I'll be ashamed of this later

I have been failing lately. More specifically, I have been failing my children. I have been so irritable and bitchy. I have been yelling too much. Ignoring them too much. Turning on the TV too much. Threatening time-outs too much

Although, I can recognize that my behavior is horrible and unacceptable, I just can't seem to rectify the situation. I wake up in a pissy mood most mornings. And it is all down hill from there. Little things set me off - like whining. That is currently my pet peeve. Everytime I hear whining, I completely flip out. And when the kids refuse to eat lunch, I go slightly insane. I am mean and nasty towards them.

Where is all of this negative energy coming from? Although it pains me to say this, I just want some time away from them. I want to wake up without hearing a baby crying. I want to eat breakfast in silence. I want to take a bath without being interrupted. I just really want some time to myself. Like a whole month to myself.

But I can't have what I desire. It makes me feel defeated and sad and angry. And then I feel guilty for wanting to be alone so desperately.

Life is grand.

blah blah blah!

Hello friends. Where have I been? Nowhere, really. I got into a huge fight with my husband this weekend. I spent most of yesterday moping around the house feeling sorry for myself. But I am feeling better today.
__________

I got a new computer. It is a Dell. It was a gift from John. Actually, it was part of the reason we were fighting. To make a long story short, he bought me a new computer and wanted to surprise me with it. But I ruined his surprise because I am a jerk.

Look how pretty it is...
__________

We rented the HBO series Trublood from Netflix. I freaking love that show. I am now officially obsessed. I went out and bought the first book in the series on Sunday. I finished it last night. This morning I went to Border's and bought a few more books...
__________

My mother is flying in on Thursday.
__________

Izzy wakes up every morning with a stuffy nose. I took him to the doctor yesterday, and they think he has allergies. They recommended Zyrtec.
__________

I have a million things to do around here before my mother comes, so I probably won't get much computer time this week. I will miss you terribly. but I'll check in as often as I can:)

The zoo is a bitch

I was supposed to meet Rachel at the zoo today at 10am. We got up on time. I packed our lunches. We left the house 10 minutes early. Everything seemed perfect. And then I got to the zoo. The motherfucking zoo. The exit to get off the highway was backed up. I sat on the exit ramp for about 20 minutes. Then we slowly crept around the block to look for parking. I decided to just follow the big yellow school buses. BAD PLAN.

After watching 596 buses pull into a big parking lot, I finally got my chance to go in. Except the bastard parking attendant wouldn't let me park there. Apparently that lot was being used for buses only. But there was a big sign the said, "ZOO PARKING $12." I was confused. He directed me back around the block. By this point it was already a few minutes after 10:00. I started feeling a little panicky. I don't have a cell phone, so I couldn't call Rachel to explain my tardiness. I slowly crept back around the block. There were a million buses parked along that road, and I somehow missed the parking lot entrance. So, I had to drive down a few blocks and turn around. I went back up to the parking lot, but I was now turning left against the traffic. No one would stop to let me turn. NO ONE! I sat there for an eternity, and not one kind soul let me enter the parking area. This is the point where I completely lost my shit. I started screaming about parking lots and traffic and bastard drivers. Porgie started crying, and I knew that I had to get my act together.

I calmly went around the block, came back, and parked my car. I glanced over at the clock. It was 10:25. FUCK! I tossed the kids in the stroller and ran to the front entrance where we were supposed to meet our buddies. But Rachel was no where to be found. We bought our tickets and went inside anyways. It took me 30 minutes to find a damn parking spot - WE WERE GOING TO HAVE FUN DAMMIT!

A few minutes later I ran into Rachel. What are the odds? And we got to have our zoo playdate after all. The kids were adorable. Porgie and Max even held hands. It was sweet. Rachel was awesome, as usual. And Sam? I could eat her up. Too stinking cute!

And then I tried to leave the zoo. Somehow, I got lost. I have GPS. All I have to do is follow a green line. I am a complete moron.

The end.

PS - I would post pictures, but I FORGOT MY FUCKING CAMERA.