Maybe I should just rent again - but $37 per month is expensive.

I was wondering if anyone has any recommendations for a pump. With Porgie I used a Medela Classic pump, which I liked (but I never used anything else). What kind of pump did you use?

Why is pumping a dirty little secret?

I know I jump around from topic to topic, but I am scatterbrained lately. Please forgive me.

After reading a few blog posts about breastfeeding yesterday, I started thinking about my own experiences. I am amazed that my health providers never talked about pumping while I was pregnant. All I ever heard was that breastfeeding is best for the baby. There was no discussion about breastfeeding struggles.

So, I never even considered using an electric pump. I attended a breastfeeding class, where the instructor assured me that buying a pump wasn't necessary. I naively believed that breastfeeding would just come naturally. Why doesn't anyone talk about what to do if breastfeeding doesn't go well?

After Porgie was born, I was having difficulty with breastfeeding in the hospital. The nurses would talk about my baby blues, and how babies can sense when you are stressed. They kept telling me to "just relax." This is the dumbest advice that anyone can give.

I really wish that someone had recommended a breast pump, instead of formula. It seems like doctors and nurses preach that breastfeeding is best, but they are all too quick to give your baby formula. What the hell is up with that?

I just thank God that my OB recommended the breast pump. If it wasn't for her, I am certain that Porgie would have been given formula for her first 6 months, instead of breast milk.