Vacation overload

My husband has been on vacation for a week, and I am about to KILL him. Sometimes I wonder how I married such an annoying asshole. Is it Monday yet? Hurry up and get here already Monday! What are you waiting for?

The beginning of the week was really great, but by the weekend things had taken a turn for the worst. First, he pissed me off by being evasive about a question I asked him. I don't like secrets. Sneaky fucker. Then, he told me that Izzy was going to be an ugly kid because he has a few freckles on his adorable little nose. Stupid bastard. My baby boy is freaking BEAUTIFUL. And finally, he got all dramatic about some scratches on our ice cream maker. So I got all dramatic too, and told him to just throw it away. Trying to be a bastard, he actually threw the ice cream bucket thingie in the thrash. So, I took it a step further and threw the entire machine into the trash. And he took it even further, by taking the bag of "garbage" out to the curb. Needless to say, we no longer have an ice cream maker. If you live in south Jersey, we have a perfectly fine ice cream maker sitting on the curb.

In summary, I apparently only like my husband in small doses.

The day John went INSANE

I had this BRILLIANT idea. I wanted to removed the tacky metal thresholds in the doorways leading into the kitchen. I decided that we should install wood thresholds. John agreed that this was a great idea. So, we headed off to Lowe's to get supplies.

I found a lovely threshold made from bamboo. John agreed that it was prefect. We drove home, and John quickly got to work. He ripped up the old thresholds, measured the new thresholds, and began drilling holes in the wood. But then things took a turn for the worse. One threshold didn't match up correctly with the holes already in the floor. And the other threshold tilted at an angle between the dinning room and kitchen, because we have approximately 467 layers of linoleum on our kitchen floor.

John was growing angrier by the second. He was huffing and puffing and yelling. There was tension in the air as he attempted to nail the threshold to the floor. And then it happened. The wood cracked. And John went stark raving MAD. He took the hammer and beat the shit out of that damn threshold. Then he ripped it off the floor. The next thing I knew, he was gone.

The kids and I were a little startled by Daddy anger management issues. Actually, I was shocked. John is the calm, rational person in this household - I am the nut job. But not today.

Within thirty minutes, John returned home with two new thresholds. I am proud to report that he successfully finished the job without yelling or breaking anything...

The way to my heart

My fourth wedding anniversary is fast approaching. If you were reading my blog last year, you probably remember that my husband FORGOT our anniversary. I would like to say that I didn't really care, but that would be a lie. I was angry with him for weeks.

I learned my lesson last year, so I have been talking about our anniversary constantly. If he forgets this year, I might have to kill him. Anyways, I have told him in no uncertain terms that I want a dishwasher as a gift. He keeps telling me that we don't have enough space for a dishwasher. So last night, I may have implied that we should buy a new house to remedy the problem.

I want a damn dishwasher! I feel like I am the only person on the face of the planet who washes everything by hand. It is time consuming and boring. And well, I just want a dishwasher! If I cannot have my beloved dishwasher, I don't want anything else. Yes, I am a whiny 4 year old.

Love is a shiny new dishwasher...

Annoying asshole

I rarely ever talk about my husband on my blog. I don't intentionally avoid talking about him, there just isn't much to say most days. He works, I stay at home, we argue about silly stuff, and then we go to bed. But I am going to talk about my husband today - not because I want to brag about how great he is, but because he has been annoying the crap out of me.

My husband can be very selfish when it comes to free time. I take the kids to the museum or the aquarium or an indoor activity center on a regular basis. On those days, he'll have an hour or two of free time. I don't mind him having free time, but where is my free time? Sometimes he'll take Porgie grocery shopping with him on Sundays, but Izzy always stays home with me. Seriously, I cannot remember the last time I was in this house ALONE.

Also, my husband likes to buy lots of stupid shit for himself. He is always buying DVDs he never watches, electronics he only uses a few times, and retarded eBay purchases that are a complete waste of money. I try to refrain from saying anything because he works very hard to keep our little family afloat. But I find it difficult to not get annoyed.

And don't even get me started on his stupid fucking conspiracy theories.

Where is all this anger toward him coming from? Well, we had a huge fight the other night about our trip to Kentucky in December. I don't really want to get into all the details, but the fight basically revolved around him getting drunk with his friends in KY and me staying home to watch the kids. I guess I just assumed that we would be visiting family and friend TOGETHER. I didn't know that my husband had this whole other agenda planned. Fucking bastard.

Sorry for unloading my anger and frustration onto you.